Personally, the approach is the easiest.... it is 5 minutes into the conversation that things go sideways.
A) I realize I am not into her but don't want to give her some bad excuse....a safe polite exit is not easy.
B) I realize she is not into me... I am now trying to give her the easy exit that I am looking for in option A
C) We are into each other & I freeze asking for a number. We go our different ways and I kick myself later.
If she was into you, she wouldn't let you walk away.
__________________
Watching the Oilers defend is like watching fire engines frantically rushing to the wrong fire
This is all so confusing to someone like me with no skills whatsoever, who lacks confidence and courage. I know it's dangerous to admit things like that on the internet but I'm used to the derogatory comments from both men and women. I am smart and successful in my career, but that's hardly uncommon anymore and not something that makes one attractive in a brief conversation.
I think Calgary Cowboy said it best earlier in this thread:
Quote:
How is a guy supposed to know ahead of time if providing attention is 'wanted' if him asking or attempting to 'pick-up' is considered sexist and harassment?
The last thing I want is to be considered a creep who is being sexually harassing. And considering I'm not a GQ model, I suspect nothing I could venture saying would prevent that. I'm sure the automatic thought is "Great, another loser trying to get into my pants." Considering I've never seen you before, have never heard you speak, and know nothing about you, there is little to go on other than appearance and the current context of the situation.
The very few dates I've ever been on have come through structured settings like online dating or speed dating, where no one is under any illusion as to the purpose.
The last thing I want is to be considered a creep who is being sexually harassing. And considering I'm not a GQ model, I suspect nothing I could venture saying would prevent that. I'm sure the automatic thought is "Great, another loser trying to get into my pants." Considering I've never seen you before, have never heard you speak, and know nothing about you, there is little to go on other than appearance and the current context of the situation.
Here's the way it works: if you're talking to her because the only thing you want is to get into her pants, you're sexually harassing her and being a creep.
If you're talking to her because you want to get to know her before you decide if you want her to get into your pants, you're not.
The last thing I want is to be considered a creep who is being sexually harassing. And considering I'm not a GQ model, I suspect nothing I could venture saying would prevent that. I'm sure the automatic thought is "Great, another loser trying to get into my pants." Considering I've never seen you before, have never heard you speak, and know nothing about you, there is little to go on other than appearance and the current context of the situation.
If you show up with an attitude of, "I'm sorry I'm wasting your time." Due to self fulfilling prophecy, you are indeed wasting the other person's time. You have to work hard to break that cycle. I personally think that it's legitimate to say something like, "Hi, I've been trying to practice my conversation skills and I was wondering if you would chat with me". Sound awkward? Maybe. But IMO less awkward than, "Heeeey! what's up with the crowds eh? You come here often?" It's fine she says no.
No one on earth is a waste of space. Just because you're not a GQ model doesn't mean you can't chat with a girl. Guess what? The girl isn't an SI model either. But doesn't mean she's not cute or pretty. Even if she is cute or pretty doesn't mean much either. Maybe you want to get into her pants, maybe you don't. Either way, it doesn't hurt to just get to know her. Worried about chatting with girls? Start by chatting with guys first then. Conversations are gender neutral and you might have to convince yourself of that first.
Always throw the ball back in her court, if she asks why you're not talking that much, saying you're shy and like listening more is valid. But obviously you can't get away without sharing about yourself, it's creepy. I found when I first stared coming out of my shell, many girls were willing to be patient if I let them know beforehand I wasn't good at conversation but was willing to learn. If you don't say anything, you're being weird for no reason and no one likes that, guy or girl.
Why did you delete that? That was great advice that a lot people could use who have trouble looking approaching women. I don't understand why men your age think it's embarrassing to approach women, it's actually some thing to inspire from especially for those who are in their older age who think their dating life is over.
Why did you delete that? That was great advice that a lot people could use who have trouble looking approaching women. I don't understand why men your age think it's embarrassing to approach women, it's actually some thing to inspire from especially for those who are in their older age who think their dating life is over.
I re-read it, and it came across a little preachy and know-it-allish. This place will jump all over that post, and just ridicule me for trying to help you guys out. It was definitely a hot grenade IMO, and I don't need the brain damage.
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You know how most men reject this sort of locker room behaviour? By not participating. They keep their mouth shut and refuse interaction with the frat house. How do you react to these men? Sometimes, I do speak up. Most times, I shut up and decide that man no longer represents a viable option to be in my circles. He holds no influence, no regard, no respect. I don't know about you, but as a man I view these things as vitally important to my ability to thrive. Far more important than retaining my "right" to make rude comments to make up for feelings of rejection or whatever the hell is going on when the frat mentality takes over a group of juvenile-minded men.
That was my point as most of you are somewhat hypocritical lambasting people anonymously when you wouldn't face to face. If you feel so strongly about it why are you so scared to stand up for it? It's not like anyone is going to punch you in the face for voicing your contrary opinion. You are simply scared of the ridicule which stems all the way back to the topic of why men don't cold approach women. Men don't like rejection. You may hold yourself to a higher standard but at the end of the day you are what you are.
That was my point as most of you are somewhat hypocritical lambasting people anonymously when you wouldn't face to face. If you feel so strongly about it why are you so scared to stand up for it? It's not like anyone is going to punch you in the face for voicing your contrary opinion. You are simply scared of the ridicule which stems all the way back to the topic of why men don't cold approach women. Men don't like rejection. You may hold yourself to a higher standard but at the end of the day you are what you are.
What about you?
Are you going to go out today and defend your right to be sexist? Tell some girls that you think it's alright to talk about them as sexual objects, as long as it's done behind their backs? Here some guys talking about something they think is sexist and tell them off? No, I think that you're much more likely to be the hypocrite here. Presenting some "alpha" front on the Internet when really, you wouldn't dare say a word to most of the people here. Guys like you only feel safe defending yourself against the "white knights" on the Internet, where your backwards views only affect your username, yet the truth is, you don't really have the guts to stick up for those views, so you do it on the Internet.
You are what you are, just like everyone else here.
When I was single I found it pretty easy to cold approach girls. Of course the bar was the easiest, but I also met some girls at places like the gym or the grocery store. Just be friendly, confidant and talk to them like they are normal human beings (shocking!).
That was my point as most of you are somewhat hypocritical lambasting people anonymously when you wouldn't face to face. If you feel so strongly about it why are you so scared to stand up for it? It's not like anyone is going to punch you in the face for voicing your contrary opinion. You are simply scared of the ridicule which stems all the way back to the topic of why men don't cold approach women. Men don't like rejection. You may hold yourself to a higher standard but at the end of the day you are what you are.
This is true, its obviously easier to call someone out on a forum. It's a generally safe place to share an opinion whether its emotionally charged or not.
If I keep my mouth shut in person, it's because I don't think its worth the energy to do otherwise. There are times when I can't help myself and speak up, even if a punch to the face is a potential consequence. I don't really care about that, I am good at facing confrontation and diffusing fights. I'd rather not come to blows over something that doesn't require it.. that's another conversation, but sometimes you have to be willing to face that uncomfortable friction to resolve a problem. Most people can control their urge to hit someone, even if they're feeling it.
I would have said to your face what I wrote in that comment, and I am pretty sure you would have heard me out whether you agree with me or not.
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Why did you delete that? That was great advice that a lot people could use who have trouble looking approaching women. I don't understand why men your age think it's embarrassing to approach women, it's actually some thing to inspire from especially for those who are in their older age who think their dating life is over.
I completely agree. I thought I was a loser and a late bloomer when I started figuring out how to approach girls (let alone the rest) in my Mid 20s. Huge props to Pylon. I didn't read it as preachy, I read it as a reflection of his life and letting us know he's in a boat (and doing well) that most other men may have considered themselves a lost cause 10 years prior to where he is now. I wish Pylon good luck with his search.
Pylon missing out on the Wally World girl? Awesome story. I bet nearly every user has a story about missing out. "Action movie girl" for me is nearly a decade now from when it happened. but the 7-8 years between that and meeting my current GF, I really kicked myself hard for screwing that up. Hearing your story made me feel better about my experiences and reminisce on times past. I've read quite a few comments saying it's ok to screw up. Very few people are admitting they screwed up, or refer to it in vague "eh, whatever" terms. That's not convincing to someone scared to come out of their shell. Yours was a great post. Would love to see it back up later on.
What about you?
Are you going to go out today and defend your right to be sexist? Tell some girls that you think it's alright to talk about them as sexual objects, as long as it's done behind their backs? Here some guys talking about something they think is sexist and tell them off? No, I think that you're much more likely to be the hypocrite here. Presenting some "alpha" front on the Internet when really, you wouldn't dare say a word to most of the people here. Guys like you only feel safe defending yourself against the "white knights" on the Internet, where your backwards views only affect your username, yet the truth is, you don't really have the guts to stick up for those views, so you do it on the Internet.
You are what you are, just like everyone else here.
I hope you never run into EE in traffic.
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Last week I met a girl a Starbucks downtown at lunch. It was quite busy and there was only one table left so why not share it.
Here's the timeline.
Friday - Met at Starbucks, talked for about half an hour, got her number
Sunday - texted her if she wanted to meet up for lunch, said she was busy, couldn't meet up. gave blah one word answers, probably not interested.
Tuesday - met in +15 stopped to chat for a few minutes
Friday - texted her again asking how was her week and if she was free on the weekend.
Saturday - she replied she's spending the weekend with her boyfriend
Last week I met a girl a Starbucks downtown at lunch. It was quite busy and there was only one table left so why not share it.
Here's the timeline.
Friday - Met at Starbucks, talked for about half an hour, got her number
Sunday - texted her if she wanted to meet up for lunch, said she was busy, couldn't meet up. gave blah one word answers, probably not interested.
Tuesday - met in +15 stopped to chat for a few minutes
Friday - texted her again asking how was her week and if she was free on the weekend.
Saturday - she replied she's spending the weekend with her boyfriend
i know that but why give her number at all, she could have easily said, it was nice meeting you, i have a bf.
socalwingfan: wasn't so much a cold approach, we just happened to get coffee at the same time and look at the same table so I said why not share. Then she started talking about how crowded it was and I introduced myself ... that's all.
i know that but why give her number at all, she could have easily said, it was nice meeting you, i have a bf.
socalwingfan: wasn't so much a cold approach, we just happened to get coffee at the same time and look at the same table so I said why not share. Then she started talking about how crowded it was and I introduced myself ... that's all.
She maybe thought you were an interesting person and just wanted to be friends. Members of the opposite sex should be able to carry on friendships regardless of their relationship status. I don't know why it has to seem so bizarre to people that this occurs.
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