Living together before marriage - Page 2 - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

rubecube · 11-26-2009, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ResAlien

I would. I'm a dad, of course my little one is only 5, but when the time comes yeah, I'd be the same way. He's not naive, he knows you're bumping uglies living together, but I'm guessing his attitude is something along the lines of "Well, not in my house when I'm home." And it's his little girl. The son having girls over is irrelevant. Hell, he's probably proud of that. But his little girl? Not going to happen.

Yeah, except for the fact that I'm respectful of that. When we stayed in the same bed while we were visitng last year, I told my girlfriend that I was putting a moratorium on that until we got home, out of respect for her parents.

metallicat · 11-26-2009, 01:00 PM

It's three days man. Save face and don't cause trouble over this issue, it's not worth it.

albertGQ · 11-26-2009, 01:01 PM

Dude. Sleep on the couch, save the hotel money and invest it in your RRSPs!

Prototype · 11-26-2009, 01:01 PM

I want to be as open, and accepting of whatever my son wants to do in the future. But, he's got to repect me and my decisions as well. It's a two way street. Having said that, I'm not religious by any stretch of the imagination, and I will make sure that my spawn and their BF/GFs have seperate rooms until they have made that commitment to eachother.

I get where you're coming from. I had to spend a week on a pull out couch at my inlaws. They're not religious, per say, but they are old school. My then girlfriend and I were really into eachother, and it sucked that I was downstairs when she was upstairs... But it was a week, and I wanted to show her parents that I respected them, and their decisions, and if it ment sleeping in different beds, when we had the same bed at home... so be it.

Think about what this is doing to your girlfriend. It's really not the best idea to challenge her father. It will put a strain on her relationship with them, I would imagine.

Again, I understand your want to challenge, but I wouldn't put your GF through that. There's an unwritten code somewhere that the Father is always right, and the BF of the Father's Daughter shouldn't be the one to challenge that. If anyone should take a stand here, it's the Daughter.

cKy · 11-26-2009, 01:13 PM

In my previous relationship (which lasted 3.5 years) everytime we visited her parents or grandparents house we stayed in opposite rooms. It isn't a religious thing (I don't recall any religous stuff from their house) but it was a respect thing. Some people are just old fashioned and you should respect their wishes. Not doing/cuddling/anything with your gf for 3 days isnt going to kill you.

Also, if you end up getting a hotel after a free room has been offered, and the parents get whiff that you dont want to stay their cause you cant sleep in the same room, the parents may take that as an insult.

Damn kids these days. No respect

Regorium · 11-26-2009, 01:18 PM

I'm 100% in the camp that says suck it up and stay on the couch. In my experience, fathers are absolutely irrational when dealing with their daughters. As long as it really doesn't affect you there's no use in straining the relationship.

PS. I love the "jesus' tears" tag =D

mikey_the_redneck · 11-26-2009, 01:26 PM

I will go against the grain here rubecube......

Your girlfriends dad is not giving you the respect you deserve as a man. If it were me, I would stick to my guns and get the hotel room. You have to send a message here that you are not going to put up with this manipulative crap anymore. If he asks why you are not staying at his place, tell him exactly why. It will be good to get this off your chest and speak to the elephant in the room......maybe you and the ol' man will have a better understanding of eachother you know?

That is unless you like to live your life according to others standards in order to gain approval and avoid conflict........

FlamesAddiction · 11-26-2009, 01:32 PM

His house, his rules.

When you are a father and some dude is banging your daughter, you can decide if you want to be hearing the bed springs squeak when they come over to visit.

I lived with my partner for a few years before we got married, but this was never an issue (and my family is Catholic). Maybe he just doesn't like you and it's not all religion based.

Bring_Back_Shantz · 11-26-2009, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rubecube

Yeah, except for the fact that I'm respectful of that. When we stayed in the same bed while we were visitng last year, I told my girlfriend that I was putting a moratorium on that until we got home, out of respect for her parents.

Doesn't matter dude, as I'm guessing you didn't mention this to her parents, then that jesture doesn't exist for them.

Besides, even if you did tell him, it's likely that nothing you can say or do, short of video taping yourself sleeping peacefully for the entire night will convice him otherwise.

Locke · 11-26-2009, 01:50 PM

Plow her on the couch.

Muta · 11-26-2009, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rubecube

I don't believe in marriage, and I have made it clear to my girlfriend that it's not a priority for me to ever get married. She's fine with that

flamesfever · 11-26-2009, 01:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rubecube

I don't believe in marriage, and I have made it clear to my girlfriend that it's not a priority for me to ever get married. She's fine with that but apparently her dad isn't.

I'm somewhat confused. The thread title is "Living together before Marriage", and yet you seem to indicate that marriage may not ever happen, if it were up to you.

My guess is the father may be doing this bed separation thing to show his objection to your attitude re marriage to his daughter. For him the relationship may not seem to have a future unless marriage is part of the package.

Perhaps it may be beneficial to soften your stance on marriage...and sit down and have a heart to heart talk with the father, laying all your cards on the table.

Flames_Gimp · 11-26-2009, 01:59 PM

I say "agree" to his rules and once they are sleeping have dirty sex on the kitchen table, counters, feel free to improvise and use kitchen utensils and/or food items from the fridge etc.

Muta · 11-26-2009, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flames_Gimp

I say "agree" to his rules and once they are sleeping have dirty sex on the kitchen table, counters, feel free to improvise and use kitchen utensils and/or food items from the fridge etc.

cheese grater

yads · 11-26-2009, 02:03 PM

Sounds like OP posted this, expecting everyone to be on his side to validate his position.

FlamesAddiction · 11-26-2009, 02:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rubecube

I don't believe in marriage, and I have made it clear to my girlfriend that it's not a priority for me to ever get married. She's fine with that

Funny that... I was the same way with my wife before we got married. I was all anti-marriage and declared that it was just a "piece of paper", and that the government had no business in our relationship. I told her I wasn't going to ever get married and she was fine with that. She was a progressive and independent person with a bit of an anti-establishment flair and seemed to be on board with the idea.

Eventually, I warmed up to the idea more and asked her to get married... And I swear, not even 30 minutes after I asked, she already had half the plans. She knew what kind of flowers she wanted, what music she wanted, who her bridesmaids would be, and the style of dress. Even though she was "fine" with never getting married, deep down, it was obviously what she wanted. Don't be shocked if yours is like that too.

The Ditch · 11-26-2009, 02:07 PM

Eh, I might be upset if the guy my daughter was dating said, "I don't do marriage". It would seem to me he's not in it for the long haul that might be upsetting him. It's only 3 days and the worst thing to do would be to create drama with the in laws, they will/can make your life suck.

FlamesKickAss · 11-26-2009, 02:10 PM

my dad and step mom used to push this on people until my step moms kids said "but didnt you two sleep in the same bed before you were married?"

rubecube · 11-26-2009, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yads

Sounds like OP posted this, expecting everyone to be on his side to validate his position.

Not at all. I was actually looking for discourse.

Quote:

Originally Posted by FlamesKickAss

my dad and step mom used to push this on people until my step moms kids said "but didnt you two sleep in the same bed before you were married?"

So did her parents.

burn_this_city · 11-26-2009, 02:14 PM

Do as I say, not as I do.