My wife & I are separating

[Locke]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

I think that marriages should be done in limited term contracts with divorce costs clearly laid out in the contract.

I mean what's the harm if the first contract is for 5 years of marital bliss with a 1 year walk away clause. If your still madly in love at the end of the first contract then you can renew for another 5 years or 10 years or lifetime.

I think thats called; 'living together for a bit first.'

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by Locke

I think thats called; 'living together for a bit first.'

I like to call it, takin the ho for a test drive.

[Weirdness]

Originally Posted by Locke

I think thats called; 'living together for a bit first.'

My parents have been together for over 30 years, and I was shocked to learn that they never lived together before getting married. Then again, they were together for at least a few years beforehand. Maybe it's a matter of getting married too soon? I wonder how long the average couple is together before getting married.

[WhiteTiger]

Originally Posted by Weirdness

My parents have been together for over 30 years, and I was shocked to learn that they never lived together before getting married. Then again, they were together for at least a few years beforehand. Maybe it's a matter of getting married too soon? I wonder how long the average couple is together before getting married.

My wife and I were together for 6 years (almost all of living together) before actually getting married 2 years ago. Probably not the 'average', though.

[DownhillGoat]

Originally Posted by WhiteTiger

My wife and I were together for 6 years (almost all of living together) before actually getting married 2 years ago. Probably not the 'average', though.

My ex-wife and I were living together for almost 6 before getting married. Not the 'average', but does happen.

[DuffMan]

Originally Posted by CrazyCaper

There's more to the story than I've told...
We've been separated for just over a year. About 6 months ago, her boyfriend moved in and they live in my house with my kids and his kids too!! In all honesty, I just want to off-load the house, get shared custody of the kids and try and move on with my life. Some tough slugging ahead though!!! Thanks for the kind words guys/girls. They are appreciated.

I knew a guy a couple of years ago, and he was a single Dad with one daughter. He moved in with an old gf who just left her husband with her kids. then,,,, they got pregnant. Glad I'm not one of the kids living in that household.

[GP_Matt]

Originally Posted by return to the red

It seems now like it's widely accepted that you get married, have kids, get divorced and rinse and repeat, which in my mind is utterly appalling.

When I went through my divorce my one friend said to me "well statistics say it was going to be you or me" but why should it be this way? It's far too easy to get married these days and it's even easier to get divorced. Maybe if it was more difficult to get divorced people would think long and hard about getting married in the first place.

I don't feel like finding the statistics but I think the trend is towards marriages lasting longer. The generation that grew up with divorced parents or friends who went through the same are defying the divorce trend while the increases in the divorce rate today is driven from older couples, seniors and boomers.

[Yrebmi]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

I think that marriages should be done in limited term contracts with divorce costs clearly laid out in the contract.

I mean what's the harm if the first contract is for 5 years of marital bliss with a 1 year walk away clause. If your still madly in love at the end of the first contract then you can renew for another 5 years or 10 years or lifetime.

That might work if there were no children.
Children are a lot more than a 5 year commitment

[anyonebutedmonton]

Originally Posted by Yrebmi

That might work if there were no children.
Children are a lot more than a 5 year commitment

Performance in a contract year may also be something to consider...

[Yrebmi]

Originally Posted by anyonebutedmonton

Performance in a contract year may also be something to consider...

Well to continue the hockey contract parallel, beware the girls who claim they have a new prospect already in the minors, to pressure you into committing to a long term deal.

[GoinAllTheWay]

Originally Posted by Yrebmi

Well to continue the hockey contract parallel, beware the girls who claim they have a new prospect already in the minors, to pressure you into committing to a long term deal.

Then I'd threaten to blow the whistle on her statutory rape. I'd be far more worried about a trade myself. A loaner for the playoff run? Now your talkin.....

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by Yrebmi

That might work if there were no children.
Children are a lot more than a 5 year commitment

The way I see it those kids don't have a nmc in the first contract, so they can be traded for cash or gift certificates to the retail outlet of your choice.

[KTown]

Been there done that so I know how one feels.

Our split was more mutual and it was for the best. We have one small child which I get 6 days out of every 14 days till he's 4 than joint custody kicks in. Not my choice but she wanted it that way and I wanted to keep the peace.

I still have a huge fear of one day her going crazy and trying to take my child away. So I do everything I can to make that hard for her if she tries. Whenver she changes the dates I accept, I always pay her ontime (Alimony/Childsupport/Plus Section 7 expensions on top of that), I always do extra favours for her etc.

My friends think I am crazy but I keep telling them as much as I want to tell her off once in a while, its in the best interest of my son and me to not.

One things I will never do is introduce my son to a woman unless I am absolutly serious with her and think it is going to be for the long term. I am a strong believer that you shouldn't have multiple ppl coming in and out of a childs life.

Best of luck to you. I am still only separated. 6 months now halfway to signing the divorce papers. Looking forward to it.

Another positive out of this is that everyone has told that when they see me with my son they can see that I am a better dad now than when we were married an unhappy.

[boosterjuice]

Hi All,

My brother-in-law is going through a common-law separation. I'd like to steer him in the right direction regarding a lawyer/mediator/etc.

-Can anyone recommend a good divorce/separation help discussion forum?
-I imagine that he'll want to go the mediator route. Can anyone recommend a good mediator?

[troutman]

http://www.calgaryfamilylawyers.com/kevin_hannah.html

[zztim81]

Hey Guys,

I hate to bump an old thread, but after 6.5 years of marriage and nearly 12 years together Mrs. Decided to pack up and walk out on me.I wouldn’t wish these feelings on my worst enemy, and I feel for everyone in this thread I am sure can relate to the frustrations and concerns and uncertainty that the other guys like Kunkstyle and CrazyCaper have felt. All I can say is thank god I didn’t have any kids to be pulled into the middle of my mess…

It’s been 6 months now since she left, and there is no chance of reconciliation, she says she doesn’t love me anymore, our place is holding her back, and she doesn’t want kids and never will (something that I do want eventually but have been in no rush to have).So far… touch wood… she has been very amicable regarding assets and our place etc. and both of us are interested in avoiding lawyer bills or court cases In order to split the sheets so to speak. And I just want to be fair, I know it takes two and I cant blame her for everything or be vindictive.

There has been some discussion on here about no fault divorces and doing things like writing a separation agreement yourself instead of getting a lawyer, and also this 400$ option for assistance in filling out the necessary documents. Has anyone ever done these themselves? And where do you start to find out about these options? I have already talked to the bank and I think I can assume our mortgage and make it work with one income but it’s going to be tight when you consider a payout for her share of the property and assets equity. One thing I gleaned from this thread is try and make my arrangements faster and sooner than later while there might be some guilt in her still for not trying to work it out, as it seems the longer it takes the more she is going to feel entitled to and the more it’s going to cost me financially and emotionally.

Any advice is much appreciated!

[zztim81]

One more question, someone told me its going to take 3 years before you finally feel normal again, stop questioning yourself and your actions and feel like you have truly moved on in your life... is this true?

[Senator Clay Davis]

I can think of a certain user just waiting to say "I told you so"....

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by zztim81

Hey Guys,

I hate to bump an old thread, but after 6.5 years of marriage and nearly 12 years together Mrs. Decided to pack up and walk out on me.I wouldn’t wish these feelings on my worst enemy, and I feel for everyone in this thread I am sure can relate to the frustrations and concerns and uncertainty that the other guys like Kunkstyle and CrazyCaper have felt. All I can say is thank god I didn’t have any kids to be pulled into the middle of my mess…

It’s been 6 months now since she left, and there is no chance of reconciliation, she says she doesn’t love me anymore, our place is holding her back, and she doesn’t want kids and never will (something that I do want eventually but have been in no rush to have).So far… touch wood… she has been very amicable regarding assets and our place etc. and both of us are interested in avoiding lawyer bills or court cases In order to split the sheets so to speak. And I just want to be fair, I know it takes two and I cant blame her for everything or be vindictive.

There has been some discussion on here about no fault divorces and doing things like writing a separation agreement yourself instead of getting a lawyer, and also this 400$ option for assistance in filling out the necessary documents. Has anyone ever done these themselves? And where do you start to find out about these options? I have already talked to the bank and I think I can assume our mortgage and make it work with one income but it’s going to be tight when you consider a payout for her share of the property and assets equity. One thing I gleaned from this thread is try and make my arrangements faster and sooner than later while there might be some guilt in her still for not trying to work it out, as it seems the longer it takes the more she is going to feel entitled to and the more it’s going to cost me financially and emotionally.

Any advice is much appreciated!

I am very sorry to read this. I think a positive for you, assuming you want kids, is that this happened before you had kids.

I really can't give you any advice other than:

Nothing lasts forever

You might feel like it will, but it won't. Surround youself with good friends, those that have your best interests at heart (FYI, they may not always agree with you).

Originally Posted by Senator Clay Davis

I can think of a certain user just waiting to say "I told you so"....

If he does I hope they ban him.

[DownhillGoat]

Originally Posted by zztim81

Any advice is much appreciated!

So sorry to hear, it's not easy (emotionally) to go through.

Can't respond at the moment but if you don't get a PM from me by tonight send me one to remind me and I'll give you any info I can based on personal experience.

Hang in there. The guys I talked to on CP during the whole thing were a great help.