Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community
Old 04-09-2017, 11:54 AM   #41
CliffFletcher
Franchise Player
 
Join Date: May 2006
Exp:
Default

Roll your sleeves up and get involved right from the outset. We had twins and my wife had a c-section, so I had no choice - for the first 48 hours I did all the swaddling, changing diapers, burping, everything except feeding. In the end, it gave me the confidence that I can (and should) do everything as much as my wife except the feeding part. And when we did switch to bottles, it was 50/50 on that as well.

I have friends who kind of hung back and let their wife do almost all of the changing, swaddling, burping, etc., and it established a dynamic that caused problems later. This isn't 1980 anymore. Step up.

The nurses will recommend that the family bond together at home with little or no visitors for the first couple days. Listen to them. As others have suggested, ask your support network for food. Don't let moms and mother-in-laws meddle. You'll need their support, but don't get elbowed out of the way as the dad. Again, this isn't 1980 anymore.

Establish a sleep and feeding schedule that enables your wife to get the rest she needs. Cherish the time when you're alone with your child. Those bonds are forever.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by fotze View Post
If this day gets you riled up, you obviously aren't numb to the disappointment yet to be a real fan.
CliffFletcher is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2017, 12:17 PM   #42
Locke
ness Monster
 
Locke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Income Tax Central
Exp:
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by dissentowner View Post
What? His whole post was about how the majority of the time being a dad sucks. I simply pointed out his post better described being an Oilers fan than being a dad. It described the Oilers players much better than being a father. Anyhow I don't want to keep derailing the thread. If you agree with his description of being a father I am sorry it has been such a downer for both of you.
__________________
- "Somebody may beat me, but they're going to have to bleed to do it."
- Steve Prefontaine
Locke is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Locke For This Useful Post:
Old 04-09-2017, 12:30 PM   #43
oilers_fan
Franchise Player
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Edson
Exp:
Default

Here's the thing - if all you ever hear is that being a parent is the best thing ever and it's all roses and you are going to feel complete, i think you're in for a major letdown when you realise it actually sucks some of the time. Little sleep, cranky kids, fighting with the wife because you're both stressed and tired and sick and tired. That stuff all happens and I'm not about to sugarcoat it.

Are there good times? Of course there are. But i choose to not gloss over the bad times.

I think it was two or three weeks in when my wife and I contemplated throwing the kid outside in a snowbank, getting a good night's sleep, and then deal with the police in the morning. Of course we were joking, but the things you think about at 2:00am when you're exhausted as all hell.
__________________
But living an honest life - for that you need the truth. That's the other thing I learned that day, that the truth, however shocking or uncomfortable, leads to liberation and dignity. -Ricky Gervais
oilers_fan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2017, 12:33 PM   #44
Hanni
Powerplay Quarterback
 
Hanni's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: the angry dome
Exp:
Default

Everyone is going to give a pile of advice about sleep/feeding whatever, it's all well intentioned, but every kid is different and you'll figure out what works best for you.

I also found as dad the first few months the hardest, babies are plastered to mom a lot of the time and don't do much. Once they start being more interactive (smiling etc.) and being awake for longer it feels the bond gets stronger.
Hanni is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2017, 12:34 PM   #45
OldDutch
First Line Centre
 
OldDutch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: North of the River, South of the Bluff
Exp:
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by oilers_fan View Post
-dont watch
-Kids are annoying
-kids are needy
-Sometimes it's fun, many times it's not
-I don't feel "enriched" or "complete" or anything like that

Good luck!
I empathize with this a little bit. Our first was very difficult. Didn't crawl, just laid on the floor until just before the normal expectation timeline of walking was almost closed. Then boom he stood up and walked. Same with speach, was a total mute. Every single milestone was delayed and we took him for countless tests. All came back fine. To top it off he had a very cold personality.

My wife took it the hardest. She thought she was a failure as a mother. We hated being parents for a long time. We almost didn't want to have a second but my brave wife finally came around.

Our second is polar opposite. He is loving, warm, funny and is ahead on every milestone. We raised him the exact same. My wife feels validated.

Oh and my first. He is an amazing kid now. Turns out he is exceptionally gifted in math and science. He was spending that first year studying us and building his cognitive side. He's way easier now and we are all happier.

So play the long game is my advice. Not all kids are perfect and they develop different. Don't go into this thinking it will be amazing all the time or right away.

Just let it happen and love your kid no matter what. Ya that sounds cliche but keep repeating that for the next few years during the tough times.
OldDutch is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to OldDutch For This Useful Post:
Old 04-09-2017, 12:40 PM   #46
Hanni
Powerplay Quarterback
 
Hanni's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: the angry dome
Exp:
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by OldDutch View Post
Our second is polar opposite. He is loving, warm, funny and is ahead on every milestone. We raised him the exact same. My wife feels validated.
To add to this, if you have a difficult kid a lot of parents that had it easy seem to think they are parenting experts. Sometimes you just lucky with a really easy kid and it has nothing to do with parenting, don't let them make you feel bad.
Hanni is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Hanni For This Useful Post:
Old 04-09-2017, 12:51 PM   #47
OutOfTheCube
Franchise Player
 
OutOfTheCube's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Exp:
Default

Another one -- my kid hating being swaddled. Would just scream and squirm until he was free from it himself or we unwrapped him. So day 3, we just didn't bother, and he fell asleep with his arms up by his head and loved it. Never even tried swaddling again. Moral is, just because it's the recommended thing most babies like, doesn't mean yours will.
__________________


Looking to sell your old iPhone or get a great deal buying a new one? Check out Orchard
OutOfTheCube is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to OutOfTheCube For This Useful Post:
Old 04-09-2017, 01:02 PM   #48
Nancy
Scoring Winger
 
Nancy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Sunnyvale nursing home
Exp:
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hanni View Post
To add to this, if you have a difficult kid a lot of parents that had it easy seem to think they are parenting experts. Sometimes you just lucky with a really easy kid and it has nothing to do with parenting, don't let them make you feel bad.
I cannot emphasis or thank this post enough. When we had our first child, the Kitty Raymond sleep training was in vogue, and everyone told us that if it wasn't working, we weren't trying hard enough. We tried really hard with that and sometimes I worry we did permanent emotional damage. Our second just slept through the night naturally, without any effort.
Nancy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2017, 01:11 PM   #49
flamesrule14
Powerplay Quarterback
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Edmonton
Exp:
Default

Good thread lots of good advice. My fiancÚ and I are expecting our first in August. Still a ways a way, but nervous and excited at the same time.

What do you guys find was a good amount of time off from work when the little one was born? I'll be taking a week off for sure, but also debating maybe even two weeks.
flamesrule14 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2017, 01:43 PM   #50
nickerjones
Franchise Player
 
nickerjones's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Oklahoma - Where they call a puck a ball...
Exp:
Default

I just had my first child 10 days ago. It's crazy how quickly you go from a reasonably well functioning adult to a scared anxious nervous wreck once the baby is born.

My advice is to understand that every one including doctors, nurses, astronauts, and baby experts will tell you different ways you are suppose to handle the same situation. It actually makes your head spin. Sometimes you have to carve your own path and do what works for you even though a nurse said something different.

Also don't let them shame you into breast feeding. Sometimes it's not in the cards. My wife has had a tough time with it and the nurses are relentless. My wife has issues with volume and having extreme pain when the baby is trying to feed. We have been pumping and giving the baby as much breast milk as we can via the bottle. We supplement with formula. Nurses have just been shaming my wife because we are using a bottle and formula. We finally went to a lactation specialist and they were far more understanding and helpful.
__________________
CHECK OUT MY PODCAST ALL ABOUT BEER LEAGUE HOCKEY http://beerleaguetalk.libsyn.com
nickerjones is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to nickerjones For This Useful Post:
Old 04-09-2017, 01:51 PM   #51
Street Pharmacist
Franchise Player
 
Street Pharmacist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Kamloops
Exp:
Default

Especially egregious crap when most of the evidence did pushing breastfeeding is pseudoscience.

Breastfeeding is best, but only slightly and only for a few specific reasons. It doesn't increase IQ, decrease asthma risk, etc. It may decrease risk of some communicable illnesses, but that is about it.
__________________
Street Pharmacist is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2017, 01:58 PM   #52
GGG
Franchise Player
 
GGG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Exp:
Default

Also babies sleep longer with infant formula because it's digested slower. (This is anecdotal pseudoscience though)

As for vacation I think a week is good to start so you can save vacation days for later on that first year. With a C-section a little longer might help to where your wife is fairly mobile and can do light lifting again.

Last edited by GGG; 04-09-2017 at 02:01 PM.
GGG is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2017, 02:11 PM   #53
oilers_fan
Franchise Player
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Edson
Exp:
Default

I think giving formula in a bottle is a helluva great way at night to give your wife a break and let her sleep.
__________________
But living an honest life - for that you need the truth. That's the other thing I learned that day, that the truth, however shocking or uncomfortable, leads to liberation and dignity. -Ricky Gervais
oilers_fan is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to oilers_fan For This Useful Post:
Old 04-09-2017, 02:16 PM   #54
nickerjones
Franchise Player
 
nickerjones's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Oklahoma - Where they call a puck a ball...
Exp:
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by GGG View Post
Also babies sleep longer with infant formula because it's digested slower. (This is anecdotal pseudoscience though)

As for vacation I think a week is good to start so you can save vacation days for later on that first year. With a C-section a little longer might help to where your wife is fairly mobile and can do light lifting again.
I'm taking 2 weeks off but the following week Im out of town for work Thursday-Sunday. That's going to be a trying weekend for sure.
__________________
CHECK OUT MY PODCAST ALL ABOUT BEER LEAGUE HOCKEY http://beerleaguetalk.libsyn.com
nickerjones is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2017, 02:32 PM   #55
Locke
ness Monster
 
Locke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Income Tax Central
Exp:
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nickerjones View Post
I just had my first child 10 days ago. It's crazy how quickly you go from a reasonably well functioning adult to a scared anxious nervous wreck once the baby is born.

My advice is to understand that every one including doctors, nurses, astronauts, and baby experts will tell you different ways you are suppose to handle the same situation. It actually makes your head spin. Sometimes you have to carve your own path and do what works for you even though a nurse said something different.

Also don't let them shame you into breast feeding. Sometimes it's not in the cards. My wife has had a tough time with it and the nurses are relentless. My wife has issues with volume and having extreme pain when the baby is trying to feed. We have been pumping and giving the baby as much breast milk as we can via the bottle. We supplement with formula. Nurses have just been shaming my wife because we are using a bottle and formula. We finally went to a lactation specialist and they were far more understanding and helpful.
What the hell? I just saw your wife, I didnt realize she was that far along.

Congrats man!

You're going to be spending a whole lot less on ballet shoes, so I hope you enjoyed it while you could.
__________________
- "Somebody may beat me, but they're going to have to bleed to do it."
- Steve Prefontaine
Locke is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2017, 02:40 PM   #56
Slava
Franchise Player
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Exp:
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by oilers_fan View Post
I think giving formula in a bottle is a helluva great way at night to give your wife a break and let her sleep.
And really this is the one extreme advantage of breast feeding!

(Relax, I'm mostly joking...)
Slava is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Slava For This Useful Post:
V
Old 04-09-2017, 03:03 PM   #57
nickerjones
Franchise Player
 
nickerjones's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Oklahoma - Where they call a puck a ball...
Exp:
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Locke View Post
What the hell? I just saw your wife, I didnt realize she was that far along.

Congrats man!

You're going to be spending a whole lot less on ballet shoes, so I hope you enjoyed it while you could.
Thanks dude! Yeah I never thought she looked like she got to the OMG she is going to pop phase of pregnancy. She was 6 days past due when she was induced.

Of course you don't understand the dance world. If you think just because it's a boy that dance mom isn't going to have him in some form of dance then you're wrong. I am ok with it ..... as long as it helps him in other aspects of sports. You know kind of like the whole Jeff Skinner figure skating thing.
__________________
CHECK OUT MY PODCAST ALL ABOUT BEER LEAGUE HOCKEY http://beerleaguetalk.libsyn.com
nickerjones is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2017, 03:14 PM   #58
Cali Panthers Fan
Franchise Player
 
Cali Panthers Fan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Boca Raton, FL
Exp:
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Street Pharmacist View Post
Especially egregious crap when most of the evidence did pushing breastfeeding is pseudoscience.

Breastfeeding is best, but only slightly and only for a few specific reasons. It doesn't increase IQ, decrease asthma risk, etc. It may decrease risk of some communicable illnesses, but that is about it.
What? No...let's scale it back there. Almost every healthcare provider I have spoken to says that breastfeeding is the best option. LITERALLY every OB/GYN I have spoken to says that breastfeeding is preferred, and that you should try it first before moving to formula. It isn't about shaming anyone, it's just the best option for BOTH baby and mom, and is actually the easiest when it comes to logistics of feeding a child. Nurses will often keep trying to get the mom to breastfeed for immunity reasons, but also because new mom's often have trouble with the process of breastfeeding, and many want to give up right away so they keep trying while being encouraging (most of the time) so that mom's give breastfeeding a really good shot before doing something else.





As for advice: I reference The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy.......DON'T PANIC.

Trust your instincts. If it seems like the right thing to do, it likely is fine. Everyone has different styles of parenting, and you have to be authentic to yourself. As long as what you're doing isn't dangerous...go for it.

Sleep whenever and wherever you can. Purchase quick meditation guides for sleep so you can quickly fall asleep when you need to. Buy eye masks and ear plugs for those times you are sleeping in the middle of the day with a lot of noise around. The more rested you are, the more you can parent effectively. It also keeps tension down between partners.

Don't be reluctant to ask for help or time away from the baby. EVERYONE needs downtime, and if you don't get a little now and then you will explode or fall apart. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your little one and each other. Plan time for yourself when you can.

Do all the little things that your partner usually does. She has a LOT on her plate, so you can be the hero by taking care of any cleaning, cooking, shopping, errands...whatever she normally takes care of (not trying to be sexist by saying those as examples BTW). Just make sure she can focus on the baby, and that she also has an opportunity for down time of her own. Take 1-2 of the feeding/changing shifts at night so she can get a little more rest in a row.

Just know that whatever phase the baby is in, whether it's good or bad, know that it will change in 2 weeks and you will have a new situation to consider. It won't stay bad for very long, and it won't be good forever either. Be prepared for things to change overnight.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by ResAlien View Post
If we can't fall in love with replaceable bottom 6 players then the terrorists have won.
Cali Panthers Fan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2017, 03:16 PM   #59
Locke
ness Monster
 
Locke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Income Tax Central
Exp:
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nickerjones View Post
Thanks dude! Yeah I never thought she looked like she got to the OMG she is going to pop phase of pregnancy. She was 6 days past due when she was induced.

Of course you don't understand the dance world. If you think just because it's a boy that dance mom isn't going to have him in some form of dance then you're wrong. I am ok with it ..... as long as it helps him in other aspects of sports. You know kind of like the whole Jeff Skinner figure skating thing.
Okay...we are on totally different pages.

I was just thinking that since your wife just had a kid she would likely be doing less dancing.

I cannot comment on the amount of dancing your kid will eventually do.
__________________
- "Somebody may beat me, but they're going to have to bleed to do it."
- Steve Prefontaine
Locke is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2017, 03:16 PM   #60
GreenLantern
One of the Nine
 
GreenLantern's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Space Sector 2814
Exp:
Default

Hrmm interesting, I never thought I would have the option to go home. Even this baby class we are taking put on by the health region has already told me I am the bad guy if I do. But it is also run by one of those nurses who thinks she knows more than the doctors. Gotta love those types. Wait, you've got years of school and training in this specific are? That's nice, I'm a nurse. *smug face* I'll just reference this thread during our argument.
__________________
"In brightest day, in blackest night / No evil shall escape my sight / Let those who worship evil's might / Beware my power, Green Lantern's light!"
GreenLantern is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 11:53 AM.

Calgary Flames
2017-18




Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright Calgarypuck 2016