Over Protective Parents [Split from WGMG]

[MarchHare]

Originally Posted by Shazam

There's plenty of MILFs on FB for you to hit on.

Grow up. I'm happily married, thank you very much.

Either address my comment or ignore it, but don't invent ficticious reasons why I (and many others) are annoyed by Facebook users who completely lose their own personal identities once they have a child and only post photos and status updates of their kid, never anything about themselves.

[Traditional_Ale]

Originally Posted by Sliver

Depends on a lot of factors beyond your control like:

• how difficult/independent your kid's nature is
• how much support you have from extended family to spell you off (I know peers that get one night off/week with their kids staying at a grandparent's house for 24 hours to people that get no time off ever)
• energy level - older parents (late 30s) have way less energy than younger parents (mid-20s) from what I've seen
• stress level - sometimes there are external stresses beyond your control that sap energy, leaving you with less energy to persue "me" time than would be ideal
• Many, many, many days - at least 50% but probably more - there is truly not time for "me" stuff ---> asses still have to wiped, food has to get cooked, laundry has to get done, bills have to get paid, baths, grocery shopping, house cleaning, etc. etc. etc.

So while the advice of people that don't have 0-5 year olds may be good advice, 9 times out of ten it's not practical, not realistic and just really annoying in its naivety.

So is it good advice or annoyingly naieve? It can't be both. And I did say that advice on raising kids from those who aren't/haven't is silly, a mental health check from someone without kids can and does help contextualize the stress of the person suffering and can help them re-focus. Chances are they already know what they're asking and just need someone else to vocalize it for them.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by Traditional_Ale

So is it good advice or annoyingly naieve? It can't be both. And I did say that advice on raising kids from those who aren't/haven't is silly, a mental health check from someone without kids can and does help contextualize the stress of the person suffering and can help them re-focus. Chances are they already know what they're asking and just need someone else to vocalize it for them.

Getting "me" time is exactly what most parents of young kids need. So yeah, it's good advice. You're telling them what would help them and you're correct.

It's also annoyingly naive because it's not practical.

You should go to Haiti with your brand of no-nonsense advice. Tell all the people there to get food and shelter and tell me how that works out for them.

[Ironhorse]

Originally Posted by Sliver

Why you see mothers on facebook is because they usually only go to play FarmVille.

There, FYP.

[Traditional_Ale]

Originally Posted by Sliver

Getting "me" time is exactly what most parents of young kids need. So yeah, it's good advice. You're telling them what would help them and you're correct.

It's also annoyingly naive because it's not practical.

You should go to Haiti with your brand of no-nonsense advice. Tell all the people there to get food and shelter and tell me how that works out for them.

Well at least we made it two exchanges before the hyperbole began.

Its not no-nonsense advice. Am I to be expected to script the conversation like a movie script so you can analyze the delivery as well?

The point I was trying to make is that making time for themselves is only beneficial if they feel a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment. For some people its escaping for some athletics after Dad gets home (or Mom if Dad is at home), and others it could be as simple as working on a novel or painting. I used those examples as they are quiet and can easily be done for short periods at a time. They are also things that one would hopefully get a sense of accomplishment from that is entirely onto themselves.

[Shazam]

Mod edit- That's enough.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by Traditional_Ale

Well at least we made it two exchanges before the hyperbole began.

Its not no-nonsense advice. Am I to be expected to script the conversation like a movie script so you can analyze the delivery as well?

The point I was trying to make is that making time for themselves is only beneficial if they feel a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment. For some people its escaping for some athletics after Dad gets home (or Mom if Dad is at home), and others it could be as simple as working on a novel or painting. I used those examples as they are quiet and can easily be done for short periods at a time. They are also things that one would hopefully get a sense of accomplishment from that is entirely onto themselves.

I get what you're saying and I would have been the same way five years ago before I had kids. The problem seems simple from where you're standing, but I don't think you're trying very hard to truly empathize with the situation parents of young kids are in.

Identifying a problem and solving the problem are two different things. I can list a bunch of fun hobbies I think people should take up to cure their problem of feeling trapped. What I'm having a hard time convincing you of, is there isn't as much down time as you think and parents of small kids don't have as much energy as you presume them to have.

People with small kids feel trapped because at the end of the day they are. A one or two or three hour break is nice, but at the end of the day it's a week or two break people need from being a parent to really solve the problem and get re-energized and that just isn't possible.

Everybody with kids has been in your shoes (kidless) so we know where you're coming from. You haven't been in our shoes, so we have a better perspective to tell you that you really don't know what you're talking about here.

[V]

The solution to the problem actually is pretty simple. The husband should be more than willing to take over the interaction with the kids at some point of the day so that the wife can catch up for a minute and have a breather. I generally get home around supper time, so after we have supper I take over the kids until they go to bed. She has a chance to catch up on some stuff and then has the chance to spend some me time in the evening.

Our kids are 6, 3.5 and 1.

The other simple solution to this problem is that a couple times a week the mom should be experiencing some interaction with other adults.

Yet there are plenty of avenues for her to stay sane. It's not the miserable existence you're portraying here.

[photon]

I don't think she said it was miserable, she said it was hard.

I agree.

[V]

Originally Posted by Sliver

People with small kids feel trapped because at the end of the day they are. A one or two or three hour break is nice, but at the end of the day it's a week or two break people need from being a parent to really solve the problem and get re-energized and that just isn't possible.

That's a pretty bleak and miserable existence in my opinion.

[Antithesis]

Don't mean to pile on in with the 'those without children just don't understand' group, but I think this anecdote says a great deal about having kids and leisure time:

My wife and I went to Las Vegas for 4 days this summer without kids. It felt like we were there for about 2 weeks. It was awesome.

[Rathji]

Originally Posted by fotze

If I find out someone is sick and comes over then my kid gets sick, I will fantasize about smashing your face in with a brick. Sick kid is hell, it makes your life fataing hell for 1-14 days. No sleep and miserable hell the rest of the time. So ya, fata off when you are sick.

Also, why do people act as if having them as a friend on facebook is this huge honor.

I deleted them cause of their updates. Oh noes, not that!

I hear you. Earlier this year I moved from ear infection to cold on one kid, and as soon as one gets over the cold the other one gets it. Then the ear infection flares up again.

Was literally 2 months of some level of sickness.

[photon]

Originally Posted by V

That's a pretty bleak and miserable existence in my opinion.

Doesn't sound bleak or miserable to me, it sounds like rolling a rock up a long hill.. It'd be bleak if there was no end in sight, but kids grow up. The mantra "this too shall pass" got me through many times.

I'd pretty much agree with her assessment, I've been the work from home parent for a while (means almost nothing now that they've started grade 1). We get away together for a few hours here and there, but we've never been able to swing a whole weekend or a week, that would be pure bliss.

[sclitheroe]

Originally Posted by V

The solution to the problem actually is pretty simple. The husband should be more than willing to take over the interaction with the kids at some point of the day so that the wife can catch up for a minute and have a breather. I generally get home around supper time, so after we have supper I take over the kids until they go to bed. She has a chance to catch up on some stuff and then has the chance to spend some me time in the evening.

Our kids are 6, 3.5 and 1.

The other simple solution to this problem is that a couple times a week the mom should be experiencing some interaction with other adults.

Yet there are plenty of avenues for her to stay sane. It's not the miserable existence you're portraying here.

Even more so, a great many husbands need to realize that the work of running a house needs to be a lot closer to a 50/50 split than it is. I’m amazed when I hear about other households where the husband doesn’t cook, doesn’t wash floors or vacuum, etc. I can sympathize with any miserable housewife when she inevitably realizes that she’s putting in more hours of labour a day running the house, plus lacks the social interaction of the workplace for 8 hours a day, of her 9-5 working husband.

Running a household with kids (mine are the same age spread as yours) is a full time job in and of itself. There’s no way I could reasonably expect to come home to a perfectly clean house, clean kids, folded laundry, and a cooked meal, that’s like a 12 hour work day right there.

[The Goon]

To go back to an earlier point, "third hand" smoke is the lingering smoke left on a smoker's clothes. I believe there's a correlation between a presence of second and third hand smoke and SIDS.

[Rathji]

Originally Posted by sclitheroe

Even more so, a great many husbands need to realize that the work of running a house needs to be a lot closer to a 50/50 split than it is. I’m amazed when I hear about other households where the husband doesn’t cook, doesn’t wash floors or vacuum, etc. I can sympathize with any miserable housewife when she inevitably realizes that she’s putting in more hours of labour a day running the house, plus lacks the social interaction of the workplace for 8 hours a day, of her 9-5 working husband.

Running a household with kids (mine are the same age spread as yours) is a full time job in and of itself. There’s no way I could reasonably expect to come home to a perfectly clean house, clean kids, folded laundry, and a cooked meal, that’s like a 12 hour work day right there.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

We have 2 kids, ages 1 and 3. I work full time and take 2 or 3 classes at the University every semester and I still think my wife had a higher work load than I did when she was on mat leave.

Now that she is back at work and I am about to go into the Fall semester, I expect it to get really tough. Just 1 more year!

[GirlySports]

Originally Posted by sclitheroe

Even more so, a great many husbands need to realize that the work of running a house needs to be a lot closer to a 50/50 split than it is. I’m amazed when I hear about other households where the husband doesn’t cook, doesn’t wash floors or vacuum, etc. I can sympathize with any miserable housewife when she inevitably realizes that she’s putting in more hours of labour a day running the house, plus lacks the social interaction of the workplace for 8 hours a day, of her 9-5 working husband.

Running a household with kids (mine are the same age spread as yours) is a full time job in and of itself. There’s no way I could reasonably expect to come home to a perfectly clean house, clean kids, folded laundry, and a cooked meal, that’s like a 12 hour work day right there.

This is still a very very new idea. I'm glad to hear that you think this way! Men are still slowly getting towards this. Think of how much you help around the house compared to your dad?

[ma-skis.com]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

Our society is going through a period of softening, and it won't be long until our leaders are whimps, mamma's boys and sissy's that need their blankey.

I grew up in a society of war and depression, where we didn't get to walk and buy food in a grocery store, we took the rations off the dead guy next to me,

we didn't fight with bare hands, we shot the guy across the field because our fight was for real, not some school yard bull#$*

mom didn't send us on the bus to school because we stopped going to school so we could work and feed the family at age 10 because we didn't have unions or labour laws

your generation seems like whimps, mamma's boys and sissy's that needed their blankey and started this whole damn soft culture in the first place.


... what's the point of this "my generation your generation "...

[habernac]

Originally Posted by GirlySports

This is still a very very new idea. I'm glad to hear that you think this way! Men are still slowly getting towards this. Think of how much you help around the house compared to your dad?

I'm shocked that women let their husbands get way with doing little to help around the house. I hear about this from my wife's friends and shake my head.

[Locke]

Wow. Having kids seems like such a magical affair.