Over Protective Parents [Split from WGMG]

[Rathji]

Originally Posted by Locke

Wow. Having kids seems like such a magical affair.

If by magical you mean the most energy draining activity you will ever participate in, then yes, it is a magical affair.

Worth it though.

[V]

There's a lot of hyperbole in here.

Sheesh, I've never felt trapped, and neither has my wife.

If I didn't have kids before reading this thread I don't know if I ever would've had kids.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by V

There's a lot of hyperbole in here.

Sheesh, I've never felt trapped, and neither has my wife.

If I didn't have kids before reading this thread I don't know if I ever would've had kids.

Your take on parenting is the anomaly from my experience and that of my friends. Ask your friends with multiple kids 0-5 for their honest impression of parenting and I'm sure the overriding sentiment will be it's hard and exhausting.

Also, maybe you and your wife just enjoy looking after small, needy, expensive, loud, destructive beings 24/7 for a couple thousand consecutive days. Surely you can see how that's not attractive to everybody.

My wife and I aren't "baby" people. I love mine, but I much prefer hanging out with older kids/teenagers.

[V]

I find that odd, because that's not my experience within our circles at all. I'd get strange looks from our friends if I complained like this.

24/7 is just more hyperbole. My kids are all in bed at 7:30. There might be the odd cry at night from the one year old.

Couple thousand consecutive days is also more hyperbole, or if it's not than you're doing it wrong. If you're not dumping the kids off with gramma and grampa or uncles or aunts, or swapping with friends at times, than either you're in a crappy situation, or you're doing it wrong.

[V]

Also, I'm pretty sure it only gets harder from here on in.

My daughter's six and for the last year we've been ferrying her around to violin lessons. Next will come soccer. Then the other kids will be getting to that age when they need some additional stimulation. Ferrying around 3 kids throughout the city to numerous places does not sound like it's going to leave us with much time for anything.

Then there's the fact that your decisions are going to become that much more complex and the kids probably won't love you quite as unconditionally as they do when they're cute and young.

I don't know, I think this is the nice and easy training period before this gets really hard.

[photon]

Originally Posted by V

Couple thousand consecutive days is also more hyperbole, or if it's not than you're doing it wrong. If you're not dumping the kids off with gramma and grampa or uncles or aunts, or swapping with friends at times, than either you're in a crappy situation, or you're doing it wrong.

Ah there we go, that's the phrase I was waiting for. If your experience isn't exactly like mine then you are doing it wrong.

Cause all kids and families and situations are exactly the same.

[ken0042]

But I get what he is saying Photon. For example, the one time I met you; you didn't have your kids with you. I'm pretty sure you didn't leave them out in the car.

[V]

It's completely logical, and not judgmental in the least.

If you resent the fact that you get no breaks throughout years of raising kids, and you aren't doing anything about it, you are doing something wrong, or, as my post clearly states, you are in a crappy situation that you can't fix, such as you are nowhere near family, and do not have any friends that may be interested in swapping kids from time to time.

But honestly, don't complain about something if you don't want to do anything about it.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by V

24/7 is just more hyperbole. My kids are all in bed at 7:30. There might be the odd cry at night from the one year old.

That's hyperbole? You can't be serious. So what, at 7:30 you and the wife can go out for dinner and a late movie? As if. Kids require your presence (at the least) 24 hours per day, seven days per week.

Originally Posted by V

Couple thousand consecutive days is also more hyperbole, or if it's not than you're doing it wrong. If you're not dumping the kids off with gramma and grampa or uncles or aunts, or swapping with friends at times, than either you're in a crappy situation, or you're doing it wrong.

I don't think you understand that word. My daughter is 4.5 and my son turns three on Sunday. Last Sunday was the first time my kids have stayed over night at a relative or friend's house without either parent in their whole lives. That's the first night my wife and I had off together where we could go home to our empty house in the 1642 days since my daughter was born.

We have a babysitter about once/week for a few hours, though.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by Sliver

That's hyperbole? You can't be serious. So what, at 7:30 you and the wife can go out for dinner and a late movie? As if. Kids require your presence (at the least) 24 hours per day, seven days per week.

I don't think you understand that word. My daughter is 4.5 and my son turns three on Sunday. Last Sunday was the first time my kids have stayed over at a relative or friend's house without either parent in their whole lives. That's the first night my wife and I had off together where we could go home to our empty house in the 1642 days since my daughter was born.

That sounds like hell.

How could you ever leave your kids with anyone? If bus drivers and teachers and public education workers arent to be trusted, where does the trust line start?

[V]

Originally Posted by Sliver

That's hyperbole? You can't be serious. So what, at 7:30 you and the wife can go out for dinner and a late movie? As if. Kids require your presence (at the least) 24 hours per day, seven days per week.

Yes, it's hyperbole. Yes, you need to be present. No, you do not have to actively have to be looking after them. There's plenty of time at night to take it easy, enjoy a hobby, have a night out with the girlfriends while the husband stays home. There are opportunities to get a babysitter and spend the night out with the husband. In fact, it's my opinion that if you aren't spending alone time with your husband away from the kids than I can completely understand why this has been such a terrible situation for you.

I don't think you understand that word. My daughter is 4.5 and my son turns three on Sunday. Last Sunday was the first time my kids have stayed over at a relative or friend's house without either parent in their whole lives. That's the first night my wife and I had off together where we could go home to our empty house in the 1642 days since my daughter was born.

That's not what you originally said, though. You were talking about looking after your kid non-stop for thousands of days in a row 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You're telling me that in all the time of your kid's lives you and your husband have never gotten out of the house? Of course not. Now you lay down the condition that you haven't had an overnighter without the kids. Even so, why not? If it was important to you to get away from the kids for a night, why wait 4 and a half years? There's always an option. Shucks, I flew 3 hours at one point to drop the kids off at the parents so that the wife and I could take a 3 day vacation in a cabin with just the two of us.

[Sliver]

First of all. WTF. I'm a guy.

Originally Posted by V

Yes, it's hyperbole. Yes, you need to be present. No, you do not have to actively have to be looking after them. There's plenty of time at night to take it easy, enjoy a hobby, have a night out with the girlfriends while the husband stays home. There are opportunities to get a babysitter and spend the night out with the husband. In fact, it's my opinion that if you aren't spending alone time with your husband away from the kids than I can completely understand why this has been such a terrible situation for you.

Look we get out. I'm going to the pub straight after work tonight and I'm staying home tomorrow night and my wife is going out. Wednesday night my MIL came over and my wife and I went out for dinner. This is probably a fairly typical week for us and like you I think it's important to spend alone time with your wife and we have always made a point of doing so.

August I went white water rafting over a two-day stag with the boys in Fernie. It was awesome and we partied like 18 year olds (I'm 33).

But you know what...that time off is like 1% of the year if that. Most of the time when I'm not working, I'm looking after the kids. When the kids go to bed at 7:30 we tidy the house, do some laundry, make lunches, etc. before we have to go to bed. It's not like the fun time starts at 7:30 because the kids aren't in bed, and I consider the cleaning, laundry, etc. part of taking care of the kids.

Originally Posted by V

That's not what you originally said, though. You were talking about looking after your kid non-stop for thousands of days in a row 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You're telling me that in all the time of your kid's lives you and your husband have never gotten out of the house? Of course not. Now you lay down the condition that you haven't had an overnighter without the kids. Even so, why not? If it was important to you to get away from the kids for a night, why wait 4 and a half years? There's always an option. Shucks, I flew 3 hours at one point to drop the kids off at the parents so that the wife and I could take a 3 day vacation in a cabin with just the two of us.

When you have your lunch at work, do you tell people "It's great, I only work from 8 - 12:30 then it's sweet bliss! Then I just work 1-4:30 and I'm outta there!" I doubt it. I'm sure you think of your job as an 8 or 9 hour a day commitment even though you have 30 minutes or an hour or whatever off for lunch.

I think the same thing applies to parenting. Sure I get a few hours off here and there, but it is perfectly valid to call it a 24/7 job for either my wife, me or us together. Your household is ultimately a 24/7 deal as well whether you want to admit it or not.

[troutman]

I suggest all CP housewives and househusbands keep times sheets for one month. I think the breadwinner will be quite surprised at the hours involved.

[V]

Originally Posted by Sliver

First of all. WTF. I'm a guy.

Haha, really? Sorry bout that.

[photon]

Originally Posted by V

If you resent the fact that you get no breaks throughout years of raising kids, and you aren't doing anything about it, you are doing something wrong, or, as my post clearly states, you are in a crappy situation that you can't fix, such as you are nowhere near family, and do not have any friends that may be interested in swapping kids from time to time.

Exactly, not everyone is in a position to be able to drop them off with family, or have friends that want to swap kids.

Or the possible resources aren't always up to the task. Some people have kids with higher needs and can't just drop them off with family or friends because those people aren't able to deal with it, or it can be tried but the parents have to be prepared to abandon their plans if it doesn't work out, which really doesn't benefit anything.

Originally Posted by V

But honestly, don't complain about something if you don't want to do anything about it.

As you say though sometimes you can't do anything about it, hence the description of it being hard (not impossible, not miserable). Sometimes there are things you can do but you can't see them because you're too busy just coping, I've been in that situation. Sometimes there are things you can do but getting them set up and the stresses and difficulties that go along with that are actually worse than not doing it at all. And yes sometimes it's easier to complain than it is to something, but even that's ok; complaining just releases some tension, it doesn't mean "I give up lets put the kids up for adoption".

[V]

Originally Posted by troutman

I suggest all CP housewives and househusbands keep times sheets for one month. I think the breadwinner will be quite surprised at the hours involved.

I would never be able to switch jobs with my wife. I think I stated that earlier. I've got it pretty easy compared to her.

I remember when my first kid was born, I had just switched jobs and had a week off between jobs. My first wasn't one of those nice kids that spend the first month sleeping 22 hours a day. She slept maybe 10 hours a day total and pretty much cried for the rest of the time. I was so happy to go back to work.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by V

Haha, really? Sorry bout that.

haha it's totally cool. This is a recurring problem for me on this forum so it must be the way I bitch like a chick or something. (just kidding girls )

[jonesy]

Originally Posted by habernac

I'm shocked that women let their husbands get way with doing little to help around the house. I hear about this from my wife's friends and shake my head.

I always wonder if the traditional male stuff gets factored into this 50/50 business or if the 'help around the house' is just tacked on.

Almost every single guy I know does a ton with their kids and around house, but also still do all the lawn/yard work, house/car maintenance, fix anything that happens to break, shoveling, light bulbs (ha, women seem to pretend to not know how to do this!)

I find that I can't do half the 'regular' stuff around the house if I am doing my 50/50 split of the house work.

[photon]

Originally Posted by fotze

We have had 1 overnighter in almost 5 years. I have to agree more with silver at least for the first year of the kids life. I really find most of that year as very trying and unsatisfying. I would say most other people I know feel similar.

Yeah I think we've had 2 in the past 6. We had one girl for a while who would actually take our kid for the day every so often, and that was nice, but real jobs and social life picked up for her and now we're trying to find someone else.

It has its moments though, my kid was upset the first day of school because 'they didn't teach me to read'

[jonesy]

Originally Posted by photon

It has its moments though, my kid was upset the first day of school because 'they didn't teach me to read'

sheeesh, your wife should have taught them to read before they went to school.