Relationship advice

[CaptainCrunch]

If she's pregnant and she was using the pill and you were using a dong bag, you should either call this kid Houdini, or be worried that its an alien spawn. As unpleasant as the conversation is you have to establish paternity. At this point it sounds like the relationship is sh%t so its not like she can make your life any less pleasant right?

How long have you lived with her, isn't over 6 months considered common law?

Personally you should start negotiating the amicable split scenario right now, I get that your going to school and your going to be poor, but you need to find a way to help her with baby neccessities.

You could in theory keep living with her, but define the relationship, but you do put yourself in financial jeopardy if you stay there.

[mykalberta]

Did you bring up breaking up first or hint at it before she dropped the kid bomb?

Is it possible that with the troubles related to moving in together that she slept with someone else? You think you know someone but if all you had in common was good sex then I would say you dont know much about her at all.

If anything I would continue on the same path as you were going to before and then go on from there. You can get crazy student loans to help cover the cost of the kid at least while you are in school.

Paternity test after the child is born is a must IMO

Also if its as you say that she doesnt want you to go to school then maybe she wasnt on the pill because she was trying to trap you.

[J pold]

Ouch man that really is the suck.

I really have no practical advice to give you. I’m just going to offer some sympathy.

[SilverGS]

If she is being difficult to deal with due to pregnancy hormones things should get better during the second trimester. Not sure if you want to stick it out until then but in a few weeks she may come back down to earth if it is indeed pregancy hormones causing you both grief.

How was the relationshop before you moved in? Were there any issues before hand? Was she "the one" before moving in?

[habernac]

My sister had an unplanned pregnancy at age 23. She's never lived with the father and her son has turned into an amazing human being.

My sis and the boy's Dad have managed to co-exist, not always on great terms, but they have been very good parents to their son. She has custody, he gets him every second weekend or so. And he's been an amazing addition to both of their lives.

[IliketoPuck]

Originally Posted by rubecube

LOL...anyone else remember these threads?

http://forum.calgarypuck.com/showthread.php?t=45345
http://forum.calgarypuck.com/showthread.php?t=45840
http://forum.calgarypuck.com/showthread.php?t=45890

The sequencing in those threads is just too funny. You can completely see it coming from thread to thread....

[Phanuthier]

Originally Posted by IliketoPuck

The sequencing in those threads is just too funny. You can completely see it coming from thread to thread....

I think there was another sequence with albert saying the best sex is to pull out, then threads following asking about tax breaks for having kids, showing up in court for his girlfriend because his girlfriend is pregnant, then an engagement ring.

[Kipper is King]

Wow, that is indeed a difficult situation on several levels.

First of all, I think abortion is a foolish way to escape this. You have a child who you could be a great father to, even if your relationship with the mother does not go well in the future. I hope things smooth over for both of you, though. In time, they may.

I'd echo what others have said: focus on your child. You and your GF will have to go through yet more stressful discussions about how to deal with your relationship, but a healthy, happy and well developed child is totally worth it.

I really hope that things work out for you, your girlfriend and your child. Good luck.

[Phaneuf3]

Originally Posted by Kipper is King

First of all, I think abortion is a cheap way to escape this.

Convenient too!

[albertGQ]

Originally Posted by Phanuthier

I think there was another sequence with albert saying the best sex is to pull out, then threads following asking about tax breaks for having kids, showing up in court for his girlfriend because his girlfriend is pregnant, then an engagement ring.

I think you're on drugs. You clearly forgot about the posts regarding my stag party in Vegas, and my thread about our honeymoon cruise.

[Kipper is King]

Originally Posted by Phaneuf3

Convenient too!

:: facepalm :: Uhhhh, let me rephrase my previous statement!

[Bring_Back_Shantz]

Originally Posted by Kipper is King

Wow, that is indeed a difficult situation on several levels.

First of all, I think abortion is a cheap way to escape this.

Cheap! Speak for yourself richy! Those things cost like 400 bucks.

[onetwo_threefour]

Originally Posted by HeartsOfFire

My girlfriend moved in with me January 1st. Since then it has been a roller coaster ride for us too. Since she's started her new job and I got my old one back, things have been peachy-keen.

Having said that, our long-term goals are still way off. She eventually wants to move back home to Washington state to be closer to her family, friends, and old life. I have no intention of ever leaving Calgary before I retire, if it can be helped at all. So for the time being, we're living together while she's on a work Visa, and for the forseeable future it will stay that way. I realize that January 1, 2011 she can apply for permanent residency and after 3 years, she can apply for citizenship as well as the government will start considering us a common-law married couple, even if we aren't officially married. At that point in time, a breakup will get messy. Fortunately, I am the sole title owner of my condo so she'll never be able to take that from me.

I'm pretty confident that we'll one year go our separate ways. Either pleasantly or forcefully is yet to be determined.

Umm... you may want to be careful about that bolded part...

I might suggest getting some legal advice regarding cohabitation and the consequences of same.. I am not a family law lawyer, but I am a lawyer, and what you said there is a little scary....

[afc wimbledon]

Originally Posted by onetwo_threefour

Umm... you may want to be careful about that bolded part...

I might suggest getting some legal advice regarding cohabitation and the consequences of same.. I am not a family law lawyer, but I am a lawyer, and what you said there is a little scary....

'Tru dat', as the youth would say.

I can't think of a better way to get citizenship than as the mother of a canadian baby who is legally entitled to half a condo

[Ozy_Flame]

It's too bad she doesn't want to abort, I think I'd rather go through that than raise a kid who has parents who don't want to even be together, let alone raise a child.Unfortunately you (dissentower) have to respect her decision, but I am on the abort side of this debate. Not an easy decision to have a kid, and I feel for you, dude.

[Phaneuf3]

Originally Posted by Bring_Back_Shantz

Cheap! Speak for yourself richy! Those things cost like 400 bucks.

Cheaper than 18 years of child support.

[Buff]

Having close observations of my sister-in-laws situations, I believe the most important thing you need to do is consider the child. Everything you do now is for your child. So many things you do will affect your child. Do whatever you can to stay on good terms with the mother of your child. The easier things are between you and the child's mother, the easier life will be for your child.

Somebody mentioned that you need a lawyer. No, you do not. You can work things out. Getting lawyers involved is a likely sign that you can't work things out and that your relationship with your child's mother is rocky. This is not good for your child.

You and and the mother of your child need to sit down, and work out a resolution that will best see the two of you work together as parents of the child with the least amount of stress and fighting. From now on, everything is for your child.

[BurningYears]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

If she's pregnant and she was using the pill and you were using a dong bag, you should either call this kid Houdini, or be worried that its an alien spawn. As unpleasant as the conversation is you have to establish paternity. At this point it sounds like the relationship is sh%t so its not like she can make your life any less pleasant right?

How long have you lived with her, isn't over 6 months considered common law?

Personally you should start negotiating the amicable split scenario right now, I get that your going to school and your going to be poor, but you need to find a way to help her with baby neccessities.

You could in theory keep living with her, but define the relationship, but you do put yourself in financial jeopardy if you stay there.

No longer called common law in Alberta its now Adult Interdependent Relationship (AIR)

Q: How do I know if I'm in an adult interdependent relationship?

A: There are two key elements that define an adult interdependent relationship.

First, an adult interdependent partner is a person who is involved with another person in an unmarried relationship of interdependence where they:

• Share one another’s lives
• Are emotionally committed to one another, and
• Function as an economic and domestic unit.

Second, to be considered adult interdependent partners, one of the following must apply to the relationship. The adult interdependent partners must be living in an interdependent relationship:

• For a continuous period of three years, or
• Of some permanence where there is a child of the relationship by birth or adoption, or
• Living in an interdependent relationship and have entered into a written adult interdependent partner agreement with each other. (Partners related by blood or adoption must enter a partner agreement to become adult interdependent partners.)

http://www.health.alberta.ca/AHCIP/i...tionships.html

so by the second point and the child is yours you most definitely will be in a AIR.

[North East Goon]

Alway's look at the positives in every situation - Your Boy's Can Swim!!!

[Maritime Q-Scout]

Originally Posted by Buff

Somebody mentioned that you need a lawyer. No, you do not. You can work things out. Getting lawyers involved is a likely sign that you can't work things out and that your relationship with your child's mother is rocky. This is not good for your child.

I think there's a difference between getting a lawyer involved and talking to a lawyer. Primarily that talking to a lawyer is seeking advice and knowledge about the legal system and the consequences of actions. Getting a lawyer involved would be having the lawyer do your actions, talking, and negotiations for you.

The way I see it, talking to a lawyer is no different from discussion on CP (except a family law lawyer knows what they're talking about, the ins and outs of it all, and potentially costs money).