But they're Smart! S-M-R-T!!

[return to the red]

Originally Posted by Burninator

I've heard of a couple more that people pull on newbies; ice mix, bucket of steam and house stretcher (for when you build the house too small).

so when I worked at IGA all through High School this new guy had just started and was told to go get a bucket of steam, it was like his first week and he was about 14 years old.

So he's walking around asking people where to get a bucket and then heads off to the back. People keep coming back to check up on him every couple minutes because he has this bucket tilted sideways scooping the steam in but of course it doesn't stay in. So about 15 minutes later he all of a sudden clues in and just drops the bucket and walks out feeling like a complete dumbass. Poor little feller














yah, yah OK it was me

[PYroMaNiaC]

This is a fantastic thread! I have so many, I'm not even sure where to start. One of my favorites is about my husband.

My bathroom is cluttered with all kinds of girl stuff. You know, makeup, fancy shampoos, moisturizers, and, of couse, shaving cream which men generally know how to use. So my husband decides to run a bath and he climbs in with about an inch of water in the bottom. While he's waiting for the tub to fill so he can put on the jets, he picks up my can of shaving cream. Now, he's never shaved in the tub and the can has a very pretty pink and purple label on it so it probably smells girlie too. Why he would pick it up in the first place is beyond me, but anyway, he proceeds to squirt shaving cream right in his eye.

I hear this horrible scream from the living room and come running. (There are crazy stats on household accidents in the bathroom, you know.) There I find him with his butt in the air and his head under the tap, screaming at me to call poison control. I ask him fairly calmly what has happened so I can ask Poison Control the proper procedure. He's screaming and trying to tell the story at the same time while burbling water. I decipher the issue and procede to laugh at him. I tell him that he can call when he gets out of the tub, but I'm not making a fool of myself for his idiocy.

This makes him mad and he jumps right out and heads to the phone. I stand there and listen to the conversation. The lady that answered the phone at Poison Control is laughing as hard as I am.

God bless men who bring laughter to their wives.

[timbit]

Originally Posted by PYroMaNiaC

This is a fantastic thread! I have so many, I'm not even sure where to start. One of my favorites is about my husband.

My bathroom is cluttered with all kinds of girl stuff. You know, makeup, fancy shampoos, moisturizers, and, of couse, shaving cream which men generally know how to use. So my husband decides to run a bath and he climbs in with about an inch of water in the bottom. While he's waiting for the tub to fill so he can put on the jets, he picks up my can of shaving cream. Now, he's never shaved in the tub and the can has a very pretty pink and purple label on it so it probably smells girlie too. Why he would pick it up in the first place is beyond me, but anyway, he proceeds to squirt shaving cream right in his eye.

I hear this horrible scream from the living room and come running. (There are crazy stats on household accidents in the bathroom, you know.) There I find him with his butt in the air and his head under the tap, screaming at me to call poison control. I ask him fairly calmly what has happened so I can ask Poison Control the proper procedure. He's screaming and trying to tell the story at the same time while burbling water. I decipher the issue and procede to laugh at him. I tell him that he can call when he gets out of the tub, but I'm not making a fool of myself for his idiocy.

This makes him mad and he jumps right out and heads to the phone. I stand there and listen to the conversation. The lady that answered the phone at Poison Control is laughing as hard as I am.

God bless men who bring laughter to their wives.

easily the best episode....up to this point.

[PYroMaNiaC]

Originally Posted by timbit

easily the best episode....up to this point.

You like that one? Do I have some stories for you. How about this one?

So, 8 years ago we move out to the middle of nowhere, right across from an old overgrown, abandoned gravel pit. (The view is actually quite nice with all the deer and other wildlife that roams through the pit to eat the grasses.) My husband decides we need a covered deck off the back door - one that's big enough for a couple of garbage bins, recycler, ect. I tell him in the most polite way that I can that he will have to put in cement pilings in order to combat the ground settling that we'll experience. He nods at me and, not so secretly, rolls his eyes like he's married to a moron and proceeds to build the deck.

Now, every woman knows that once a man has a plan, no amount of ranting and raving will change his mind, and so I settled in to watch the proceedings. What do you know? No cement pilings. Well, what do I know anyway?

Fast forward 6 months. I'm doing a little Sunday cleanup around the house. I round up all the garbage and head out the back door to sort and I am brought to a dead stop. Back door won't open for all my efforts. Fine. Something must be in the way. Head to the front door to go all the way around and I get to the back door and just start laughing. The deck roof has sunk enough that it's blocking the door. It's not polite to laugh at my husband, as I've been told many times by him, so I straighten my face and go to find him to let him know he now needs to fix his mess.

Now, he's out at the woodpile, cutting up firewood. I'm trying desperately not to crack up as I explain the problem. He gets a determined look on his face and marches up to the back door, fires up his chainsaw and cuts a 12"x3" notch in the 2x4 support beam and yanks open the back door. He then turns to me with a satisfied smirk on his face.

I'm waiting patiently for the roof to cave in. In the mean time, he's told me he wants to build a garage next.

[vanisleflamesfan]

Originally Posted by PYroMaNiaC

I'm waiting patiently for the roof to cave in. In the mean time, he's told me he wants to build a garage next.

Sounds like HE will be the dude at the crappy hardware store asking how long the 8 foot 2x4s are.

[ken0042]

Originally Posted by vanisleflamesfan

Sounds like HE will be the dude at the crappy hardware store asking how long the 8 foot 2x4s are.

OK, at the risk of some of you laughing; I still don't see why asking how long an 8 foot 2X4 is makes it a stupid question.

After all, a 2X4 isn't 2 inches by 4 inches, right? If 2 of the 3 dimensions are known to be not accurate; or more correctly they were accurate at one point then the board got machined down, then why not ask the question about the length?

Of course, many of us might have worded the question a little differently. I might have asked if the 8 foot boards were indeed exactly 8 feet long, and not reduced in size at the mill.

[Alpha_Q]

I think we'd all agree that Stupidity and Ignorance do not differentiate over race, sex, age, or nationality. There are some areas of the world however, where Stupidy has a stronger hold. One of these areas is the deep south of the United States.
At Expo86 in Vancouver I was in the Alberta Pavillion examining a Tyranosaur skull that was on display. Also examing this skull were two people, husband and wife, with thick southern drawls.
I overheard the gentleman go on about his amazement at the size of the skull. He then told his wife that the state of Alberta was where "we iz headed to next."
I introduced myself and told them that I was from Alberta. We talked for a few minutes, they were from Alabama. During the conversation the wife suddenly asked me if there really were T-Rex's in Alberta. I told them that there were plenty, thinking she was referring to fossils. The husband then asked if they had ever killed anyone, and if anyone hunted them.

I paused for a moment, then told him that they were an endangered species, and were illegal to hunt. I then added that yes, many people had been killed and in fact, if one came within a certain distance of town, that town would be abandoned.

My conversation with them petered off, as the two of them began arguing about whether they were going to go to Alberta or not.

[Flames_Gimp]

Originally Posted by ken0042

OK, at the risk of some of you laughing; I still don't see why asking how long an 8 foot 2X4 is makes it a stupid question.

After all, a 2X4 isn't 2 inches by 4 inches, right? If 2 of the 3 dimensions are known to be not accurate; or more correctly they were accurate at one point then the board got machined down, then why not ask the question about the length?

Of course, many of us might have worded the question a little differently. I might have asked if the 8 foot boards were indeed exactly 8 feet long, and not reduced in size at the mill.

i think the are milled and then cut to length..they are meant to be exactly 8feet

[Antithesis]

2x4s are meant to be exactly 8 feet, my experience is that they rarely stray outside one inch too short or long.

[PYroMaNiaC]

You know what's funny? The man in question actually works at a saw mill. Asked him about the length of a 2x4. His response: 2x4's used as studs as specifically planed to be 8 ft long. Otherwise, they are 1/4 inch longer than 8ft.

[algernon]

A 2x4 stud is 92 5/8 " long. This is because in Western Platform Framing, we use 3 plates (the lumber that the wall studs are nailed to). We put two 1 1/2" plates on top, and one on the bottom.

3 x 1 1/2" = 4 1/2"
+92 5/8 "
which ='s 97 1/8, which after a drywall ceiling, underlay and finish flooring will give you around an 8' ceiling (finished height).

If you want an actual eight foot 2x4, you have to ask, or better yet, measure.

Oh, and planing refers to working the wood length wise, cutting refers to 'chopping' the wood horizontaly.

[CaptainCrunch]

Wow, only on this board would a discussion go from a person's stupidity to the exact breakdown on a 8 foot long 2x4.

Anyways I was driving with a friend of mine to banf in his beater, I was trying to get some sleep when the car filled with smoke and the engine died. We rolled out of the car, and I noticed that the paint was discoloring on the hood. I tried to call someone on my cellphone, but at the time there wasn't really a signal for my cellphone. Meanwhile my friend pops open the hood and almost loses his face as the engine has caught on fire. Before I can do anything he runs to the trunk and pulls out a giant plastic jug screaming at me that he's going to put out the fire. He pulls off the lid and splashes antifreeze on the fire which causes a small explosion and sends a fireball that could probably be seen by a satellite.

Of couse I laughed my butt off and promptly burned my hands trying to put out the fire with a jacket.

Stunningly the car started after we put the fire out and let the engine cool off.

[Temporary_User]

^
I have to be missing something...
There was a fire. A big fire... and you guys still decided to try and start and possibly ride in this car afterwards.
With no repairs being done.
???
SMRT indeed.

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by Temporary_User

^
I have to be missing something...
There was a fire. A big fire... and you guys still decided to try and start and possibly ride in this car afterwards.
With no repairs being done.
???
SMRT indeed.

Part 2 of the story. Basically.

Come on we had to try.

[Vulcan]

We'd had a hail storm and I contacted my insurance agent for damage to our cars. I than had to go out of town on a job. My wife was working shift work and was nervous as we'd had a break in a couple of months before. Anyways she was sleeping late one morning when she heard noises and conversations outside, so she calls 911. While on the phone whoever is out there puts a ladder up and starts climbing up by our window. She's freaking and the cops are on there way. The cops get there and grab the three guys and have them cuffed on the front lawn. Turns out they were sent by our conscientious agent to check out our siding and roof for hail damage as he also handled our home insurance. Every time I called our agents office to inquire about my claim and give my name, the receptionist would break down laughing and I'd have to wait a few moments until I'd get a business response.

[BlackArcher101]

Originally Posted by Temporary_User

^
I have to be missing something...
There was a fire. A big fire... and you guys still decided to try and start and possibly ride in this car afterwards.
With no repairs being done.
???
SMRT indeed.

It worked on Planes, Trains & Automobiles didn't it?

[Crazy Flamer]

So a girl at work just turned to me and asked me, "So how do the seasons go? Is it Fall, Winter, Summer then Spring? Or is it Fall Winter Spring then Summer? "

[Looger]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

Stunningly the car started after we put the fire out and let the engine cool off.

i think i bought that car.

[Flames_Gimp]

Originally Posted by Crazy Flamer

So a girl at work just turned to me and asked me, "So how do the seasons go? Is it Fall, Winter, Summer then Spring? Or is it Fall Winter Spring then Summer? "

haha

[rubecube]

Yesterday we had a customer call us to say her phone wasn't working and that they were without dialtone. Now being that this customer works for a rather large organization that has many business sets we asked her to make sure the phone was plugged in correctly. She assured me it was and we ran some tests and sent a tech out. The problem? Her power bar wasn't turned on.