Different Fart Smells (do not read if you don't like farts) - Page 8 - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

Red Slinger · 11-25-2010, 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Suzles

Had to thank you for the dog story as it made me laugh so much but also so you know Ernest Borgnine is still alive - 93 years old!

Now THAT is what I'd call an old fart! Can you imagine the hideous concoctions he brews up in that old rusted iron belly of his?!

flamesdyehard · 11-25-2010, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mikey_football

Thanks HP, but she has yearly vet checkups as all dogs do. (Last one was 2 weeks ago actually). The doctor did all those tests, and cleared her to be a healthy, happy, old dog that can't hold the farts anymore.

The worst is when she hasn't been farting all day, and guests come over. She sits, starts wagging her tail, and these loud obnoxious farts just start flowing out with every wag, in rhythm.

I wish I could do that!

Huntingwhale · 11-25-2010, 12:18 PM

When l live with my ex, l used to toot in front of her all the time in order to enjoy her reaction. One day it was so bad, she flipped out on me and DEMANDED that l go see a 'fart doctor'. I asked her where l might find this fart doctor, and she responded with 'l don't give a F where you find one, just do it or there will be trouble'. So l then tooted again in front of her and watched her flip right out. She also tried to ban me from eating red meat since l get terrible gas from it.

SeoulFire · 11-25-2010, 02:38 PM

So fart stories it is...

Back in 2004 my gf (now wife) and I were visiting my folks here in Calgary and decided camping was in order. They stayed in the 5th wheel while we stayed in a tent. I should mention that we had not yet reached the free-farting stage of the relationship.

Bring on the loudest and most disgusting case of gas I have had in years. In a tent. Holding back the beast was just not an option so fart threshold was to be crossed for better or worse. Throughout hours of incessant blasting she was taking it much better than expected - heck even I wanted to step out for a bit. That's when I decided to go for broke and give the Dutch Oven.

Was not a happy camper.

Jimmy Stang · 11-25-2010, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SeoulFire

Was not a happy camper.

Well she still married you...

Traditional_Ale · 11-25-2010, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SeoulFire

So fart stories it is...

Back in 2004 my gf (now wife) and I were visiting my folks here in Calgary and decided camping was in order. They stayed in the 5th wheel while we stayed in a tent. I should mention that we had not yet reached the free-farting stage of the relationship.

Bring on the loudest and most disgusting case of gas I have had in years. In a tent. Holding back the beast was just not an option so fart threshold was to be crossed for better or worse. Throughout hours of incessant blasting she was taking it much better than expected - heck even I wanted to step out for a bit. That's when I decided to go for broke and give the Dutch Oven.

Was not a happy camper.

You made marriage actually sound fun. Are most marriages built on a solid foundation of gas and Dutch Ovens?

Hanni · 11-25-2010, 04:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Traditional_Ale

Are most marriages built on a solid foundation of gas and Dutch Ovens?

I want to use this as a sig.

Kybosh · 11-25-2010, 04:50 PM

Does anyone else get crazy farts whilst exercising? I guess the movements work the gas out.

NuclearFart · 11-25-2010, 10:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frank MetaMusil

Doesn't holding the farts in give you cancer?

No, but it will make your breath smell like poo

NuclearFart · 11-25-2010, 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tron_fdc

Road trip farts are the best. Hit the window lock so no one can roll the windows down, blast a filthy one, sit back and enjoy the wretching sounds your friends make.

Nothing beats turning your car into the magical colon simulator. Bonus points for turning on the heat and putting the air to recirculate!

flamesdyehard · 11-26-2010, 02:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NuclearFart

Nothing beats turning your car into the magical colon simulator. Bonus points for turning on the heat and putting the air to recirculate!

One particular road trip I was on we all had gas (4 of us), we decided we could not roll down the windows and we had to recirc the air. After two hourse of constant stank we get to the US Border and roll down the window to give the guard our passports. You should have seen the look on his face. There was no damn way he was searching our car.

Hanni · 11-26-2010, 07:31 AM

So I had the dreaded I have to fart, uh oh that's not a fart yesterday. Needless to say it was a mad dash, the resulting incident can only be described as explosive. Now I'm scared to fart

flamesdyehard · 11-26-2010, 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hanni

So I had the dreaded I have to fart, uh oh that's not a fart yesterday. Needless to say it was a mad dash, the resulting incident can only be described as explosive. Now I'm scared to fart

There is not a worse feeling in the world than being scared to fart. It's like being scared to enjoy life for all of it's fruits. It's like being scared to succeed.

CaptainCrunch · 11-26-2010, 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hanni

So I had the dreaded I have to fart, uh oh that's not a fart yesterday. Needless to say it was a mad dash, the resulting incident can only be described as explosive. Now I'm scared to fart

I once held a fart in for about 50 miles on a road trip because there was a cute girl in the car that I really liked.

I was worried that I'd be wearing a$$less jeans when we did a bathroom breaks and I could get away from her and let it fly.

Red Slinger · 11-26-2010, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

I once held a fart in for about 50 miles on a road trip because there was a cute girl in the car that I really liked.

I was worried that I'd be wearing a$$less jeans when we did a bathroom breaks and I could get away from her and let it fly.

If you love someone set it free.

flamesdyehard · 11-26-2010, 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

I once held a fart in for about 50 miles on a road trip because there was a cute girl in the car that I really liked.

I was worried that I'd be wearing a$$less jeans when we did a bathroom breaks and I could get away from her and let it fly.

How did it actually feel once you let it fly? The worst feeling is holding in a fart.

dissentowner · 11-26-2010, 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flamesdyehard

How did it actually feel once you let it fly? The worst feeling is holding in a fart.

2nd worst. The first is letting it loose and leaving your jockies flowing down the Hershey highway.

CaptainCrunch · 11-26-2010, 06:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flamesdyehard

How did it actually feel once you let it fly? The worst feeling is holding in a fart.

It was followed by a near orgasmic sigh. Then I stood across the highway for about 5 minutes and watched some farmer wheat crop die right in front of my eyes.

icecube · 06-10-2016, 01:21 PM

Bumping thread for those who need a good laugh on a Friday afternoon.

loob job · 06-10-2016, 01:31 PM

I know that a dump is on the horizon if my farts really smell like rotten eggs. It's like a warning signal.