Advice on kids

[Plett25]

Mrs. Plett and I have 3

Our kids all play together, there isn't one getting left out, 3 fit in pretty much any vehicle, vacations aren't a problem (accommodations or family rates for activities) well, of course everything is more expensive, but that's largely due to there being, you know... more people involved

Actually, I wanted 4 but the wife was done with pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding... but mostly after 6 years of diapers, it was liberating to leave the house without a diaper bag. We talked a lot about having a 4th, and it basically came down to her not wanting another, but if I really wanted to, we'd have another. Kind of a big risk on her behalf... she could have wound up with another round of diapers, but I kind of took one for the team and decided against the 4th.

I felt much better about stopping at 3 knowing that it was my decision to not have a fourth. The biggest issue for us was if you go for 4, you could end up with 5. And I didn't really want to run the risk of a full minivan.

If you go into this situation expecting 3 kids to be a logistic and behavioural disaster, that's what you'll end up with. But in my experience, 3 is awesome.

YMMV

[Muta]

Originally Posted by Ruttiger

Maybe some people are using up more than their fare share of oxygen as it is.....

Great idea! Let's pile more on top of that!

[Peanut]

Originally Posted by Locke

There should be a special ID card for the childless. So when you go to a restaurant you get special treatment.

"Oh, you dont have children? Come right this way sir, we have a special table in the back so you dont have to share space with these screaming spawn, we also have the real menu, you of course arent going to eat the same swill that we slop into their sucking feed-holes....say, would you like some cognac? On the house...."

Oh, what a world it would be....

It's called the lounge, Locke. Either that or start springing for nicer restaurants. Most of the families are congregrating at BP's, Montana's, Moxie's, etc.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by Peanut

It's called the lounge, Locke. Either that or start springing for nicer restaurants. Most of the families are congregrating at BP's, Montana's, Moxie's, etc.

Why should I have to pay more? They're the ones who suck....

[GGG]

Originally Posted by Locke

Why should I have to pay more? They're the ones who suck....

At least you get to eat good food then the crap that is BP's Moxies, and the other typical chains.

Although you can't hide from my children, I take them to fancier no chain places as well.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by GGG

At least you get to eat good food then the crap that is BP's Moxies, and the other typical chains.

Although you can't hide from my children, I take them to fancier no chain places as well.

Theres no escape.

[Muta]

Originally Posted by GGG

Although you can't hide from my children, I take them to fancier no chain places as well.

Don't be 'those parents'.

[Redliner]

Going from 2 kids to 3 is definitely a game changer. Your defense strategy changes from man-to-man to zone, and as soon as the kids figure out they have you outnumbered (and it doesn't take long, believe me) you're screwed. We planned on stopping at 2 (mutual agreement) but ended up having a surprise and as a result our 2nd and 3rd children are less than a year apart. Made things interesting for sure but I wouldn't change a thing now.

Contrary to what some other posters have said though, I have found that the extra kid does complicate things at times. We had to ditch our sedan for a larger vehicle as our kids were all in car seats at the same time and the three of them wouldn't fit across the back seat. We ultimately ended up with a minivan but now that the kids are older we've gone to an SUV for the family vehicle. Not a huge issue but makes travelling more expensive. Also, most "family packages" for ski hills, resorts, attractions, hockey games, etc are based on the 2 adults + 2 kids template so you end up paying more for the extra kid.

Financial concerns aside, maybe we got lucky but all 3 of our kids get along relatively well. If anything the oldest is sometimes the odd man out, but that's more because he prefers to do his own thing and isn't really a case of the other two excluding him. I think the family dynamic is (at least in part) a learned behaviour - if you teach your kids to respect one another and spend time together, for the most part they will.

[Russic]

I can't imagine having a kid without having both parties 100% in. Unforeseen kids are different of course, but to have one when somebody has stated they don't want it would be brutal. I felt bad about being 100% done when my wife was only 80%, but I agree with Jiri (nay wins over yay).

I just can't help but think every lack-of-sleep-induced bit of attitude, every time I made a car payment for my new SUV, and every time I sat down in my office/dining room I'd get a tinge of annoyance. There'd be love for the kid no doubt, but the baggage that comes along with them would just bug me more.

[kermitology]

I say this only partially in jest..

It's too bad the situation isn't reversed. I always wanted kids, but my wife was going to take some serious convincing.. Then she got pregnant unexpectedly, and I have quite possibly the cutest kid ever as a result.

[Flash Walken]

Originally Posted by fotze

This thread proves it but I hate to say it, but the saying is there. I remember arguing in threads like this. I still, after having two kids, believe that having kids is a completely selfish act. The belief that your DNA is so worthy to be replicated. But the irony is that the act of making and having kids is completely selfish, to be a decent parent requires the opposite.

That is farking awesome perspective.

[Flash Walken]

Originally Posted by Locke

Why should I have to pay more? They're the ones who suck....

You gotta find places no family would be caught dead in.

Pay less, no kids, mild food poisoning.

It's a win-win-(lose) scenario.

I prefer to eat in bars.

[Fozzie_DeBear]

Originally Posted by fotze

This thread proves it but I hate to say it, but the saying is there. I remember arguing in threads like this. I still, after having two kids, believe that having kids is a completely selfish act. The belief that your DNA is so worthy to be replicated. But the irony is that the act of making and having kids is completely selfish, to be a decent parent requires the opposite.

Great point.

In my situation I think we are both being incredibly selfish...we really only care about what we want. The only way out of this is for one (or both of us) to rise above it...and that will only happen through talk.

Although this conversation has been going on (in more or less the same form) for 48 months.

For me there is NO way that this situation is not biologically driven...I'm not debating her as much as I am debating her ovaries. And goddamit those ovaries are strong.

This thread has been ridiculously therapeutic...carry on.

[Draug]

My story .... Wife and I had two wonderful kids, girl then boy, 2.5 yrs apart after being married 6 years. Most people would have stopped right there, with the stereotypical 'perfectly defined family'. Nope, not us....

We said right at the start, when we decided to get married, that we'd have kids and we'd assess whether or not to have more after each one. We both agreed to have 1, then we both agreed that we must have 2 (we cam to the same conclusion, in similar circumstances to Fotze). At that point, I was content with the perfect girl and boy picture, but my wife comes from a family of 3, and felt that 3 kids would be so much better. I wasn't really opposed to it, so we went for three.

Our third child is a sweet little girl, who is just over 2.5 years younger than our second. In a switch of feelings, I was the one who strongly desired a fourth after our third, while my wife was content. But, we decided again on having another, and Baby 4 is due in October. He/She will also be about 2.5 years younger than our third.

I know a bit of where Fozzie is coming from when it comes to the long discussions around having children. Thankfully, in my case, neither of us was absolutely convinced one way or another, so we were able to talk through it on our own. If you cant, talk to a counsellor, to help you both find a happy place. As others have said, if you don't, resentment and all kinds of bad things may arise.

I feel reaffirmed after reading so many comments in this thread proclaiming to go with 2 or 4 kids. Our 3 kids right now (aged 7.5, 5, 2.5) all interact awesome as a sibling group, and maybe they always will. But, the 4th will give the group all kinds of options.

Incidentally, we are both 100% set on having no more children. We are getting older (38), and this pregnancy has been rougher on my wife than the previous ones. Even if we wanted more kids, we are outta time anyway.

The downside of 4? Well, it's going to be pretty much 10 years straight of diapers in this house! I am already looking forward to moving out of each infant, baby, toddler stage as Baby 4 grows up. Pretty clear sign that 4 is it for us.

I hope you work through things Fozzie! Good luck.

[Yeah_Baby]

Originally Posted by kermitology

I say this only partially in jest..

It's too bad the situation isn't reversed. I always wanted kids, but my wife was going to take some serious convincing.. Then she got pregnant unexpectedly, and I have quite possibly the cutest kid ever as a result.

How long did it take you to poke all the holes in the rubbers?

[Raekwon]

Wait, how can you guys afford more than one kid? I never wanted kids at all but we had one and now she wants another. I'm not completely against two but the costs involved are insane and I refuse to have another unless we can afford it.

[moon]

Originally Posted by Raekwon

Wait, how can you guys afford more than one kid? I never wanted kids at all but we had one and now she wants another. I'm not completely against two but the costs involved are insane and I refuse to have another unless we can afford it.

The costs for number 2 go down compared to number 1 as you already have a lot of the basic stuff you need and are often a lot smarter in terms of what/where to buy stuff so you can save money.

As well I find that other parts of your life are reduced/cut so you take money from there to help offset cost of kids.

I have 4 now and don't notice any more financial strain now than there was with 1 even though I make a lot less now than I did back then.

[TheGrimm]

Our story:

My wife and I got married pretty young, (22/23) and agreed children weren't in our immediate future. I've always wanted to have kids, I grew up in a 3 child home and figured at least a couple would be nice. My wife is an only child and when we broached the topic she always indicated at some point she would like to have kids.

A couple of years after getting married I started to ask when we could start a family. She continually informed that she wasn't ready yet. It made sense, we were still pretty young and none of our friends were really even married yet, never mind having kids. I figured she just didn't want to be left out of the "fun" while everyone else was enjoying their freedom.. made sense to me. Fast forward another year, I would ask again, still no. Then another and another, still no. I was definitely getting a bit frustrated to say the least. Finally, about 6 years after getting married and only after a couple of her friends decided to start trying she felt it was time. Fast forward 3 years and multiple fertility tests and we find out that she has some health issues which are going to make it very difficult for her to conceive a child and carry.

I know I am probably coming across with a slightly bitter tone, because truthfully I am slightly bitter about this. However I will say that all you people complaining about being married to women who can pop out babies like a pez dispenser are making me sick. :P

I'm not giving up hope yet, as we aren't exactly over the hill or anything, but I'd love to have your problem any day of the week :P

[rotten42]

^ unless you have to use daycare...then you notice the expense in a hurry.

[Fozzie_DeBear]

Originally Posted by moon

The costs for number 2 go down compared to number 1 as you already have a lot of the basic stuff you need and are often a lot smarter in terms of what/where to buy stuff so you can save money.

As well I find that other parts of your life are reduced/cut so you take money from there to help offset cost of kids.

I have 4 now and don't notice any more financial strain now than there was with 1 even though I make a lot less now than I did back then.

Its not the direct costs of the kid that freak me out (except daycare. Holy $$$$)...its the loss of the wife's income that's expensive.