How to meet people, form friendships & relationships? - Page 3 - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

Ford Prefect · 10-09-2007, 07:57 AM

I think friends are over rated. I've had too many screw me when my back is turned, so I certainly don't go out looking for new ones. If friendships occur and grow naturally, great. Those tend to be the true friends. But going out to meet new friends just for the sake of making new friends tends to result in fair weather friends who you can't trust, in my experience.

bigtmac19 · 10-09-2007, 08:05 AM

Wow, I enjoy being by myself, but I also enjoy spending time with friends. I have a small circle of close friends, but enjoy being social etc. I do have a hard time, being the one to make plans or arrange a night out, I tend to wait for someone to call me, but it's a trait I have to work on and would like to change and I do work on it.
I find some of the comments already posted a little hard. Seems like a lot of people have a chip on their shoulder.
Life is short and I feel is only enriched by the time you spend with others, having a good time, making a connection.

madisonbtb · 10-09-2007, 08:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigtmac19

Wow, I enjoy being by myself, but I also enjoy spending time with friends. I have a small circle of close friends, but enjoy being social etc. I do have a hard time, being the one to make plans or arrange a night out, I tend to wait for someone to call me, but it's a trait I have to work on and would like to change and I do work on it.
I find some of the comments already posted a little hard. Seems like a lot of people have a chip on their shoulder.
Life is short and I feel is only enriched by the time you spend with others, having a good time, making a connection.

I can't speak for anyone else but I know my time is extreemly limited (outside of work) so what little free time I have I want to spend it with people I know and feel comfortable around. I'm two kinds of social -- the basic meet and greet social where I can easily meet new people and share an enjoyable night talking or hanging out at a mutual event (like a hockey game). But those are people I'd consider more like aquantences. We share a common bond. Then the other social is hanging with close friends and really be myself. The kind that if they show up on Sunday afternoon and I'm still in my pajamas they don't think twice b/c that is just me. The kind that know I need to study every night and every weekend and don't get upset that I can't always go do stuff and that we are still friends. So when I said "too much energy" to find new friends...it isn't that I dislike new friends, it is just I have very limited time. So my family comes first, then friends that are like family, after that point there isn't much left.

bigtmac19 · 10-09-2007, 08:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by madisonbtb

I can't speak for anyone else but I know my time is extreemly limited (outside of work) so what little free time I have I want to spend it with people I know and feel comfortable around. I'm two kinds of social -- the basic meet and greet social where I can easily meet new people and share an enjoyable night talking or hanging out at a mutual event (like a hockey game). But those are people I'd consider more like aquantences. We share a common bond. Then the other social is hanging with close friends and really be myself. The kind that if they show up on Sunday afternoon and I'm still in my pajamas they don't think twice b/c that is just me. The kind that know I need to study every night and every weekend and don't get upset that I can't always go do stuff and that we are still friends. So when I said "too much energy" to find new friends...it isn't that I dislike new friends, it is just I have very limited time. So my family comes first, then friends that are like family, after that point there isn't much left.

Great point, and very understandable, life is busy and your true friends do understand that, your's wasn't one of the posts I was really commenting on. Some others sounded a lot more cynical about people in general and why bother, that type of thing.

madisonbtb · 10-09-2007, 08:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigtmac19

Great point, and very understandable, life is busy and your true friends do understand that, your's wasn't one of the posts I was really commenting on. Some others sounded a lot more cynical about people in general and why bother, that type of thing.

i felt uneasy about what i wrote though. sometimes i think i explain myself and it comes out nothing like it was intended or people misinterprete what i say b/c i was unclear.

urban1 · 10-09-2007, 08:30 AM

What level of friendship are you looking for? Are you looking for close friends / possible best friend type relationships? Or are you looking for friends along the lines of people with common interests that you can call up and participate in an activity?

Close friends / best friends are relationships that can take a long time to develop. thats where a lot of the trust factor and feeling comfortable to open up comes into play.

If you want to find friends who you can call up and hangout or play sports or do whatever activity, this is often easier.
What types of activities do you like to do? What type of activities do you want to try or want to learn how to do? Theres clubs out there for pretty much any type of activity you can think of.

Heres a couple to checkout:

Calgary Sport & Social Club http://www.calgarysportsclub.com - They have a lot of different sport leagues and you can join recreational or "really recreational" level leagues if you arent very athletic and you will still have fun. Then theres also parties and events they put on. Great way to meet people and if you join a league youll interact with the same people on a regular basis and might make some new friends which youll interact with outside of the club activities.

Calgary Outdoor Club - http://www.calgaryoutdoorclub.com/ - Lots of great outdoor activities and some sports as well. You can find something thats at your level so even if youre a beginner you could find an activity and even learn a new skill.

Take a look at those sites. If youre not into those activities, Im sure using google or asking around you could find clubs that participate in something that interests you.

If you live in Calgary, one thing to remember is that theres a lot of people who are new or relatively new to this city. So a lot of people are in the boat of not knowing a lot of people or having long term friends. These people are usually pretty accepting and open to meeting new people. I think it would be a lot harder to move to a small town where everyone grew up there and everyone knows everyone and you are the outsider.

And remember that theres always people who feel the same way as you. Not everyone is going to be outgoing and easily trusting. Dont try to be someone youre not and certain types of personalties/people might not be the right people to be friends for you. Get out there... do some activities you enjoy... and youll make some friends.

bigtmac19 · 10-09-2007, 08:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by madisonbtb

i felt uneasy about what i wrote though. sometimes i think i explain myself and it comes out nothing like it was intended or people misinterprete what i say b/c i was unclear.

not at all, you were very articulate!

Ayrahb · 10-09-2007, 08:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tyler

You guys brought up volunteering...

Where would be a good place to volunteer where I could meet some cool 20-25 year old people

http://www.volunteercalgary.ab.ca/search.html

http://www.singlevolunteers.org/calgary/

Flashpoint · 10-09-2007, 09:47 AM

When I see someone on the highway that I think I'd like to be friends with, I just ram them with my car.

That way I can stop and get their phone number and address. Plus, we have something in common to talk about! How we just got into an accident.

It works really good too. Even if they don't want to talk to you so much at the scene, you can always see them later in court.

madisonbtb · 10-09-2007, 09:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flashpoint

When I see someone on the highway that I think I'd like to be friends with, I just ram them with my car.

That way I can stop and get their phone number and address. Plus, we have something in common to talk about! How we just got into an accident.

It works really good too. Even if they don't want to talk to you so much at the scene, you can always see them later in court.

HAHAHAHAHAHA oh that is so wrong, but yet so funny.

they always say you hurt the ones you love.

bigtmac19 · 10-09-2007, 09:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flashpoint

When I see someone on the highway that I think I'd like to be friends with, I just ram them with my car.

That way I can stop and get their phone number and address. Plus, we have something in common to talk about! How we just got into an accident.

It works really good too. Even if they don't want to talk to you so much at the scene, you can always see them later in court.

LOL, that's hilarious

Fozzie_DeBear · 10-09-2007, 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flashpoint

When I see someone on the highway that I think I'd like to be friends with, I just ram them with my car.

That way I can stop and get their phone number and address. Plus, we have something in common to talk about! How we just got into an accident.

It works really good too. Even if they don't want to talk to you so much at the scene, you can always see them later in court.

In my experience this doesn't work as well with hitchhikers or cyclists...

LChoy · 10-09-2007, 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by urban1

Calgary Sport & Social Club http://www.calgarysportsclub.com - They have a lot of different sport leagues and you can join recreational or "really recreational" level leagues if you arent very athletic and you will still have fun. Then theres also parties and events they put on. Great way to meet people and if you join a league youll interact with the same people on a regular basis and might make some new friends which youll interact with outside of the club activities.

I play floor hockey with CSS. Met a lot of good friends playing since you can really get to know people when playing sports with them. Who knew a skinny Asian guy like me can play like a power forward

kn · 10-09-2007, 06:34 PM

Thanks for the advice and links. It's much appreciated.

Although I eventually want to form a meaningful relationship, right now I'm just looking for people to do things with like heading to the Dome on game day, movies, concerts, etc.

I used to be good at racquetball and tennis but quit several years ago because I no longer had anyone to play against. The same thing happened with martial arts; although I tried, I couldn't seem to connect with anyone in my class.

Work isn't really an option. Among the nine developers I work with, I'm the only one that's single. They all have lives of their own and outside of company functions, they don't interact socially.

As for talking, this is where I'm really messed up. I have no fear of public speaking as long as it's a formal/business type environment. I'm assertive and can constructively criticize superiors without fear. But move me into a social setting and it's game over. I've gotten over my anxiety about mingling but I let others lead the way. But asking a guy or girl to do something with me socially? I might as well be asking them to donate a lung.

Anyway, thanks again. I think some sort of club is a decent place to start.

Resolute 14 · 10-09-2007, 06:58 PM

All of us with issues dealing with people should form a team, heh.

kevman · 10-09-2007, 07:51 PM

I remember watching a video clip in school a few years ago about building friendships. It stated that females build friendships to bond and relate to the others while males build friendships based on like interests. It said a bunch of other stuff too but that statement pretty much hit the nail right on the head with me at least.

So, how do you make friends? Do what you love, alone, and meet people doing the same thing! Other than high school, university and work friends most of the guys/gals I hang out with I've met through sports and hobbies. Like to ski? Go on organized ski trips. Like racing/wrenching your car? Join a tuner club. Like to ____? Join a ____ club.

Quote:

Originally Posted by gottabekd

People like friends. But don't try to force it. If you just don't get along with a group, stop hanging out with them. I'd rather be a loner than with people I don't gel with.

Bingo! I'd rather do something I love before doing something with others just to feel like part of the group. Cliche time... you've got to know yourself before you can truly be known by others...

MRCboicgy · 10-09-2007, 10:07 PM

Put out. Anyone anytime anywhere

I actually tried that for a while and ended up sadder and lonelier than before, so don't--the only friends I made were at the clinic on 8th ave...

On a more serious note, I'm the same way--I have one single friend left, the rest are married. Having a roomie used to help, then he got a bf, so other than the two of them, I really don't see anyone--and maybe I'm just resigned to being alone, but it's really ok. I get enough social connections every day at the office, I come home and it's me time. I do everything myself and it's sorta nice.

I know at work I could start being social after hours with them, but that doesn't appeal to me.

In short, it really boils down to taking a big gulp and just forcing yourself to do stuff outside your 4 walls--it's really hard and I have yet to do it, but I think I could if i wanted to...I hope

Ozy_Flame · 10-10-2007, 10:07 AM

I love me-time after work, but too much if it gets boring. Therefore, I'm usually cooking dinner with a friend every night, or going out and golfing or having a drink with others. I love having a huge circle of close friends I've built over the years, and is one of the reasons to stay in Calgary. That said, good friends will always be there no matter where you live.

madisonbtb · 10-10-2007, 10:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ozy_Flame

I love me-time after work, but too much if it gets boring. Therefore, I'm usually cooking dinner with a friend every night, or going out and golfing or having a drink with others. I love having a huge circle of close friends I've built over the years, and is one of the reasons to stay in Calgary. That said, good friends will always be there no matter where you live.

you can cook? AND like to? hmmmm are you for hire? it is too cold now for pablo my pool boy.

i think it makes a difference if you are single or married or married w/ kids. it seems the older i get, the harder it is to maintain friendships on a large scale. different interests, different stages of life, different things that keep us busy. it sounds really cheesy to say this, but my husband really is my best friend. i think it makes it easier that i like sports as much, if not more than him in some cases. so being with him really isn't a hardship or like i'm giving something up.

J pold · 10-10-2007, 10:17 AM

Step 1: Cut a hole in a box