Destination Weddings

[Doctorfever]

It’s a funny thing. I have been to a few destination weddings, but have turned down about 5 or so.
It just depends on the time / age / family (kids) situation. My wife and I chose not to have a destination wedding because we wanted to included all of our families.
Also, my wife went to a destination wedding without me because I was really busy at work and it was difficult to get time off - earlier in my career.

How about you have a conventional wedding and plan a honeymoon that guests are allowed to attend. Best of both worlds?

[you&me]

Originally Posted by fleury

Not sure hyperbole is the best in this circumstance, but they should consider what's reasonable, yes. If everyone is well off, sure, do something high end, but what if they're the most well off vs. their guests? Most guests can afford to put out ~$150 per person, but expecting someone to pay more than $1500 isn't exactly reasonable for many. It's more than just the bride and grooms' day. It's the parents and siblings as much as anyone's, to be happy for them. Gotta consider others' reasonable circumstances.

I'm not sure the bolded part is hyperbole in the context Sliver was arguing... To me it sounded like he thinks a destination wedding is selfish because someone on the guest list might not be able to afford / take the time off / care to 'waste' a vacation day to attend. Catering your plans to make sure none of your guests feel this way is the epitome of lowest denominator thinking and the last thing a couple should be doing when it comes to their wedding.

Now obviously there is a 'know your audience' component to this. If a couple wants to go all out in Fiji, that's up to them. But then neither the guests nor the couple should feel bad if none of their coworkers from Starbucks can make it.

[PaperBagger'14]

Originally Posted by Doctorfever

How about you have a conventional wedding and plan a honeymoon that guests are allowed to attend. Best of both worlds?

Honeymoons aren't a group activity, unless you're into that sort of thing.

[bossy22]

We got married in Maui. We were going to be there with my wife's family and decided that's what we would do. My family is ridiculous and was complaining about our wedding planning. We were going to do Fernie, because we love it there. Most people would have to travel no matter what so we figured Fernie could be fun. Only my wife and her parents are from Calgary. My family was complaining about it, so we said F it, we're getting married in Maui and didn't invite anyone. Some close friend asked if they could attend, and we said sure thing, but there is no obligation and no gifts. We had about 20 people come and it was a great time. Nobody from my side came. I have zero regrets about it.

[TheIronMaiden]

Originally Posted by PaperBagger'14

Honeymoons aren't a group activity, unless you're into that sort of thing.

I only travelled to this wedding for the gang bang.

[bdubbs]

Been to a destination wedding in Mexico and it was great! Everyone had a blast. IMO a wedding is one of the few events where the bride/groom being selfish is OK. If some people cannot make it to the wedding, that's not on the bride or groom really. Just decline the invite or assist with getting them there if you really want them to be there. Nobody is obligated to drop 1500 to 2000 to go to a destination wedding in the end.

[csnarpy]

We did our wedding (2006) at Moon Palace, in the Mayan Riviera. Before we decided this, we were given use of a hall in Canmore at no cost but everything else just started adding up and my wife was overwhelmed. Destination was a backup for us and she flipped the switch!

It was an incredible time! We basically said whoever can make it, makes it. As we knew it would cost a bit to get & stay there. We arranged 3, 5 & 7 night options to stay at the resort. We had 22 rooms booked and half went 7 and for the rest it was pretty even at 3&5 nights.

Everything was included, even some excursions. Ceremony was 15mins long, pictures took about an hour. Had a bit of a break and then off to a Brazilian restaurant for our reception. They included the Cake to our specifications. All of the my wife’s & her Bridesmaids hair and makeup were included. Even a horse drawn carriage that brought her and her father to the gazebo.

I personally couldn’t have asked for a better wedding. I must admit we are travelers, and so are most of our family. We did buy some events that were not included (like the after party at Coco Bongo) and we did have a small reception back at home for ones that couldn’t make it.

Overall, my wife didn’t have to think about the little things and was very happy!

So, happy wife… and we’re into year 16!

After the wedding week was done, we stayed another week on Isla Mujeres in a small beach side cabin. Going from full all-inclusive to full non inclusive!! Lol. Loved every minute of that island. We just did our 15th anniversary there last summer.

Did we have a good time? Yes!
Did our friends and family have a great time? To this day they still rave about it.
Were we a little bit selfish? Yes but we had a tight budget and this seem to fit.

We do look back and wished we could’ve contributed a little bit more (flights or hotel) but it just wasn’t in our cards at this time of our lives. Everyone understood this.

We plan to go back there for our 20th. With a lot of friends & family in tow.

[Sainters7]

Originally Posted by BlackArcher101

I don't really understand the concept of a destination wedding myself. Had an immediate family member planning to do one, but they soon found out it wasn't the best idea as some people they wanted to be there couldn't afford to (me included). Resentment of people you expected to come that don't is a real thing, but so to is the reverse. There is also resentment of people that would love to be there but feel you've made it impossible for them to be. You may say "people that want to be there will find a way" but come on.... you are asking some to possibly wreck their budget for the next 3 years to do it. Especially if they don't consider a resort/mexico a desired vacation in the first place.

To me, it's not a good solution for either making things cheaper (for only the married couple) or a way to weed out people. Instead, just elope if you truly want to save money, go on an immediate honeymoon at the same time, then come back and celebrate with family & friends.

I think this may be the issue right here: the type of people who want to do a destination wedding but also completely expect people to come and will be resentful if they don't are, frankly, selfish. Who cares what those people think.

I'm all for a destination wedding, it's fully what I intend to do whenever the day occurs - I'm not spending $20-30K on a wedding just to keep certain people happy (plus, who really wants to attend a wedding THAT badly? They're awkward, stiff and overly formal). But by NO means would I expect anybody to have to be there. Frankly I basically see it as eloping, with an open ended invitation that you can attend it if you like. Maybe the bride & groom could help chip in a bit for immediate family and a best friend with the cost if they want to be there. And yeah maybe hold a gathering later on when you're back to celebrate with people. I think if that's the mentality of the bride & groom, I just don't see what's wrong with that.

I just think the big classic wedding isn't for everybody. Frankly the thought of being the centre of attention pouring my heart out to my partner in front of over 100 people while dealing with all the excruciating minutiae (and big $$$ for every step) of planning it is cringe-worthy to myself. It's hands down the most overdone, overpriced event in society IMO.

[BlackArcher101]

Originally Posted by Sainters7

I think this may be the issue right here: the type of people who want to do a destination wedding but also completely expect people to come and will be resentful if they don't are, frankly, selfish. Who cares what those people think.

I'm all for a destination wedding, it's fully what I intend to do whenever the day occurs - I'm not spending $20-30K on a wedding just to keep certain people happy (plus, who really wants to attend a wedding THAT badly? They're awkward, stiff and overly formal). But by NO means would I expect anybody to have to be there. Frankly I basically see it as eloping, with an open ended invitation that you can attend it if you like. Maybe the bride & groom could help chip in a bit for immediate family and a best friend with the cost if they want to be there. And yeah maybe hold a gathering later on when you're back to celebrate with people. I think if that's the mentality of the bride & groom, I just don't see what's wrong with that.

I just think the big classic wedding isn't for everybody. Frankly the thought of being the centre of attention pouring my heart out to my partner in front of over 100 people while dealing with all the excruciating minutiae (and big $$$ for every step) of planning it is cringe-worthy to myself. It's hands down the most overdone, overpriced event in society IMO.

Agreed.

If you truly want to test the wedding couples intentions and see how true they are, tell them you'll be there but you are going to book everything separately to save money. Aka, book via airmiles or even stay off resort (bonus, you also get to see what the area is really like). Hearing "But then that doesn't save us money" is a quick way for me to turn it into a no altogether.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by BlackArcher101

Agreed.

If you truly want to test the wedding couples intentions and see how true they are, tell them you'll be there but you are going to book everything separately to save money. Aka, book via airmiles or even stay off resort (bonus, you also get to see what the area is really like). Hearing "But then that doesn't save us money" is a quick way for me to turn it into a no altogether.

I was at a destination wedding in Mexico and bought into the package I was told to buy. I couldn't believe how fataing classless it was for the bride and groom to be bragging about their big cassita they got "for free" with a bunch of accoutrements. Like, you dumb fatas, you're talking to the guy staying in a hotel room beside the loud pool and I'm one of the half dozen people who paid for your "free" ####.

[RandyHolt]

I'm always amazed how poorly people can treat what are supposed to be their closest friends and family.

We did a destination wedding a long time ago and told everyone they were free to wait and book through whoever if it was cheaper. For anyone that booked through the wedding package, we split any free rooms equally and just treated it as a discount for everyone.

I honestly thought that would be the common way to do it since the people who book initially are usually your immediate family and best friends and you're already asking a lot for them to take vacation and spend a fair bit of money.

[csnarpy]

Originally Posted by Sliver

I was at a destination wedding in Mexico and bought into the package I was told to buy. I couldn't believe how fataing classless it was for the bride and groom to be bragging about their big cassita they got "for free" with a bunch of accoutrements. Like, you dumb fatas, you're talking to the guy staying in a hotel room beside the loud pool and I'm one of the half dozen people who paid for your "free" ####.

Tbh, I’ve only had a destination wedding but never attended one. At our resort, if we booked in as a group we all just got a reduced rate. Anything extra for us was because we bought the wedding package.

I would definitely feel slighted if what you experienced ever happed to me.

[PaperBagger'14]

Originally Posted by Sliver

I was at a destination wedding in Mexico and bought into the package I was told to buy. I couldn't believe how fataing classless it was for the bride and groom to be bragging about their big cassita they got "for free" with a bunch of accoutrements. Like, you dumb fatas, you're talking to the guy staying in a hotel room beside the loud pool and I'm one of the half dozen people who paid for your "free" ####.

My wife and I actually took our kickbacks from the resort and gave them to a couple who was iffy on attending the wedding because of finances. They were happy we did it and it was minimal expense for them. All we got that was extra was bumped up to first class on the flight and every morning the cleaning staff would leave chocolates and fruit in our room.

[Derek Sutton]

I get the destination weddings being popular choices for a few reasons, cost certainly being one of them. I have a friend currently planning a "traditional" wedding and the prices they are being quoted, I just can't imagine spending that, they are figuring $40k or so for a 100 guest wedding. I told him not to invite me as he said dinner alone is in the $75 range/ person.

The thing is is that it is your money, your day, do what you want. It is also your guest's money, their vacation time and they are free to do what they want as well. Something that really that bugs me is the Bride/ Groom guilt trip they lay on those who choose not to attend, I'm sorry we are pretty casual friends, and I'm not spending $4000 to bring my family to your destination wedding because our 10 year old daughters are friends, and if you really more people their, you should have considered that before making your location decision. We have other places we'd like to do and see and it doesn't include subsidizing your wedding.

[Sr. Mints]

And you get to do it all over again at the end. Just wait till you have to plan and then pay for a funeral. Only I'm not sure how you could download that onto your 'guests.' I'm sure someone's found a way.

Just like weddings, minutia doesn't even begin to cover the pompous pedantry you'll be tasked to deal with. And every vulture is trying to sell you or upsell you on the most ridiculous nonsense imaginable while exploiting your grief - like upgraded brass handles on the casket that's going to be stuck in a thousand degree oven after the ceremony.

Just toss me in the hospital dumpster and convert all of my assets to low denomination banknotes and throw them into the wind during the Stampede Parade to cause chaos like in '89 Batman to give back to society. Troutman? Write that down.

[Fuzz]

Originally Posted by Sr. Mints

And you get to do it all over again at the end. Just wait till you have to plan and then pay for a funeral. Only I'm not sure how you could download that onto your 'guests.' I'm sure someone's found a way.

Just like weddings, minutia doesn't even begin to cover the pompous pedantry you'll be tasked to deal with. And every vulture is trying to sell you or upsell you on the most ridiculous nonsense imaginable while exploiting your grief - like upgraded brass handles on the casket that's going to be stuck in a thousand degree oven after the ceremony.

Just toss me in the hospital dumpster and convert all of my assets to low denomination banknotes and throw them into the wind during the Stampede Parade to cause chaos like in '89 Batman to give back to society. Troutman? Write that down.

Can we have your organs, first?

Reminder to register!

https://myhealth.alberta.ca/Pages/OTDRHome.aspx

[Fighting Banana Slug]

Originally Posted by Derek Sutton

I get the destination weddings being popular choices for a few reasons, cost certainly being one of them. I have a friend currently planning a "traditional" wedding and the prices they are being quoted, I just can't imagine spending that, they are figuring $40k or so for a 100 guest wedding. I told him not to invite me as he said dinner alone is in the $75 range/ person.

The thing is is that it is your money, your day, do what you want. It is also your guest's money, their vacation time and they are free to do what they want as well. Something that really that bugs me is the Bride/ Groom guilt trip they lay on those who choose not to attend, I'm sorry we are pretty casual friends, and I'm not spending $4000 to bring my family to your destination wedding because our 10 year old daughters are friends, and if you really more people their, you should have considered that before making your location decision. We have other places we'd like to do and see and it doesn't include subsidizing your wedding.

You had it exactly right until the guilt trip part. How can the bride/groom guilt you into doing anything, if the connection is your 1- year-old daughter's friendship?

Don't go. They probably don't expect you to go. Easy-peasy.

[GGG]

Originally Posted by Sr. Mints

And you get to do it all over again at the end. Just wait till you have to plan and then pay for a funeral. Only I'm not sure how you could download that onto your 'guests.' I'm sure someone's found a way.

Just like weddings, minutia doesn't even begin to cover the pompous pedantry you'll be tasked to deal with. And every vulture is trying to sell you or upsell you on the most ridiculous nonsense imaginable while exploiting your grief - like upgraded brass handles on the casket that's going to be stuck in a thousand degree oven after the ceremony.

Just toss me in the hospital dumpster and convert all of my assets to low denomination banknotes and throw them into the wind during the Stampede Parade to cause chaos like in '89 Batman to give back to society. Troutman? Write that down.

Destination funeral weekend at Bernie’s style?

[CASe333]

Originally Posted by Sliver

I don't even know how you could type this with a straight face, tbh. Like, it didn't occur to you to add up all the plane tickets, hotel accommodations and other associated travel expenses of all the attendees to determine the wedding was more expensive than one night at a community centre would have been? By orders of magnitude?

Based on your response I did a very poor job of explaining why I think it worked out financially for guests too at least for our small wedding. Sorry for the wall of text but I think your response deserves a thorough explanation.

I think the first thing I should have noted that when we sent out invitations it was made clear that we understood not everyone would be able to make it. We also sent invitation out over a year in advance so invitees had ample time to plan for it. As noted by other people even if we had the wedding in Canada there was no one location where ~50% people would be travelling from a different city. My wife wanted a small wedding and I was having a hard time cutting my guest list down to the size she wanted because if I invited one Aunt/Uncle or cousin to be honest I felt obligated to invite everyone as my Moms side is huge but all quite close. With the destination wedding we were upfront that because it was a small destination wedding we couldn't invite all family members. To be honest we could have done this with a wedding in Canada but for me it gave me some peace of mind and hopefully caused no resentment from those who weren't invited or couldn't come.

Because we kept numbers low (33 guests) and did many things frugally (best friend photographer, minimal flowers, wedding dress picked out by wife was only $150, no wedding planner ect) we saved a lot of money relative to a normal wedding. We used some of our savings and booked a huge property for ~$600/night with 7 bedrooms for a week and invited our closest friends to stay with us (6 couples plus us) so their accommodations were take care of. We also went to Costco/Walmart and bought a huge amount of food/alcohol for the week so that was provided for. Everyone staying with us had a chance to contribute to the shopping list and we cooked as a group. For the most part food and alcohol was taken care of. We also splurged on catering with a local restaurant that did an amazing job for a great price compared to local catering in Canada.

So in the end our friends only paid for their flights, vacation insurance, car rentals and any extracurricular activities they chose to do. Other guests (all family) did incur extra expenses but in a similar vein wife's parents rented a place where most of her side stayed. Also a huge help was my parents live in Hawaii so most of my family stayed with them.

In the second example in Mexico our friends had a much larger wedding and we were all given a fairly large discount on a vacation package at an all inclusive resort and Sunwing chartered flight. If I remember correctly it was around $1300/person for the vacation package and that covered everything except insurance and taxi from airport to resort. The resort had everything so no reason to leave it unless you wanted too. We did rent a car and I surfed a day but that was just something I wanted to do.

In comparison to a normal Canadian wedding where our friends got married in Calgary we paid for our flights, food and rental for 3 days in Calgary. Hotel (~$400), food ($200), flights ($600 for two tickets) and car rental (I don't remember at all but lets guess it was about $100 for 3 days) = $1300 for two people for 3 days. The Hawaii destination wedding doesn't compare too badly to this and was for a week. Mexico destination was a bit over twice as expensive but also for a week so doesn't compare too badly either given it was all inclusive. All three weddings compared were ~10 years ago for reference sake.

I think that probably the biggest thing I'm not taking into account is more time off and lost wages incurred with the two example destination weddings. That happens with any vacation though and hopefully everyone enjoyed their time off and the wedding parties. Anyways hopefully that helps provide a few real experiences where destination weddings weren't exorbitantly expensive for everyone involved.