How to meet people, form friendships & relationships? - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

kn · 10-08-2007, 10:12 PM

So for all you suave guys out there, what's the easiest way to meet people and form friendships and relationships?

I'm not a loner but I can't tell you the number of times I've done things alone just because there wasn't someone around. The problem is the paralyzing fear factor. It's like the movie "The Guardian" where they guy is not scared of jumping out of helicopters but won't talk to a girl. But it's not just girls. How do you form friendships with guys who seemingly "have enough friends"?

I guess I just don't trust people enough to let them become anything more than acquaintances but I doubt anyone here can relate. Life becomes really tiresome after a while.

Azure · 10-08-2007, 10:15 PM

I'm the same way.

Rather do things alone....in fact people have equated me as a loner because of that.

I don't have problems making friends though.

Very interested what others have to say about this.

Prototype · 10-08-2007, 10:15 PM

It's not high school anymore for me... in fact, 10 years removed. I'm not 'forced' into friendships, nor do I feel the need to try to create friendships. I just work on the ones I have to maintain, if not strengthen those.

ben voyonsdonc · 10-08-2007, 10:23 PM

I am definitely an introvert. As a general rule, I don't approach other people...they need to approach me.

Getting involved in sports is a good way to get to meet people in an informal way. You automatically have something in common with the other people so you don't have to have the uncomfortable "small talk" conversation.

MrMastodonFarm · 10-08-2007, 10:23 PM

Basically, get over the fear. Easier said then done I realize, but after you start talking to someone new you realize the fear was unwarrented. Gather up the courage and say hi.

Eddie Bronze · 10-08-2007, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kn

I guess I just don't trust people enough to let them become anything more than acquaintances but I doubt anyone here can relate. Life becomes really tiresome after a while.

I can definitely relate, dude. I come from a town of 500 people and now live in this city of one million. There's only a few people in the world I trust and the only one in this city is myself. You never know what someone else's intentions or motivations are. You get in a relationship with someone and a lot of things can go wrong. You stay by yourself and you know what you're getting every day.

JiriHrdina · 10-08-2007, 10:31 PM

Volunteering can often be a good idea.

ben voyonsdonc · 10-08-2007, 10:32 PM

Self-confidence is key. If you are comfortable with who you are, people will be attracted to you. It isn't about being cocky...that turns most people off. Know who you are and try to realize that you are a complete person with or without friends.

Dion · 10-08-2007, 10:34 PM

To get over your fear you need to step out of your comfort zone. It doesn't have to be big steps either. One of the easiest ways to meet people is to take an interest in what they are doing and ask a few questions. Guys are into to spoirts so ask them who their favourite sport team is. It's a non personal question the helps to break the ice.

NSFL · 10-08-2007, 10:37 PM

Saying hi is definitely the hardest part, after that, it should get easier. Although I don't think I should be giving advice on meeting people. I reside in the I'm-so-overly-friendly-that-I-scare-people-sometimes category.

Dion · 10-08-2007, 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Azure

I'm the same way.

Rather do things alone....in fact people have equated me as a loner because of that.

I don't have problems making friends though.

Very interested what others have to say about this.

Who cares what other people think. I do things alone from time to time and it sure doesn't make me a loner. Nothing wrong with enjoying your solitiude

Azure · 10-08-2007, 10:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dion

Who cares what other people think. I do things alone from time to time and it sure doesn't make me a loner. Nothing wrong with enjoying your solitiude

Oh I do enjoy it.

Yet to some people you're either 'moody' or a 'loner.'

Some people are that way.

I like what Protto said....I'm not going to go out of my way to make 'new' friends...rather I work on strengthening those that I already have, and appreciate those that come along in the process.

JohnnyB · 10-08-2007, 10:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JiriHrdina

Volunteering can often be a good idea.

Definitely a good practical suggestion.

My bro and I were just having a discussion this evening about how strange the various ways you become friends with people are, and how it's often with the last people you would expect. You could meet a hundred people that you get along with just fine, but somehow only a few are ever people that you see on a regular basis as friends outside of some other social context.

We pretty much figured it's all about just taking initiative to hang out with someone. Most people just don't bother taking the initiative to hang out with people that they meet beyond the social context they've met them in. I figure if you want to make friends, you just gotta go the effort of arranging to hang out with a person you've met outside of the context you met them in. Once somebody takes the initiative, and if the other person accepts, you can pretty much consider each other friends. If you meet someone with a similar interest, get their number and follow it up.

Da_Chief · 10-08-2007, 10:55 PM

dude, for girls its lustship, no such thing as friendship!

Dion · 10-08-2007, 10:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JiriHrdina

Volunteering can often be a good idea.

Excellent suggestion. It's something I do a lot of and find it's a great way to meet people.

Flames Draft Watcher · 10-08-2007, 10:58 PM

Residence at University is probably the best way to meet people I know of.

Dion · 10-08-2007, 10:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Azure

Oh I do enjoy it.

Yet to some people you're either 'moody' or a 'loner.'

Some people are that way.

I like what Protto said....I'm not going to go out of my way to make 'new' friends...rather I work on strengthening those that I already have, and appreciate those that come along in the process.

Protto is right. Do what makes you happy and to hell with those who would look down on you.

Phanuthier · 10-08-2007, 11:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flames Draft Watcher

Residence at University is probably the best way to meet people I know of.

That's the answere. Go back to school.

Just buggin, FDW. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I agree with Jiri. Volunteering is a good way of meeting many, good friendly people that may be more accepting to your intraverted-ness. Sports too, it really helps you bond. In general, get involved. Sitting at home won't help, neither will going to a bar and just saying hi to someone you don't know.

A good joke, a good story. People like to laugh and have fun. If you don't have one, spice up a story. I'd rather hear a half-true, amusing story then a boring, real story.

flamesfever · 10-08-2007, 11:08 PM

I recall a study done on some engineers in California, and I was surprised to learn that, in general, they had a very small circle of friends.

Probably if you have developed a few very close friends in your lifetime, you are not far from the average.

Joining groups of well meaning people, in whom you share like interests, would probably help in finding friends eg. church, service clubs, fraternities, volunteer groups etc.

gottabekd · 10-08-2007, 11:23 PM

I never was too social. I've fell into a group of friends now (out of high school), and this weekend my two closest friends were out of town. I was so lonely...

People like friends. But don't try to force it. If you just don't get along with a group, stop hanging out with them. I'd rather be a loner than with people I don't gel with.