What is an “acceptable” cash gift for attending a wedding?

[Kipper is King]

I usually pick out a thoughtful gift instead of giving cash. It feels so impersonal to me to shove a bunch of bills in an envelope.

Seems like I'm in the vast minority, however.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by Kipper is King

I usually pick out a thoughtful gift instead of giving cash. It feels so impersonal to me to shove a bunch of bills in an envelope.

Seems like I'm in the vast minority, however.

Weddings are expensive and cash is always appreciated.

[Sliver]

I don't mind giving cash, but I would resent the idea that people are trying to break even on my presence. If you're throwing a party, it's going to cost some money. If you don't like that, throw a smaller party or a less lavish one. Expecting your guests to pay for your party is so entitled.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by Sliver

I don't mind giving cash, but I would resent the idea that people are trying to break even on my presence. If you're throwing a party, it's going to cost some money. If you don't like that, throw a smaller party or a less lavish one. Expecting your guests to pay for your party is so entitled.

Damned Millennials! The least they could do is serve Avocado!

[Matt Reeeeead]

My wife and I have this down pat.

We come with $200 in cash, and start deducting based on things we are out of pocket for. If its a toonie bar, we are probably paying $150. If drinks are expensive $100. If the couple has clearly thrown a terrible, cheap party, that would affect it too.

Most times we have contributed the $200.

[CliffFletcher]

Originally Posted by Sliver

I don't mind giving cash, but I would resent the idea that people are trying to break even on my presence. If you're throwing a party, it's going to cost some money. If you don't like that, throw a smaller party or a less lavish one. Expecting your guests to pay for your party is so entitled.

Yeah, I can't help but think the dramatic increase in the cost of weddings is connected to the move towards asking for cash gifts. Back when you got toaster ovens, linens, and fondu sets, people priced their wedding to what they could afford to be out of pocket, not some formula of #guests x $150 x 0.75.

[Weitz]

Originally Posted by CliffFletcher

Yeah, I can't help but think the dramatic increase in the cost of weddings is connected to the move towards asking for cash gifts. Back when you got toaster ovens, linens, and fondu sets, people priced their wedding to what they could afford to be out of pocket, not some formula of #guests x $150 x 0.75.

More so that people live together before they get married and don't need 100 gifts anymore.

[surferguy]

More people should be giving personalized cutting boards. Coincidently I can help with that.

[wooohooo]

Originally Posted by surferguy

More people should be giving personalized cutting boards. Coincidently I can help with that.

I wouldn't complain about that, actually that would be pretty sick. But one of my wedding presents from a couple with 3 children gave me a cutting board from Canadian tire. One of those ones you can find for $10 on sale.

I feel it's worse to give something like that than to just not give anything at all. It's like tipping $1 on a hundred dollar meal.

[Bring_Back_Shantz]

Originally Posted by surferguy

More people should be giving personalized cutting boards. Coincidently I can help with that.

About that.

I haven't been able to go to your site using chrome, explorer, or safari (on my phone), for quite some time.

Not sure if it's just me, or if you've got yourself a problem.

[Fuzz]

Works fine for me in FF and Chrome.

[Oling_Roachinen]

Originally Posted by wooohooo

I wouldn't complain about that, actually that would be pretty sick. But one of my wedding presents from a couple with 3 children gave me a cutting board from Canadian tire. One of those ones you can find for $10 on sale.

I feel it's worse to give something like that than to just not give anything at all. It's like tipping $1 on a hundred dollar meal.

Maybe your service was bad.

Get it? Like wedding service.

[The Familia]

Just got married this summer. We had a 5 course sit down meal, all night open bar, cocktail hor’dourves, elaborate midnight snack buffet, and Prosecco bar at a very classy venue. I don’t really care if people think I’m being greedy, but I feel it is an insult and a slap in the face for a couple to give literally a $40 check for the both of them. Let’s be real here. People blow $40 daily on useless #### like beer and junk food without a second thought, yet they can’t afford $100 to give a close friend/relative on the most important day of their lives that may help set them up for the immediate future? Especially with up to a years notice? They just received roughly $150 worth of free food and booze not to mention entertainment and all they could muster is $20 per person? To me that is a slap in the face.

I wouldn’t have the balls to put my name down on a wedding card and only leave $40. I’d be embarrassed. My minimum is at least $100 (per guest) and it goes up depending on how close I am to the couple and the presentation of the wedding itself (open bar vs. cash bar). Thankfully most of our guests are educated in wedding etiquette and were very generous.

[GGG]

So you invited them to a party where they were expected to pay $200 and if they chose not to come you likely are annoyed that a person close to you chose not to come. If you had a minimum contribution required you should have charged cover or included this requirement in your invitation.

If you spent $150 per plate on your wedding you obviously don’t need money to yourself up for your immediate future. If the purpose of the gift is to set up the couple for the future than the gift should be inversely proportionate to the cost of the wedding.

No one asked for $150 worth of food.

[Amethyst]

I don't think the amount of the gift should be based on how fancy the wedding is. Your guests have no say in when you marry or what you plan for the wedding. The amount I give tends to be based on how well I know the couple, my financial circumstances (friends who got married when I was a student got less than those who married now that I have a good job), and the financial circumstances of the wedding couple. I would be more inclined to give a larger gift to someone if I knew they didn't have a lot. If they can afford a 5 course meal and an open bar, they don't need my money.

[The Familia]

We are not rich and our parents paid a substantial amount of the wedding. The gifts go to us to help set us up. This is very typical of Italian weddings. The wedding itself is a gift from our parents, while the gifts are from family and friends to help get our new life started.

I never said there should be a mandatory amount (I personally feel it should be $100 a person but I understand not everyone can afford that). I was extremely pleased with almost everyone and there were lots of generous guests. You are telling me though that 2 adults can’t afford more than $40? That is a complete joke. It’s a respect thing in my opinion. No one asked for $150 worth of food and drink, but EVERYONE sure as hell ate and drank to their hearts content and did not complain.

[Cecil Terwilliger]

$40 is a joke for pretty much any couple at any wedding. But tying it to the food and bar is ridiculous. Gifts should be based on your relationship or relation to the couple being married, not the venue, food or drink. I have no idea why people keep repeating their costs over and over as if it matters.

Immediate family gets a lot, other relatives and super close friends get a good amount, everyone else gets less (and often I think they only send out so many invitations to people they aren’t that close to because they want you to decline and send a gift anyway, dbags). If I’m gonna bother to show up, I would never give an insultingly small amount but you’re definitely getting an amount proportional to how close we are.

If my sister got married in a barn she’d still get a hell of a lot more than the casual work friend who got married at the Palliser (or whatever is considered a high end venue in Calgary).

[surferguy]

Originally Posted by Bring_Back_Shantz

About that.

I haven't been able to go to your site using chrome, explorer, or safari (on my phone), for quite some time.

Not sure if it's just me, or if you've got yourself a problem.

Honestly my webpage is a bit of a tire fire at the moment. Unfortunately I haven't been able to find the time to update it. Or at least it hasn't been a priority. Kids really do take up a lot of time!

[Mr.Coffee]

Originally Posted by The Familia

Just got married this summer. We had a 5 course sit down meal, all night open bar, cocktail hor’dourves, elaborate midnight snack buffet, and Prosecco bar at a very classy venue. I don’t really care if people think I’m being greedy, but I feel it is an insult and a slap in the face for a couple to give literally a $40 check for the both of them. Let’s be real here. People blow $40 daily on useless #### like beer and junk food without a second thought, yet they can’t afford $100 to give a close friend/relative on the most important day of their lives that may help set them up for the immediate future? Especially with up to a years notice? They just received roughly $150 worth of free food and booze not to mention entertainment and all they could muster is $20 per person? To me that is a slap in the face.

I wouldn’t have the balls to put my name down on a wedding card and only leave $40. I’d be embarrassed. My minimum is at least $100 (per guest) and it goes up depending on how close I am to the couple and the presentation of the wedding itself (open bar vs. cash bar). Thankfully most of our guests are educated in wedding etiquette and were very generous.

Holy crap. Can I be your friend? Where do I sign up?

I’m wondering where expectations for gifts started to come into play at all, let alone the CP apparently universal demand of $200 for a couple. When I first started reading this thread I thought people were being a bit over the top with the whole “$200 minimum” crap. Turns out that seems to be the norm. But what’s funny is that most groups of friends get married around the same time. One summer I had 5 frickin weddings to go to. So I’m supposed to just cash out $1,000 then “minimum” ��

Re-read your post and tell me it doesn’t come off as one of the most entitled things on earth. The fact that anybody got you a gift, period- is generous. We had people come to our wedding and not even give us a gift and you know what? We honestly didn’t care because what we really valued was them just being a part of our day and being there.

We didn’t get married to “set ourselves up” or use it as a financial launching pad. We got married because we actually kind of moderately liked each other enough to live in a dwelling cohabitually. So we wanted to celebrate that with friends or family.

Now I understand that gifts are customary, but who on earth said that the gifts need to be a financial minimum threshold to cover costs?!? YOUR the one who wants to get married. YOUR the one who wants to throw a party. YOUR the one who is creating all these “costs that need to be covered” so sorry why the #### are you expecting all these other people to cover you? If I go buy a new car should I send my friends and family an invoice asking them to chip in?

Was at a wedding in Victoria last weekend. We got into this very conversation as to what a large group of us friends got the couple. Guess what? Almost to a couple everybody gave gifts of approximate value $100. Not CP’s cheap skate minimum threshold $200. These are all people with decent jobs and careers and who I don’t think most would be called “cheap”. And I can’t imagine it’ll insult the bride and groom and I can’t imagine I’ll give a rats ass if it does quite frankly because that was the gift we could afford to give them and felt like giving them.

When did weddings become so stupid? Sliver has it absolutely bang on, if you can’t afford to absorb certain costs, well, guess what? That isn’t your guests problem so why are you making it theirs?? And no, sorry, it doesn’t dictate what I think of my relationships because I put arbitrary cash values on them. People can interpret whatever they want but at the end of the day my family and friends know I love them because I- here’s a concept for you- tell them. If they come and are pissed because they feel I didn’t give them enough cash at their stupid party well then I guess they probably aren’t the best of friends anyway. People who choose friends based on crap like that can get ####ed.

[Cecil Terwilliger]

Before you call that guy entitled, let’s keep in mind someone actually posted the following and appeared to be neither embarrassed or joking about it.

Originally Posted by Matt Reeeeead

My wife and I have this down pat.

We come with $200 in cash, and start deducting based on things we are out of pocket for. If its a toonie bar, we are probably paying $150. If drinks are expensive $100. If the couple has clearly thrown a terrible, cheap party, that would affect it too.

Most times we have contributed the $200.

Without question the most entitled thing I’ve read ITT.