Here's the deal.. my girlfriend and I have been dating for over 3 months. We are a perfect fit and we do love each other. But since she started seeing me her grades have done down (She's a grad student) and at Christmas she's going back to Cali (...cali) Here's the deal, my bro is married to an asian girl and my girlfriend is also asian. I know how career centric asian families are so I know for sure without a doubt that they will convince her to be single when she returns.. I'm hoping she's strong enough to know what we have is a very precious thing but I'm still so worried that she'll be persuaded otherwise and the sad part is, I do understand it.. her grades have suffered since we met but we both know our relationship isn't the cause of it. I also know she's under huge pressure because her family financially supports her through school.
I think we're screwed and I'd like to travel somewhere if things don't end up how I hope they work out. I'd go to Hawaii forgetting sarah marshall style but I just got back from Maui..
Anyone have any ideas? Vegas is close.. but eh... Anyone have similar relationship stories?
I can't imagine being this twisted up after seeing a girl on Friday nights for 3 months.
OP, out of curiosity, is this your first girlfriend? You shouldn't be this head over heels for a girl after that little time and that few dates... To the point where you're convinced her family is going to tear apart your perfect relationship - I think some perspective is needed here, IMO, and a trip (regardless of a breakup) is a good idea.
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Wait, let me get this straight.
You've been dating this girl for three monts.
You're pretty certain she's the one.
You're making plans because you think she's going to break up with you.
I'm not a doctor, but it seems to me that those things don't all go together.
Maybe this relationship isn't as rock solid, or important (to at least one, if not both of you) as you think it is.
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You've been dating this girl for three monts.
You're pretty certain she's the one.
You're making plans because you think she's going to break up with you.
I'm not a doctor, but it seems to me that those things don't all go together.
Maybe this relationship isn't as rock solid, or important (to at least one, if not both of you) as you think it is.
This is what I've been saying - I think some distance, breakup or not, is a good idea... I don't want to see Bouw and Arrow on the news
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Originally Posted by Bouw N Arrow
She brought it up Saturday, saying that her family is very persuasive and that when she goes to California for the holidays that she doesn't know if she can be strong enough to go against them. I'll just be hopeful that she realizes that she'll be giving up something pretty special for no reason.. We're both 27, she's a big girl and that maybe it's time to think of herself and not just what mom and dad tell her.
We'll see..
Okay, after having read a bit more of this thread, this paragraph is pretty telling.
I can't be 100% certain of this, but that sounds like a big cop out on her end to me. She want's out and doesn't want to be the bad guy. She just wants to be able to blame her family.
Good rule of thumb if someone says "My family probably want's me to break up with you, and I might not be able to say no", that probably means "I don't really want to keep going out with you anymore, but don't want to tell you the real reason why."
Honestly dude, how commited do you think this girl can be when she pretty much just told you "I might break up with you next week"?
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3 months is hard to believe. I hear you all. But there are broads and there are ones who really touch you. I mean, I don't expect it to take me longer than a couple of weeks to get over her if it doesn't work out but its just something I want to do. My sister died this past September and she was really there for me.. it's easy to say 3 months but when someone is a rock for you after knowing each other for a week and then 3 great months? It's not that easy brolies.
I was just wondering, after reading your posts, you mentioned that your sister just passed away and that "she was really there for you"... do you think this girl maybe a rebound for that loss? I hope this doesn't comes across as an insult, but I really mean it, do you think it could be that you are afraid to lose this girl who you just met 3 months ago (around the time your sister passed away, if I m getting it right) because you may lose the "support" you once had from your sister? I am not saying you see your sister in her or something, but you seem to really care for her and clearly you are concerned about losing her and you are looking for an outlet to get over the potential pain of loss again.
I also wanted to ask are you sure that you and this girl are on the same page? You are asking everyone here for a place to travel because you may get dumped, if there is that uncertainty then I think there is a lack of communication and assurance between you two.
And you said that her grades have been affected after you started seeing each other.. I will agree with one of the posters here that you should give her space and all, but I think it's ultimately her who needs to work on her time management (unless you are smothering her .... )
As for her being asian, I don't know how strict her parents are, but since she is a grad student and 27 years old, then I agree that she needs to figure things out for herself. Knowing asian parents and their cultural values, you have to put your parents wishes ahead of everything, especially if you are a girl you feel more pressured to do so. All I am going to say, again, if she is on the same page as you, she will have to stick up for herself.
I am not sure if this post will help you, because it seems there are a lot of questions you need to ask yourself first.
If the thigns said above sounds like bunch of junk, ... I suggest going to a non-relaxing place, I don't know why people go to beaches in some exotic country, I think that will just keep me thinking "oh i wish so and so were here..." and booze is never the answer ... I will just take on some adrenalin filled activity... join the army (j/k) ... how about skydiving?
She's not my first girlfriend but I'm her first true boyfriend.. she's actually smoking hot but has been so dedicated to school in the past that guys have left her. because they weren't happy being a weekend boyfriend. I'm flexible enough where I can deal with that and it took some time for her to realize that.
For us though, we've broken through the time management barrier between ourselves, now her parents are a new wall we need to go through. I'm still hopefully we'll make it through that but I'm also fully aware that the chances are 50/50.
I'm not really BROKEN up about it.. She actually ended things when her school wasn't going well a month ago then a week and a half later she came to me, pleading for a second chance.. which I clearly gave her. Why she asked for a second chance when she knew she was going back to California to face her family is beyond me.. Maybe I should've just moved on then..
I'd feel like a dick.. I wouldn't want her to lie to her parents, or would I?? Hmmm.
You dont have to lie to the parents. You should both just agree that you have strong feelings but that things will have to cool down and be less serious while she is away. You can still have a special relationship but it doesn't have to be serious.
That way she can tell her parents "i like this guy" but not "I have a boyfriend".
That doesn't makes sense... she got out of the relationship (if that is what she wanted) and then comes back... now she is going to California and perhaps break up again... She doesn't know what she wants. Does she have "someone" back in California perhaps?
Out of curiosity... what do you do? Grad sutdent as well?
That doesn't makes sense... she got out of the relationship (if that is what she wanted) and then comes back... now she is going to California and perhaps break up again... She doesn't know what she wants. Does she have "someone" back in California perhaps?
Out of curiosity... what do you do? Grad sutdent as well?
Who knows these days... I don't think so though. Just how she is, she is truly not a two timing type of person. But who knows.
You're right about her not knowing what she wants.. at 27 you should kind of know that, at least I do.
I'm not a student, I'm a full time employee at a healthcare company here in IT and have my feet on very stable ground.
I think her parents/family are paying her way which is why she is feeling the heat but her grades would've suffered regardless.
I've been as flexible as any guy could've been. She said that the reason she ended things before is because she hasn't felt this way about a guy before and she was scared about that which distracted her.
Who knows.. At this point I just hope things work out, if not? Maybe a trip to San Diego or something and move on. I kind of feel sorry for this girl that she's basically a slave to other people in her life when I just want to compliment her life.
Honestly dude, stop feeling sorry for yourself. I've been where you are, did the whole 'I'm so bummed' thing, and when I wised up and stopped feeling sorry for myself things got way better than they ever were before.
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