newly single

[habernac]

The ends of long term relationships always suck. But there's usually a silver lining. I had an 8 year relationship end, I'll share the blame on it. I wasn't going anywhere, we wanted different things, etc. It was the least angry breakup of all time.

And if it didn't happen, I wouldn't have met my wife. So it turned out really well.

[ComixZone]

buy a treadmill and/or P90x.

Everytime you feel down, go work out. Then follow the work out with friends + booze + stupid dumb fun stuff.

Try and be productive and busy - and seriously, delete her number/facebook. You'll try and convince yourself you'll get past it and you can be friends at some point - don't. It's stupid, and if in 3 years, you still feel that way, re-add her on facebook or something. For now though, cut all communication off with her.

[Itse]

Do whatever. Eat. Sleep. Repeat 100-1000 times.

Yet to see another recipe that actually works.

More repetition is sometimes needed.

But hey, this too shall pass.

[Regorium]

My 6 year relationship ended a month ago. It still hurts like crazy, but just day by day. Time will heal everything, or so I've been told.

As terrible as it sounds, her cheating on you might be the best thing that could have happened - you'll always know that no matter how hard, and how crappy you feel about the situation, you'll have made the right decision. There aren't any "what if's" that might linger, because the cheating is a complete finality that will help you get closure as soon as possible and move on.

Good luck to you sir.

[Winsor_Pilates]

Be selfish and do everything for yourself. It's you time, and take it to do everything you're wanted to do or do for yourself that is difficult when in a relationship.

Rule 1: Keep busy. The more you have on the go and the more fulfilling your life is, the easier it will be.

[CaptainCrunch]

Completely lower your standards in woman, fat, thin, bald. Totally use them and never call them again.

come up with creative ways to get them out of your house, including offering to pay them for their time.

Build up your self esteem, and get the anger out of your system.

[bradster57]

Put up or sh*t up.

[ben voyonsdonc]

A few tips:

1) Volunteer! Try to work with some disadvantaged people...you'll realize that no matter how bad you have it, there are people who are facing much tougher challenges. It makes you feel good to help others feel a little better.
2) Reconnect with old friends. When you are in a relationship, it is pretty standard (albeit y) practice to isolate yourself with the GF and away from close friends. Hopefully, those friends will accept you back with open arms and will be there to pick you up.
3) Build new friendships. Join sports leagues and social clubs. Get involved in political campaigns and issues that you are passionate about.

[Thor]

Lots of great ideas in the thread, I just wanted to say how sorry I am dude and hope you are doing better. Betrayal is always so hard to get over and that emptyness you feel after wards is hard to get over.

For me it was just time, the first 3-4 months were really tough and what got me through it was just drinking a lot (kidding), actually just keeping busy with friends really made it bearable.

[troutman]

http://www.xenafan.com/movies/bod/sounds/barneybeth.wav

[Reaper]

Originally Posted by SeeGeeWhy

Don't take it out on her or yourself and realize that you deserve to be happy. You didn't do anything wrong. She just wasn't happy and thats ok too.

She was more than just not happy. She was a cheating hoor. Cheating is never okay.

[peter12]

Well, I bought a new bed today. Cleansing myself of the old one.

[Locke]

Its just one of those things where theres a disconnect and an inability to communicate.

If you're not happy, you're never going to get happy by pretending you're happy and hoping that your partner will one day flip a switch and stop doing that thing you hate and satrt doing that thing you like. You've got to communicate why you're not happy and come to solution. If a solution isnt going to happen then you have to make a decision.

Thats a hard decision either way then, granted, but if relationships were easy everyone would be in one, even Comic Book guy.

[Weiser Wonder]

Originally Posted by Reaper

She was more than just not happy. She was a cheating hoor. Cheating is never okay.

Cheating is never okay, but it's not a death sentence on one's character either. People who generally mean well make horrible mistakes in relationships early in their life due to cowardice and inexperience. Myself included. It's genuinely difficult to deal with emotions that you've never experienced before and overcome them. Still, it's not an excuse and cheating (especially emotionally like it seems to be in this case) is a terrible thing to do. Hopefully she takes some responsibility and doesn't just say to herself "oh I was unhappy, it's justified."

[Reaper]

Originally Posted by peter12

Well, I bought a new bed today. Cleansing myself of the old one.

Drop the old one off at her place punctuated by pissing all over it. Trust me, you'll feel better.

I used to be a serial bad breaker upper though so take it with a grain assualt.

[Reaper]

Originally Posted by Weiser Wonder

Cheating is never okay, but it's not a death sentence on one's character either.

Maybe I'm old fashioned but if I find out that someone has cheated I can never trust them again. The fact that they would betray the person closest to them is the biggest red flag ever. It tells me that the person is selfish and disregards the feelings of others when convenient.

[Bring_Back_Shantz]

All these guys giving advice are full of crap.
No one in the history of the world has ever recovred from a breakup.
Your life is over man, you might as well just buy a lot of beer and porn, cause it'll never get better.

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by Reaper

Maybe I'm old fashioned but if I find out that someone has cheated I can never trust them again. The fact that they would betray the person closest to them is the biggest red flag ever. It tells me that the person is selfish and disregards the feelings of others when convenient.

Bingo, I became really jaded when I had a girl cheat on me, I pretty much caught her red handed, she kept trying to deny it, then she tried to blame it on me, then she went to the other guy. Then 6 months later she came crying back to me because her new boyfriend (the guy that she cheated with) was a meany, and didn't treat her right, and she really missed what she had with me.

So I played along, got her into bed, then kicked her out and sent a message to her new boyfriend that she was now cheating with me.

The sad thing is revenge is only satisfying for so long.

I wonder if I still have her phone number.

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by Bring_Back_Shantz

All these guys giving advice are full of crap.
No one in the history of the world has ever recovred from a breakup.
Your life is over man, you might as well just buy a lot of beer and porn, cause it'll never get better.

And never use an magazine loaded pistol when your sitting at home doing the whole Martin Riggs thing crying over your picture of her while loading your pistol with the special polished bullet and staring down the barrel.

Use a revolver.

[NBC]

Originally Posted by Flames Fan, Ph.D.

Ah the life of an academic...

You're in location 1 for 4-5 years, wherein you familiarize yourself with the surroundings for a year, try to have a friend with benefits for 6 months, and then have a gf for 2-3 years that eventually breaks up. You start thinking back about other women that could have been.

Then you move for additional post-graduate studies. Restart meeting new people process. But this time, you feel less inclined to jump into a relationship. You hold out for a few years while you "concentrate on your studies." Eventually you give in, have a new relationship, but you're somewhat uncomfortable that your solo life is being encroached upon.

You move again for a putative academic position. Your lifestyle has been to live by yourself for 10 years. You want sex, and you say you want a relationship, but you don't want your actual lifestyle to change. You're mildly standoff-ish. Women sense it. But you're getting older, and you don't have anything in common intellectually because the women that you're still attracted to physically are 23-27 years old (and you're mid 30ish).

You get tenure. You have graduate students of your own. You bang their friends in exchange for long conversations about Marx and Engels, God and Angels.

Moral of this story: I read some confusion in your opening post and follow ups, as you first noted that she broke your heart, but then you made mention of her using sex to get her way (which implies you're happy to put up with certain things in exchange for sex), and then you made mention of a danish chick. Methinks you need to spend some time really thinking about what you want now and in the future. I don't get the feeling that you really want a firm commitment at this time, but rather want to enjoy different women. If true, then it's better to be in the right frame of mind and honest with yourself. That will make the next few months easier and less confusing.

By far the best and most insightful post in this thread. You sir are a credit to CP.

Peter, I'd listen to this. A little bit of introspection will serve you well on your journey, far better than Class A narcotics and prostitutes, which sadly seems to be the most common 'suggestions'.