Don't write off marriage. It can be great. I've been married for over 30 years and can recommend it when you're with the right person.
True true, after going through a ####ty divorce 4 years ago I just recently got engaged to the right person for me. It took me a long time to figure out the ex wasn't right but now that I'm with future wife #2 it makes so much sense.
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I went through basically the same thing about 12 years ago....and it was rough, rough and ugly and mean.
But, I went to talk to a pro, I learned to live with what I had (my daughter) and what I didn't (my marriage) and what I had to do to be well.
12 years later I can tell you that the divorce is the best thing that could have happened. I'm much happier and more fulfilled, I have a great career, I enjoy the single life more than I did when I was younger...and, the best part, my daughter lives with me.
My advice is invest in a good lawyer and let him/her worry about the court ####, you can't do anything about it and so much of it is a bunch of check boxes that have to be checked off so you can get your papers.
You are entitled to more than you may think. Like, joint and shared custody of your kids, and a reasonable disbursement of assets. There are rules in place to protect you as well (read the Federal Child Support Guidelines to start, then if you are intersted you can google the Alberta Divorce Act, it's actually pretty straighforward) and ensure that you are treated fairly. Also, Family Law in Alberta is a intended to be a collaberative process now, not a litigious one. In the time I spent getting divorced I went to court once and that was because of a dispute around schooling (I won), the rest was just paperwork the lawyers dealt with, filing an affidavit or two and disclosing financial stuff. The actual terms of custody etc werer hammered out in one meeting with the lawyers.
The point is; it's awful and I'm sorry but it's not going to kill you. Be a good Dad, bite your tongue around the kids, be pleasant and polite to the ex and the boyfriend and roll with it.
That sucks, I know when my wife asked for a divorce, I was in shock about it, took me a week to realize I was very happy without her around.
Since then got divorced, moved, changed my life waaaaay for the better, got a hot awesome girlfriend that I have been with for a couple years, and honestly if I went back to the day she left me knowing what my future would bring, I would have had a party that night.
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There's more to the story than I've told...
We've been separated for just over a year. About 6 months ago, her boyfriend moved in and they live in my house with my kids and his kids too!! In all honesty, I just want to off-load the house, get shared custody of the kids and try and move on with my life. Some tough slugging ahead though!!! Thanks for the kind words guys/girls. They are appreciated.
Wow, I'd lawyer up right away (which I am assuming you already have). Split up for a year and she not only found someone within 6 months, but the guy is living with her, in your house, with his kids?!
Kudos to you man, I'd be going mental with rage right now.
I don't mean to sound like an ass, but she doesn't seem to be wanting to go the "nice" route.
I have a brother in law who, long story short, let his ex-wife walk all over him in terms of alimony and child support, and was forking over 50% of his net income to her on a monthly basis because he doesn't want to (or can't figure out how) to get it changed.
He isn't the smartest tool in the shed though.
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I have to ask, just because this seems absurd to me, but why did you let her boyfriend and his kids move into your house?
Legally, it is her house too.
Morally, I think most child psychologists would say you should wait at least one year before combining families like that. That is a lot of change for children to process.
What kind of man allows his woman (seperated or not) to bring her new boyfriend into the family home?! What a disaster.
Get the divorce and don't look back. Try to find a woman with some integrity and character next time I guess....
What? If they are separated you are aware that she can do what she wants right? What should he have done? Beating the crap out of her doesn't work for non-Rednecks Mikey.
Crazy Caper that takes allot of personal courage to air your bad news on a forum.
I commend you!
Having survived a divorce as a child. I wish the best for you and your kids, always stay in contact with your kids. Go out of your way to make that happen. Fight to not miss a thing.
My Dad fought hard for custody and I thank him for it.
I hope life treats you well and you are rewarded for being the kind one. Let your ex be spiteful. The kids will know when they grow up who was the better person.
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