- Daughter accepted into Grad School
- Massive promotion at work, I now run all of our Canadian business
- Son named to go to Canada Games
- Dad falls and has been in hospital 3 weeks
- Mum had to move in because she can't stay alone, so now I'm essentially babysitting while working and searching for a place for her and eventually my dad to live
It's been a ####ing lot.
__________________
Captain James P. DeCOSTE, CD, 18 Sep 1993
Corporal Jean-Marc H. BECHARD, 6 Aug 1993
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- Daughter accepted into Grad School
- Massive promotion at work, I now run all of our Canadian business
- Son named to go to Canada Games
- Dad falls and has been in hospital 3 weeks
- Mum had to move in because she can't stay alone, so now I'm essentially babysitting while working and searching for a place for her and eventually my dad to live
It's been a ####ing lot.
We have a bit in common. I’m recently in charge of two facilities. My second oldest child is also a Canada Games athlete. My Mother’s health is in decline (father passed 30+ years ago) and my sister in Calgary must deal with it all. I’ve also got an alcoholic wife who has not been a wife really for 5+ years and a daughter in secondary doing well and a little hockey player who’s doing well in that sport. It’s been a circus lol.
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Been a week since I quit habitually smoking pot everyday, and as a way to get out on anxiety attacks…so I’ve basically been rolling from one to another for 7 days and just riding them out sober. . I am still happy with my decision and going strong though.
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Deleted FB, think I’ll feel better now. Was tired of being told I should die, that I’m ugly, look old, whatever.
I recently came across something called self-abandonment. It seems to resonate with me.
A therapist I went to about 8-9 years ago suggested I do EMDR therapy. She says I am holding trauma from stuff that happened decades ago, specifically one incident, and that is keeping me from handling other issues in a healthy way. Anyone try that?
Deleted FB, think I’ll feel better now. Was tired of being told I should die, that I’m ugly, look old, whatever.
I recently came across something called self-abandonment. It seems to resonate with me.
A therapist I went to about 8-9 years ago suggested I do EMDR therapy. She says I am holding trauma from stuff that happened decades ago, specifically one incident, and that is keeping me from handling other issues in a healthy way. Anyone try that?
I have done EMDR and it's powerful stuff, however it's not as effective as psychedelic assisted therapy. It was that therapy that let me develop a sense of separation from the trauma.
I have done EMDR and it's powerful stuff, however it's not as effective as psychedelic assisted therapy. It was that therapy that let me develop a sense of separation from the trauma.
Yeah, I was wondering about psychedelics. I feel like I need to attach to a different reality, if that makes any sense. And now that I’m journaling about it, I fear the memories I’m bringing up may throw me into a black hole.
I don’t have one of those memories where I can pull up events by date or whatever, but I feel like I relive most of my life events every day. I briefly tried an antipsychotic to deal with that. The doctor said it wouldn’t work, but I just wanted something to shut my brain off for a while. But I will never tell anyone that again. I had an incident where I jokingly said, “Yeah, I once took meds that they give to schizophrenics!” Due to the situation, that did not end well. Of course if you say you are not schizophrenic, you are assumed to be a schizophrenic who doesnt want to take meds.
Uneducated deputy in somewhat of a police state doesn’t help.
What I do know is that I carry an intense amount of shame. Sometimes I wish I could just climb into the roof and yell out that I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done or didn’t do; I just want out of the dark spiral.
I recently read “The Melting” and identified with that character, except I don’t want to hurt myself as an act of vengeance. For all the criticism it gets, I thought it was a good read.
The character is Eva; the book was written by Flemish author Lize Spitz.
Yeah, I was wondering about psychedelics. I feel like I need to attach to a different reality, if that makes any sense. And now that I’m journaling about it, I fear the memories I’m bringing up may throw me into a black hole.
…
What I do know is that I carry an intense amount of shame. Sometimes I wish I could just climb into the roof and yell out that I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done or didn’t do; I just want out of the dark spiral.
MDMA-assisted therapy can be especially helpful for working with shame. It temporarily turns down this protective part so you can work with the stuff it’s protecting. There’s plenty of information out there about this; I think the Netflix version of How to Change Your Mind is a pretty gentle way in.
Personally, combining psychedelic-assisted therapy with microdosing and a regular, disciplined mindfulness practice has been the most important, transformative thing I’ve ever done.
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MDMA-assisted therapy can be especially helpful for working with shame. It temporarily turns down this protective part so you can work with the stuff it’s protecting. There’s plenty of information out there about this; I think the Netflix version of How to Change Your Mind is a pretty gentle way in.
Personally, combining psychedelic-assisted therapy with microdosing and a regular, disciplined mindfulness practice has been the most important, transformative thing I’ve ever done.
Thank you so much for this. It sounds like something that might work for me.
I have done EMDR and it's powerful stuff, however it's not as effective as psychedelic assisted therapy. It was that therapy that let me develop a sense of separation from the trauma.
I have thought about this as I live with a low level of PTSD and depression, I worry that my disfunction is what enables me to be a foster parent though, that no one healthy would do what I do and it's better to leave all the grim crap I have seen and been subjected too deep in my bowels at least until I retire
I have thought about this as I live with a low level of PTSD and depression, I worry that my disfunction is what enables me to be a foster parent though, that no one healthy would do what I do and it's better to leave all the grim crap I have seen and been subjected too deep in my bowels at least until I retire
I found ketamine infusions followed by talk therapy let me develop a sense of time. I could finally feel that the past was actually in the past not just a week ago.
My doctor likes to say it gives people a break from their demons. I am all about the nueroplastic window that psychedelics open as it can allow a person to reprogram some aspects of your brain.
I found ketamine infusions followed by talk therapy let me develop a sense of time. I could finally feel that the past was actually in the past not just a week ago.
My doctor likes to say it gives people a break from their demons. I am all about the nueroplastic window that psychedelics open as it can allow a person to reprogram some aspects of your brain.
I’m going to look into this as MDMA therapy is not available here. Ketamine therapy, however, is all over the place.
Unfortunately you can't read the full series without a subscription, but the stuff you can read is a hell of a ride. TLDR; is check the "dr's" reputation before letting him drug you...
I’m in the cat room this time. It’s late, past 8pm. The receptionist is gone, her computer monitor off. There are two bottles of ketamine on her desk. The waiting room is empty.
I open the door to the little blue room and find a passed out man lying on his side, body pressed into the couch cushions. He looks unwell. I close the door immediately, go back into the cat room, sit down on the couch. Wonder: did I really just see a man in there?
There’s a slightly surreal feeling that lingers at the end of a ketamine trip. The world seems bright and slippery.
Maybe I imagined the man, I think. Surely Dr. K didn’t leave two incapacitated patients alone in the office.
I go back out, look around more carefully. I open the door again: yes, there’s the man. I haven’t seen what other people look like while they’re on ketamine, but my understanding is they usually lie still, on their backs. There’s something alarming about the way this guy is collapsed.
My first thought: this can’t be real.
My second: this can’t be right.
But what do I know about the ketamine scene?
I just know the way that guy is lying there looks bad, and there’s something wrong-feeling about the way we were put in different rooms and knocked close to unconscious with a combination of shots and lozenges and then left alone in an office building so after-hours empty that the custodian has just arrived to clean. She looks as startled to see me as I am to see her.
Unfortunately you can't read the full series without a subscription, but the stuff you can read is a hell of a ride. TLDR; is check the "dr's" reputation before letting him drug you...
I’m in the cat room this time. It’s late, past 8pm. The receptionist is gone, her computer monitor off. There are two bottles of ketamine on her desk. The waiting room is empty.
I open the door to the little blue room and find a passed out man lying on his side, body pressed into the couch cushions. He looks unwell. I close the door immediately, go back into the cat room, sit down on the couch. Wonder: did I really just see a man in there?
There’s a slightly surreal feeling that lingers at the end of a ketamine trip. The world seems bright and slippery.
Maybe I imagined the man, I think. Surely Dr. K didn’t leave two incapacitated patients alone in the office.
I go back out, look around more carefully. I open the door again: yes, there’s the man. I haven’t seen what other people look like while they’re on ketamine, but my understanding is they usually lie still, on their backs. There’s something alarming about the way this guy is collapsed.
My first thought: this can’t be real.
My second: this can’t be right.
But what do I know about the ketamine scene?
I just know the way that guy is lying there looks bad, and there’s something wrong-feeling about the way we were put in different rooms and knocked close to unconscious with a combination of shots and lozenges and then left alone in an office building so after-hours empty that the custodian has just arrived to clean. She looks as startled to see me as I am to see her.
How about no. That's Doctor Nick(Hi everybody!) level weird.
My infusions are in a hospital and the actual "trip" is only 45-60 minutes, blurred vision lasts about another hour. I am still quite aware during the process, so nobody can touch me without me knowing.
I also go in the morning g as That's the best time to start and IV on me.
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Unfortunately you can't read the full series without a subscription, but the stuff you can read is a hell of a ride. TLDR; is check the "dr's" reputation before letting him drug you...
I’m in the cat room this time. It’s late, past 8pm. The receptionist is gone, her computer monitor off. There are two bottles of ketamine on her desk. The waiting room is empty.
I open the door to the little blue room and find a passed out man lying on his side, body pressed into the couch cushions. He looks unwell. I close the door immediately, go back into the cat room, sit down on the couch. Wonder: did I really just see a man in there?
There’s a slightly surreal feeling that lingers at the end of a ketamine trip. The world seems bright and slippery.
Maybe I imagined the man, I think. Surely Dr. K didn’t leave two incapacitated patients alone in the office.
I go back out, look around more carefully. I open the door again: yes, there’s the man. I haven’t seen what other people look like while they’re on ketamine, but my understanding is they usually lie still, on their backs. There’s something alarming about the way this guy is collapsed.
My first thought: this can’t be real.
My second: this can’t be right.
But what do I know about the ketamine scene?
I just know the way that guy is lying there looks bad, and there’s something wrong-feeling about the way we were put in different rooms and knocked close to unconscious with a combination of shots and lozenges and then left alone in an office building so after-hours empty that the custodian has just arrived to clean. She looks as startled to see me as I am to see her.
Yeah, the thing that worries me is that there are so many scams down here when it comes to anything related to drug therapy and mental health. Many places that do it are rehabs. They’d probably try to get me addicted and then send me to one lol. It’s not like it doesn’t happen.
I think my old therapist has retired, but she may still be active in the community. She was the one who suggested EMDR. At the time she only practiced one day a week for limited hours, and I could not get off of work for that.
I would trust whatever advice she has. Drugs of any kind scare me. If I smoke a joint I want to run around the block a million times.
Oh well, she passed away 2 months ago. She was a brilliant woman.
How about no. That's Doctor Nick(Hi everybody!) level weird.
My infusions are in a hospital and the actual "trip" is only 45-60 minutes, blurred vision lasts about another hour. I am still quite aware during the process, so nobody can touch me without me knowing.
I also go in the morning g as That's the best time to start and IV on me.
Ya, the US can be the wild west. Good ol' capitalism in the "medical" system.
