Rate your current mental health level out of 10

[fotze2]

Originally Posted by FanIn80

Haha, thanks man. I'm terrified of talking to people I don't know very well. I'd be f'd without this place. It's full of people I don't know! lol

I will just make super inappropriate jokes and swear too much. I prescribe you Dr. Fotze.

[Regorium]

Laid off after more than a decade at a company. They had treated me like a king for pretty much every year except 2025.

It's been a humbling experience. So many people have reached out with support, opportunities or just messages to chat. It was extremely powerful support in a time of need.

Then I wonder why I didn't really feel any empathy for folks that have been through this in the past - like I was such a bad person and so cocky that always thought "if they got laid off they deserved it". My generally close circle at work has been pretty constant and safe through the years so perhaps that led into my warped worldview.

So I feel like I've had positive character growth, but it took it happening to myself before I truly understood. Which is sending me into a downward spiral about whether I was a good person or not. Maybe I wasn't.

Mental health score has been so up and down because of this.

[fotze2]

Originally Posted by Regorium

Laid off after more than a decade at a company. They had treated me like a king for pretty much every year except 2025.

It's been a humbling experience. So many people have reached out with support, opportunities or just messages to chat. It was extremely powerful support in a time of need.

Then I wonder why I didn't really feel any empathy for folks that have been through this in the past - like I was such a bad person and so cocky that always thought "if they got laid off they deserved it". My generally close circle at work has been pretty constant and safe through the years so perhaps that led into my warped worldview.

So I feel like I've had positive character growth, but it took it happening to myself before I truly understood. Which is sending me into a downward spiral about whether I was a good person or not. Maybe I wasn't.

Mental health score has been so up and down because of this.

If its anything oilpatch let me know. Sucks balls for sure. It will be for the best but hard to see now. We are all expendable. Invisible shareholder rules the day and excuses all sins.

[Titan2]

Originally Posted by FanIn80

My family doc referred me to "Hello Mental Health" which is an online service where you can get treatment over video calls. It's a "by referral only" service, and after they did my inital concult/diagnoses, they booked me for ongoing treatment... but then texted me to let me know they were shutting down their Psychiatric Division before my first session started.

This is a copy/paste of the text I received:



So when I followed back up with my family doc, he appologized profusely and then referred me to a local in-person Psychiatrist here in town. We also discussed the diagnoses and I mentioned I was hopeful about the medication they had told me about, so he asked if I wanted him to perscribe something in the meantime while I wait for the local Psychiatrist to contact me... I said yes, and when I asked about interactions with Effexor, he said nothing serious comes up for him but I should speak with the pharmacist first to be extra careful. I looked it up on my own on WebMD, and it mentions a potential serious interaction with all drugs that are of the same nature as Effexor. I checked with the pharmacist, and they also mentioned this. but said it's usually fine in low doses (like, if I lower my Effexor dosage).

Because I don't want to risk messing my brain up more than it is (lol?), I've been holding off on taking it (I haven't even picked it up yet) until I meet/speak with the Psychiatrist.


Edit: I guess it wasn't WebMD... it was Drugs.com:

Originally Posted by Regorium

Laid off after more than a decade at a company. They had treated me like a king for pretty much every year except 2025.

It's been a humbling experience. So many people have reached out with support, opportunities or just messages to chat. It was extremely powerful support in a time of need.

Then I wonder why I didn't really feel any empathy for folks that have been through this in the past - like I was such a bad person and so cocky that always thought "if they got laid off they deserved it". My generally close circle at work has been pretty constant and safe through the years so perhaps that led into my warped worldview.

So I feel like I've had positive character growth, but it took it happening to myself before I truly understood. Which is sending me into a downward spiral about whether I was a good person or not. Maybe I wasn't.

Mental health score has been so up and down because of this.

Do NOT take it personal. You are just a number to them. Sure, reflect, think about what you could have done better and learn from that and apply it going forward.

It comes for all of as at one time or another, or it doesn't. You can only control what you can control.

Take lots of walks. Try to get your head clear as best you can. If they offered an offboarding service take advantage of it. Be sure to follow up with friends that have reached out to you, they will be your lifeline both professionally and personally. If you can, take some time, recharge and get back out there. The only caveat I would have is if there is an opportunity presented jump on it. You never know when the next one will come. Having said that, negotiate some time off before you start.

Its ####ty man, but it does not define who you are. Good luck.

[fotze2]

Originally Posted by Titan2

Do NOT take it personal. You are just a number to them. Sure, reflect, think about what you could have done better and learn from that and apply it going forward.

It comes for all of as at one time or another, or it doesn't. You can only control what you can control.

Take lots of walks. Try to get your head clear as best you can. If they offered an offboarding service take advantage of it. Be sure to follow up with friends that have reached out to you, they will be your lifeline both professionally and personally. If you can, take some time, recharge and get back out there. The only caveat I would have is if there is an opportunity presented jump on it. You never know when the next one will come. Having said that, negotiate some time off before you start.

Its ####ty man, but it does not define who you are. Good luck.

That's what I did after quitting and having nothing to go to. Was fortunate to find something in short order but took a month and went to Vallarta alone and drank and ate glorious food for five days and didn't talk to anyone for 5 days. Don't wait until you can't live.

You have to network all the time. My one boss at Apache put in my performance review/goals that I had to go to 2 job interviews in the year with a competitor and I had to tell him about it. You gotta know your worth.

[I-Hate-Hulse]

Originally Posted by fotze2

You have to network all the time. My one boss at Apache put in my performance review/goals that I had to go to 2 job interviews in the year with a competitor and I had to tell him about it. You gotta know your worth.

That's freaking brilliant advice about networking and applying for others. It's very easy to get complacent when you're full time somewhere, and forget how it's important to have a pulse on the market, and leveraging every bit of help you can.

One thing I'd say from experience - don't be afraid to take a contract. You never know where things lead, either at that company or beyond. It can also be a great opportunity to try something different. Is also great for networking and get you access to internal opportunities.

[fotze2]

Originally Posted by I-Hate-Hulse

That's freaking brilliant advice about networking and applying for others. It's very easy to get complacent when you're full time somewhere, and forget how it's important to have a pulse on the market, and leveraging every bit of help you can.

One thing I'd say from experience - don't be afraid to take a contract. You never know where things lead, either at that company or beyond. It can also be a great opportunity to try something different. Is also great for networking and get you access to internal opportunities.

Mr. Babiuk was amazing. We happened to go into the bathroom at the same time once and he's like "Oh ya, you want to have a game of battleschits?". Haha. Greatest boss ever.

[Strange Brew]

Originally Posted by Regorium

Laid off after more than a decade at a company. They had treated me like a king for pretty much every year except 2025.

It's been a humbling experience. So many people have reached out with support, opportunities or just messages to chat. It was extremely powerful support in a time of need.

Then I wonder why I didn't really feel any empathy for folks that have been through this in the past - like I was such a bad person and so cocky that always thought "if they got laid off they deserved it". My generally close circle at work has been pretty constant and safe through the years so perhaps that led into my warped worldview.

So I feel like I've had positive character growth, but it took it happening to myself before I truly understood. Which is sending me into a downward spiral about whether I was a good person or not. Maybe I wasn't.

Mental health score has been so up and down because of this.

If you’re wondering whether you’re a good person or not, you already know the answer. If you weren’t, you just wouldn’t care.

[blankall]

Originally Posted by Regorium

Laid off after more than a decade at a company. They had treated me like a king for pretty much every year except 2025.

It's been a humbling experience. So many people have reached out with support, opportunities or just messages to chat. It was extremely powerful support in a time of need.

Then I wonder why I didn't really feel any empathy for folks that have been through this in the past - like I was such a bad person and so cocky that always thought "if they got laid off they deserved it". My generally close circle at work has been pretty constant and safe through the years so perhaps that led into my warped worldview.

So I feel like I've had positive character growth, but it took it happening to myself before I truly understood. Which is sending me into a downward spiral about whether I was a good person or not. Maybe I wasn't.

Mental health score has been so up and down because of this.

I'll echo what others have said here and state that it's almost certainly just a business/numbers thing. I really think you're overthinking this good/bad person stuff. This didn't happen because of karmic force. It likely was the result of external economic forces.

I'd take a moment to yourself to let these feelings pass. Then view this as an opportunity to look around and see what you can do for yourself.

[fotze2]

Just had my performance review. Only been here a month. Got this young guy under me who is brilliant. Said they are very happy with me already on the relationships I've forged already. I put in the goals to get this kid to full time as number one priority.

I'm a reluctant introvert.

I love it. Do what I know and mentor as well. I drive him home and we shoot the schit.

This is a long distance from I was two months ago when I quit my job. Gained another child awesome hockey player on the weekend and I am pumped for that too.

[DoubleF]

Originally Posted by Titan2

Again, I think this is one of the reasons you are my favourite poster.

It is incredible that you are thinking about this, and the range of activities you are doing with your kid is amazing. It sounds like you are doing an excellent job. Remember, the number one thing you can give your kids is your intentional time. That is the most important thing. Just keep exposing them to things and they will latch onto something which tweaks their interest. It takes time and effort but is well worth it.

Three thoughts I had about your post. One, have you considered getting them into coding? I realize it is screen time but it is productive, can be fun, and may even start training them for a career.

Two, from your description, you kid may have a form of Attention Deficit Disorder. I know it may be seen as trendy but if they are ADD, it is waaaaay better to find out now that at 55 like I was. I had my kid tested at 19 and here life has turned around because of the interventions that has resulted from the diagnosis. The best book I have read on ADD is called Scattered Minds by Gabor Mate. He absolutely nailed my experience, which I also see reflected in what you are saying about your kid. There are also a lot of online resources you can use to see if any of the behaviours may be applicable to your kid.

Three, you say some of the things you want to do he is too young for. It sounds like he is advanced and may well enjoy challenging things. I built a birdhouse with my kid when she was about 5. All of the activities you mention can be done with varying degrees of participation from the kid. Don't forget, the time is the critical part and exposing him to 'real' things may make him feel important, grown up and capable. I would avoid the trap of 'when he gets to this stage we can do that thing.' You can do those things now to introduce him to them and finding safe ways he can participate and maybe do the things you enjoy a bit more.

I think you are better than most parents and are doing a great job, based on what you have told us. You may be a giant liar, but I don't think so.

I have ADHD. The smart money bet is that he has ADHD.

I'm on Vyvanse too, but I say it's a tool you have to be very careful with. My buddy is a late diagnosis ADHD as well and I've been telling him my observations on how to (IMO) utilize the medication carefully and effectively without burning out, raging out and mentally going into a dark place. Medication is a tool. A tool can be used to effectively build or an inappropriately used tool can destroy.

Originally Posted by FanIn80

I'm in the early part of my 50s and have been struggling my entire life to get anything done. Going to school in the late 70s and 80s, "very intelligent but refuses to apply himself" was the annual quarterly report from every teacher I had along the way.

Nobody was able to "fix" me. I was always the first one to understand whatever was being taught, and the amount of trouble I'd get in after that often depended on my interest level in the topic and/or the teacher's tolerance for granularly-specific questions. Math and science classes were usually the worst combination for me, because I have a natural interest and aptitude in logic and processes -- but math and science are the most dogmatically-taught subjects of them all. Everything is "because this is how it's done" with no one being able to satisfy my need to understand why it's done that way and to explore other ways of arriving at the same correct answer. "Memorize these formulae and use them in these contexts" would drive me crazy. I always wanted to break everything down and analyze the components so I could understand why, but I could never explain myself properly and so teachers would just call me argumentative or disobedient or a distraction, etc etc. I lived in detention and the principle's offices and was always in trouble at home over it (back then, a teacher's comments were treated like infallible gospel by many parents, and mine were no different). Also, because I went to the same school for 11 years (K to 9 plus one repeated grade), I very quickly developed a reputation that was passed along with me from teacher to teacher.

Anyway, short story long, this has progress all throughout my adult life to where I'm at today, which is finally getting some help. I've been diagnosed with ADHD, but I fear because it's been ignored by me and untreated for so long it's had a sever impact on every aspect of my life. I have terrible time-blindness (a term I've only recently learned about) which is another thing I've never been able to explain to my friends as they frustratingly wait for me to show up at restaurants, coffee shops, etc etc. "[my name]-time" they all call it. As in, "ok but is that 8:00 normal time or [my name]-time?" I can't read anymore. I used to love reading, because it was the one thing people would leave me alone for. I'd get in trouble to talking on the phone or watching tv too long, but I discovered that they'd leave me alone for hours at a time if I was reading a book, and because all I ever really wanted was to not be in trouble all the time (but still had to occupy my mind with something), I fell in love with reading. But nowadays, I can't even read an email all the way through without losing focus and having to start over again repeatedly.

There's a video I saw the other day that explains it pretty good. I understand only two things: "now" and "not now." It's like I have dinner plans at 8pm, but it's only 6pm. Now is not dinner and dinner is not now, so there's no such thing as getting ready for dinner or even thinking about anything related to dinner, because dinner doesn't exist. It's not "now" and therefore doesn't matter until dinner is "now." Unfortunately that means I don't start thinking about dinner until 8pm, which is when dinner becomes "now."

Anyway (again) I've spent more time on one singular aspect of the overall point I wanted to make. Please don't wait until you're 50 to get help for stuff like this. If your kids are having troubles with anything, try to understand what's really happening (beyond their actions) because they probably understand even less about what they're doing than you do. I wish to God someone in my life took me somewhere to get help (although back then who knows what that would have entailed - I don't think the awareness and treatment for ADHD was what it is today). I've been depressed and anxious my whole life... every single moment when my brain isn't completely occupied by something, I feel this overwhelming feeling of being in trouble for something I've done (even though I've done nothing). And I'm starting to understand it's because of this thing I have in my brain that prevents me from being able to focus on anything long enough to intake, process, decide upon, act upon, etc etc. I'm a literal mess, and to know that it could have been (mostly) rectified years and years ago by getting help and simply taking some medication... I've wasted what feels like my entire life for nothing.

I'm pretty worried that whatever medication they're going to give me won't live up to the enormous amount of hope I've placed on it, but I'll find out (hopefully) in a few weeks!

Edit: sorry, I meant to just answer the topic of the thread... I'd say about a 2 or 3 for me right now, but I finally have hope for an upwards trend!

I have more to say later, but although I am younger, I just wanted to say that I really resonated with this post.

A word of warning about the medication, but consider how your body reacts to it vs blindly following what the doctor/pharmacist says. I don't take it daily and I've told my doctor to write me scripts that are lower dosage than the recommendation.

"But your body is building up a tolerance."
"That's the problem. That's why I want to lower the dosage and avoid the heavy reliance"

[FanIn80]

Originally Posted by fotze2

I will just make super inappropriate jokes and swear too much. I prescribe you Dr. Fotze.

Bahaha that's usually my job

[fotze2]

Originally Posted by FanIn80

Bahaha that's usually my job

You have my number, I will outfata you for sure! Any hour!

[RichieRich]

ok lots of talk about ADD/ADHD lately... how does one navigate the medical system from "Hey Doc I think I have this issue" to what is next. WHAT is actually next? How does the process progress? How does one self-advocate and get things moving? How long typically between the "Hey Doc" discussion to starting an actual medication? "Asking for a friend".

[Titan2]

Originally Posted by RichieRich

ok lots of talk about ADD/ADHD lately... how does one navigate the medical system from "Hey Doc I think I have this issue" to what is next. WHAT is actually next? How does the process progress? How does one self-advocate and get things moving? How long typically between the "Hey Doc" discussion to starting an actual medication? "Asking for a friend".

Tell your friend to suck it up and not be such a bitch. Press those emotions down, irrigate them with beer and die young.

Or...

Here is a link to the actual ADHD assessment I got from my doctor:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1xUW...ew?usp=sharing

I would also find online sources to conduct a self-assessment. Do several and answer the questions as honestly as possible. Once you have this, please make an appointment with your MD, take the results to them, and share your concerns. Ask them for their thoughts on how to manage this. My doctor told me that the only way to diagnose it is to take the meds and if they work, bingo.

Also, ask for a referral to the community health network, which should have a person you can talk to for free. I have found they are not great. Also, ask for referrals to a counsellor, psychiatrist, and psychologist to discuss your issues. You may have to try several to find someone who can help you.

If you do try meds, they may take some time to work for you. I am on my third option, and it has worked great. Also, my therapist has been great. I have put her info above. $200 per hour, partially covered by my health plan.

Here is also a link to an executive function workbook that I ordered online. You may find it useful in assessing whether it applies to your own situation.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/11MQ...ew?usp=sharing

Finally, the book Scattered Minds has been the best one I have found for discussing the issue, causes and fixes. If you are curious and read through this you may discover what applies to you or not. I found it was ... I did that, I had that experience, my parents did that, I have that habit... over and over.

I also found that there is a ton of IG and TT links to people that discuss it. Again, I found I related with what they were saying, over and over. Search ADHD in either and the algorithm will take care of the rest.

Best of luck and feel free to ask any questions here or pm me.

[Titan2]

Originally Posted by fotze2

Just had my performance review. ...
I'm a reluctant introvert.

I love it. Do what I know and mentor as well. I drive him home and we shoot the schit.
...

Wait a minute... You aren't in the clergy are you?

[Locke]

Originally Posted by Titan2

Wait a minute... You aren't in the clergy are you?

Envisioning fotze as a member of the Clergy wearing one of the colorful robes and the big hats with the ginormous staff gave me the chuckle I needed...'mental health level rising...'

Is it sacrilicious to go as the Pope for Halloween? Whats the ruling on that?

[Titan2]

Originally Posted by Locke

Envisioning fotze as a member of the Clergy wearing one of the colorful robes and the big hats with the ginormous staff gave me the chuckle I needed...'mental health level rising...'

Is it sacrilicious to go as the Pope for Halloween? Whats the ruling on that?

[Locke]

Originally Posted by Titan2

And if you'd met fotze you'd really get why that is so funny!

If there is one guy who is least suited to being a member of the Clergy its him.

[fotze2]

Originally Posted by Locke

And if you'd met fotze you'd really get why that is so funny!

If there is one guy who is least suited to being a member of the Clergy its him.

I’d be awesome at the rape part.