Let's talk about managing finances when you get married

[Weitz]

Originally Posted by DuffMan

why? without a prenup, I think it is

Your only entitled to what is earned when you become married or common law. Not what is brought to a marriage. So she would be entitled to any appreciation on the condo from when they get married (or common law).

2. Property which might not be divided
a. property acquired by one spouse before the marriage;

b. property one spouse received as a gift;

c. property one spouse received by inheritance;

d. an award or settlement for damages in tort law received by one spouse (i.e. money paid for pain and suffering in an automobile accident) unless the award was meant to compensate both spouses.



No claim by the other spouse can be made on anything that is listed as property which may not be divided, unless it has been “brought into the marriage”.
If property is “brought into the marriage” it is then considered to be property of both spouses and can be divided.
An example of “bringing property into the marriage” would be taking a home purchased by one spouse before the marriage and putting it under both spouse’s names.

http://www.slsedmonton.com/family/matrimonial-property/

Lots of little rules though on things like this. If I had any substantial assets before I got married I may have chatted with a lawyer.

[Weitz]

Originally Posted by PsYcNeT

I assume in 10-15 years this is going to be the scenario I'm in.

While I've seen significant advancement in my position over the last decade or so, once out of University, my wife has seen almost equal advancement in hers (though at a lower base) and I've been fractionally outpacing her in the years since.

There's always the chance that I could keep it up over time, but considering the top-end of her field, it's also very possible that come our 40s she could be out earning me by 50% to 100%.

We keep separate accounts for our "personal" cash, and make proportional contributions to the savings pool (and RRSPs and such) to our wage (so I pay ~10% more than she does month to month due to wage disparity). When I want to buy a TV or a video card or some gadget, it comes out of my personal cash.

When we have a child, we've already agreed to increase our pool contributions by another 10% or so, but we carry a relatively minimal debt load as we only have 1 car payment (done in 11 months), bought a house at 75% of our max affordability, and had no outstanding debt at the outset of marriage.

This literally describes my wife and I to a T almost.

[Matt Reeeeead]

We have joint finances.

We budget at the beginning of the year what we can and cant afford while staying in line with savings goals. Knowing each of our own spending limitations diminishes the need to get large purchases approved or analyzed in a significant way. We know our means, and results in planning once a year. Never had any issues.

[Hockeyguy15]

Mortgage and car/home insurance is set to come out of my account, life insurance and daycare comes out of my wifes account.

Everything else we put on visa, so I either transfer her what I have left or pay it to visa. She pays the visa, and if anything is left she transfers it to savings.

There is no my money and your money, just our money. Big purchases get discussed before we make them, anything else likely fits into our 'personal' alloted amount for the month.

[dobbles]

Love the thread. We are 100% shared. My wife and I have been together 14 years since college and neither of us had anything to begin with. She now make more than me. (30% maybe?) But I also worked while she was in grad school and paid for all expenses so she could focus on school and not have a job. I do 100% manage the money in terms of paying the bills and keeping an eye on how accounts are doing, but thats purely from a functional perspective since I had to manage the finances our first few years anyways.

Put me in the camp that just doesn't 'get' doing the split accounts. I see two problems:

First, this may not be as important before kids are involved, but is there really any money that should be discretionary and totally free to blow on whatever? I'm not saying all income should go on paying down the mortgage and college funds, but I could not with a straight face say to my wife or kids (who are too young to know wtf I am saying but you get the point) that "daddy spent way too much money on a harley or hookers or blow because it was his money and you guys don't get a say." Yes, I know that is a pretty hyperbolic example. But for our family we discuss any financial decisions over a couple hundred bucks. Because that money may be better allocated towards paying down the mortgage or student loans.

Additionally, if we had split accounts and wanted to do something like a vacation that was mentioned a few posts back, what happens if I have already blown all my money? If I am truly bad with money, having my own account doesn't insulate the shared expenses. Then the two choices are the spouse covers the whole thing and its no longer a shared expense, or I have to give up some of my own money that I wanted to spend on something else and its no longer mine to do with.

For me, I just don't see the upside to splitting. Is it just so I can blow money on stupid stuff without feeling as guilty?

[CliffFletcher]

Originally Posted by V

Yeah, I have a mindset that probably isn’t popular on here, but it’s my job to be the provider for the family and it’s her job to prudently manage the day to day expenses.

Up until quite recently, that was the norm for most everyone. And still is with most immigrant families, I'd imagine. One member of a couple brings in the money, the other allocates spending. Was that fair to the person earning all the money? Most seem(ed) okay with it.

I have read articles that show married women are more likely to regard their income as their own than men are. So maybe these changing norms are a consequence of more women out-earning their husbands than in the past.

I do wonder what separate finances couples do once they have kids and one parent wants to leave the workforce for several years. Maybe couples with separate finances tend to be couples where both are strongly career-oriented so nobody plans on taking a serious income cut once kids enter the picture.

[Tyler]

Separate finances seems crazy to me. Everything is shared with us.

[DuffMan]

Originally Posted by Tyler

Separate finances seems crazy to me. Everything is shared with us.

that's crazy

[Derek Sutton]

My wife and I have been married 15 years now and we pool everything. We have done this since we bought our house together in 2002. We are both fairly level headed with money but also like nice things. We have taken turns over the years being "bread winners" and have each experienced a period of unemployment during our marriage. Most of what we do we enjoy together so that makes things spending money easier in my opinion. The first thing to realize is that marriage is 100/100 not 50/50. I couldn't imagine having nicer things, more toys and better vacations simply because one has a highger paycheck then the other, typically not a good recipe for a relationship. You've committed your life to her, a few dollars each month going either way should be a no brainer. It is also a lot easier to handle the day to day finances if you are in stable financial situation where there is no child support, addictions, jealousy, incoming debts etc.. All that being said, we all know someone who has been screwed over at least once by an "ex" and has every right to be apprehensive when it comes to "sharing" their assets, finances, credit and income. Finances are the number one reason marriages do not last, and financial hardship can be devastating.

We think of it as "our" money because it is. Both pay cheques got onto the same account and all payments come out of the account. I know of many couples who do it this way and many more who do whatever works for them.

[EldrickOnIce]

Originally Posted by dobbles

.....
For me, I just don't see the upside to splitting. Is it just so I can blow money on stupid stuff without feeling as guilty?

Ha yeah, it is an interesting discussion about our first world problems and privilege lol. What our privilege guarantees, among other things, is having choices.
Separating finances does not equal operating separately. We have short and long term joint goals, like any couple should.
It's really more about having the ability (and maybe more correctly the mindset that we are able) to make autonomous choices, which can certainly include me saving for something special for her/us as opposed to spending it on myself, or saving it for a rainy day - but I can make those choices clear of any concern.

[Weitz]

Originally Posted by Derek Sutton

The first thing to realize is that marriage is 100/100 not 50/50. I couldn't imagine having nicer things, more toys and better vacations simply because one has a highger paycheck then the other, typically not a good recipe for a relationship. You've committed your life to her, a few dollars each month either way is nothing compared to that.

Does anyone actually do this? Even with split finances?

[Cowboy89]

Originally Posted by EldrickOnIce

but to suggest that somehow she should not be entitled to individually reap the rewards of her success is almost as ludicrous as suggesting that one of us suffers while the other enjoys the high life.

It's funny how this sentence can seem completely reasonable in the context of a woman out earning her husband, however in the reverse situation the man can be considered selfish and sexist.

That all said, I gross 3-4 times my wife's income and feel that the concept that as a result of this that I 'deserve' a higher standard of living in material goods than my wife is completely asinine. If that's one's position, they flat out shouldn't get married, because clearly they don't actually want to share a life with someone.

[MoneyGuy]

Share a life, share everything. That’s what we do. I can’t imagine not but to each his or her own. The splitting formulas seem too much trouble.

[stang]

Originally Posted by dobbles

Love the thread. We are 100% shared. My wife and I have been together 14 years since college and neither of us had anything to begin with. She now make more than me. (30% maybe?) But I also worked while she was in grad school and paid for all expenses so she could focus on school and not have a job. I do 100% manage the money in terms of paying the bills and keeping an eye on how accounts are doing, but thats purely from a functional perspective since I had to manage the finances our first few years anyways.

Put me in the camp that just doesn't 'get' doing the split accounts. I see two problems:

First, this may not be as important before kids are involved, but is there really any money that should be discretionary and totally free to blow on whatever? I'm not saying all income should go on paying down the mortgage and college funds, but I could not with a straight face say to my wife or kids (who are too young to know wtf I am saying but you get the point) that "daddy spent way too much money on a harley or hookers or blow because it was his money and you guys don't get a say." Yes, I know that is a pretty hyperbolic example. But for our family we discuss any financial decisions over a couple hundred bucks. Because that money may be better allocated towards paying down the mortgage or student loans.

Additionally, if we had split accounts and wanted to do something like a vacation that was mentioned a few posts back, what happens if I have already blown all my money? If I am truly bad with money, having my own account doesn't insulate the shared expenses. Then the two choices are the spouse covers the whole thing and its no longer a shared expense, or I have to give up some of my own money that I wanted to spend on something else and its no longer mine to do with.

For me, I just don't see the upside to splitting. Is it just so I can blow money on stupid stuff without feeling as guilty?

For us its not about just getting to do whatever you want with your money. We save. We save for college. Kids are 11 and 9.

Its just communication. We need to buy a $2500 generator? We talk about it and come up with a plan to get it. We want to go on a vacation? We talk and come up with a plan to do it. Having separate accounts doesn't mean that we don't have to discuss big purchases. Just because we don't have a joint account doesn't just mean I don't have responsibilities and I will just go buy a Harley without talking to my family.

I can say I don't "get" a joint account. Is there no trust in your relationship and you SO needs to manage your every penny? Do you have a joint FB? This is probably an equally as wrong way to look at it.

[EldrickOnIce]

Originally Posted by Cowboy89

It's funny how this sentence can seem completely reasonable in the context of a woman out earning her husband, however in the reverse situation the man can be considered selfish and sexist.

That all said, I gross 3-4 times my wife's income and feel that the concept that as a result of this that I 'deserve' a higher standard of living in material goods than my wife is completely asinine. If that's one's position, they flat out shouldn't get married, because clearly they don't actually want to share a life with someone.

Haha yeah. I would not expect that would be well received and would not be my position were the roles reversed. But it's not deserve a better standard. It's about choice.

But to be clear, I'm not saying she thinks that in the slightest bit. I'm saying I think she has earned that right. So maybe I'm being patriarchal lol.

[Amethyst]

Originally Posted by MoneyGuy

Share a life, share everything. That’s what we do. I can’t imagine not but to each his or her own. The splitting formulas seem too much trouble.

One account seems like more trouble to me. With the splitting formula, you work it out and then there it is. I don't have to worry that the day I happen to see a nice dress I want to get is the day my husband decides he wants to get something else and we end up overdrawn.

Of course you discuss things like vacations and big purchases ahead of time and work it out. Separate accounts is just a way to avoid micro-managing every small expenditure.

And if one spouse is a jerk he/she could still withdraw all the money out of a joint account to splurge on him/herself.

[dobbles]

Originally Posted by stang

I can say I don't "get" a joint account. Is there no trust in your relationship and you SO needs to manage your every penny? Do you have a joint FB? This is probably an equally as wrong way to look at it.

We share the same house. We share the same food. We share the same vehicles. Everything we have is shared. It is "ours". Why should the money in the bank be different???

Say you use your account to buy a big screen TV. Is it "your" TV? Do you get to decide whats watched on it at all times because it is yours? That to me seems much more ridiculous than "lets pool our money together so its simpler to manage."

[Weitz]

Originally Posted by dobbles

We share the same house. We share the same food. We share the same vehicles. Everything we have is shared. It is "ours". Why should the money in the bank be different???

Say you use your account to buy a big screen TV. Is it "your" TV? Do you get to decide whats watched on it at all times because it is yours? That to me seems much more ridiculous than "lets pool our money together so its simpler to manage."

I don't know anyone who does the split accounts that would go buy a TV without chatting the significant other. That's what you are missing.

[edslunch]

I’ve done it both ways. I hated having a joint account early on when money was tight. You never knew if you were both spending the last $. We didn’t want to get into budgeting to that level. The better approach for us was to have separate accounts, divide up the regular payments between us, and deal with variable expenses like groceries depending who was doing the shopping or who had more cash that month.

20 years on we know our spending habits and do 90% of our spending and bill payments with Visa to get points and pay it off every month. I do NOT recommend that as an approach when you’re getting started.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[puckedoff]

Originally Posted by dobbles

We share the same house. We share the same food. We share the same vehicles. Everything we have is shared. It is "ours". Why should the money in the bank be different???

."

I don't see why the money in the bank can't still be "ours" and be kept in two separate bank accounts.