another help thread - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

flamesfan6 · 12-19-2007, 04:50 PM

Since CP seems to be a helpful community...

To get to the point, pretty much my life sucks. I have not been able to fit in anywhere since grade 6, and I'm now in 2nd year university, and pretty much all my friends are "hi, how are you doing?" and nothing more...
I live at residences, and no matter how I try to fit in, or just have a couple friends it never happens.
I eat at the cafeteria alone most of the time, attend classes, talk to some people, once class is over I'm back to my own.
I'm never invited anywhere (since grade 7) and every weekend so far this year has been the same, alone in my dorm room.
I'm not into mass drinking, which is the norm around here, but I have never been invited anywhere and unable to find a group to talk to/hang out with.

Over the past couple of months, it just feels like my life sucks a lot. I have nothing to look forward to... Every day is the same, attend class, study, eat, do my own things (sit around and do nothing, no motivation to do anything) When I graduate? Earn money, live on my own?
These months have taken a toll on me emotionally, considering it’s now the 8th year in a row in which I am really never invited anywhere, or have people to talk to. I have also taken anger on my body a bit and its annoying sitting around, doing nothing because I don’t feel like studying all day, and have no motivation to do anything else (occasional game, but that’s been stopping).

I have previously played many cpu games, and I watch lots of TV, main reason is that it keeps me away from thinking, and keeps my mind busy. But now there's no TV, and go figure, cpu games are losing their effectiveness.

I just want to ask CP on ways to help me improve my situation (in terms of being able to fit in, more friends, etc...). Or at least try changing a negative into something positive, or something. Is hard writing this, and multiple times have not even though I have thought of it. I don’t really know what else to say.

HelloHockeyFans · 12-19-2007, 04:57 PM

Head up man.

Fitting in is silly if it requires you to be some one you're not. Circles and cliques are standard in highschool/university, but you need to realize that being part of one where you don't feel natural will eventually be seen by every one.

Be yourself, go out and meet people while doing things you truly enjoy and you'll find yourself a crew soon enough.

OILFAN #81 · 12-19-2007, 04:58 PM

Are you interested in any activities such as sports or acting or anything?

You can meet people through activities that you share the same interest in and that will allow you to have something to talk about with them. I'd suggest joining a group that interests you (whether that be a sports team, a travel club, an acting club, etc).

EDIT: Keep smiling man, you know that you are a good person and it's people who are missing out. You will find that group of people soon enough but as Kev said (which I think is important), don't do anything you don't want to do/be. That's not being true to yourself. You'll find friends through what you like to do and at the end of the day that will really make you feel good.

flamesfan6 · 12-19-2007, 05:01 PM

im on my res soccer team, but again there, its soccer game and then its back to norm....
just apparently i havnt found the group since grade 6 then... pretty dismal

REDVAN · 12-19-2007, 05:03 PM

You are pretty much speaking my language buddy. I know the feeling. It can be a big problem, and if this is your first year at university, fix it before it gets better. Something I have found is that you just have to invite yourself places. If people really don't want you there, then you don't wanna hang out with them anyway. It's hard to be assertive when you haven't been.

It's a tricky line to walk. I think you would benefit from going to the U of C counseling center. Don't knock it till you try it. It's free 3 times, so you can find out if it's something that will help you. Sometimes you just need a little perspective.

return to the red · 12-19-2007, 05:09 PM

we're all your friends here...sounds cheesy I know but really you become friends with people because you share similar interests.

If you don't like to party then, as Oilfan suggested, you should try activites.

Don't get down on yourself, try to stay upbeat. It's not fun to hang out with debbie downer, but you also don't have to be "that crazy guy".

J pold · 12-19-2007, 05:14 PM

Try getting into some co-ed activities or join a club

And keep your head up, a life is never a waste

Azure · 12-19-2007, 05:14 PM

Find something you like...sports, some sort of activity, etc, etc....and spend your time there.

Also, I second what HHF said....if you can't be yourself and 'still' fit in, you're with the wrong crowd. If people can't accept you for who you are, screw 'em.

Eastern Girl · 12-19-2007, 05:20 PM

Have you tried initiating it yourself, as opposed to sitting in your dorm room waiting for someone to ask you to hang out? I am really shy and that was always my problem. If someone didn't call me to go and hang out, I was confined to the house. But eventually I realized that I have to start making things happen on my own. Start calling up your friends and making plans. And like others have said, find activities that you do enjoy and start making friends through those groups.

Vulcan · 12-19-2007, 05:24 PM

I'd try and find other people in the same situation. There should be a few at university. Just don't try and feed on each others misery, try and find something positive to do.

flamesfan6 · 12-19-2007, 05:28 PM

well i have tried to find some group to be in since grade 7, and i was on sports teams till grade 11, have done res soccer this year and last year, and have tried to find people that i can hang out with. I attend university outside Calgary, the friends i had in high school attend other universities, and have been unable to find any group here where i fit in, but i'll have to look into the clubs more i guess...........

Azure · 12-19-2007, 05:29 PM

...try to use your soccer team to your advantage.

Sports is a fabulous way to make friends.

CaramonLS · 12-19-2007, 05:30 PM

A bunch of us here have been there FF6, and know what it is like and what you are going through. Things aren't going to be like this forever, and as REDVAN suggested, the UofC has some great counselling services (speaking from personal experience here too) which you can get access to as a student, as well as referrals to see a psychatrist via UofC health services if you think that may help.

What I've found is that unless you are comfortable with who you are, you're never going to fit in. Perhaps that is the reason why you don't think you fit in? You could be the ugliest damned mofo that ever lived, yet people would still invite you out, because you know how to have a good time and your comfortable in yourself.

What I've found is that the better you feel about who YOU are as a person, the more people actually want to hang out with you and spend time with you. It does give off a sort of positive energy, that makes people want to be around you. Likewise, when you are feeling kind of down in the dumps, depressed and not exactly sociable, heck, you don't want to be around you, why would others?

Personally, I met more people in the last year of university than I did in all my previous ones combined, because I finally felt secure with who I was as a person and as a result I had a much easier time getting to know people. Maybe I'm totally off base with that suggestion, but it was totally something that applied to me in particular.

What I also found was that the last couple years I didn't drink much either, and I was pretty sure at the time that it was because I didn't like drinking. That turned out not to be the case, it was just the social situations I was in were uncomfortable, because I was really depressed, and eventually after I got the help I needed and when involved in the right ones, I could have a few drinks and really enjoy myself.

Also, I think we need to start looking at organizing the CP introvert club. Get things off the ground and hang out for all of us who aren't exactly the most social of creatures.

redforever · 12-19-2007, 05:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HelloHockeyFans

Head up man.

Fitting in is silly if it requires you to be some one you're not. Circles and cliques are standard in highschool/university, but you need to realize that being part of one where you don't feel natural will eventually be seen by every one.

Be yourself, go out and meet people while doing things you truly enjoy and you'll find yourself a crew soon enough.

For sure, and emphasis is on activities you enjoy. I know you are busy in school, but try to find one activity and enrol in it, something to give you enjoyment and maybe challenge you away from a school setting. When you are doing something that not only you enjoy but the others in that activity also enjoy, then you will find people of mutual interests.

So, perhaps you interested in photography? Try some photography class, maybe do a photoshop class, something along those lines. I am just giving that as an example. Try something you would like.

LIP MAN · 12-19-2007, 05:33 PM

Hookers and blow.

Seriously though try joining an activity outside of res, maybe going down to the Den for a pint or two, you'd be surprised how many ppl there are in the same boat. I've never had a problem being with friends, so I should consider myself lucky. Maybe try working out at the gym, I know I've lost over 40 lbs doing that and Faceoff ball hockey (Ravi had that set up amazingly!), and the endorphins will help you more than you can know.

And counselling would help, sounds like you just need someone to talk to dude. I'm assuming ur from here, if not, just keep trying, who knows ya might meet a chick (or dude, heh, who knows) who gets ur blood flowing again. Anyhoo, I just got myself out of a bad sit recently, all it took for me was takin the bull by the horns so to speak, and now it all kinda makes sense. If I had any time outside of school, work and DJ'ing id offer to come hang, but I'm writing this one at work. Good luck and go have a pint!

MelBridgeman · 12-19-2007, 05:36 PM

having friends means obligation...and birthday presents and a shoulder to cry on..blah blah do you really want this weight? Seriously there is always someone for someone, a group for someone etc...keep trying! dont give up and you'll get what you want..if all else fails you can hang with me and my deadbeat friends...

flamesfan6 · 12-19-2007, 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MelBridgeman

having friends means obligation...and birthday presents and a shoulder to cry on..blah blah do you really want this weight? Seriously there is always someone for someone, a group for someone etc...keep trying! dont give up and you'll get what you want..if all else fails you can hang with me and my deadbeat friends...

im sure having a couple friends you hang out with regularly is better than spending your 19th alone (and i'm in BC at the moment)

Azure · 12-19-2007, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flamesfan6

im sure having a couple friends you hang out with regularly is better than spending your 19th alone (and i'm in BC at the moment)

Your a Flames fan, right?

Go to the bar and watch the game when you have a night open. In fact, make time to do something like that.

...good way to meet people with the same interests.

MelBridgeman · 12-19-2007, 05:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flamesfan6

im sure having a couple friends you hang out with regularly is better than spending your 19th alone (and i'm in BC at the moment)

Ill be in BC in a few hours...get a job? i know you are in school, but a great way to meet people is to get a job at a restuarant...even if its just Friday/Sats....usually its a pretty accepting enviroment, at least the places i worked at OSF, The Keg ect...

ps: dont think you are the first one to spend a birthday alone, i know how ya feel bro...

Stillman16 · 12-19-2007, 05:43 PM

If soccer is your thing, try the co-ed rec league at the Calgary Soccer Centre.

You can join a team as an individual, and most teams like to go for a beer to hang out after (you can drink pop if you want!!!), and the league has different levels for experience.

If you current res team doesn't go out, try suggesting it. You don't have to drink.

http://www.calgarycoedsoccer.com/ here's the link for the Calgary Soccer Centre

Good luck!