Life Question

[Matt Reeeeead]

This isn't just a random mistake. He's been avoiding owning up to this for 20 years even after law intervention. The very same law he made a career of. This is the story of a pos that has treated op as a mere fly that he has flicked away for 20 years.

We all die at some point, and the time coming itself doesn't absolve us of the crappy way we treat people our entire lives. He had 20 years to make this right, and avoided it any cost. He can have support from those he hasn't treated like garbage.


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[Wastedyouth]

I think there is a huge jumping to of conclusions and conjecture being thrown around here.

Unfortunately now the thread has taken a life of its own. Probably farther than the OP originally intended.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by GordonBlue

so he has to pretend to be this guys friend until he dies?
who says that's the right thing to do and that he'll feel peace when it's over?

maybe the right thing to do is let the past be the past, wish the guy luck in his cancer battle and carry on with life. maybe the OP will feel at peace doing that.
the OP can forgive without playing out the charade of being friends to a dying man.
it's not fair to the OP, you guys wanting him to do something he likely doesn't have a need to do, and to tell him he'll feel guilty and not be at peace until he does.

the right thing to do is what the OP decides to do. not what any of us, me included, thinks he should do.

The OP was asking for opinions on what he should do and I gave mine.

You obviously disagree with my view point and that's fine.

[jayswin]

Originally Posted by Wastedyouth

I think there is a huge jumping to of conclusions and conjecture being thrown around here.

Unfortunately now the thread has taken a life of its own. Probably farther than the OP originally intended.

Not to be disrespectful to the OP but after reading his response a couple pages back it seems clear he had already made up his mind about how he felt about the situation and started the thread more to vent/get it off his chest then genuinely wondering how to proceed.

And that's fine. If anything he sounds like he's still upset that his former friend did that and his impending death has made the issue resurface. Aka the sea doo incident very prominent and detailed in his post, more so than the struggle of whether to make peace with a former friend.

I apologize if I have that wrong and to be clear we're all human and I'm not passing judgement, just commenting on how the thread comes off.

[OMG!WTF!]

Originally Posted by pylon

I find the responses in this thread quite shocking to be honest, especially for a website that is notoriously left leaning.

$7000 dollars 20 years ago. 20 frikking years ago.

The amount people can change in 20 years is mind boggling. I certainly hope I'm not held to and judged on decisions I made in 1997. Jeebus. I was a walking train wreck. People change. Their ideas change. Their level of empathy changes. You don't know where this guy is at in life now, or what changes he's made. For all you know this guy is setting up dialogue so he can have a face to face and apologize. Maybe he doesn't think it's appropriate on Facebook.

Some of the pettiness I have witnessed in this thread is pretty disgusting to be honest.

Do what you want OP, it's your life. But I certainly hope you have your ducks in a row when the old man death is knocking on your door, and people don't hold every mistake you ever made against you. Because that would be a pretty crappy way to go.

Gross.

You know, one way to tell if this guy has changed is if he paid his bill. He's had a long time to generate the cash flow, has bought his own toys, gone on his own holidays, paid his own bills. So no. The guy hasn't change. Not at all. Not even a little bit. He still thinks he's more important than his "friend". If he wants to pay he can simply ask for a mailing address.

How bloody hard is it to die without owing anybody any money? All the OP has to do is not steal 5k from someone and he's gold by the standards set out in this thread. If you want to get all religious about it then he'd better start forgiving asap.

[4X4]

nm

[Bagor]

Originally Posted by flamesfever

I think by not offering your friendship and support at this time, it may become one of your regrets.

Why should he regret it?

He can offer forgiveness and move on. Why should he feel obliged to become a source of friendship and support?

I would just send a short note back, offering condolences for his situation, saying you bear him no ill, have moved on and and leave it at that. Short and sweet. No need for an explanation, because you don't owe him an explanation of any kind. Then move on with your own life with no regrets.

Sure...forgive him for the benefit of both of you but why any shame or guilt for passing on the friendship/guilt part? You don't owe him that.

[SeeGeeWhy]

Go seadooing together.

[rbochan]

"Sorry to hear about your troubles. Take care."


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[Jason14h]

I would Go for a beer to see if he may want to apologize. If he does you still have the choice to forgive.

If he doesn’t you know he’s still a POS.

If you don’t care at all then don’t go, but the fact you posted makes me think a small part of you is at least curious what he would say.

[taco.vidal]

Id ask myself how I will feel when the guy is gone. If I accept him reaching out and reconnect, will I be upset at myself and feel like I let him walk all over me again? If I dont respond to him reaching out, will I be upset that I didnt have one final chance to talk to my former friend?
I had a similar situation to yours and did reconnect. I wish I hadnt. Im now over it but for a long time wanted to go piss on their grave.

Originally Posted by hayduke's dad

A very good friend of mine screwed me over years ago. Long story short he damaged my sea-doo and refused to cover repairs. Cost me about $5000 in the late 90's. After a long battle with trying to work things out he wouldn't move on his stance. Seeing we weren't friends anymore I took him to small claims court. Before it was decided on by judge I tried one last call to work it out before a ruling. Again he declined. I ended up winning. He paid me sporadically $50 a month for a couple years then never paid again. with interest he still owes over $7000 now. I never pursued making him pay or garnishing his wages even after all that he became an officer of the law.

Recently he has been diagnosed with cancer and outlook isn't good. He sends me a Facebook message after not talking for 15+ years saying he misses our friendship and wants to be friends seeing he doesn't know how much time he has left. No apology no sorry.

Am I expecting to much? I feel bad for him as he could die with young kids but he chose not to ever call me back. I am torn in how to reply.

What would you do?

Not reply?

Tell him he was one who chose the path? Good Luck?

Give in and tell him it's ok lets be friends?

[schteve_d]

I don't think it's about a grudge, but a person who would treat me like that is not worthy of being my friend.

Given the situation, I would respond that I missed his friendship too, but that if that friendship was not worth saving to him, then there is no need to start it back up now.

It's not about teaching them a lesson or holding a grudge, but it's about what friendship is. Not everyone is worthy of being your friend.

We are all going to die, and we should all know and understand that. I don't get the notion of making amends with past mistakes because you "found out' you were going to die. You didn't know until this diagnosis that you were going to die?

[flamesfever]

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