Is there such a thing as a lover that got away?

[Bagor]

Originally Posted by J pold

It’s still about survival and your offspring…if a dude is rich he can provide for you and your kids (from a women’s perceptive)

That's what I'm saying.

Lots of times resources outweigh the healthy trait. There's more to it than simply a healthy look.

Out of curiosity how many people would stay with a totally hot woman that was 100% adamant that they never wanted to have children?

[Dion]

Originally Posted by RougeUnderoos

I don't think anyone has said "looks are the only thing that counts". But count they do.

Did you read "the fatties need to get laid too" comment?

Frankly, I'm glad looks count, or I'd be totally out of luck. I'm extremely handsome, but I don't have anything else going for me. Bad personality, no money, flat feet, cranky dog, criminal record... if looks didn't count for something, I wouldn't even have gonorrhea.

For sure chemical attraction plays a part in the situation. For me it ranks on the bottom of my scale. I couldn't see myself going out with someone i have a chemical attraction to if her interests, vales, morals etc were not the same as me.

[Bagor]

Originally Posted by GirlySports

If he had married someone pleasant I would have been happy to have a chat with him and his wife that day.

Pleasant?

It's all subjective.

[HelloHockeyFans]

Originally Posted by MaDMaN_26

It was an honest way for her to write down the feeling that came over her in the moment. You can try and paint her like some horrible evil witch and you and try and make it sound like I think skinny people are better than fat people too if you want, thats not what I'm saying, I don't believe it was the point she was trying to convey and I think your prevereting what she said and what I'm saying into something completely different so you can get on your horse and go on this crusade of "I dont judge anyone by there looks" Bull... I dont buy your high and mighty act for a second and you might as well dismount cause I'm not swallowing your crap any time soon.

It's very, VERY simple.

To say something like (and this is a quote), "I'm better than THAT" because said person is shorter and fatter is shallow, PERIOD.

You called me a hypocrite, assuming I would say the same thing in the same circumstance, which is simply not true.

Seeing that some one is shorter or fatter is not wrong, it's an observation.

Stating that you are better than the person because of these factors IS wrong and it's not something I do.

Get it?

[MaDMaN_26]

Originally Posted by JimmytheT

Of course we can all judge people by their looks. THe bed-ridden over 500 lb person who can not even support his/her own weight standing, people will automatically make a judgment, rightly or wrongly.

I think the main point being made is that the OP seems befuddled as to why she does not have this fellow, when the answer may be contained in her statement itself. Some guys do not like ugly personalities, good physical looks be-damned.

I hear what you're saying, part of my point though was that even if that is the reason she is not with him, throwing that back at her and making the judgment that she is a immature or horrible person based on that 1 written statement is another judgment, not exactly the same, and may be correct (or just as likely wrong)... my point is to judge her on one post, where she is obviously in an emotional state and was simply trying to describe the feelings she went through, again right or wrong, is equally unfair. A lot of the people judging her for that whilst claiming to make no judgments do not see the hypocrisy in their actions.

[Cowboy89]

Yeah, I dated a chick for a bit and she ended up with a guy very much like:


Even had the Chinese lettering on his arm (despite being a white guy), and he wears lululemon pants!

[JimmytheT]

Originally Posted by GirlySports

I'm not befuddled why I don't have this fellow. I'm befuddled how a guy that nice could marry someone that hideous (yes, that's the term I use).
If he had married someone pleasant I would have been happy to have a chat with him and his wife that day. But this feeling came over me and I really had to leave before I said something that would have hurt.

Yes I know it's childish and but it's bugging me less now after reading everyone's input.

So, assuming you are "good-looking" as you are clearly implying, do you offer anything else? And let us for the moment assume you are a rail-thin broad who thinks you are one of the hottest things going; maybe he, like many other men, actually like their women to have big breasts (real ones) and a big ass? Maybe he can interact with this woman on an intellectual level you perhaps could never achieve.

There is more to it than just your self-annointed pretty-face.

[The Yen Man]

I'm not going to hold it against the OP to think like that. Deep down, everyone compares themselves to someone IMO, whether they admit it or not. Is it shallow to think how she thought? Probably, but it's probably coming from a sense of bitterness at not being with this fellow.

That said though, some people also hold themselves higher than they actually are. Like they'll think they're better looking than they really are. I'm not saying OP is or isn't good looking as I've never met her, but from my experience some people clearly do think they're somehow better looking or have better qualities than other people when clearly they don't.

I'll just finish by saying yes I do think physical attraction does matter. There are tons of times when I see a hot chick with some loser looking guy and I'd be thinking "wow, what does she see in that ######?". I'm not ashamed to admit it.

[troutman]

Originally Posted by Bagor

That's what I'm saying.

Lots of times resources outweigh the healthy trait. There's more to it than simply a healthy look.

Out of curiosity how many people would stay with a totally hot woman that was 100% adamant that they never wanted to have children?

If spreading genes was the only priority, women would marry rich men, and get pregnant by handsome athletic studs.

We may be the first species to rise above our basest instincts.

[Bring_Back_Shantz]

[quote=Dion;1413118]Did you read "the fatties need to get laid too" comment?



For sure chemical attraction plays a part in the situation. For me it ranks on the bottom of my scale. I couldn't see myself going out with someone i have a chemical attraction to if her interests, vales, morals etc were not the same as me.[/quote]


Ah, there's that "Chemical attaction" statement again, and this time, it certainly is in the context of physical attractiveness.

Bottom of the scale or not, you've just admitted that you do in fact make distictions on how attractive someone is, something that you've been claiming adamantly that you do not do.

[JimmytheT]

Originally Posted by MaDMaN_26

I hear what you're saying, part of my point though was that even if that is the reason she is not with him, throwing that back at her and making the judgment that she is a immature or horrible person based on that 1 written statement is another judgment, not exactly the same, and may be correct (or wrong just as likely wrong)... my point is to judge her on one post, where she is obviously in an emotional state and was simply trying to describe the feelings she went through, again right or wrong, is equally unfair. A lot of the people judging her for that whilst claiming to make no judgments do not see the hypocrisy in their actions.

I see what your saying, and I certainly never wanted to imply that i don't judge. I in fact was trying to make my judgment know that I find air-headed tarts extremely unattractive, and am willing to base that off one horrible statement on an internet messageboard.

[CaptainCrunch]

Until we're drunk Trout, then all bets are off.

Love is blind, you can fall in love with the ugliest fattest thing on the planet.

However Horny is fully 20-20 vision.

[4X4]

Some of you guys are just being a-holes. The OP asked a question in a pretty honest way - a way that most of you holier-than-thou people would likely re-phrase to sound a lot more PC.

Props to you, GS. It's refreshing to see some honest posts around here. I get sick of the way alot of posts are worded to sound less harsh than they are. Of course, at the same time, I also respect some of the harsh answers. I don't agree with them, but I like that people are coming right out and saying what they think.

Originally Posted by JimmytheT

I think the main point being made is that the OP seems befuddled as to why she does not have this fellow, when the answer may be contained in her statement itself. Some guys do not like ugly personalities, good physical looks be-damned.

Now this is just being mean for no reason. Ugly personality? Because she's hurt or confused as to why the guy is attracted to someone else? If you can honestly tell me that you've never wondered how person X bagged person Y, then you're alone in this world.

The girl is just venting and hoping that some other posters share similar stories.


As for the original post and question, I can tell you, GS, and you should already know, that people have types that they are attracted to. And some people are turned off by knowing that they can just have a person. Like me. If I know that a girl is in love with me, I couldn't be bothered with her. No, it doesn't happen everyday, so no need to make jokes, But it has happened 3 or 4 times. Most recently was a couple of years ago when I was overseas. One of my employees, a naive little 19 y/o was just ridiculously infatuated with me. As attractive as she was physically, the lovesick gaga eyes and the blatant attempts to be around me all the time were such a turnoff that I had to fire her. My buddy thought I was crazy, but I'm old enough to know that it would have been a terrible thing to do to take advantage of that situation when I knew that I had no interest in dating her.

Another thing to consider, GS, is that maybe you have a feature that he just doesn't like. A frivolous as it may be, there are certain things on a woman that turn a 99% perfect woman into a no-chance.

Women are the same way. For example, could you date a guy that is missing a finger? Maybe you could, but alot of women would just be creeped out.

There could be something about you that just puts you in the no-way zone. Are you too motivated? Maybe that intimidated him. Maybe he wanted someone more submissive. Maybe vice-versa. Maybe he perceived you as a cling-on. Maybe you're brown and his family is old-school and he didn't want to give his mom a heart attack by bringing home someone from another race.

Or maybe you've got a distracting facial feature like a scar or a mole that just simply turns him off. Forget about what these knuckleheads are saying about how looks don't mean a thing to them. It may be true for them, but they're by far the minority. So don't think any less of yourself for observing that you're better looking than his wife. We all do it, but only some of us are honest enough to admit it.

[The Fonz]

Originally Posted by troutman

If spreading genes was the only priority, women would marry rich men, and get pregnant by handsome athletic studs.

I read an article that spoke about this actually happening these days. I don't have the link, but it was posted in a thread on CP somewhere...

[burn_this_city]

Originally Posted by 4X4

Some of you guys are just being a-holes. The OP asked a question in a pretty honest way - a way that most of you holier-than-thou people would likely re-phrase to sound a lot more PC.

Props to you, GS. It's refreshing to see some honest posts around here. I get sick of the way alot of posts are worded to sound less harsh than they are. Of course, at the same time, I also respect some of the harsh answers. I don't agree with them, but I like that people are coming right out and saying what they think.




Now this is just being mean for no reason. Ugly personality? Because she's hurt or confused as to why the guy is attracted to someone else? If you can honestly tell me that you've never wondered how person X bagged person Y, then you're alone in this world.

The girl is just venting and hoping that some other posters share similar stories.


As for the original post and question, I can tell you, GS, and you should already know, that people have types that they are attracted to. And some people are turned off by knowing that they can just have a person. Like me. If I know that a girl is in love with me, I couldn't be bothered with her. No, it doesn't happen everyday, so no need to make jokes, But it has happened 3 or 4 times. Most recently was a couple of years ago when I was overseas. One of my employees, a naive little 19 y/o was just ridiculously infatuated with me. As attractive as she was physically, the lovesick gaga eyes and the blatant attempts to be around me all the time were such a turnoff that I had to fire her. My buddy thought I was crazy, but I'm old enough to know that it would have been a terrible thing to do to take advantage of that situation when I knew that I had no interest in dating her.

Another thing to consider, GS, is that maybe you have a feature that he just doesn't like. A frivolous as it may be, there are certain things on a woman that turn a 99% perfect woman into a no-chance.

Women are the same way. For example, could you date a guy that is missing a finger? Maybe you could, but alot of women would just be creeped out.

There could be something about you that just puts you in the no-way zone. Are you too motivated? Maybe that intimidated him. Maybe he wanted someone more submissive. Maybe vice-versa. Maybe he perceived you as a cling-on. Maybe you're brown and his family is old-school and he didn't want to give his mom a heart attack by bringing home someone from another race.

Or maybe you've got a distracting facial feature like a scar or a mole that just simply turns him off. Forget about what these knuckleheads are saying about how looks don't mean a thing to them. It may be true for them, but they're by far the minority. So don't think any less of yourself for observing that you're better looking than his wife. We all do it, but only some of us are honest enough to admit it.

Amazing post..

[The Fonz]

According to Oprah, the average person decides whether or not they like someone else within the first 8 seconds of meeting that person.

Don't bug me about Oprah, my mom used to watch it everyday when I lived at home. I could also name off all the characters in Days Of Our Lives, big woop ya wanna fight about it?!?!

[Gozer]

Get that man a red square!

Edit: 4x4, not the angry homosexual greenskeeper.

[MaDMaN_26]

Originally Posted by HelloHockeyFans

It's very, VERY simple.

To say something like (and this is a quote), "I'm better than THAT" because said person is shorter and fatter is shallow, PERIOD.

Actually I think it comes from an emotional reaction and being hurt, perhaps from a place of insecurity, in which she felt like her own self image was damaged...so definitely not PERIOD in my books, and hardly the time to dog pile on her.

Originally Posted by HelloHockeyFans

You called me a hypocrite, assuming I would say the same thing in the same circumstance, which is simply not true.

Seeing that some one is shorter or fatter is not wrong, it's an observation.

um she didn't say it to the girl, she simply wrote the internal thought down for us to read... should she re-evaluate her equation of self worth, probably... but your turning her internal observation into something else... imho.

Originally Posted by HelloHockeyFans

Stating that you are better than the person because of these factors IS wrong and it's not something I do.

Get it?

I get it as far as I'm concerned, but I don't think you do... probably easiest to simply agree to disagree...

[Machiavelli]

Originally Posted by The Fonz

According to Oprah, the average person decides whether or not they like someone else within the first 8 seconds of meeting that person.

Sounds about right to me. Of course you could change your mind later, which is a good thing.

I sometimes get very strong vibes from certain people, when I meet them for the first time, that always end up being true. Has this happened to anyone else?

[JimmytheT]

Originally Posted by 4X4

Some of you guys are just being a-holes. The OP asked a question in a pretty honest way - a way that most of you holier-than-thou people would likely re-phrase to sound a lot more PC.

Props to you, GS. It's refreshing to see some honest posts around here. I get sick of the way alot of posts are worded to sound less harsh than they are. Of course, at the same time, I also respect some of the harsh answers. I don't agree with them, but I like that people are coming right out and saying what they think.




Now this is just being mean for no reason. Ugly personality? Because she's hurt or confused as to why the guy is attracted to someone else? If you can honestly tell me that you've never wondered how person X bagged person Y, then you're alone in this world.

The girl is just venting and hoping that some other posters share similar stories.


As for the original post and question, I can tell you, GS, and you should already know, that people have types that they are attracted to. And some people are turned off by knowing that they can just have a person. Like me. If I know that a girl is in love with me, I couldn't be bothered with her. No, it doesn't happen everyday, so no need to make jokes, But it has happened 3 or 4 times. Most recently was a couple of years ago when I was overseas. One of my employees, a naive little 19 y/o was just ridiculously infatuated with me. As attractive as she was physically, the lovesick gaga eyes and the blatant attempts to be around me all the time were such a turnoff that I had to fire her. My buddy thought I was crazy, but I'm old enough to know that it would have been a terrible thing to do to take advantage of that situation when I knew that I had no interest in dating her.

Another thing to consider, GS, is that maybe you have a feature that he just doesn't like. A frivolous as it may be, there are certain things on a woman that turn a 99% perfect woman into a no-chance.

Women are the same way. For example, could you date a guy that is missing a finger? Maybe you could, but alot of women would just be creeped out.

There could be something about you that just puts you in the no-way zone. Are you too motivated? Maybe that intimidated him. Maybe he wanted someone more submissive. Maybe vice-versa. Maybe he perceived you as a cling-on. Maybe you're brown and his family is old-school and he didn't want to give his mom a heart attack by bringing home someone from another race.

Or maybe you've got a distracting facial feature like a scar or a mole that just simply turns him off. Forget about what these knuckleheads are saying about how looks don't mean a thing to them. It may be true for them, but they're by far the minority. So don't think any less of yourself for observing that you're better looking than his wife. We all do it, but only some of us are honest enough to admit it.

I don't wonder how they have sex, I know how copulation works. Sure I could ask why someone would "bag" someone else, but that's not the same as, "Ugh, why did they get married she's so ugly." Totally different context.

The man obviously made a choice to settle down with this person for the long-term for many reasons (could be good and/or bad). It's not as simple as, "Why would he bag her?"

Furthermore, lets say for example, that a person suffers severe burn injuries to the face in a fire; would you look at that persons spouse standing next to them and ask, "Gee, why would he/she bag him/her".

Troutman makes a good point about humans being able to rise above certain base instincts.