How to meet people, form friendships & relationships?

[calf]

I'd say, if you have trouble letting your guard down (which can be my problem as an introvert-lite), ask other people questions to get to know them a little better. You're talkative, social, etc, but you're still keeping your guard up (but, be prepared to answer the same ones back )...but if you're meeting an extrovert, you get them going, and essentially earn brownie points, and make new friends...eventually, it's easier to get more comfortable with new people and let your guard down.

[PYroMaNiaC]

Volunteering is a good idea, but I think Kn is looking for people to share in the activities that he already likes, not create new activities.

I agree that you'll have to step out of your comfort zone though. Those aquaintances you mentioned? Those are the people you need to connect with again. They are already in your sphere of interest, so you'll won't need an opening anyway. Invite three out to do something. (Not two - people are more comfortable in pairs and not one - you'll have no one to run interference if you need it) Anything. Beers after work to watch the game is an excellent choice. There is liquor to loosen tongues (a smidge - drunks aren't fun either), and a game to watch and to comment on (who doesn't like hockey, even passingly).

Remember that people like to talk about themselves more than anything. If conversation gets stilted, ask questions about them and make comments on what they say to keep it moving. It will give you more insight into whether or not they are the type of people that you could grow a better bond with. If they aren't, invite another group. If so, ask again. And remember, that the best friendships in the world rarely have people agreeing with each other all the time. So, don't throw the friendship out based on divergent values. Explore and question some more. You might learn something about yourself along the way. The other benefit of this natural human trait is that people feel flattered that you're interested in them while you don't have to reveal a lot about yourself until you are feeling more comfy.

Someone will always have to make the first move, but with familiarity, it will get easier. Good Luck!

[Ozy_Flame]

For what it's worth, it's good to be selective. Why bother hanging out with people if you don't like them or who they are? Case in point, my girlfriend came over tonight to tell me she was too busy to see anybody right now, what with school and all, and if she "felt like it", we could date in a couple of months. I told her I wasn't a dog on a leash, and then told her to take a hike. And it ended just like that. I'm not putting up with that crap, she can go pull that on some other sucker, not me.

Just go out there, meet tons of people (it's easier than you think), but be SELECTIVE about who you want to be around! Nothing wrong with that.

[OILFAN #81]

Hookers and blow.

[Maritime Q-Scout]

I grew up a very shy individual. I only really have one friend that I'm in contact with and still hang around with from elementary school. Junior High was painful. I try and block most of it out, hahaha. High school I started to come out of my shell a bit, made some great friends, but I didn't go to the feeder high school that everyone from elementary and junior high went to. This actually helped, as the 'baggage' of being a loner/loser was gone.

Once I hit university I really became comfortable with who I was, and in turn was able to make many very strong relationships, and am considered 'someone that knows everyone'.

Essentially here are a few tips to help you get comfortable with meeting new people.

- Hang out with the friends you do have, if they're going out on a Friday night, go out with them. Once I started doing this, things became much easier for me.

- I'm going to sound like an alcoholic here, but I actually do think alcohol can serve good purposes. When you're out with your friends, when you're in line at the bar just start talking to the guy next to you about how long the line is. "You think they'd have more bartenders with a crowd like this" then "next time I'm gonna wear a shirt like that (glance at a girl wearing a low cut shirt), clearly I'm not showing off enough cleavage to get served quickly". The trick here is, once you do get your drink, say to the person next to you "cheers" then move on. Go back to your friends. You're only talking to them to help get over your fear of talking to strangers. If you do happen to strike up a great conversation, it's a bonus. But don't feel that you have to, use it as a way to pass the time.

- When friends are talking to people you don't know when you're around, but in with your two cents on the subject matter. Again this will help you get more comfortable with talking to strangers, but in a zone where you're surrounded by friends.

- I'm not sure what your employment situation is, but a part-time job in retail does wonders. You have to talk to people, ask probing questions about what they're looking for, and carry on a casual conversation. It might take some work but it will help you out tremendously. It will also help you get a read on people.

- Posting on a board like this is actually a great thing. You're in the comfort zone of being behind your computer by yourself, but interacting with others. Keep posting, even if it's only on the off-topic section. When there's a Calgary Puck Summit, or social gathering, show up. Say "hey I'm _____" and get to chatting about the Flames, movies, politics or whatever. It never hurts to read the paper that day to see what's in the headlines or check out a news site.


I know for me there are aspects where I'm still very shy, but I've worked hard to get into a zone where I'm comfortable most of the time. I'm comfortable with who I am as a person, which means it doesn't bother me to go to the movies alone, I'll eat at a restaurant I want to by myself, who cares? But that only came after I got over my shyness.

I like the suggestions of volunteer, join a club, sports, or something. But if you're looking for baby steps, use CP, maybe join the facebook group (shameless plug) to put names to faces, and go to a game or two find out where people are sitting meet them for a beer, ask them what they think of how Kipper's playing as of late, or who should be centering the Iginla line.

Remember, relax and have fun. Worst case scenario steal social commentary from stand up comedians, hell I do it all the time

[OILFAN #81]

The best thing I find is to meet people at things you are interested in.

- If you are interested in sports, join a hockey league or soccer league, etc and after a little while there will be atleast a handful of people you can form a friendship with. Sports teammates I find are pretty easy to form friendships with.

- if you are interested in theater, there are tons of drama/production clubs that you can enroll in and meet people that way. The same goes for music clubs, cooking clubs, travel clubs, etc.

- In addition to joining clubs/participating in activities you like, meeting people at work is huge. Interacting with co-workers for me has made me friends with tons of people over the years.

I'm still friends with tons of people from University (only been out a year), and family friends are a large portion of my friends as well, but I think co-workers/joining clubs probably make up close to 40-45% of the people I know.

EDIT: I'm not shy at all/am outgoing so my advice might not work for shy individuals.

[Tyler]

You guys brought up volunteering...

Where would be a good place to volunteer where I could meet some cool 20-25 year old people

[FlamesPuck12]

Originally Posted by OILFAN #81

Hookers and blow.

Damn you beat me to it. I read the first page and I was just about to post this...
I'm surprised someone else didn't post it before you.

[ah123]

Originally Posted by Tyler

You guys brought up volunteering...

Where would be a good place to volunteer where I could meet some cool 20-25 year old people

The YMCA comes to mind...There's probably other places -- check out Volunteer Calgary (http://www.volunteercalgary.ab.ca/)

They have a database with all the volunteer opportunities in Calgary and area...

[Phanuthier]

Originally Posted by Ozy_Flame

For what it's worth, it's good to be selective. Why bother hanging out with people if you don't like them or who they are? Case in point, my girlfriend came over tonight to tell me she was too busy to see anybody right now, what with school and all, and if she "felt like it", we could date in a couple of months. I told her I wasn't a dog on a leash, and then told her to take a hike. And it ended just like that. I'm not putting up with that crap, she can go pull that on some other sucker, not me.

Just go out there, meet tons of people (it's easier than you think), but be SELECTIVE about who you want to be around! Nothing wrong with that.

I thought you were single, Ozy, I recall that legendary thread with wookie.

I'm kind of in the situation, but took the opposite stance. Yeah, it does kind of feel like a dog on a leesh.

[CaptainCrunch]

First you get a box . . .

[REDVAN]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

First you get a box . . .

Do you then cut a hole in that box?

[Ozy_Flame]

Originally Posted by Phanuthier

I thought you were single, Ozy, I recall that legendary thread with wookie.

I'm kind of in the situation, but took the opposite stance. Yeah, it does kind of feel like a dog on a leesh.

I choose not to open up about girlfriends until they're gone, or at least that's the best way to do it in the age of Facebook!!! hahaha.....

Phanutier, it's different for everyone, I don't know you or your girlfriend. All I know is that my girlfriend was "princess" and I generally don't like those types. I gave it a shot to see if it would work, and it didn't. So rather than have her put her foot down, I turned the tables on her, and I haven't felt this good since the last time i was SINGLE!!!! hahaha!!!

[chris lindberg]

Read the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People"

[Phanuthier]

Originally Posted by Ozy_Flame

I choose not to open up about girlfriends until they're gone, or at least that's the best way to do it in the age of Facebook!!! hahaha.....

Phanutier, it's different for everyone, I don't know you or your girlfriend. All I know is that my girlfriend was "princess" and I generally don't like those types. I gave it a shot to see if it would work, and it didn't. So rather than have her put her foot down, I turned the tables on her, and I haven't felt this good since the last time i was SINGLE!!!! hahaha!!!

Haha

Don't worry, I wasn't asking for advice. I know perfectly well what I should do, I'm know what I am doing. Just found it interesting you were in the same situation.

[Torture]

Maritime Q-Scout are you sure we're not the same person? Everything you said in your post rang true for me lol

[madisonbtb]

I don't think there is anything wrong with doing things alone. Alone and lonely are two completely different things.

Do you WANT someone to hang out with or do you feel you NEED to have someone to hang out with just so you don't seem out of place? And it is an honest question. If you really want to hang out with someone, you first need to be doing something you enjoy doing. Sounds really kind of stupid, but if you meet someone at heck, i don't the opera, and you can't stand opera the chances are they are going to want to do it again. The you are forced to make a choice of going and not enjoying it or not hanging out with that person. You have to base it on mutual interests or likes. You can always try to hang with the guys at work to start. Someone suggested volunteering -- very good suggestion. Do you have a dog? Walking the dog or taking it to a park might be a good way. You need to find something to do that interests you, but at the sametime it isn't unusual to do alone -- volunteering, playing with the dog, bookstore, etc. So you aren't completely out of comfort zone.

If you feel you NEED someone...well I don't know. I personally enjoy being alone. I have a very small, very close group of friends. The kind of friends I would do anything for. I have many aquantences, but not people I would consider friends. I'm good with my setup. I guess me personally, I don't waste the energy developing a bunch of tight friendships, when a few is all I really want or need. Waste the energy? God, that sounds horrible, doesn't it? I wish I could put that into words better. But I'm perfectly content on talking to people on internet sports boards. There are people I've talked with on the red sox board for the better portion of 10 years. We send presents for the kids, we trade pictures, etc. More than aquantences but not quite close friends. Hmmm funny how that works. Maybe it has to do with these boards are there when we chose to want them. We can then chose to be social when it suits us. We can engage in conversation that interests us and dispense with the ones that don't. Dr. Me will have to ponder that theory more.

[Azure]

Originally Posted by flamesfever

I recall a study done on some engineers in California, and I was surprised to learn that, in general, they had a very small circle of friends.

I'm not surprised.

I also believe that those people who have a small circle of friends....better know the meaning of true friendship than those people who have 'lots' of friends.

[stuck_in_chuk]

Originally Posted by Tyler

You guys brought up volunteering...

Where would be a good place to volunteer where I could meet some cool 20-25 year old people

I'd recommend volunteering for the Calgary Folk Festival. They usually have some good bands, they feed you for the weekend, get to go to the after-show parties, hang out with the musicians, and your coordinator will give you free beer tickets. I have made many good friends volunteering there, and I always look forward to going back.

The only problem is that it is only once a year.

[madisonbtb]

if he plays hockey or has basic hockey skills -- what about helping out with young skaters or beginning hockey classes? it would certainly be a time commitment though, and not always at the most convenient times. at least you and the parents would have hockey in common. ????