Finding love sucksssss - Part II

[ericschand]

New thread, so as not to steal Kat's or the one about the
lifeguard...

This goes back to an arguement I have had with a few of my
friends, that it is hard to find a girl who will accept #2 status,
due to my 4 year old daughter being #1.

So I meet a girl, and we go out a few times. First date, not too bad,
we get along, and hey, I'm a nice guy.

Second date, she asks something like "What makes you tick?"

So I pull out a picture of my daughter, and show her. She doesn't
seem angry, nor particularly delighted. Somewhat neutral.

Anyways, she says she wants to go out on Saturday. I tell her I
would like to, however, I have my daughter on the weekend, and
I will be spending time with her, so Sunday is probably better.

This irked her. She asked why not a babysitter/friends? I told her
that I haven't seen my baby for 10 days, and that it was important
that I spend the evening with her. So she says, sure Sunday.
Still was irked though.

Anyways, Sat afternoon, and I get a call from her. She asks if we
can meet up tonight. Ummm, no, not tonight, I have my daughter,
remember? We're up for Sunday night, what would you like to do?

Around 9PM, she phones again. Why don't I go on over, watch
movies or something? Because I *have my daughter*, who is
now sound asleep.

"Wake her up, and bring her over too! I want to meet her!"

Not tonight, she's sleeping, and no way I'm waking her up. However,
if you want, you can come over here?

No, she wants me to go over to her place.

Now I have to admit I am getting very testy and annoyed. So I
tell her once again, that we are on for Sunday, but not tonight,
my baby is asleep, I'm not waking her.

She goes all quiet, so I tell her, look, much as I would like to do it
in person, I don't think this is going to work out. I have a daughter,
I have many commitments to her, and I'm not sure you understand.

She agreed to cancel Sunday, and I told her to just cancel it all.
(Then hung up -- yeah yeah, my bad, but I was ****ed off ; wake
her up, yeah right )

Now I ask you, the smart people of CP, is this what I'm going to
run into all the time? Is there a woman out there who will understand
that I have put my baby first, there is nothing else that will replace
her at the top?

Or on the flip side, did I over-react and not give her a chance?

ers

[NSFL]

*Cough* That girl sounded like an idiot, no offence. It seems like she has serious issues listening. I don't think you over reacted. But it'll have to take some patience on your end to find someone that will understand. Back to that girl though...she didn't sound really worth it.

[KTown]

She ain't worth it. I don't have kids yet but my kids would always be #1. She seems to needy, youd get sick of it early.

Throw her out. Besides we were playing the Oilers Saturday night, she can kiss my ass for not caring. :P

[Temporary_User]

KTown, no need to quote the whole message.

I dont think that every girl will be like that. Reading that I immediately got the thought that this girl is psycho! very needy/clingy. It will be harder to meet girls with a daughter though.
You had only 2 dates with her, imho I dont think that really requires a meeting to break things off. Why have a meeting with her, just to break things off? phone call to cancel/let her know is fine at that point in a "relationship"

[Flames in 07]

No self confidence there.

The one's who need the unconditional you're #1 reinforcement are not worth it. The second you smell that, especially if it is early on, head for the hills.

Many people break up after long relationships or worse in a divorce and wonder what went wrong, when in fact there are signs if eyes are wide open.

[Mccree]

My kid (another one on the way) ALWAYS come first. If some cannot understand that they need to go.

[pope04]

Originally Posted by ericschand

(1)Now I ask you, the smart people of CP, is this what I'm going to
run into all the time? Is there a woman out there who will understand
that I have put my baby first, there is nothing else that will replace
her at the top?

(2)Or on the flip side, did I over-react and not give her a chance?

ers

(1) I married someone with a child. When I first met her, she said she'd met a few guys that considered her to have "baggage" because she had a child. "Baggage!" That's a nice way to refer to a child.

(2) Good on you for putting your child first.

[Red Mile Style]

No, you didn't over-react, you did the right thing.

I seriously do not understand what is wrong with chicks like that, they give the rest of us a bad name. Being a dead-beat Dad is probably one of the biggest turn-offs out there, in my opinion. I think a guy that can demonstrate that he puts family first is hot.

Don't worry, you'll find her, you seem like a really decent guy.

[RougeUnderoos]

She does sound kind of dumb.

Maybe you should mention on the first date that you have a kid.

[Eddie Bronze]

Not all, but many single girls seek/desire a lot of attention. Something that may not suit your situation the greatest. If you are actively looking for something, maybe look for someone in a similar situation to yours. They would certainly be a lot more understanding if they are going through it themselves. And as Rouge said, don't hide it for a second. They are going to find out, sooner has to be better than later.

Did I just type that? WTF?

[FireFly]

I would've respected you more for putting her first. I LOVE kids and want a hockey team of my own, so that would've been totally fine by me. You need to pick up your women in different places...

[ericschand]

Originally Posted by RougeUnderoos

She does sound kind of dumb.

Maybe you should mention on the first date that you have a kid.

Just to clear things up, I did break it off, at the phone call mentioned.
I'm not going to have to explain about having a child and the
responsibility and such. You would think at 30 a person would have
the knowledge about responsibility?

I didn't talk about my child on the first date, but did have the child
seat in the car when I picked her up! Funny it never came up.
Not sure what to say there. If I recall correctly, I did more listening
than talking on the first date...

Firefly: You giving me no respect for putting my child first?? Sorry
if I misunderstand, but it's not clear?

ers

[ericschand]

Originally Posted by Eddie Bronze

Not all, but many single girls seek/desire a lot of attention.

That's the argument I have had with friends, a few times over.

It is very difficult to find a lady (or even guy, but I swear, I want a lady)
who will agree to be behind my daughter in the pecking order.

It's interesting that the first date since divorce was a perfect example
of it.

ers

[Frank the Tank]

Originally Posted by ericschand

That's the argument I have had with friends, a few times over.

It is very difficult to find a lady (or even guy, but I swear, I want a lady)
who will agree to be behind my daughter in the pecking order.

It's interesting that the first date since divorce was a perfect example
of it.

ers

I have a couple friends in the same boat as you and the only solution they have found is to date a woman who has kids herself. They seem to get it whereas maybe 1 in 5 single women get it. Its not something you can explain to people who don't have kids.

[JD]

Pretty much the same situation here, except my daughter is now 11 (!)...

You just have to accept that dating might be 50% harder for you because there are a few women out there unwilling or unable to deal with being your 2nd love.

I've learned that explaining the situation and what your child means to you must be done on the 1st date. People begin to form opinions and ideas about what the relationship is going to be like almost right away, so you need to make sure she's thinking the right things from the get-go.

I have found a girl who lets me put my daughter first, and she's very understanding of that. Unfortunately, there might be completely different factors that cause this relationship to fail...

[TheyCallMeBruce]

Isn't it kind of common sense to put your child first? I think that girl is kinda selfish for asking you to do that.

[llama64]

Originally Posted by ericschand

Firefly: You giving me no respect for putting my child first?? Sorry
if I misunderstand, but it's not clear?

ers

I think Firefly meant that they would respect you more for putting your daughter first, if they were on the date with you.

I don't have a child, but I know that if I did, they would be the first responsibility in my life. A woman who doesn't get that simple concept isn't worth getting involved with.

Hang on, there are plenty of women who would be a match for you. Just be clear about your priorities as soon as possible.

[FireFly]

Originally Posted by ericschand

Firefly: You giving me no respect for putting my child first?? Sorry
if I misunderstand, but it's not clear?

ers

Sorry... I meant that I would've respected you more for putting your child first. Kids these days aren't given enough love, (one of my biggest pet peeves, I think absentee parents are the cause of a lot of problems in the world today,) so I admire parents who put their children first.

[Phaneuf3]

EDIT: Overthe line.

[CaptainCrunch]

Actually to be a jerk, which is something that I am good at.

I have to give the girl some credit, she was trying hard and working at making herself appealing to a single dad (You'd better be single)

It depends on how old she is, but she did seem interested, but a little pushy, but thats not a crime, obviously she saw something in you that she liked, and was willing to accept the kid. However depending on whether she has had children or not, she maybe dosen't understand the responsibility or the bond between a dude and his kid.

I think you were a little harsh with her. Thats what I'm trying to say.