What is an “acceptable” cash gift for attending a wedding?

[Mr.Coffee]

Sorry yes you’re correct I meant to call that bizarre post out as well.

My overall point is that basic common norms and decency seem to go out the window when it comes to weddings and it’s because they’ve morphed into this kind of high pressure sales grotesque keeping up with the Jones’ big business. But people should take a step back and realize what it is. A party. Expecting high cash values in envelopes is literally the epitome of entitled.

I should know, I was just called entitled in that other amusing middle class thread when I was whining that old people should quit sooner. On that note maybe I could afford more cash in wedding gift envelopes if fricken grandpa got out of the way and let people get promoted.

[FireGilbert]

It you are attending a wedding bring a gift, preferably cash. The exact value should be what you are comfortable with based on how well you know the couple and how much you would normally spend on a fun night out.



If you are hosting a wedding you are not entitled to anything. Be happy for the company of your friends and family and be thankful for every gift you receive.

[The Familia]

Well then I must be blinded by cultural tradition. At Italian weddings it is the norm to put on a good wedding and to give a decent gift if attending a wedding. Perhaps it can be looked at as strange in the eyes of some, but there is a certain expectation at Italian weddings that have gone on for generations. As explained, the wedding is put on (traditionally) by the parents, while guests or the family community gives generous gifts to get the couple started. This format has allowed countless cousins and relatives to make down payments on a house, pay off debt, take a honeymoon, etc. For every wedding you give a generous gift to, you will receive it back 10 fold when it hopefully becomes your turn. I will also state again that myself nor my family are rich (standard middle class). Weddings are something every family knows about. Parents will save for their children’s wedding and make it work. I fully intend on doing the same for my children someday.

Personally, I’ve attended countless weddings and have always given a generous gift. As stated by others, I will give mainly depending on closeness to the person (more for
My sister and cousins) but I have still never dipped below $100 even at the cheapest weddings. I would rather be considered generous than cheap.

Some of you may be thinking this is entitled, but I will point out that this isn’t just an Italian thing. Many Asian cultures have the same philosophy like India and China and many parts of Europe. Maybe I’m in the minority here with my way of thinking, but around the world I am not.

[Bring_Back_Shantz]

Originally Posted by The Familia

Well then I must be blinded by cultural tradition. At Italian weddings it is the norm to put on a good wedding and to give a decent gift if attending a wedding. Perhaps it can be looked at as strange in the eyes of some, but there is a certain expectation at Italian weddings that have gone on for generations. As explained, the wedding is put on (traditionally) by the parents, while guests or the family community gives generous gifts to get the couple started. This format has allowed countless cousins and relatives to make down payments on a house, pay off debt, take a honeymoon, etc. For every wedding you give a generous gift to, you will receive it back 10 fold when it hopefully becomes your turn. I will also state again that myself nor my family are rich (standard middle class). Weddings are something every family knows about. Parents will save for their children’s wedding and make it work. I fully intend on doing the same for my children someday.

Personally, I’ve attended countless weddings and have always given a generous gift. As stated by others, I will give mainly depending on closeness to the person (more for
My sister and cousins) but I have still never dipped below $100 even at the cheapest weddings. I would rather be considered generous than cheap.

Some of you may be thinking this is entitled, but I will point out that this isn’t just an Italian thing. Many Asian cultures have the same philosophy like India and China and many parts of Europe. Maybe I’m in the minority here with my way of thinking, but around the world I am not.

Considering you're complaining about the size of gifts you got at your wedding (that you didn't pay for), I'd say you're nailing this one.

[pepper24]

Our wedding invitation we put 'The Perfect Present is your Presence. No gifts please.' We were financially stable and our house had everything we needed. Gift registry seemed like a hassle and waste. Asking for money seemed petty and wasn't needed.

Still ended up getting nearly $5000 in cash for just under 100 guests and nearly $1000 in various restaurant/store gift cards. We were surprised.

Really shows that guests insist on bringing or feel obliged to wedding gifts.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by pepper24

Our wedding invitation we put 'The Perfect Present is your Presence. No gifts please.' We were financially stable and our house had everything we needed. Gift registry seemed like a hassle and waste. Asking for money seemed petty and wasn't needed.

Still ended up getting nearly $5000 in cash for just under 100 guests and nearly $1000 in various restaurant/store gift cards. We were surprised.

Really shows that guests insist on bringing or feel obliged to wedding gifts.

That is cool people gave so generously of their own volition and classy of you guys not to expect it. Quite a contrast to stomping your feet like a toddler because people didn't give you enough money.

[Mr.Coffee]

Originally Posted by pepper24

Our wedding invitation we put 'The Perfect Present is your Presence. No gifts please.' We were financially stable and our house had everything we needed. Gift registry seemed like a hassle and waste. Asking for money seemed petty and wasn't needed.

Still ended up getting nearly $5000 in cash for just under 100 guests and nearly $1000 in various restaurant/store gift cards. We were surprised.

Really shows that guests insist on bringing or feel obliged to wedding gifts.

Based on CP's minimum threshold's you shortchanged yourself $15k man.

[DoubleF]

Originally Posted by The Familia

Some of you may be thinking this is entitled, but I will point out that this isn’t just an Italian thing. Many Asian cultures have the same philosophy like India and China and many parts of Europe. Maybe I’m in the minority here with my way of thinking, but around the world I am not.

Maybe in Asia and Italy it is the case, but this is North America. There is no gold standard. North America do what North America wants to do. Millennials will do whatever they want as well and break traditional, social and whatever barriers.

I had an older Asian lady ask the question about how much she should give for her own son's wedding, because she couldn't find an answer anywhere on Google, through friends or otherwise. Her son told her to hold the cheque book and give him nothing for his wedding (which was closer in nature to eloping to be honest). She asked what to do and whether he was refusing as a form of politeness, but actually expected her to pay. She was further confounded by the fact it was an interracial wedding and didn't know what the parents (from Europe) expected (ie: if one family side was supposed to pay for the wedding, or split or otherwise).

I literally told her that millennials are straight shooters. We don't play games unless we're insane narcissists (which her son and daughter were not). What kind of person other than a crazy person says, "Don't give me money" but expects money?

I further told her to talk to her son and daughter in law and parents. I told her that we millennials are usually pretty open about talking about money and if we're not, we will hint by not giving the answer immediately. I also told her that we are millennials. We redefine all sorts of things. The expectations will be based on what the bride and groom want. It won't be some type of written rule based on tradition, unless the bridge and groom want it to be.

This lady did end up talking to her son and daughter in law as well as the parents. It all worked out. In the end, the bride and groom paid for both families to fly in and join them in a wedding (more like eloping as mentioned before) in Europe. They refused all forms of cash, but didn't mind gifts.


Too many people forget that it's a wedding. It's a party. It's what you want it to be. All expectations regarding gifts are wholly the bride and grooms' expectations. There's no gold standard in rules of engagement to hide behind.

So yeah, IMO, if people think the bride and groom is being thrifty and awesome/independent, that's their opinion. If they think the bride and groom are being jackasses, they're entitled to think that too. But I really think the only ones who dictate the outcome are the bride and groom. Nothing else, no written standard, nothing. If everyone is happy, that's awesome. But if somehow the bride and groom's opinion causes a breakdown of relationship with yourself like my situation, then that's valid and normal too. Perhaps it even was a manifestation that should have happened long before the wedding...

I'm sure some may agree, some may disagree. But either way, I think it's just sorta proves there is no solidarity in a standardized rule of engagement relating to weddings.

[shermanator]

Don't know about anyone else, but at my wedding, I was just happy to have my friends and family there. That's the whole reason my wife and I had a wedding in the first place. Wedding gifts were just an added bonus.

[Matt Reeeeead]

Originally Posted by Cecil Terwilliger

Before you call that guy entitled, let’s keep in mind someone actually posted the following and appeared to be neither embarrassed or joking about it.



Without question the most entitled thing I’ve read ITT.

Honestly man. I think $100-150 is a completely reasonable amount as a gift and nobody should be entitled to be more than that. Point being, if they have absorbed costs on my behalf of being there I’m going to give them more, $200, to help ease the burden.


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[TorqueDog]

We give $200 between the two of us when we attend weddings.

That said, we're getting married next year, and will be stating in our invitations that we're not doing a gift registry and that gifts are not required.
I suspect most people are still going to give us cards with money in them, but I'm not expecting a particular amount per couple. Seems a bit presumptuous to me.

[Matt Reeeeead]

Originally Posted by TorqueDog

We give $200 between the two of us when we attend weddings.



That said, we're getting married next year, and will be stating in our invitations that we're not doing a gift registry and that gifts are not required.


I suspect most people are still going to give us cards with money in them, but I'm not expecting a particular amount per couple. Seems a bit presumptuous to me.

We did the exact same thing. But people are generally generous and want to give gifts. I don’t recall “tallying” anything up. I simply appreciated those that attended.


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[CliffFletcher]

Timely article in the Atlantic:

When the Happy Couple Registers for Cash

Cash wedding registries—though once, and occasionally still, considered tacky—are slowly gaining traction. A survey by the wedding-planning website The Knot found that 6 percent of engaged and recently married couples in 2017 opted for money in lieu of traditional wedding gifts. Although still a small number, the trend is gaining steam: Cash gifting is up from 3 percent in 2013. As Americans marry later and face challenges such as ballooning median home prices and inescapable student-loan debt, many couples see cold, hard cash as a more enticing and pragmatic option for their weddings.

Interesting that the survey found only 6 per cent of couples ask for cash. Presumably that number is higher in Calgary, as a more affluent and multi-cultural city than the U.S. as a whole. Still, I doubt asking for cash is as universal even here as this thread suggests.

[bizaro86]

I think the amount of people who subtly put the word out that they'd prefer cash is greater than the amount of folks whose invitations say "cash gifts please."

[Locke]

Originally Posted by TorqueDog

We give $200 between the two of us when we attend weddings.

That said, we're getting married next year, and will be stating in our invitations that we're not doing a gift registry and that gifts are not required.
I suspect most people are still going to give us cards with money in them, but I'm not expecting a particular amount per couple. Seems a bit presumptuous to me.

Yeah, we did a registry when we got married but we needed certain things. But we werent listing stupid crap like a $500 crystal fruit bowl or anything crazy like that.

Ultimately, you get what you get and thats the way it should be.

If you need things for your house or whatever thats one thing, if you dont then whatever cash you get is great, be it $40 or $400.

I think the thing that really disappointed me about my wedding, and maybe thats too strong of a word, was that it was so busy I felt like I was being pulled in 100 different directions and I couldnt really spend much time with each guest.

We felt that our wedding should be a party not a burden or a cash grab.

[TheSutterDynasty]

This thread tells the tale of what happened at my wedding - some of my wife's distant relatives (no, I don't understand why they were invited) gave no gift (we asked for cash only), but some people were extremely giving.

We had an inexpensive wedding and ended up making money on it