Rate your current mental health level out of 10

[MRCboicgy]

Surfboard glory hole, imagine that.

[Wormius]

Originally Posted by Jiri Hrdina

I think Airdrie and Cochrane but not Calgary itself

Thought there were ones in Royal Oak and around Evanston.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by MRCboicgy

Surfboard glory hole, imagine that.

"She's really rough with her teeth there...Oh. Thats a shark."

[Dion]

[troutman]

Originally Posted by missdpuck

Wow. Shameless hand whores in here.

Another great name for a punk band.

[Shazam]

Originally Posted by Wormius

Thought there were ones in Royal Oak and around Evanston.

Where are the glory holes around Royal Oak? Asking for a friend.

[Shazam]

Originally Posted by troutman

Since Covid I was struggling with the grind and stress of being a lawyer. Last Spring I did some math and made a bold decision.

My sons have left the nest, and I realized I could sell my home in Calgary, pay all my debts, and buy a nice home with cash in a small town.

I entered semi-retirement at age 58. I always wanted to be near the mountains, and found a condo near my favorite fishing in Coleman (Crowsnest Pass). My happiness is now gone from 2-3 to 10! I am outside all the time - nordic and downhill skiing, biking, hiking and flyfishing. Oldtimer hockey. I am volunteering for a couple of boards, and took a part-time job bartending at the Legion. I love it.

I had to give up my radio show, but I am only 2 hours from the City and come back easily to see family and friends. Going back to the City is strange for me now - the crowds and the traffic is almost overwhelming. My place is set up for visitors, and I have enjoyed hosting many friends and family.

My strategy will not work for everyone, but I am blessed to pursue this lifestyle. Getting plenty of sleep and exercise.

Getting out of the rat race has been so good for my health. Happy to answer questions.

Good on ya. I plan to retire the second I get back all my AMT from the sale of my company.

[Fuzz]

Originally Posted by troutman

Another great name for a punk band.

You should have a chalk board in your legion to post a daily "could be a band name".

[Erick Estrada]

Originally Posted by troutman

Since Covid I was struggling with the grind and stress of being a lawyer. Last Spring I did some math and made a bold decision.

My sons have left the nest, and I realized I could sell my home in Calgary, pay all my debts, and buy a nice home with cash in a small town.

I entered semi-retirement at age 58. I always wanted to be near the mountains, and found a condo near my favorite fishing in Coleman (Crowsnest Pass). My happiness is now gone from 2-3 to 10! I am outside all the time - nordic and downhill skiing, biking, hiking and flyfishing. Oldtimer hockey. I am volunteering for a couple of boards, and took a part-time job bartending at the Legion. I love it.

I had to give up my radio show, but I am only 2 hours from the City and come back easily to see family and friends. Going back to the City is strange for me now - the crowds and the traffic is almost overwhelming. My place is set up for visitors, and I have enjoyed hosting many friends and family.

My strategy will not work for everyone, but I am blessed to pursue this lifestyle. Getting plenty of sleep and exercise.

Getting out of the rat race has been so good for my health. Happy to answer questions.

I'm glad that the Pass can be a haven for some city folk. Lots of good people still there from when I lived there. Are you in the newer condos east of the high school?

[Johnny Makarov]

Originally Posted by Shazam

Where are the glory holes around Royal Oak? Asking for a friend.

Mormon temple. they drill holes in brazillian marble!

[CaptainYooh]

Originally Posted by troutman

Since Covid I was struggling with the grind and stress of being a lawyer. Last Spring I did some math and made a bold decision.

My sons have left the nest, and I realized I could sell my home in Calgary, pay all my debts, and buy a nice home with cash in a small town.

I entered semi-retirement at age 58. I always wanted to be near the mountains, and found a condo near my favorite fishing in Coleman (Crowsnest Pass). My happiness is now gone from 2-3 to 10! I am outside all the time - nordic and downhill skiing, biking, hiking and flyfishing. Oldtimer hockey. I am volunteering for a couple of boards, and took a part-time job bartending at the Legion. I love it.

I had to give up my radio show, but I am only 2 hours from the City and come back easily to see family and friends. Going back to the City is strange for me now - the crowds and the traffic is almost overwhelming. My place is set up for visitors, and I have enjoyed hosting many friends and family.

My strategy will not work for everyone, but I am blessed to pursue this lifestyle. Getting plenty of sleep and exercise.

Getting out of the rat race has been so good for my health. Happy to answer questions.

Wow! I only know you as a CP’er, but still, that was a shocker. A few of my friends and colleagues did a version of what you’ve done at the similar age and all of them, without exception were absolutely happy for about 3 years. Travel, outdoors, garage bands, daily golf in summers, photography. Then they all had to deal with a challenge of not getting bored. There’s only so much one can enjoy doing without feeling useful and needed. Do you have a plan? Consulting? Volunteering? Part-time work?

[troutman]

Will not get bored.

Bartending part-time at Legion, and have a local notary business. Will be on two boards. Outside all the time skiing, biking, hiking and fishing.Shinny hockey. Hosting friends and family. Life is rich!

“There's something inside you that knows when you're in the center, that knows when you're on the beam or off the beam. And if you get off the beam to earn money, you've lost your life. And if you stay in the center and don't get any money, you still have your bliss.” - Joseph Campbell

[Ped]

Originally Posted by undercoverbrother

I was amazed to find a Robin's Donuts downtown the last time I was there.

Lots of Robin's in the Maritimes.

[CaptainYooh]

Good luck. Enjoy!

[AFireInside]

I'd say my current mental health would be about a 3. Lots of stuff going on in all areas my life. I've spiralled into a depression that for the first time in my life I can't seem to snap out of. I'm miserable all the time, and I've noticed that I've started to isolate myself and it's become difficult to do the things I used to love doing. I'm just incredibly apathetic, and would easily spend my weekends sleeping if left alone. It's created a weird tension in my household and I feel like I'm on eggshells constantly.

I've had bouts of depression in my life but usually find my way out of it and most friends etc wouldn't even know. This time has been much harder, I know my brother has mentioned to some friends that he's worried about me. I don't think most friends and family have noticed yet. I find that I don't want to be around anyone and have almost no motivation to do anything. From the outside my life looks great but I just feel awful.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by AFireInside

I'd say my current mental health would be about a 3. Lots of stuff going on in all areas my life. I've spiralled into a depression that for the first time in my life I can't seem to snap out of. I'm miserable all the time, and I've noticed that I've started to isolate myself and it's become difficult to do the things I used to love doing. I'm just incredibly apathetic, and would easily spend my weekends sleeping if left alone. It's created a weird tension in my household and I feel like I'm on eggshells constantly.

I've had bouts of depression in my life but usually find my way out of it and most friends etc wouldn't even know. This time has been much harder, I know my brother has mentioned to some friends that he's worried about me. I don't think most friends and family have noticed yet. I find that I don't want to be around anyone and have almost no motivation to do anything. From the outside my life looks great but I just feel awful.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Don't be afraid to talk to someone.

Either a professional or family or friend.

I lost a good friend to suicide in 2016 and it galvanized my friend group to look after each other.

I have had some tough conversations with that group, but it's been wonderful. Nothing like a 6'3" 270lbs man hung you telling you he loves you.

Please look after youself.

[habernac]

Originally Posted by troutman

Will not get bored.

Bartending part-time at Legion, and have a local notary business. Will be on two boards. Outside all the time skiing, biking, hiking and fishing.Shinny hockey. Hosting friends and family. Life is rich!

Went to a funeral there last year. The lady at the Legion let us stay ridiculously late after the Rum Runner closed.

[iamca]

Not good for a while now… maybe a 2

Work is a #### show as I was asked to transition about a year ago from a technical manager to a supply chain individual contributor.

Started off missing my former team that I recruited and hired, which was upwards of 90% between my direct reports and second level team, as well as their manager. They miss me too and have made the rounds taking me out lunches and beverages, which helps albeit briefly.

The new job was fairly benign during the first 3 months, but since the early fall when a peer was abruptly terminated and not replaced, it’s been hell.

My manager is newer to our company and socially and culturally out of touch. She’s got severe OCD and likes to play favorites.

I’ve been bullied by her to the point of wanting to resign or walk off the roof of our tallest building.

My family is still younger and despite living in a blue state, which doesn’t help when it comes to healthcare, I’ve actually discussed moving back to Canada, but our kids want to finish school here.

I have some golden handcuffs that are keeping me tied to work for the next year or so, but in the meantime I am more miserable than I’ve ever been in my life.

What to do?

Met with our financial advisor numerous times in the last 6 months and his advice is take the huge compensation off the table during the next 10 months, then we’ll have a cash buffer to help bridge any gaps before an early and full retirement.

It’s indescribable how bad it’s been as I dread work so much that I have no energy or motivation.

Hopelessness and depression.

Sorry to get back on topic, but I am not sure how to accurately describe my feelings of isolation and the toxicity of work right now.


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[TrentCrimmIndependent]

When you can't leave a situation that's draining you the only solution is to reframe the situation and what it means to you in your mind. Because it's not the situation, but your interpretation of the situation that's ultimately causing the depletion.

Downplaying the importance of "winning" favour in those power dynamics is pretty key. Have to take everything personal out of it, and that includes judging the person who is making people's lives more difficult (this is probably the hardest part). The more we berate them in our heads and build a case against them internally about the injustice of it, the more of a grip it has on us and our energy. Have to pull back and diminish their importance, as well as that of their opinion.

Playing up the temporary aspect of a situation has helped me. Anything starts going sideways and I tell myself "good thing this won't be my problem soon" (even if it's a ways off, it's a good mindset that helps you zoom out and not over-invest in a problematic situation). Pretend like you've put in your two weeks and the hard work and contributions you're making are you being charitable with your gifts & time. Act like you chose it. With that frame of mind problems that do arise don't affect your self-esteem because you're not tying your identity to it.

Segregating/compartmentalizing work and home life is also important. Protecting the integrity and peace of your personal time like everything depends on it. You need variety (work, home, family, personal activities) that you've given your full attention to in order to address different basic needs. If work is bleeding into that, it prevents you from doing so. Protect your time, turn off your notifications if possible and build a mental dam.

And gratitude for small ####. Think about something you're looking forward to, someone who improves your life, what has gone right in your day. You can't be upset, depressed or depleted while you feel grateful. Make a habit of searching for the good #### in your day and that's less time stuck in those terrible headspaces. You'll also be receptive to finding other things that bring you joy and relief.

So much of it is an internal game, while a lot of people have grown up to put external conditions on a pedestal and let them rule their internal experience. But wherever you go, there you'll be. Which is why the same problems crop up in totally different places and situations for many people. Our core negative assumptions about things and people can create a sort of self-fulfilling procephecy where it turns out exactly as we fear/expect. So those are what we have to look at and work on, cause that's what we can control, right?

You have to get yourself to where if you sat alone in a room with yourself with no distractions it's a good time, because you're good company. Many people are living with bad company between their ears and that's first and foremost their greatest ongoing issue, and that can't be fixed with things, approval or monetary gain - its only a temporary fix.

Change how you look at things and the things you look at change. Not easy by any means but truthfuly... this is the way.

[iamca]

I read several articles yesterday and I was wrong about OCD, she has OCPD.

Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder causes obsession with order, perfectionism, control and a specific way of doing things.

Here are the behaviors and traits of OCPD:

Be preoccupied with and insist on details, rules, lists, order and organization.

Have perfectionism that interferes with completing tasks.

Have excessive devotion to work and productivity.
This results in neglecting hobbies and spending less time with loved ones.

Have excessive doubt and indecisiveness.

Use extreme caution to avoid what they perceive to be failure.

Be rigid and stubborn in their beliefs and ways of doing things.

Be unwilling to compromise.

Have difficulty working with others or delegating tasks unless they agree to do things exactly as the person wants.

Frequently become overly fixated on a single idea, task or belief.

Perceive everything as “black or white” (dichotomous thinking).

Have difficulty coping with criticism.

Over-focus on flaws in other people.

The number one strategy in dealing with a boss with OCPD: Don’t try to change them.

It’s pointless, won’t work and I’ll end up in a worse situation.

The post from Trent helped me look at myself and what I can do to improve my life and well being, because I cannot change her or tell her that she needs treatment for her OCPD. That would add fuel to the fire.

I reached out to a mental health professional and have my first appointment tomorrow morning (first available).

Thanks doesn’t really cover it, but thank you and the CP community for your support!


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