Location: A simple man leading a complicated life....
Exp:
A few years ago I bought a dozen red roses on valentines day and went to the Southcentre Mall and randomly handed them out to women in the food court. Simply said have a wonderful day and handed them a rose. Most turned a few shades of red and said thank you with a few giving me a hug. One jealous boyfriend made a few remarks before his girlfriend told him to to STFU and relax, it was a nice gesture on the part of that man.
I didn't ask or want any numbers. It was something I had always wanted to do.
For instance, here's a few lines from a very popular song by an extremely popular band:
I like your pants around your feet And I like the dirt that's on your knees And I love the way you can't say no I like the white stains on your dress And I love your lack of self-respect I love my hands around your neck
So hardly, songs about women killing their abusers aren't so bad, are they?
No I don't think there's anything wrong with women singing about killing their abusers. Those guys deserve it.
The song that got me thinking about it yesterday was Miranda Lambert's "Gunpowder And Lead"... which reading the lyrics now, is about killing her abuser as well.
Ok... nothing to see here.
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A few years ago I bought a dozen red roses on valentines day and went to the Southcentre Mall and randomly handed them out to women in the food court. Simply said have a wonderful day and handed them a rose. Most turned a few shades of red and said thank you with a few giving me a hug. One jealous boyfriend made a few remarks before his girlfriend told him to to STFU and relax, it was a nice gesture on the part of that man.
I didn't ask or want any numbers. It was something I had always wanted to do.
I'll go ahead and throw my hat in the ring for "Most Oblivious Guy on CP".
I remember having a conversation with my wife after we had been dating for a few years. She told me that she had actually had a crush on me for a long time (I was really good friends with her brother since back in high-school). She said she had tried giving me signs in the past, but I never caught on.
I told her that had actually happened to me quite a few times in the past. I would run into a girl I hadn't seen in a long time and after talking for a bit it would come up that she had a bit of a crush on me back in the day and I had been totally oblivious.
My wife says, "You realize that when a girl tells you she had a thing for you back then, she's basically hinting she wants you to ask her out now, right?"
Nope, completely clueless. Stupid, stupid younger me
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No, not every man is likely to do this, but it still happens often enough that we are justified in being fearful of some Real Man insisting that we need to give him our number. In the last week we've learned that something as simple as not going out of our way to throw ourselves at a man can make him so angry he goes on a shooting rampage. It can--and has--happened all over the place, and especially the US. So as an American woman who is most certainly a feminist, it's kind of exasperating to have my very justified fears and concerns written off as "trolling."
I find this language as offensive, if not more so, than some of the crap being spewed in here by the Brahs. We need to ban the phraseology "not every guy is like this", it makes it sound like non-violent, non-rapist guys are some diamond in the rough you come across after walking between the raindrops and somehow, unbelievably, avoiding the many others who will assault you if they find out they don't happen to be your cup of tea.
And while I generally don't like this rhetorical device, just try re-imagining your viewpoint in terms of "not all gays are like this", or "not all jews are like this", and regardless of the trait you've selected imagine how it makes people who are members of those groups feel. Hint: the answer is not "special".
To put it another way: if you see a guy approach you at the bar, and think, "That other guy killed women for rejecting them, I'm going to draw a parallel here", #### you. This is no different than seeing a black guy walking down the sidewalk toward you and immediately crossing the street.
If a news story about a guy going on a shooting rampage for the insane reason that he was rejected by women makes you hesitant to engage in social interaction, you'd better get a nice strong lock and stay in your home, because that's not the only risk out there in the world, and it's one of the more remote ones.
Quote:
Originally Posted by strombad
This is how I imagined EE galloping into this thread when he heard from afar that a bunch of boys were infringing on real men's rights to be misogynistic.
I was more thinking
Breezys be dying to give you their number once they see you riding around on a bearsharktopus.
Last edited by 19Yzerman19; 05-31-2014 at 11:06 AM.
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I have cold approached a woman and it was a horrible experience. I am naturally shy and introverted, I get nervous and stumble over my words.
So this one time I had a couple shots in me and decided to approach this girl that was cute, I wasn't acting macho or dickish and I wasn't loaded (just enough to get some liquid courage), all I did was introduce myself and the reaction was the worse I could have imagined at that time. She looked at me and scoffed, turned to her friends and proceeded to insult me by calling me a fat loser who had no chance with her. So I walked away and returned to my friends pretending like nothing happened.
That's rough, man. One way to look at it is that you have literally had the worst possible experience so it really can only get better from there.
I am also a shy guy. I'm not into women so I don't really have a ton of advice for how to approach a woman. However, I do know what I like in a guy. Ultimately, if you are going to approach anybody...don't play a game or a role or try to impress them with your wit or anything. So many people over-complicate things. Just be yourself and be as natural as you can be. If it works, it works. If it doesn't, it wasn't really meant to be and you can move on knowing that you gave it a shot. You may not end up getting lucky but could end up with a friend if you are genuine and real.
It's a classic cliche but it's really true: nothing ventured, nothing gained. You have to step out of your comfort zone sometimes to give yourself a chance of success.
You may find it offensive, but the problem is that for most women it's reality.
Enough of a portion of women have had to deal with men abusing them in some way (physically, psychologically, socially, etc) that it's something that impacts all women. I don't know a single women that doesn't have an experience where a man felt and acted entitled to her body.
Why is giving out fake phone #'s a thing? Because just saying no results in abusive situations often enough that fake phone #'s is a better option. Why do we have escort services to get women to their cars at night? Because assaults happen often enough that women are justified in feeling fear going to their cars at night. Why do mothers have to teach their daughters about saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing or wearing the wrong thing? Because enough daughters have been in abusive situations that they need to be taught when they start getting boobs how to protect themselves from situations that shouldn't exist to begin with.
I like the poison M&Ms example, even if there's 1 poison one in a bowl of 1000 M&Ms, do you just grab a handful and start eating?
If violence against women was a rare thing then I might agree that the statement is offensive, or at least I'd entertain the idea. But violence against women (EDIT: And the attitude that women are objects still) is endemic in our society. The # of women who have been raped or attempted rape isn't in the 1 in 1000 or 1 in 10,000 level. It's in the 1 in 3 level (or 1 in 4 or whatever, I don't know the actual stats, but it's a single digit fraction).
If you lived in a society where 1 in 3 people had experienced murder or attempted murder, how safe would you feel just walking down the street? The most dangerous countries in the world, ones where no one here would ever travel to for vacation and wander around at night, are only in the 1 in 100 level over a lifetime.
There's no easy answers and as a man I too feel hurt or offended when I'm placed in the same group as the men that feel they are in a position above women. But the reality is, I am a member of that group, and I feel enough empathy with women that I can't act on my hurt feeling, some feelings aren't reasonable. If I feel offended, I should make sure I raise my son to respect people equally. I should make sure I don't perpetuate misogyny by inaction.
__________________ Uncertainty is an uncomfortable position.
But certainty is an absurd one.
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A few years ago I bought a dozen red roses on valentines day and went to the Southcentre Mall and randomly handed them out to women in the food court. Simply said have a wonderful day and handed them a rose. Most turned a few shades of red and said thank you with a few giving me a hug. One jealous boyfriend made a few remarks before his girlfriend told him to to STFU and relax, it was a nice gesture on the part of that man.
I didn't ask or want any numbers. It was something I had always wanted to do.
and Dion reveals unknowingly reveals his identity...
__________________
The great CP is in dire need of prunes!
"That's because the productive part of society is adverse to giving up all their wealth so you libs can conduct your social experiments. Experience tells us your a bunch of snake oil salesman...Sucks to be you." ~Calgaryborn 12/06/09 keeping it really stupid!
Enough of a portion of women have had to deal with men abusing them in some way (physically, psychologically, socially, etc) that it's something that impacts all women. I don't know a single women that doesn't have an experience where a man felt and acted entitled to her body.
Why is giving out fake phone #'s a thing? Because just saying no results in abusive situations often enough
If violence against women was a rare thing then I might agree that the statement is offensive, or at least I'd entertain the idea. But violence against women is endemic in our society. The # of women who have been raped or attempted rape isn't in the 1 in 1000 or 1 in 10,000 level. It's in the 1 in 3 level (or 1 in 4 or whatever, I don't know the actual stats, but it's a single digit fraction).
.
It's 1 in 4 (http://sacha.ca/fact-sheets/statistics) and there are some other alarming stats on the link as well. And I think those are Canadian stats. I imagine some other countries are better/safer, but many many countries are likely worse.
I appear to be out of thanks, but that was a good post.
It's 1 in 4 (http://sacha.ca/fact-sheets/statistics) and there are some other alarming stats on the link as well. And I think those are Canadian stats. I imagine some other countries are better/safer, but many many countries are likely worse.
I appear to be out of thanks, but that was a good post.
Thanks, it's a really difficult topic to navigate, at least for me.
But more information helps and is sometimes suprising. More American women have been killed by the husbands and boyfriends than have been killed in terrorist attacks and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan combined since 9/11.
I like the poison M&Ms example, even if there's 1 poison one in a bowl of 1000 M&Ms, do you just grab a handful and start eating?
If violence against women was a rare thing then I might agree that the statement is offensive, or at least I'd entertain the idea. But violence against women (EDIT: And the attitude that women are objects still) is endemic in our society. The # of women who have been raped or attempted rape isn't in the 1 in 1000 or 1 in 10,000 level. It's in the 1 in 3 level (or 1 in 4 or whatever, I don't know the actual stats, but it's a single digit fraction).
Right, because statistics and data have never been used to justify the perpetuation of negative attitudes about a group of people based on a shared immutable characteristic. That would never happen!
Again, it wouldn't matter if 1 in 4 people had been the victim of assault at the hands of a black person, it would be equally wrong to take the position that any time you see a black guy walking toward you you need to take a defensive posture.
Whether or not a person makes the choice that they're going to adopt an attitude like this out of necessity (which I think is a very sad way to live one's life) is a different issue. But if you do, don't be self-righteous about it because if it's a necessary evil (which again I dispute) it remains evil. Reading some of the posts on facebook and other social media about this stuff lately has made me sick to my stomach.
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[QUOTE=photon;4785178]Thanks, it's a really difficult topic to navigate, at least for me.
But more information helps and is sometimes suprising. More American women have been killed by the husbands and boyfriends than have been killed in terrorist attacks and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan combined since 9/11.
/QUOTE]
Well that is pretty obvious, there haven't been any major terrorist attacks since 9/11 and the vast majority of the deaths of Americans in combat are from combat troops, of which consist primarily of males.
Don't get me wrong, I think that domestic violence is a major issue and frankly one that all men need to think about, because we do have a paternalistic problem in our society, in which there are a significant number of men (one is too many and we all know that it is more than one) who hold misogynistic attitudes. Personally I think that the best thing that we as a society can do is educate women, both here in Canada and internationally. We are making strides but we have a long way to go. The other thing is the awareness through social media is a huge positive.
Right, because statistics and data have never been used to justify the perpetuation of negative attitudes about a group of people based on a shared immutable characteristic. That would never happen!
Again, it wouldn't matter if 1 in 4 people had been the victim of assault at the hands of a black person, it would be equally wrong to take the position that any time you see a black guy walking toward you you need to take a defensive posture.
Whether or not a person makes the choice that they're going to adopt an attitude like this out of necessity (which I think is a very sad way to live one's life) is a different issue. But if you do, don't be self-righteous about it because if it's a necessary evil (which again I dispute) it remains evil. Reading some of the posts on facebook and other social media about this stuff lately has made me sick to my stomach.
So your argument is that 1 in 4 women being sexually assaulted is a twisted statistic made up to persecute men?! Or that the stats are twisted to try and make women more defensive or frightened of men?
Sorry, but women are not defensive because of stats that we read on the internet. We are defensive because we've EXPERIENCED some form of unwanted sexual harassment, touching or assault at some point in our lives. Ass slapped on transit? Or out at a bar? Check. Drugs slipped into your drink? Check. Inappropriate touching by a teacher, coach or someone in a position of authority? Check. Men in the workplace making lewd, inappropriate or derogatory comments? Check.
Seriously. If a woman manages to avoid date rape, partner abuse or familial abuse, that's pretty fortunate. The more minor stuff like I described above happens to basically everyone. That's how we learn to be defensive.
Right, because statistics and data have never been used to justify the perpetuation of negative attitudes about a group of people based on a shared immutable characteristic. That would never happen!
Again, it wouldn't matter if 1 in 4 people had been the victim of assault at the hands of a black person, it would be equally wrong to take the position that any time you see a black guy walking toward you you need to take a defensive posture.
Whether or not a person makes the choice that they're going to adopt an attitude like this out of necessity (which I think is a very sad way to live one's life) is a different issue. But if you do, don't be self-righteous about it because if it's a necessary evil (which again I dispute) it remains evil. Reading some of the posts on facebook and other social media about this stuff lately has made me sick to my stomach.
It's really the gender attack that is most frustrating. And while we are free to think what we want, I see so much gender hate everywhere and shared and reposted and it breaks my heart. And it's seems like gender hate is okay in western culture. I'm just terrible and putting it to words and I'm far too passionate to post on some subjects. Sometimes I wish I was somewhat analytical, but I'm not. I'm an extrovert artist and I've always been. (I've been reading up on personality differences and I'm trying to grow by understanding the different ways we think and process. TMI, perhaps.)
I have a friend going through hell because his wife had an affair with a very troubled 14yr old boy. This isn't the only incident caused by a woman in Calgary either. In fact most haven't heard about this incident yet because identities are being protected.
These horrible things are done by individuals and the gender fear mongering that comes with it is terrible. I highly doubt there are 1 out of 4 dangerous men sexually abusing women out there. (touching, rape, because that's what people have been taught when the term sexual abuse is used.) I'd like to see the questionnaire that the people were asked to see just what they think is sexual abuse. I'm quite sure that I've been sexually abused by their standards. For example, when I was 12 I caught a 45 year old woman watching me change. And it was f'd up. Staring at me from behind a cracked open door, lights off in the hallway so you can't see out. Gross! I'm not trying to take away from real assaults. We know they happen and there needs to be justice and assistance for those who have suffered.
I'm always flattered when women approach me. Wish they'd do it to us guys more often.
