Destination Weddings

[indes]

Has anyone here done a destination wedding?

We're thinking of doing one January-March 2024 and I was just looking for some feedback. So far we're thinking Mexico will be place, due to pricing. We want to keep it reasonable for our guests and are more interested in getting a better resort than the location itself. We'll probably get officially married here to take that headache out of the equation.

We've contacted a few destination wedding services and gotten some pricing for resorts, is there any do's or don'ts we should be aware of? Anyone have any positive/negative experiences?

[Weitz]

In before people call you selfish.

I've attended them but never planned one. Do what you want. Expect people you may want there not to come. Have a great time!

[Mickey76]

Originally Posted by Weitz

In before people call you selfish.

I've attended them but never planned one. Do what you want. Expect people you may want there not to come. Have a great time!

This is true but not the problem. All those people you are subconsciously hoping won’t come will. “They’ll make a vacation out of it.”

[Rutuu]

I've been to a few destination weddings over the years, and as an expat will likely have one myself at some point in time.

The "Edmonton" - warm destination, all inclusive in a warm spot (carribean / mexico). It's about getting away from the cold, spending all the time at the resort, and hammering free drinks and meals.

The "Nostalgia" - someone's home town/fav vacay spot/etc - You get to see a new place in the world from the perspective of a local or frequent visitor. The best restaurants, the best activities, and everyone is together.

The "I've always wanted to go" - the couple picks a bucket list location for themselves and wants all their friends to join them - this kind of wedding is a bit about the 'gram, but if its a place you've always wanted to go, for sights, culture, etc, then it can be great. Expect it to be more touristy than the "Nostalgia", but there are lots of activities organised if you want to do that, or you can do your own thing before and after the big event.

As has been said before, lots of folks won't be able to make it, but more people than you think will, and you'll have some great memories.

Good luck and congratulations.

[PaperBagger'14]

My wife and I were married in Mexico (unofficially) last November, I can probably give you some good insight if you wish. Send me a PM and I'll gladly tell you about it all.

[CASe333]

Our best friends got married in Mexico. It was at a resort and was super fun for close friends and immediate family. We had a blast and the vacation was worth it. There were a lot of close friends and family at the initial ceremony but wasn't hard for them to get a great group rate in Mexico. They also had a bigger ceremony back home after the fact so did have the opportunity to celebrate with anyone who couldn't make it. Everything was catered with alcohol but end of day they didn't spend that much compared to a proper wedding back home.


My wife and I did our wedding in Hawaii. We kept it small and booked a place for friends to stay and the wedding ceremony. Family stayed together elsewhere for really reasonable rates. It was catered with a local restaurant but since it was a destination wedding we didn't feel obligated to invite everyone in our families and kept #s below 40 people. For a couple grand we had a great professionally catered party for immediate friends and family.

I think destination weddings is almost always cheaper to put on a great party since numbers will always be smaller because everyone realizes it has to be small so aren't upset when not invited. Meanwhile you can micromanage with smaller numbers and put on a great party for those friends and family who are committed to showing up.

Selling points is destination wedding is easy to manage by yourself. Figure out how many people max you want to invite then its pretty easy to manage what resort you want to make deals with for packages or any location you want.

[photon]

We got married at Sandals in Jamaica, they were amazing (though that was 20+ years ago no idea if they're still good).

Though we just went ourselves and then had a big reception when we got back, had the honeymoon first in a way. Then came back to share with friends and family.

It seemed to work out well for our friends and family, but I could see how some might be upset at that.

[bluejays]

Unsolicited opinion but I’ll say it anyway. My idea of a wedding is to have a memorable day for not only yourself but for those around you. So given economic factors that play in with destination weddings, why do so many people consider it an option if there are people who should be there who can’t afford it? It may not be intentionally selfish but it does overlook others struggles. Just my two cents on it especially heading into a recession.

For the record I’ve been to a coupon of them and frankly I’d rather have a standalone vacation. Really not all that great.

[TheIronMaiden]

I am going to a destination wedding where the bride and groom have family on multiple continents and across Canada. They figured that 70% of folks would need to travel anyways. So it is totally understandable for me.

[GGG]

I think you just need to understand and not resent anyone who chooses not to go for whatever reason. If close family says I can’t give up the money/vacation time that shouldn’t create years of resentment in you.

The other thing is if parts will be outdoors have a backup for bad weather
Understand what parts of the ceremony/reception will be private and what is in public areas like beaches. If an old guy in a Speedo in the ocean right behind where your ceremony is happening will be an issue discuss that with the resort.

Establish early what expectations of togetherness with your guests are. If you want just the ceremony together and then being off alone make sure that’s clear. Alternatively if you expect everyone to be hanging out with you the whole time make that clear.

The big thing is that everyone’s expectations of what a destination wedding is are different so making sure it’s understood amoung the guests is important.

[Fuzz]

We got married in Mexico, and were fine with it being small. Friends were all broke students, so no expectation for them to come. Did the paperwork on our way to the airport, and my "best man" was there to witness and see us off with his GF(also a close friend). Mexico's blood test rules made the idea of doing it there not appealing.

I'd recommend getting it over with in the first few days so everyone can enjoy the rest of the vacation. And watch out for sun burns!

When we got back we had a big back yard party at my dad's, so everyone eventually got the "experience" but much more causal. All in all, really cheap and stress free. Would do again. Big weddings are not my thing. I'd still feel like crap thinking back on blowing 20 grand on one night if I had done that.

[activeStick]

Originally Posted by fleury

Unsolicited opinion but I’ll say it anyway. My idea of a wedding is to have a memorable day for not only yourself but for those around you. So given economic factors that play in with destination weddings, why do so many people consider it an option if there are people who should be there who can’t afford it? It may not be intentionally selfish but it does overlook others struggles. Just my two cents on it especially heading into a recession.

For the record I’ve been to a coupon of them and frankly I’d rather have a standalone vacation. Really not all that great.

I think the bolded is the key driver behind why some people do it and others don't. For some, the wedding is as much for the couple, as it is for the couple's family (some times, even more important for the family than the couple's own desires from the couple's perspective). Family traditions in some cases will demand that everyone be invited.

For others, the wedding is mostly about the couple, so having a large guest list isn't at top of mind. I can see why people go different ways on this.

Personally, I'm generally a pretty easy guy. I could do a large wedding with hundreds of guests if it's that important to my future wife or if our families demand it. I could also be completely happy with a 30-person event that is nice and intimate. I'll end up deferring to what my partner wants to happen.

[jwslam]

Originally Posted by GGG

I think you just need to understand and not resent anyone who chooses not to go for whatever reason. If close family says I can’t give up the money/vacation time that shouldn’t create years of resentment in you.

The other thing is if parts will be outdoors have a backup for bad weather
Understand what parts of the ceremony/reception will be private and what is in public areas like beaches. If an old guy in a Speedo in the ocean right behind where your ceremony is happening will be an issue discuss that with the resort.

Establish early what expectations of togetherness with your guests are. If you want just the ceremony together and then being off alone make sure that’s clear. Alternatively if you expect everyone to be hanging out with you the whole time make that clear.

The big thing is that everyone’s expectations of what a destination wedding is are different so making sure it’s understood amoung the guests is important.

Personal experience with 3 destination weddings as a guest:

1) Dominican Republic All-Inclusive resort: the couple had a coordinator at Air Canada vacations and pretty much everyone worked with that coordinator and had the same flights. The package cost was a few hundred more than what it would've been for me to book on my own at the time I was looking. I have no idea where that price difference was, whether it was towards the coordinator, or supplementing the executive suite the couple got, or what. Weddding was on day 4 of 7 so the first few days were a lot of prep work for the couple then we pretty much spent the rest of the time together as a big group, including excursions.

2) Maui, Hawaii. The couple gave details of where to stay, and had a group rate. I opted to pick a place through VRBO which ended up being the same place somehow lol. Check-in through VRBO seemed to be a bit more cumbersome than those who stayed through the group rate. I think it was a resort that was part hotel, part time-shares. Everyone seemed to be in/out on different flights. We only saw the couple on two days. The wedding day (ceremony and reception) and a separate day where the bride arranged for a group rate at a Luau. They spent most of the their stay doing prep, and then a family vacation with both families.

3) San Jose, CA. The couple is originally from Calgary, only on a temporary work commitment there. 95% of the guests were from here. They arranged for a hotel with a group rate, where you could make your own booking. The hotel was also the shuttle pickup/dropoff for wedding ceremony. Other than that, no other arrangements were made for/with guests. We only saw the couple on the wedding day.

For all the above, I'm fortunate to be a friend from a group of friends.
I also saw how any of these situations above were different for the "I only know the groom from work, and don't know any of his other friends" attendees who aren't very social to interact with other guests, and weren't too keen on the specific destination as a "vacation".

[BlackArcher101]

I don't really understand the concept of a destination wedding myself. Had an immediate family member planning to do one, but they soon found out it wasn't the best idea as some people they wanted to be there couldn't afford to (me included). Resentment of people you expected to come that don't is a real thing, but so to is the reverse. There is also resentment of people that would love to be there but feel you've made it impossible for them to be. You may say "people that want to be there will find a way" but come on.... you are asking some to possibly wreck their budget for the next 3 years to do it. Especially if they don't consider a resort/mexico a desired vacation in the first place.

To me, it's not a good solution for either making things cheaper (for only the married couple) or a way to weed out people. Instead, just elope if you truly want to save money, go on an immediate honeymoon at the same time, then come back and celebrate with family & friends.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by CASe333

Our best friends got married in Mexico. It was at a resort and was super fun for close friends and immediate family. We had a blast and the vacation was worth it. There were a lot of close friends and family at the initial ceremony but wasn't hard for them to get a great group rate in Mexico. They also had a bigger ceremony back home after the fact so did have the opportunity to celebrate with anyone who couldn't make it. Everything was catered with alcohol but end of day they didn't spend that much compared to a proper wedding back home.


My wife and I did our wedding in Hawaii. We kept it small and booked a place for friends to stay and the wedding ceremony. Family stayed together elsewhere for really reasonable rates. It was catered with a local restaurant but since it was a destination wedding we didn't feel obligated to invite everyone in our families and kept #s below 40 people. For a couple grand we had a great professionally catered party for immediate friends and family.

I think destination weddings is almost always cheaper to put on a great party since numbers will always be smaller because everyone realizes it has to be small so aren't upset when not invited. Meanwhile you can micromanage with smaller numbers and put on a great party for those friends and family who are committed to showing up.

Selling points is destination wedding is easy to manage by yourself. Figure out how many people max you want to invite then its pretty easy to manage what resort you want to make deals with for packages or any location you want.

I think that's a selfish perspective. Cheaper for the people throwing the party in their own honour, I suppose, but I'd never want to download the cost of my events onto people I care about.

I don't even know how you could type this with a straight face, tbh. Like, it didn't occur to you to add up all the plane tickets, hotel accommodations and other associated travel expenses of all the attendees to determine the wedding was more expensive than one night at a community centre would have been? By orders of magnitude?

And also the monopolisation of people's time and limited available time off. I could never forgive myself. Some people get just two or three weeks off a year and you're going to dictate to them where they spend that so you can have a 'cheap' wedding? That's deplorable.

It's just an awful concept top to bottom.

[Jiggy_12]

Selfish? Lol it’s your own wedding, do whatever the hell you want. It’s for you and your partner

[fundmark19]

I got married in vegas it was awesome. I went to a friends wedding in mexico it was also awesome.

I have been on both sides of people I wanted to be at my wedding couldn't and also been invited to weddings I couldn't justify the costs at the time. End of the day my wedding was perfect and it only sucked for the first month or so of not attending a wedding I was invited to. Life moves on and people get over it.

The day is about you and not others so do what you want!

[Jason14h]

As long as you are giving a year notice wouldnt most friends easily
Just plan as their vacation that year (sure some may not take / afford )

I much prefer a destination wedding partying with all
My friends for a week ! It’s my ideal scenario and our group is constantly
Trying to convince people to have a destination wedding so we all have an excuse
To party together

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by Jiggy_12

Selfish? Lol it’s your own wedding, do whatever the hell you want. It’s for you and your partner

Hahahaha "...do whatever you want. It's for you and your partner"

That's the fataing definition of selfish. I mean, I took my guests into consideration in my wedding and reception, as most do. I try not to treat loved ones and friends as extras in my story. If you do, go nuts, but at least acknowledge that is selfish lol.

[Fighting Banana Slug]

I like the destination wedding. Way better than a weekend in Moose Jaw, or god forbid, Edmonton.

Vacation with friends family that you presumably like. If you don't like them, don't go. No one will care! Win/Win.