Dating a friends ex.

[Erick Estrada]

IMO if they really have strong feelings for each other they should still give it a shot even with the complications. Life is short so don't deny yourself happiness on the count of someone else's feelings of jealousy or pettiness.

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by undercoverbrother

So they got divorced in 2010.


He walked away from her.


What is the statue of limitations on when you can date a friend's ex?

There is no statue of limitations especially if its not handled right, there is only consequences.

[MrMastodonFarm]

Originally Posted by polak

Where exactly am I wrong? Sorry I guess when you turn 30 you reach some level of enlightenment that makes your buddy dating your ex-wife that you have kids with all good.

I mean, kinda yeah. Life is very different from your 20s to 30s, to 40 etc etc.

Guy lost his wife, she has kids is divorced and wants someone new. It might be awkward, could be difficult but c'est la vie.

Be open and honest with your friend but if you're both serious, go for it.

[CalgaryFan1988]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

So here's where it gets interesting.

You've been friends for 30 years?

They got divorced in 2010 so you were friends throughout this marriage. Were you invited to their house, hung out with them as a couple?

She expressed interest in dating you? A friend to her ex cheating husband of 30 years.

One of three thoughts rips through my tiny pea brain because this is the internet.

1) He's going to make the logical jump to believe that you were mowing his lawn during their marriage.

2) She's going to date you to get back at him by crushing the friendship.

3) He's going to go ballistic when you basically become his kids father figure if that happens.

Unless she's Angelina Jolie hot, this thing is not going to be worth the price you pay, and the angst it causes on all 5 of you in this twisted little love Pentagram.

Dude there are enough girls out there without having to buy massive trouble, unless you're willing to throw a lot of things away and cause a lot of pain for your friend and possibly yourself.

Maybe I'm being naive, but wouldn't a mature adult want someone he likes around his kids?

[Jason14h]

Maybe I'm being naive, but wouldn't a mature adult want someone he likes around his kids?

Men aren't mature

[REDVAN]

The heart wants what it wants. Go for it.

But be aware that you will (likely) lose the friendship. If she is the one for you, or at least the one for a long while, then I'd say it's worth it to lose a friend for a long time lover.

[peter12]

Originally Posted by MrMastodonFarm

I mean, kinda yeah. Life is very different from your 20s to 30s, to 40 etc etc.

Guy lost his wife, she has kids is divorced and wants someone new. It might be awkward, could be difficult but c'est la vie.

Be open and honest with you're friend but if you're both serious, go for it.

Polak is only 18 or something, right?

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by CalgaryFan1988

Maybe I'm being naive, but wouldn't a mature adult want someone he likes around his kids?

ummm, if your dating his ex and the friendship ends, he's certainly not going to like you or your moral code.

He's going to see you as a conniving backstabber if you don't handle any discussion with him about this properly.

Not only do you have to make sure he's cool with you dating his wife, but you now have to make sure that he's cool with you taking a major role in the kids life, whether he's fully involved or not is going to make no difference to him.

Its no longer a matter of "Hey bro, I want to date and do your ex wife"

Now on top of it "Your kids are going to basically call me dad if this goes well"

Man, you are buying trouble left right and center here.

I personally think its a bad idea.

This is beyond just simply dating an exgirlfriend or wife of a friend, especially when you've been friends for 30 years.

[CalgaryFan1988]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

ummm, if your dating his ex and the friendship ends, he's certainly not going to like you or your moral code.

He's going to see you as a conniving backstabber if you don't handle any discussion with him about this properly.

Not only do you have to make sure he's cool with you dating his wife, but you now have to make sure that he's cool with you taking a major role in the kids life, whether he's fully involved or not is going to make no difference to him.

Its no longer a matter of "Hey bro, I want to date and do your ex wife"

Now on top of it "Your kids are going to basically call me dad if this goes well"

Man, you are buying trouble left right and center here.

I personally think its a bad idea.

This is beyond just simply dating an exgirlfriend or wife of a friend, especially when you've been friends for 30 years.

Thanks, I agree it's very complicated a.k.a. soap opera worthy.

I know I never looked at her twice the whole time they were together, never had a clue she was interested in me until she made a move.

[Jason14h]

Maybe we could all donate and just get your a hooker? Save you a lot of headaches!

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by CalgaryFan1988

Thanks, I agree it's very complicated a.k.a. soap opera worthy.

I know I never looked at her twice the whole time they were together, never had a clue she was interested in me until she made a move.

this doesn't matter at all to him and means nothing. Perception is reality and the human mind doesn't function in any kind of logical manner when it comes to matters of love, anger and jealousy.

I guarantee you that he is going to create his own narration.

Especially since you've been friends or whatever for 30 years.

Ultimately its your choice and you need to decide if the juice is worth the squeeze.

But I think that especially with his kids being directly involved, no matter what the relationship is there, this is going to go one of two ways . . . bad . . . worse.

[polak]

Originally Posted by MrMastodonFarm

I mean, kinda yeah. Life is very different from your 20s to 30s, to 40 etc etc.

Guy lost his wife, she has kids is divorced and wants someone new. It might be awkward, could be difficult but c'est la vie.

Be open and honest with your friend but if you're both serious, go for it.

Do you think that the friendship will survive?

My stance was based on the assumption that he wants to be friends with the guy still. If that doesn't matter than by all means.

[MrMastodonFarm]

Originally Posted by Jason14h

Maybe we could all donate and just get your a hooker? Save you a lot of headaches!

Please not another GoFundMe, please Lord.

[Hugh Jahrmes]

Newly single (extremely important fact: 29 years of age) me hated the idea of my ex dating anyone in my social circle, and the corresponding 'having to see them together in public / at events / them around my son'.

Now (age: 30! Take notes) I'm in a great relationship, but more importantly, I've supported her attempt at a failed relationship.. Buddy was a total jerkoff...
Now I just want her to find happiness that will allow me to life my life, but above all, a nice, honest and completely safe/trustworthy guy hanging out with my son.

Never thought I'd say yes, but honestly now that I have a child, Id way rather it be someone I trust - likely in the minority though.

Friends, but not too close of friends. Sounds like you're in the clear*.

* If you get punched out you can't punch me out

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by Jason14h

Maybe we could all donate and just get your a hooker? Save you a lot of headaches!

Followed by a thread labeled "And this is why we can't have nice things"

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by polak

Never.

A friends ex if off limits if you want to remain friends.

A life of absolutes can be hard.

[CalgaryFan1988]

Originally Posted by polak

Do you think that the friendship will survive?

My stance was based on the assumption that he wants to be friends with the guy still. If that doesn't matter than by all means.

Ideally, of course I'd like the friendship to survive. I know there is about a 0 percent chance of that happening though. I just think if I handle it properly, he doesn't have the right to get mad.

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

this doesn't matter at all to him and means nothing. Perception is reality and the human mind doesn't function in any kind of logical manner when it comes to matters of love, anger and jealousy.

I guarantee you that he is going to create his own narration.

Especially since you've been friends or whatever for 30 years.

Ultimately its your choice and you need to decide if the juice is worth the squeeze.

But I think that especially with his kids being directly involved, no matter what the relationship is there, this is going to go one of two ways . . . bad . . . worse.

Yeah, maybe I should steer clear. The fallout may be of nuclear proportions.....

If I suddenly never post again, you'll know what happened lol

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by undercoverbrother

A life of absolutes can be hard.

Only a Sith deals in absolutes

(which is a pretty absolute statement by a Jedi)

[polak]

Originally Posted by undercoverbrother

A life of absolutes can be hard.

[Gord_Wappel]

This can't turn out well.

Did she know he cheated? Does she know now? Did it come from you?
It sounds like you guys are sharing alot when you say "i know she has been through alot and she knows i have too" that's not good.

Keep your crappy friend that you have known for 30 years and occasionally rub it in that you could have banged is ex wife but keep your friend.