Family tension over will and estate?

[Mathgod]

Sorry for your loss. I also know the pain of losing a loved one. My father passed away 2 hours prior to puck drop of game 1 vs the Stars. The Flames winning the game that night (and the series) brought me a lot of happiness during a very tough time. The moment Johnny scored that goal I couldn't stop thinking about how happy my dad would have been to see the Flames win that series after so many years of frustration. He was a huge Flames fan and the person who got me into watching the Flames when I was a kid.

Stay strong. Times like these can be so hard. Know that you are not suffering alone.

As for the situation regarding your sister, the earlier post from getbak says it perfectly. Take some time to think things over and don't rush into any decision.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by WhiteTiger

I hear that...

One of the reasons I try and relate some of these stories is because, most people will go through their lives dealing with inheritance issues maybe a handful of times, whereas I've got a lot of experience with it through my line of work.

Its like when a patient has a medical issue and the Doctor kind of shrugs it off like its no big deal. Because they've seen it hundreds of times, they know and understand the severity of the issue and if they're a little casual about it then the patient becomes calmer because if they think its 'no big deal' and this experienced professional has it covered.

The biggest issue I've found with inheritances is that they tend to be extremely polarizing.

They're all over the map.

One day you find out that the guy who was eating ramen for 20 years in a one-bedroom apartment was actually a millionaire and now you stand to have a significant inheritance.

Or they had a significant life-insurance policy or the inheritance someone was expecting doesnt exist. Its so wild.

I've seen people fritter their lives away waiting for their inheritance.

People think: "I'm going to get millions once my mom dies!"

Yeah, well, now you're in your 60s, your mom is in her 90s and you've done nothing with your life. Was it worth it?

And then if theres multiple family members then it turns into the grimmest, saddest, darkest game of 'Hungry, Hungry Hippos' anyone has ever seen.

So with experience I try and impart a more decent, civilized way to deal with things and it all sounds great...until it actually happens.

And then all that reason flies out the window and its Financial 'Lord of the Flies.'

I wont lie. It does actually sadden me.

[bizaro86]

Originally Posted by Locke

For instance, my kids better not be banking on getting anything from me, because if they are then that 'disappointment train' is going to deal them a crushing blow.

If that's your plan I would tell them. Not that I disagree, I just think if they know in advance that's better.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by bizaro86

If that's your plan I would tell them. Not that I disagree, I just think if they know in advance that's better.

Oh...they know. That discussion has happened.

They also know that its probably not true. They'll probably inherit something from me, whether its life-insurance, my business or just assets or money.

But if they piss their lives away or eschew ambition because they're expecting money from me? Not gonna happen.

When I make my final Will its going to be like something out of a movie where the beneficiaries are going to have to complete tasks like Feats of Strength, some sort of Treasure Hunt or camping for a week at my Grave or something. Oh its gonna be great!

[karl262]

Originally Posted by The Yen Man

Damn, we got a real internet Mother Teresa here!

Mother Teresa was a giant POS.

[Cecil Terwilliger]

Originally Posted by karl262

Mother Teresa was a giant POS.

I guess it’s an apt comparison then.

[Fuzz]

Originally Posted by Locke

Oh...they know. That discussion has happened.

They also know that its probably not true. They'll probably inherit something from me, whether its life-insurance, my business or just assets or money.

But if they piss their lives away or eschew ambition because they're expecting money from me? Not gonna happen.

When I make my final Will its going to be like something out of a movie where the beneficiaries are going to have to complete tasks like Feats of Strength, some sort of Treasure Hunt or camping for a week at my Grave or something. Oh its gonna be great!

Taking that helicopter to the grave, eh?

[Inferno099]

there are a lot of crappy people out there who will use what is legal instead of what is right even outside this specific circumstance.

None of us know the situation in your extended family - all I would say is do what is right, not what is only allowed by law.

Only my 2 cents

[kipperiggy]

Another thought, remember accountant and lawyers fees should come out of the estate. Hire an accountant to help you file his final tax return to make sure nothing gets missed.

[Ped]

My aunt and uncle lived in one half of a house, and their daughter and her family lived in the other half (and didn't take particularly good care of it, either). When my uncle died, my aunt decided to sell because she didn't need such a big space anymore.


Her daughter and son-in-law expected her to sell the house to them for far below market value - and this is basically her retirement income. She refused to, and there was some bad blood, and they packed up and moved out East and don't talk to her anymore.

[rotten42]

I'm of the opinion that you always respect the wishes of the will. That's what they are for. You don't go off script after the fact.

[MoneyGuy]

Originally Posted by Ped

My aunt and uncle lived in one half of a house, and their daughter and her family lived in the other half (and didn't take particularly good care of it, either). When my uncle died, my aunt decided to sell because she didn't need such a big space anymore.


Her daughter and son-in-law expected her to sell the house to them for far below market value - and this is basically her retirement income. She refused to, and there was some bad blood, and they packed up and moved out East and don't talk to her anymore.

Reminds me of a fellow I know who asked his parents for money. They refused and the son cut off all contact with his parents including access to their grandchildren. It's a #####ty thing to do, especially because his father and the kids' grandfather died not having seen his grandchildren for over a decade.

[OptimalTates]

Originally Posted by Twitchy15

. My mom and sister were helping me go through his stuff and clean his house which was nice as it was a lot of work. But she kind of blew up at me about the money bs also saying my wife was on a power trip and is in it for the money just saying wild things for no real reason.

Stop talking to your mom so you get cut out of her will and put your sister in the same position down the line. Checkmate.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by Twitchy15

He did not own any property so not sure what would be taxed or not. Essentially just what’s in his bank account, I now have the vehicle in my name and then there will be life insurance money and rrsp. I know the rrsp will be taxed but I guess I’ll find out around tax time?

Get an accountant to do his taxes up to his death and after death taxes. All fees for that should come out of the Estate account as well any taxes owing.

You will also need a clearance certificate from the CRA that confirms that the deceased has paid all taxes and any interest owing.

[Geraldsh]

Rumour has it there are some good accountants and lawyers on this very forum…if you are looking for one.

[DoubleF]

Having seen what I've seen, people are idiots and they suck. Sometimes you can give everything from the estate to the others and they'll still complain. "Oh, you don't need any of the estate? That must have meant you stole from it and you're feeling guilty."

I'm seeing more and more situations where it's probably best to evaluate situations and then distribute the vast majority of the estate while still alive. Whatever left over that was kept for basic living reasons is either equally split or just straight up sent to a charity so that there's nothing to squabble over.

There were a few meetings in the past where dad was like, "Oh, my sons are great with each other, they'll be fine and figure it out fairly!". Mom looks over at dad with this, "Are you ####ing kidding me??" look.

Don't leave it to the kids or hire a third party executor that gets a flat rate is what I'm starting to notice. Lots of third party executors are getting like $180-300K a year to deal with this stuff.... yet every single one I've ever met says that it's not worth the money and they wish they had not agreed to deal with that type of BS.

Way better to sort out the main stuff prior to death and be open with what is left over. That way there's less that the remaining beneficiaries can pull to fight each other with. I deal with this stuff occasionally, but I'd honestly be happier if I didn't have to deal with this BS at times.

I've been advising people to sort things out in black and white before death. I don't want to have to sort it out if they kick the bucket. In some situations, I've seen some people put clauses in the will to force the beneficiaries to figure it out or they essentially get nothing. Such as if there's a contesting of the will that no agreement can be made between beneficiaries and/or if no agreement is made by a certain date after death (ie: 2-3 years) then more and more of the estate goes to someone not related to the main beneficiaries or some organizations' hands (ie: Charity) so there's a deadline for the individuals to sort it out. Other stuff like no more than $5K can be used for legal fees is starting to pop up, so someone can't just rack up a large bill along the lines of, "If I can't have it, neither can you." sort of thing.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by DoubleF

Having seen what I've seen, people are idiots and they suck. Sometimes you can give everything from the estate to the others and they'll still complain. "Oh, you don't need any of the estate? That must have meant you stole from it and you're feeling guilty."

I'm seeing more and more situations where it's probably best to evaluate situations and then distribute the vast majority of the estate while still alive. Whatever left over that was kept for basic living reasons is either equally split or just straight up sent to a charity so that there's nothing to squabble over.

There were a few meetings in the past where dad was like, "Oh, my sons are great with each other, they'll be fine and figure it out fairly!". Mom looks over at dad with this, "Are you ####ing kidding me??" look.

Don't leave it to the kids or hire a third party executor that gets a flat rate is what I'm starting to notice. Lots of third party executors are getting like $180-300K a year to deal with this stuff.... yet every single one I've ever met says that it's not worth the money and they wish they had not agreed to deal with that type of BS.

Way better to sort out the main stuff prior to death and be open with what is left over. That way there's less that the remaining beneficiaries can pull to fight each other with. I deal with this stuff occasionally, but I'd honestly be happier if I didn't have to deal with this BS at times.

I've been advising people to sort things out in black and white before death. I don't want to have to sort it out if they kick the bucket. In some situations, I've seen some people put clauses in the will to force the beneficiaries to figure it out or they essentially get nothing. Such as if there's a contesting of the will that no agreement can be made between beneficiaries and/or if no agreement is made by a certain date after death (ie: 2-3 years) then more and more of the estate goes to someone not related to the main beneficiaries or some organizations' hands (ie: Charity) so there's a deadline for the individuals to sort it out. Other stuff like no more than $5K can be used for legal fees is starting to pop up, so someone can't just rack up a large bill along the lines of, "If I can't have it, neither can you." sort of thing.

My God dude, I know! Being an independent Executor would be a horrible job. Lucrative....but horrible.

My Aunt used to do it and she burnt out hard.

Its like being a Divorce lawyer without the happy ending.

[Dion]

I was the executor my mothers Will and I tell anyone who will listen, it's a job you don't want.

[MoneyGuy]

I settled my parents' estate and it's a thankless job (I didn't charge the estate) and I was glad when it was over.

[flamesfever]

Originally Posted by rotten42

I'm of the opinion that you always respect the wishes of the will. That's what they are for. You don't go off script after the fact.

That's correct legally. However there are sometimes extenuating circumstances.

My wife was left on her Mom's will as the sole executor and beneficiary. However, in conversations with her Mom, her Mom stated that she wanted everything shared equally among her 6 children. The will was never changed, and when her Mom passed away, my wife respected her Mom's wishes and divided the estate equally among her siblings.

The estate consisted mainly of a mortgage which was paid out over a period of 20 years. Each year, for 20 years, my wife mailed out cheques at Christmas time, to all her siblings. This all ended back in the early 80s, and I don't know how many times her siblings and their children have said how thankful they were to receive the cheque every Christmas. It was a real blessing for the family.

The real blessing is that it acted to keep our family close, and in touch with one another, even to this day. It's so wonderful to be part of such a large caring family.

I can see my wife's parents up there saying, "Well Done".