The Ongoing "Am I the %^&hole?" Thread

[you&me]

Originally Posted by 8 Ball

There is a big difference between a small gathering of people for a dinner party, and a backyard summer barbeque bash. If I’m hosting a small party I will have beer and wine for guests, and usually a signature cocktail of some kind (usually boozy) but they will usually bring something anyways. If it’s a summer barbecue, or a Flames playoff game party, bring your own ####. Leave it behind or take it with you, I don’t care.

This is an important distinction.

We host a lot in the summer, like 5 or more days a week... If there wasn't some major BYOB, we'd be broke LOL.

[8 Ball]

Originally Posted by you&me

This is an important distinction.

We host a lot in the summer, like 5 or more days a week... If there wasn't some major BYOB, we'd be broke LOL.

And I would also bring a dish in this case.

[8 Ball]

As far as bill splitting goes, there are also different scenarios. If three couples go skiing for example, and stop for lunch. it would be wise to ask the wait staff to split the check. Some folks are going to order a salad, some want steak sandwiches, some drink beer, and some will be fine with water. If four friends are going on a sports holiday and decide to take in a fancy dinner, the expectation would be you can order whatever you want from the menu and bottles of wine will be shared. In this case splitting the bill four ways would make more sense.

[CliffFletcher]

Originally Posted by MoneyGuy

What’s more important, a party or protecting yourself and your friends?

I don’t see the connection between my comment and your response.

[MoneyGuy]

Originally Posted by CliffFletcher

I don’t see the connection between my comment and your response.

Sorry, I misread.

[Geraldsh]

I distinguish between friends and acquaintances; a party large enough to include acquaintances is byob and take your leftovers home. My friends can drink all mine and lick out the fridge. That said , at a large party my friends will set an example by bringing drinks they know we all like and leaving it here.

[Cappy]

The accommodation discussion and the BYOB discussion are both interesting because i don't think i have ever really thought of them to this detail.

Accommodation - I would always go per-person rather than per-room/bed. Regardless of if I am on the couch or in a room with my partner. I would always expect it to be per person and I have never had anyone argue differently.

On some occasions, like an airbnb or a friends cabin/vacation home, you always run into the issue of there being a master bedroom with en suite and then usually a room with two double beds or a couch etc.
- i will never offer to take the better accommodation; however, if i am 3rd or 5th wheeling a trip, i will of course take the less private option. Couch in the livign room? sure! im on vacation i dont care.

BYOB: it entirely depends on the situation.

Going to a friends house: i will always bring my own alcohol.

A guys night or casual sports viewing. Ill bring a case of beer (decent-good quality) for everyone to drink. I'll expect to leave it there if not finished. Thanks for hosting.

A small get together or dinner party. Bottle of wine as a gift. Usually it is opened at the dinner and enjoyed by all.

If i am hosting:
Casual: I would expect people would bring booze but i always have booze on hand to share if someone doesn't. They are friends (or friends of friends) so they will get me later - or not, who cares it's 30 bucks. If someone wants to take their booze? sure, i don't care, they bought it.

Formal: I will never expect anyone to bring booze. I will have all the alcohols available (like someone mentioned, a signature cocktail is always a hit). If someone brings wine, it's always as a gift. If we are drinking wine, i will insist on opening it.

I guess, what i am trying to say is, whatever my friends do is fine, i dont think anything less of them for doing different.

[Jason14h]

I always thought you were suppose to bring booze to a host supplying the food even if it isn't BYOB

Football Sunday - Bring a case of beer you KNOW they will like
Dinner Party- Bottle of Wine
New Years/Birthday - Whatever they like - But can mix in stuff for shots, cocktails, etc

Now every host I know has liqour out, isn't expecting BYOB, and may even dip into some of their stash for variety, but who shows up without booze if the host is supplying food and location!

Shame people, Shame

[RichieRich]

Throw in a gluten free host or guest and the beer and booze choices become interesting. I wouldn’t want someone guessing and buying me the cheapest or worst GF beer imaginable (it’s happened enough to me to know most GF beers suck and the best one is also expensive). So I just tell people don’t bother I’ll bring my own beer and sometimes even my own snacks. We have one set of friends (had for about 10 years) and they still don’t get my dietary issues. I don’t expect them to really, but after 10’yrs if we go over for a dinner invite and they have ZERO foods I can eat then darn right I come prepared for food and drink. Not so I leave my GF booze there. But this is a rather specific and unique situation.

[btimbit]

Originally Posted by peter12

Do some of you not know how to properly socialize? If you are so worried about splitting the bill, then don’t go to expensive places with those people. Go bowling and split a pitcher.

I'm pretty surprised at how in-depth some people have thought about this stuff, I always thought it was all pretty self-explanatory

[Cecil Terwilliger]

Originally Posted by btimbit

I'm pretty surprised at how in-depth some people have thought about this stuff, I always thought it was all pretty self-explanatory

Seinfeld existed for 9 seasons and almost 200 episodes based solely on discussions around these sorts of things. Now Curb has been on for another half dozen more. So clearly some people think it’s an interesting topic. Funny even.

The only difference is some people get really uncomfortable talking about it, like Peter.

Social etiquette involves a little bit common sense and a lot of judgment and condescension.

[peter12]

Originally Posted by Cecil Terwilliger

Seinfeld existed for 9 seasons and almost 200 episodes based solely on discussions around these sorts of things. Now Curb has been on for another half dozen more. So clearly some people think it’s an interesting topic. Funny even.

The only difference is some people get really uncomfortable talking about it, like Peter.

Social etiquette involves a little bit common sense and a lot of judgment and condescension.

Seinfeld and Curb are making fun of people like you. That’s the joke.

[bizaro86]

I think Cecil is the a**hole for dropping this gem and then not sharing details.

Originally Posted by Cecil Terwilliger

If you guys knew what really happened, you’d flip ####. It’s way worse than the scenarios I presented, which I already tried to tone down to create a more balanced scenario.

[btimbit]

Originally Posted by Cecil Terwilliger

Seinfeld existed for 9 seasons and almost 200 episodes based solely on discussions around these sorts of things. Now Curb has been on for another half dozen more. So clearly some people think it’s an interesting topic. Funny even.

The only difference is some people get really uncomfortable talking about it, like Peter.

Social etiquette involves a little bit common sense and a lot of judgment and condescension.

I love those shows, but they're not having those discussions, they're making fun of them

[TherapyforGlencross]

I don’t know about you but I don’t really think this over that intensely. When I go over to a friends house for dinner, I don’t bring any drinks; it’s supplied. But then again, in my circle the host always provides the drinks, it’s just what we do. We get together quite often and take turns hosting. For watching sports together, it’s never stated but just assumed we bring our own beers. But that’s because when we get together for sports it can get out-of-hand lol. If it’s a party with a larger group of people, I’ll bring a snack or drinks as a way to say thank you.

Case in point: I think it entirely depends on the friend group and their expectations. You’re not really putting thought in your friend if you just blanket them into “zones” or “yes-and-no”. Not all friends are the same. Jerry might get offended and Fred might not. If you don’t know the answer if you should bring drinks, just ask. They are your friend for a reason, I’m sure they won’t mind telling you in an honest matter. Then again, it’s all about the friend group.

Mind you, this changes for people I don’t know well. Again, comes down to the friend group.

[corporatejay]

Originally Posted by Cecil Terwilliger

Seinfeld existed for 9 seasons and almost 200 episodes based solely on discussions around these sorts of things. Now Curb has been on for another half dozen more. So clearly some people think it’s an interesting topic. Funny even.

The only difference is some people get really uncomfortable talking about it, like Peter.

Social etiquette involves a little bit common sense and a lot of judgment and condescension.

Curb has been on for 20 years. 11 seasons.

[TherapyforGlencross]

I thought I was in the Random Thought Thread. I read through the past 5 pages, only to learn that this whole AITA discussion is based off a fake situation. Smh.

[bdubbs]

Even worse, it's based on a real situation that the originating poster refuses to share with us, thus forcing us into this discussion about a hypothetical, less crazy (apparently) situation.

[Fuzz]

So he is the %^&hole?

[TherapyforGlencross]

Originally Posted by bdubbs

Even worse, it's based on a real situation that the originating poster refuses to share with us, thus forcing us into this discussion about a hypothetical, less crazy (apparently) situation.

If the real situation is crazy and wild, there most likely is an #######. If the discussed situation is a watered-down version of the crazy wild, it implies there’s still an ####### in the hypothetical.

I don’t really understand the point of an AITA thread if these stories are fake but I guess we’re all here for the hypothetical ride?