FWIW, I am an organ donor. My immediate and extended family are aware of my decision and support it. Most everyone I know who is an organ donor is the same. Not one person I have asked would expect a thank you letter, nor would I expect one for the relatives of mine who are organ donors. If it helps, I look at it as..."I'm dead, I don't need the organs anymore, and someone else does." That perspective holds true across the donors I know. Don't think of it as "This person died for me"...they did not. The donor died, for whatever reason took them, and with their death, you get to live a bit more. It should be more an additional reason to live for, not be upset that "someone died for me".
I have already thought about it and reconciled myself to the fact that when I pass, any usable organs of mine will go to people on 'the list'. I won't know those people. Anything about them. At all. Other than their need is great enough to be on 'the list' in the first place. That's good enough for me, and I hope that any and everyone who gets my organs lives a good and long life as well.
That knowledge is all I need, as a donor. Frankly...you can't find me to 'thank me' as I'm dead. You are going to have to attempt to live up to my hope that you live a good life. That would be thanks enough.
Fun story, although it digresses a little, I was an organ donor because...I dont care what anyone does with me when I'm dead, if you can use me then go for it.
However my right to donate organs was revoked due to a genetic medical issue.
Well...I tried.
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This Post Has Been Distilled for the Eradication of Seemingly Incurable Sadness.
The World Ends when you're dead. Until then, you've got more punishment in store. - Flames Fans
If you thought this season would have a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.
FWIW, I am an organ donor. My immediate and extended family are aware of my decision and support it. Most everyone I know who is an organ donor is the same. Not one person I have asked would expect a thank you letter, nor would I expect one for the relatives of mine who are organ donors. If it helps, I look at it as..."I'm dead, I don't need the organs anymore, and someone else does." That perspective holds true across the donors I know. Don't think of it as "This person died for me"...they did not. The donor died, for whatever reason took them, and with their death, you get to live a bit more. It should be more an additional reason to live for, not be upset that "someone died for me".
I have already thought about it and reconciled myself to the fact that when I pass, any usable organs of mine will go to people on 'the list'. I won't know those people. Anything about them. At all. Other than their need is great enough to be on 'the list' in the first place. That's good enough for me, and I hope that any and everyone who gets my organs lives a good and long life as well.
That knowledge is all I need, as a donor. Frankly...you can't find me to 'thank me' as I'm dead. You are going to have to attempt to live up to my hope that you live a good life. That would be thanks enough.
Totally makes sense, but for some reason logic flies out the door. It's stupid and petty and I really should not care
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"Men are allowed to be mad....or fine. Men aren't allowed to be sad"
I love Bill Burr. As he gets older he gets more in touch with himself and has some of the best standup as a result. This hit a little too close to home with me.
I just figured I would post this in this thread for both the levity, and as a general talking point about men's mental health.
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I got a double double today. For some reason i am the guy who people phone about saying they are gonna kill themself. Been on the phone for six hours walking them both off the ledge. One guy facetiming me in vancouver where he is planning on doing it. Why me, i am not a bastion of mental health for fatas sake. My wife says i should tell them to pull up their big boy pants. Not helpful. I just phoned that hotline for tips. These guys wont phone that line, not a chance. I am not equipped for this. I will absorb this. Fata!
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"Men are allowed to be mad....or fine. Men aren't allowed to be sad"
I love Bill Burr. As he gets older he gets more in touch with himself and has some of the best standup as a result. This hit a little too close to home with me.
I just figured I would post this in this thread for both the levity, and as a general talking point about men's mental health.
Thanks for this clip. It finally gives a little bit of coherency to something I've been wondering for a while.
Based on this clip, does anyone think it's possible to have a placebo rating out of 10? Like a fake it till you make it type of thing?
I've thought about posting about it for a while, but it always seemed weird to consider the concept of a faked placated state.
Objectively, I think it could be said that I'm currently playing with a pretty heavy hand. Personally, I feel like I'm just doing what I can do to build momentum to get out of the ice rut so that I can drive my family out of the bull#### blizzard before we freeze to death. I don't have the luxury of time or energy to wallow and do nothing. I have to get to calmer waters as soon as possible.
Burr mentioning that he pushed the feeling away until he could schedule time to address the issue in a controlled manner was great. I think I'll do the same at the earliest convenience so I don't push things down for an indefinite amount of time and blow a gasket in my 40s/50s.
"Men are allowed to be mad....or fine. Men aren't allowed to be sad"
I love Bill Burr. As he gets older he gets more in touch with himself and has some of the best standup as a result. This hit a little too close to home with me.
I just figured I would post this in this thread for both the levity, and as a general talking point about men's mental health.
Oh the irony of this clip..
I opened up to my wife a little over 6 months ago about how much I was struggling with work, the kids, etc.. and for context, my wife has long covid and hasn't worked in 4 years, spent a good chunk of time bed bound, so I've been carrying a significant load. I didn't get a promotion I'd been working on for 2 years, my mentor (and VP) left the company and moved to Australia, and I nearly collapsed from the pressures at work.
What did she do? She checked out, gave up on me, said my emotions were too much and had an affair, now she's moving out sometime over the next couple of weeks.
The best support has been from other men who are in similar situations, guiding me through the process, helping me find peace, and giving me the strength and confidence to move forward. That said.. ####, man.
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Who is in charge of this product and why haven't they been fired yet?
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I opened up to my wife a little over 6 months ago about how much I was struggling with work, the kids, etc.. and for context, my wife has long covid and hasn't worked in 4 years, spent a good chunk of time bed bound, so I've been carrying a significant load. I didn't get a promotion I'd been working on for 2 years, my mentor (and VP) left the company and moved to Australia, and I nearly collapsed from the pressures at work.
What did she do? She checked out, gave up on me, said my emotions were too much and had an affair, now she's moving out sometime over the next couple of weeks.
The best support has been from other men who are in similar situations, guiding me through the process, helping me find peace, and giving me the strength and confidence to move forward. That said.. ####, man.
It's certainly a double edged sword for men with a spouse/partner in the mental health space. Often women criticize how men handle their emotions / lack of emotions. While they imply that means being more 'emotionally available' in general, that typically in practice only means emotionally available to them, not them to you. 'In touch with your emotions' to them often means finding third party help and acting on that help before you break down and cease being able to contribute fully in the partnership.
Sorry to hear about your situation. But on the bright side maybe it's all for the best long term to know now that she wasn't really your 'ride or die' while you still have a good chunk of your life left before old age sets in and the real endurance of 'in sickness and in health' gets tested by father time.
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What did she do? She checked out, gave up on me, said my emotions were too much and had an affair, now she's moving out sometime over the next couple of weeks.
The best support has been from other men who are in similar situations, guiding me through the process, helping me find peace, and giving me the strength and confidence to move forward. That said.. ####, man.
I'm sorry to hear that.
I went through a similar thing, absent the affair (at least as far as I know).
I suffered from severe anxiety, that lead to crippling insomnia. A lot of similar elements where I was carrying the load financially, workwise, and more than half of the parenting duties on top. And it just started to break me.
When I tried to ask my wife for help, she turned it back on me and said it was my problem. And now blames my anxiety for our divorce. (her favorite line is that there were 3 people in our marriage: her, me, and my anxiety).
Really sucks when you turn to the person you thought you could depend on and they turn the other way.
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It's certainly a double edged sword for men with a spouse/partner in the mental health space. Often women criticize how men handle their emotions / lack of emotions. While they imply that means being more 'emotionally available' in general, that typically in practice only means emotionally available to them, not them to you. 'In touch with your emotions' to them often means finding third party help and acting on that help before you break down and cease being able to contribute fully in the partnership.
Sorry to hear about your situation. But on the bright side maybe it's all for the best long term to know now that she wasn't really your 'ride or die' while you still have a good chunk of your life left before old age sets in and the real endurance of 'in sickness and in health' gets tested by father time.
Yeah, its a glimmer of 'silver lining' but I have to agree.
She was always going to ditch you when #### hit the fan. Better to find out now rather than later.
I dont know anything about your soon-to-be-ex wife, but it always somewhat astonishes me when some people think life is going to be all sunshine and roses.
Its always darkest before the dawn. Life is an endless sequence of potholes and upsets, thats why its a roller-coaster. Some twists and turns are steeper and harder than others so you've gotta know that the person riding beside you is going to be there come Hell or High Water.
__________________ The Beatings Shall Continue Until Morale Improves!
This Post Has Been Distilled for the Eradication of Seemingly Incurable Sadness.
The World Ends when you're dead. Until then, you've got more punishment in store. - Flames Fans
If you thought this season would have a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.
I opened up to my wife a little over 6 months ago about how much I was struggling with work, the kids, etc.. and for context, my wife has long covid and hasn't worked in 4 years, spent a good chunk of time bed bound, so I've been carrying a significant load. I didn't get a promotion I'd been working on for 2 years, my mentor (and VP) left the company and moved to Australia, and I nearly collapsed from the pressures at work.
What did she do? She checked out, gave up on me, said my emotions were too much and had an affair, now she's moving out sometime over the next couple of weeks.
The best support has been from other men who are in similar situations, guiding me through the process, helping me find peace, and giving me the strength and confidence to move forward. That said.. ####, man.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this, friend.
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The old adage "when it rains, it pours" always sounds so hollow when it's coming down on you, but the opposite is true too. My life has calmed down since last year. Still dealing with a lot and with the rammifications of all that happened, but through a good therapist and a lot of time and contemplation, I have come to a better mental space about it. I hope that you are able to find the same. It's no longer raining on me. Remember that the storm will pass. It may leave the land a bit wet, maybe even damaged, but it will stop raining.
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Yeah, that’s some bull####, Kermit. Sucks to hear. Middle age isn’t for the faint of heart. Our male bodies start to fail. Women get wonderful peri then full on menopause. If both people aren’t there for each other, it won’t work. Good marriages are work. Lots of it. I hate when I see one side just give up on it.
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