Have you cold approached a girl?

[GirlySports]

Originally Posted by HOWITZER

Not exactly how I see it. For me, it's all about breaking the ice. Meeting people in public is next to impossible without coming across as "creepy" in this day and age. So, unless there is a situation that warrants a "Oh man, did you hear about XYZ", or some kind of situational ice-breaker, if you want ANY chance whatsoever you need to take a risk. The risk I take is that if this is someone that I can get serious with, then I hope she forgives me for being deceptive to start, but all for a good reason.

I wouldn't forgive you. You should have told me I had a nice sweater from the start

[Dion]

My first cold approach happened in grade 10. There was this cute red head that always sat behind me in math. One day I garnered up enough courage and said I really liked her and was wondering if she would go out on a date. Then for whatever reason she started to laugh. I was so embrassed and hurt by her reponse that I never did ask her why she laughed. It was only a week later that one of her friends came up to me and apologised saying her friend was cruel in the way she treated me. I was very shy and a bit of a geek back then and for whatever reason she thought it was funny that I would ask her out.

It really hurt because girls back then never seemed to take an interest in me. I would rehearse for days the words I would say to her and then only to get too scared to actually talk to her. When I finally overcame my fears and to be dropped like I was devistated me and my confidence. I never did regain my confidence while in HS and my grad date ended up being someone's sister who felt sorry I couldn't find a date.

Despite my joking in this thread, I haven't had much success with women and am still single. Some of it is because I had and still have high functioning Aspergers Syndrome which makes it difficult to read body language and understanding social cues. I will admit it's much better as I learned to read body language and social cues as I got older. That's not to say I haven't had any lady friends, just that I never got comfortable enough to ask someone to marry. Maybe it's because i'm too damned independant, I don't know and quite frankly it's not that big a deal anymore. I sometimes think it's nice to be able to go to a movie or out for dinner/lunch with a lady freind and not have to worry about what might happen next.

For sure it would be nice to find someone to share a life with but if it doesn't happen, it won't be the end of the world for me.

[sun]

"Hmm, how did this thread get 600 posts?", I asked myself.

And now that I know:

[Makarov]

Originally Posted by Cain

I guess it just bothers me because I feel like the changes necessary are expansive and include more than just one group. I've no problem with feminists fighting for women's rights! They should! However, all groups should have their interests represented and I often find that these discussions devolve into a one sided affair.

And I wasn't trying to distract from the conversation, I just find words themselves and how they are used interesting.

Surely you aren't suggesting that men's interests aren't, and historically haven't been, represented in the social and political discourse of western society? Such a suggestion wluld be simply untenable.

[Cain]

Originally Posted by Makarov

Surely you aren't suggesting that men's interests aren't, and historically haven't been, represented in the social and political discourse of western society? Such a suggestion wluld be simply untenable.

Surely you can envision a world where it is more than just black or white? Women have issues, men have theirs. I have already recognized that women have more than their fair share of injustices, I just like to promote a more all encompassing view instead of focusing on one gender. I struggle to understand how what I am saying somehow seems controversial.

[Minnie]

This is going to sound contradictory because misogyny and sexism can very much go hand in hand, but I think they are also fairly separate things in this discussion. At least to me; I realize others may see it differently.

Misongyny is so pervasive and ingrained, in a sense, and I don't think some men mean to be that way, I truly think they don't recognize it. For thousands and thousands of years, women were nothing but chattel. I mean, it hasn't even been 100 years since women attained the right to vote in Canada, and women weren't granted personhood until 1929. So while I think a lot of good progress has been made, there are thousands of years of the whole chattel thing yet to overcome. Would it be nice if further progress happened a lot quicker? Well yeah, sure. But there's that old adage - "when you know better, you do better" - and we know better and we are doing better - but it's always going to be a work in progress. But, progress is happening.

Part of that progress is that women are more vocal now and men are are actualy listening. I'm not trying to suggest men have never listened but again, each decade, each century, there is growth and realization from the male population.

As a for example, my father and my father in law were and still are, to an extent, very ingrained in the old ways where they walk in and expect to be handed it all on a silver platter, you know? I have heard my mother in law say "oh but your husband has worked all day blah blah blah - he shouldn't have to change that diaper or help chop veg for supper or whatever." Uh, no. We've BOTH worked all day, and we both need to contribute to this family unit we've built. My father in law has outright said 'such and such is women's work', has said some pretty misogynistic things - and when my father was alive, incredibly similar comments. However, my husband is not similarly persuaded and my sons definitely aren't of that mindset. Again, it's the growth and education, the knowledge that the world has changed/is changing, and they need to keep up.

I don't know - maybe that made zero sense typed out. Made more sense in my head but I'm also on some strong pain relief right now so....

On the whole, I find myself much more encouraged about how things are going these days, than less discouraged, and I definitely appreciate the effort I've seen from men.

[Dion]

Out of thanks but great post Minne!

[strombad]

Originally Posted by Dion

Out of thanks but great post Minne!

Pretty much knocked it out of the park.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by strombad

Pretty much knocked it out of the park.

Pretty much. I wash the dishes, clothes and do the cooking

[littlereddevil]

Not sure if I should be afraid now of cold approaching a girl after reading this thread.

I guess there's no such thing as a nice conversation with a girl anymore, all guys have the same motive to get inside a girl's pants

Just going to keep staring at the buttons on the elevator and staring at my phone on the train....

[Wood]

Originally Posted by littlereddevil

Not sure if I should be afraid now of cold approaching a girl after reading this thread.

I guess there's no such thing as a nice conversation with a girl anymore, all guys have the same motive to get inside a girl's pants

Just going to keep staring at the buttons on the elevator and staring at my phone on the train....

I don't think that's the point anyone has tried to make here

Guys can hit on whoever they want, but dont be butthurt if you get shot down. Girls can say no for any reason (safety concerns, the guy looks/smells like ass) and it shouldn't be an issue. It's not a reason for single guys to not try and meet single women though

I wouldn't let the derailment of this thread affect your thoughts on meeting women. They have the right to be concerned about the potential dangers out there, according to the stats it's a very real issue. There are bad men (and women) out there, it doesn't mean you're one

I'm not educated enough on male and female abuse/assault to really add anything helpful so I'm going to slowly back away and go back to reading I think

[Wood]

Originally Posted by Dion

My first cold approach happened in grade 10. There was this cute red head that always sat behind me in math. One day I garnered up enough courage and said I really liked her and was wondering if she would go out on a date. Then for whatever reason she started to laugh. I was so embrassed and hurt by her reponse that I never did ask her why she laughed. It was only a week later that one of her friends came up to me and apologised saying her friend was cruel in the way she treated me. I was very shy and a bit of a geek back then and for whatever reason she thought it was funny that I would ask her out.

It really hurt because girls back then never seemed to take an interest in me. I would rehearse for days the words I would say to her and then only to get too scared to actually talk to her. When I finally overcame my fears and to be dropped like I was devistated me and my confidence. I never did regain my confidence while in HS and my grad date ended up being someone's sister who felt sorry I couldn't find a date.

Despite my joking in this thread, I haven't had much success with women and am still single. Some of it is because I had and still have high functioning Aspergers Syndrome which makes it difficult to read body language and understanding social cues. I will admit it's much better as I learned to read body language and social cues as I got older. That's not to say I haven't had any lady friends, just that I never got comfortable enough to ask someone to marry. Maybe it's because i'm too damned independant, I don't know and quite frankly it's not that big a deal anymore. I sometimes think it's nice to be able to go to a movie or out for dinner/lunch with a lady freind and not have to worry about what might happen next.

For sure it would be nice to find someone to share a life with but if it doesn't happen, it won't be the end of the world for me.

I really appreciate this post Dion, thanks

In school I had a friend attempt suicide because something very similar happened. He suffered from a minor disability that made social interactions a lot more difficult for him, and also dealt with some pretty severe depression. I've also seen my sister deal with some truly awful guys lately, but she doesn't let it bother her

I hate seeing people have that little amount of respect for another person, it happens way too often. You may not be interested and you may be uncomfortable, but there's no reason to make the other person feel worthless

I actually got in a fight a couple years ago with they guy who was my closest friend at the time because of the way he did the same thing to a couple girls. I don't understand how people can sometimes be so disrespectful, but I guess a lot of the time we don't even realize what we say or do and how it could hurt someone else

[Dion]

nm

[Handsome B. Wonderful]

Originally Posted by Minnie

For thousands and thousands of years, women were nothing but chattel. I mean, it hasn't even been 100 years since women attained the right to vote in Canada, and women weren't granted personhood until 1929. So while I think a lot of good progress has been made, there are thousands of years of the whole chattel thing yet to overcome.

If I can interrupt your martyrdom for a moment, you know who else was only universally granted the right to vote in relatively recent history?

The vast majority of men.

[Tron_fdc]

I think guys that are afraid to hit on girls need to realize that you're never going to bat 1.00. Way back in my day I used to hit about 0.15 which although is a terrible average if you put it into perspective that meant if I hit on 10 girls a night at least one was going to come home with me. I'm a decent looking dude with a certain amount of charm, but I also have no fear of rejection. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

Sure there's an art of being smooth and an art to the pick up, but there's also the scatter gun approach and sooner or later some girl somewhere is going to fall for your charms.

Also. Go ugly early.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by Tron_fdc

I think guys that are afraid to hit on girls need to realize that you're never going to bat 1.00. Way back in my day I used to hit about 0.15 which although is a terrible average if you put it into perspective that meant if I hit on 10 girls a night at least one was going to come home with me. I'm a decent looking dude with a certain amount of charm, but I also have no fear of rejection. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

Sure there's an art of being smooth and an art to the pick up, but there's also the scatter gun approach and sooner or later some girl somewhere is going to fall for your charms.

Also. Go ugly early.

A good friend of mine had a thing back in the mid 80's where he would always tip the female bar servers very well when we went out drinking on the weekends. Of course we would always get great service and sometimes free shooters, coffee and soda. It always struck me odd that he was tipping so much. Years later he told me the servers would start asking why he tipped so much which sometimes lead to conversations, a phone number and a few dates. An expensive way of getting dates was my response

[SeeGeeWhy]

Originally Posted by Erick Estrada

Yes because life should be serious all day everyday.:roll eyes:

I'm just waiting for the day in a locker room where the boys are being boys that a guy like you pipes up and berates them all for being d-bags. Oh wait that never happens in real life only by internet keyboard warriors. Honestly guys I get that the internet is the great equalizer for some of you but it just doesn't represent real world face to face interaction.

Are these the same #######s that make clever comments about polishing shotguns on their porch when any guy will come and try to pick their daughters up for a date? Amiritefellas!?

Exactly what would you do if someone ever said something about lewd comments being made about a woman in a locker room? That sounds like typical internet warrior commentary to me. Unless you mean that'd you sit back and enjoy what is sure to be a gang style asswhoopin - because that doesn't reinforce the violent tendency imagery that goes hand in hand with the attitude you seem to be promoting for men to hold for women. God forbid a man ever stand up for a woman being disrespected and demand a higher standard of behaviour for his fellow sex. This isn't feminism, it's masculinity. It's respect for self and for another person. There are far too many "idiots" in our society today - focused on themselves, having forgotten about what it means to be part of a social construct where our lives depend on one another.

You know how most men reject this sort of locker room behaviour? By not participating. They keep their mouth shut and refuse interaction with the frat house. How do you react to these men? Sometimes, I do speak up. Most times, I shut up and decide that man no longer represents a viable option to be in my circles. He holds no influence, no regard, no respect. I don't know about you, but as a man I view these things as vitally important to my ability to thrive. Far more important than retaining my "right" to make rude comments to make up for feelings of rejection or whatever the hell is going on when the frat mentality takes over a group of juvenile-minded men.

You know why some people take this topic seriously? Because there is a lot of violence against women in this world. Because there are a lot of dopes out there who believe they are entitled to treat them like a piece of chattel. It really is enough. This thread completely devolved, but girly set it up to fail right off the bat by putting the gender slant on it. Her OP might as well have been a giant ed hardy shirt sitting atop of a loosely camoflauged hole dug in the ground - so many ######bags fell into the trap.

I can't wait until my daughter is old enough to reject assclowns who have this "women are property" mentality. My wish is that she isn't unlucky enough to draw the card where the men she rejects can't handle it and chooses to act out in violence - as wittynickname brilliantly described the male population as a poisoned bowl of m&ms. This is shocking language, in that it very vividly described to me what it must be like to be a woman. As a man, it is embarrassing, as a person it is depressing.

I also hope my son can grow up without this mentality so he can understand rejection isn't painful -its the result of another person's free will, and not that he "failed" at the "objective" of "winning the girl".

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by Erick Estrada

Yes because life should be serious all day everyday.:roll eyes:

I'm just waiting for the day in a locker room where the boys are being boys that a guy like you pipes up and berates them all for being d-bags. Oh wait that never happens in real life only by internet keyboard warriors. Honestly guys I get that the internet is the great equalizer for some of you but it just doesn't represent real world face to face interaction.

I enjoy that you use this term

[Flames_Gimp]

this used to be a fun thread

[strombad]

Originally Posted by Flames_Gimp

this used to be a fun thread

Don't worry, carry on. I'm really into talking about milk right now.