What's your all-time best come-back? - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

SoulOfTheFlame · 09-01-2005, 08:13 PM

Ever had someone try to take a shot at you while in a large group of people?

Ever nailed them back with a cruel come-back so fierce that it made them speechless, and/or bow down and respect your linguistic skills?

I'm sure we've all had some great ones, but anyone have one that was just perfect? Extra points goto come-backs vs. Oil fans.

HelloHockeyFans · 09-01-2005, 08:22 PM

Well... the jerk store called, and they're runnin' outta you! :P

AC · 09-01-2005, 08:24 PM

What's the difference? You're their all-time best seller.

pope04 · 09-01-2005, 09:18 PM

I went to Jesters years ago with a buddy, and we sat in the front row. My friend was wearing a hideously garish western-style shirt with flames all over it. Of course, the comic ridiculed him mercilessly from the get-go.

My friend, offended, blurted, "Hey, man, this is an original Brooks and Dunn shirt."

"That's not the original Brooks and Dunn shirt. I have the original Brooks and Dunn shirt.........my wife gave it to me," the comic countered.

"Yeah? Well, she gave me this shirt too!" my buddy snapped without missing a beat.

The comedian opened his mouth and stood there, slack jawed, for at least four seconds. After his set, he bought my friend a drink and proclaimed that he had never been shot down like that before.

pope04 · 09-01-2005, 09:49 PM

I have another one!

A friend and I made the trek north for the Western Final in '01. After the game, a one-sided Stampeder victory, a drunk Edmontonian took exception to my friend's #20 Doug Flutie jersey.

"Hey, idiot, when are you going to get a new jersey? Flutie's been gone a long time," the drunk grumbled.

My friend and I were at a loss for words, but a Calgary fan, a stranger, behind us came to our rescue: "He'll get a new jersey when you idiots rename Wayne Gretzky Drive."

The drunk opened his mouth to retort, then turned on his heel and disappeared into the frigid November night.

dancynator · 09-01-2005, 11:28 PM

here i will go get your mom from my house to comment on the subject dumb***

Maritime Q-Scout · 09-02-2005, 06:59 PM

I ~LOVE~ the CFL story, laughed out loud.

I usually burn you well enough to not have a comeback, ie:

my friend Pat (overweight at the time) and I meet up with a guy we casually (Dan) know in a bar in Halifax.
Friend to Pat: So man, you pickin' up tonight or what?

Me: Naw man, he's happy with the breasts God gave him.

Shawnski · 09-02-2005, 07:04 PM

Went out to Yuk Yuk's one night. The comedian was pretty good at making those balloon animals like horses, birds, etc and asked what he should make next.

Immediately I yelled out "A platypus!!"

Even he chuckled back on that.

Flashpoint · 09-02-2005, 07:11 PM

I was working as an usher at a performing arts theatre (Chan Center at UBC), and told a dude he couldn't go into the theatre until there was a break.

He started giving me a really hard time (like it was my fault he was late). Eventually he started swearing at me.

I waited for a pause and then asked him "Why are you giving me such a hard time? I am just trying to do my job. I don't come down to where you work and slap the #### out of your mouth."

He reported me to my boss.

She laughed pretty hard.

jonesy · 09-02-2005, 07:13 PM

My friend approached a girl in a group of her friends to dance.

When she said "no, I don't want to dance!", He said:
'Dance? I didn't ask you to dance, I said you look fat in those pants."

4X4 · 09-02-2005, 10:59 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Flashpoint@Sep 2 2005, 05:11 PM

I waited for a pause and then asked him "Why are you giving me such a hard time? I am just trying to do my job. I don't come down to where you work and slap the #### out of your mouth."

He reported me to my boss.

She laughed pretty hard.

Ha HA!

My buddy demolished another buddy with that one.

Friggin hilarious out of the blue.

nfotiu · 09-03-2005, 12:07 AM

wife:What, do you have a piano tied to your ass?

No, but I have an organ between my legs!

KevanGuy · 09-03-2005, 12:25 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by jonesy@Sep 2 2005, 06:13 PM
My friend approached a girl in a group of her friends to dance.

When she said "no, I don't want to dance!", He said:
'Dance? I didn't ask you to dance, I said you look fat in those pants."

That's a good one.

An old KG staple:

Me: Wow, that was stupid.
Female: Kiss my butt.
Me: Only if you shave it first.

Flashpoint · 09-03-2005, 01:51 PM

Quote:

only if you shave it first

NICE!

Eastern Girl · 09-03-2005, 02:00 PM

I was in the backroom at Walmart with some co-workers and we were talking about the soundtrack for the store and how they play the same crappy songs over and over again. I was talking about this one song in particular "Cruisin" by Huey Lewis and Gwenyth Paltrow and how I had heard it four times that day already. So my friend Nolan says that he will just start playing it non stop for me and I said that I would kill him if he did. He said that he will play it at his funeral then just to bother me. My response: "Play it all you want at your funeral, do you really think anything would ruin my mood on that day?!"

It apparently really hurt his feelings so i had to apologize later...

Maritime Q-Scout · 09-03-2005, 02:17 PM

just thought of this now, this was a few years ago, a complete gong show night. Getting a ride home with complete strangers is always a good night, hahaha.

Anyway standing outside the bar waiting to purchase a hot dog, I see these two people at each side of the cart screaming at each other. They're calling each other every name in the book "fata'ing a*hole" "disgusting b*tch" etc. It looks like this guy and girl are gonna scrap. The hotdog lady starts panicing and stressing telling them to go away from the cart, etc.

They start to storm off in seperate directions

now after all the disgusting, low blows they took at each other the were storming away without a punch thrown or needing people to retrain them

until

the girl look turns around and says to the guy

"oh yeah... well you shop at Walmart!"

Buddy snapped, and the two had to be held back

you shop at walmart! Hilarious

***************************************

Talking about this thread with my little bro today he said he and his buddies were playing Halo online, and of course there's trashtalking going on.

There was this one 6 year old that everyone was hating, and getting on their nerves saying stuff like "you fataing suck" and being just annoying. You'd say something and he'd be like "that comeback was gay"

My brother's friend, who's mild mannered as anything, never said boo about anyone just blurts out after the kid said "wow that was a geat comeback"

"Kid if I wanted my comeback, I'd take it from your mother's mouth!"

People stopped playing the game they were laughing that hard, and the kid instantly left.

SoulOfTheFlame · 09-03-2005, 03:01 PM

Not really all that witty by I heard one last night that was just super effective.

This young homeless guy was out asking for change last night, most people are pretty polite, either giving him change or saying sorry, but no.

Anyway, this guy is walking past trying to talk on his cell, the homeless dude says: Hey man, you got some change?

Cell phone guy ignores him

Homeless guy: Hey buddy, c'mon, a little spare change?

Cell phone guy SCREAMS, without looking at him or removing the phone from his ear: JUST SHUT THE FATA UP MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Homeless guy and everyone else kinda just stares at him in shock. Homeless guy's buddy says: Wow... he meant business!

I couldn't help but laugh.

Bill Bumface · 09-03-2005, 03:09 PM

My favorite reply to any mom jokes:

Someone: "Oh yeah, well thats not what your mom said when she was at my place last night"

Me: "Leave my mom out of this and I'll leave this out of your mom" *pointing down to junk*

Deelow · 09-04-2005, 12:11 PM

A friend of mine comes from a religious family, his sister happens to be a lesbian which his parents find difficult to accept....
anyway, at the time I was living at home...and sometimes my mother would do my laundry and put it away...(mothers!!!) anyway, he was over one day and he made noticed this. The next day at school he decided to tell a large group of people "Deelow's mommy still does his laundry and then puts it away in the closet." My response "well at least my mommy doesn't keep my sister in the closet". He shut up pretty quick.

Flames_Gimp · 09-04-2005, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Maritime Q-Scout@Sep 3 2005, 12:17 PM

"Kid if I wanted my comeback, I'd take it from your mother's mouth!"

LMAO