Rate your current mental health level out of 10

[jayswin]

Originally Posted by MoneyGuy

We give to charities and to our kids. At our local library we built a staff room with furniture and a computer. Also the local food bank, and others.

He didn't ask you to list how and where you donate money, he just suggested that you should direct some to this cause as well as you always state that you are very fortunate financially and it would help them.

[OutOfTheCube]

Originally Posted by Erick Estrada

You will change your tune when they are mid-teens and baby/toddler photos memories pop up on your iphone (or whatever Android equivalent). I miss those days all much, much more now as the crying and diaper changing is all part of the journey.

I think I will miss the current phase when they’re all moody teenagers that are too cool to hang out with me. But I also think I’d pick the moody teenager over the screaming #### covered infant at 3am, lol.

[DeluxeMoustache]

Originally Posted by OutOfTheCube

I think I will miss the current phase when they’re all moody teenagers that are too cool to hang out with me. But I also think I’d pick the moody teenager over the screaming #### covered infant at 3am, lol.

I chuckled

But what’s better than that same tiny infant (*when not currently / in between times being #### covered), just falling asleep on your chest

Lots to appreciate in all phases (so far)

[Locke]

Originally Posted by PaperBagger'14

Thats the thing that a lot of people never understand.

My employees see my misery as a joke.

Because they get to just get paid, go home and forget about it. I have to live with it.

Every problem that needs a solution? It has to come from me.

It must be luxurious to just do as you're told and call it a day.

[CliffFletcher]

Originally Posted by Erick Estrada

You will change your tune when they are mid-teens and baby/toddler photos memories pop up on your iphone (or whatever Android equivalent). I miss those days all much, much more now as the crying and diaper changing is all part of the journey.

This is where I’m at. We have twins, so with a 1:1 infant to adult ratio it was all-in from day one. It was intense and tiring. But the stressful parts were balanced with the bonding and joy of babies and toddlers that you don’t get from anything else. As I’d remark to my wife when she grumbled about our kids crawling into bed with us early in the a.m. when they were toddlers, there will come a time when you’ll give anything to go back and live these days.

We were fortunate to have a lot of support from parents who could help out, and from a network of close friends going through the same stage of life. I think child-rearing is tough for a lot of couples in a city like Calgary when they’ve moved here as adults and don’t have a strong support network.

[undercoverbrother]

I don’t think young kids or older kids are easier or harder.

It is different

My kids are 20F & 18M and there are still stressors and challenges just like there was when they were 4 & 2 or 8 & 6 or 14 & 12.

It is just different now.

It is tough to remember, but I try to enjoy it all.

Ive always tried to take the approach to drown my kids in love, especially when they are doing something or have done something that I might want to react differently to.

In the words of Deep Purple Love Concurs All.

[RoadGame]

I have been reading this thread without planning on posting. I would have already rated my mental as not great due to a long list of factors that have been building over the past couple years, and then in the past ten days we've had: a family member die (& within days become the victim of identity theft, complicating everything), our summer vacation venue & plans go up in flames, and a counterparty that had verbally committed to a career-defining business deal reneged at the decisive moment.

My wife suggested therapy for each of us separately on the basis of everything going on in our lives, and I have agreed. I'll be honest though, I don't have a good sense of how to make productive use of the time. The facts on the ground aren't going to change, there are still only 24 hours in a day, we still need to fund our retirement... she has suggested that therapists can offer "tools" and/or coping strategies that can be helpful... it's not like I'm finding solace at the back of the fridge or the bottom of a bottle...

If this sounds at all like you and you've gone through therapy and have some tips on how to engage in the process effectively, I'd love to hear it. I'm choosing to go into it with an open mind but it does feel a bit like an open-ended liability (time and cost), and I know I don't have great answers to "what are you hoping to get out of this". I don't know what to ask for that a therapist could possibly deliver.

[PaperBagger'14]

Originally Posted by RoadGame

I have been reading this thread without planning on posting. I would have already rated my mental as not great due to a long list of factors that have been building over the past couple years, and then in the past ten days we've had a family member die, our summer vacation venue & plans go up in flames, and a counterparty that had verbally committed to a career-defining business deal reneged at the decisive moment.

My wife suggested therapy for each of us separately on the basis of everything going on in our lives, and I have agreed. I'll be honest though, I don't have a good sense of how to make productive use of the time. The facts on the ground aren't going to change, there are still only 24 hours in a day, we still need to fund our retirement... she has suggested that therapists can offer "tools" and/or coping strategies that can be helpful... it's not like I'm finding solace at the back of the fridge or the bottom of a bottle...

If this sounds at all like you and you've gone through therapy and have some tips on how to engage in the process effectively, I'd love to hear it. I'm choosing to go into it with an open mind but it does feel a bit like an open-ended liability (time and cost), and I know I don't have great answers to "what are you hoping to get out of this". I don't know what to ask for that a therapist could possibly deliver.

I’ve been to therapy for 2 different points in my early and late twenties and honestly I didn’t get much value out of it. I don’t want you to think I’m knocking you while you’re down but for my issues the therapists used cognitive behavioural therapy which in my heavily simplified understanding means they ask questions / make statements to prod you towards a conclusion that you come to on your own.

Now some people see a ton of value in this, because it’s a form of self reflection and forces you to be mindful towards your issues. I’m not that person because I am a serial over thinker and I usually have a plan A through Z for my life. Anxiety is ####in lovely. I didn’t find it beneficial because if I had a work around I would have done it.

The advice I would have is commit to it, no half measures. If your brain needs a mini reset and to approach issues from an angle you haven’t thought of yet, it can be a powerful tool.

[RoadGame]

Originally Posted by PaperBagger'14

Now some people see a ton of value in this, because it’s a form of self reflection and forces you to be mindful towards your issues. I’m not that person because I am a serial over thinker and I usually have a plan A through Z for my life. Anxiety is ####in lovely. I didn’t find it beneficial because if I had a work around I would have done it.

The advice I would have is commit to it, no half measures. If your brain needs a mini reset and to approach issues from an angle you haven’t thought of yet, it can be a powerful tool.

I'm wired the exact same way.. I appreciate this.

[Jason14h]

Originally Posted by CliffFletcher

This is where I’m at. We have twins, so with a 1:1 infant to adult ratio it was all-in from day one. It was intense and tiring. But the stressful parts were balanced with the bonding and joy of babies and toddlers that you don’t get from anything else. As I’d remark to my wife when she grumbled about our kids crawling into bed with us early in the a.m. when they were toddlers, there will come a time when you’ll give anything to go back and live these days.

We were fortunate to have a lot of support from parents who could help out, and from a network of close friends going through the same stage of life. I think child-rearing is tough for a lot of couples in a city like Calgary when they’ve moved here as adults and don’t have a strong support network.

Twins? Pathetic . Try having new born triplets ! I can’t see myself ever missing these days !

[Jiri Hrdina]

Originally Posted by RoadGame

I have been reading this thread without planning on posting. I would have already rated my mental as not great due to a long list of factors that have been building over the past couple years, and then in the past ten days we've had: a family member die (& within days become the victim of identity theft, complicating everything), our summer vacation venue & plans go up in flames, and a counterparty that had verbally committed to a career-defining business deal reneged at the decisive moment.

My wife suggested therapy for each of us separately on the basis of everything going on in our lives, and I have agreed. I'll be honest though, I don't have a good sense of how to make productive use of the time. The facts on the ground aren't going to change, there are still only 24 hours in a day, we still need to fund our retirement... she has suggested that therapists can offer "tools" and/or coping strategies that can be helpful... it's not like I'm finding solace at the back of the fridge or the bottom of a bottle...

If this sounds at all like you and you've gone through therapy and have some tips on how to engage in the process effectively, I'd love to hear it. I'm choosing to go into it with an open mind but it does feel a bit like an open-ended liability (time and cost), and I know I don't have great answers to "what are you hoping to get out of this". I don't know what to ask for that a therapist could possibly deliver.

First you gotta find the right one. It took me several cracks until I found someone that I clicked with and helped me.

Second be clear about what you want to get out of it, and what you are prepared to do to achieve those outcomes. Be clear with yourself first. And then be clear with your counsellor.

One of my problems with counselling was my anxiety, and corresponding severe insomnia was from not being able to get out of my own head. In some ways, it wasn't helping me to go deeper in there. I needed coping techniques at that time.

The first one or two I tried just didn't work for me. Doesn't mean they were bad, just that they weren't for me. Though one was convinced and accused me of having a gambling addiction, which couldn't be further from the truth.

The one I finally found that worked, understood where I was at, and the priority we relieving me of the anxiety that was impacting my quality of life in a huge wave. He acknowledged that we woudln't be working on the root causes, we were in crisis mode.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by undercoverbrother

I don’t think young kids or older kids are easier or harder.

It is different

My kids are 20F & 18M and there are still stressors and challenges just like there was when they were 4 & 2 or 8 & 6 or 14 & 12.

It is just different now.

It is tough to remember, but I try to enjoy it all.

Ive always tried to take the approach to drown my kids in love, especially when they are doing something or have done something that I might want to react differently to.

In the words of Deep Purple Love Concurs All.

Except grammar apparently...

[bluejays]

Originally Posted by Jiri Hrdina

The first one or two I tried just didn't work for me. Doesn't mean they were bad, just that they weren't for me. Though one was convinced and accused me of having a gambling addiction, which couldn't be further from the truth.

The one I finally found that worked, understood where I was at, and the priority we relieving me of the anxiety that was impacting my quality of life in a huge wave. He acknowledged that we woudln't be working on the root causes, we were in crisis mode.

What are coping mechanisms for anxiety? Genuinely curious. Could help a lot of people. Myself included!

[Locke]

Originally Posted by bluejays

What are coping mechanisms for anxiety? Genuinely curious. Could help a lot of people. Myself included!

Problem is...its different for everyone.

[cam_calderon]

Originally Posted by bluejays

What are coping mechanisms for anxiety? Genuinely curious. Could help a lot of people. Myself included!

Xanax.

[Winsor_Pilates]

https://headsupguys.org/

I was at a golf tournament yesterday and one of the supported charities was Heads Up Guys.
They were on-site and chatted to us about their cause to support men with mental health struggles and suicide prevention.
Seems like a really great resource so wanted to post it here.

There's anonymous questionnaires on there to access where you're at and resources if you need some help.

[keenan87]

Originally Posted by Winsor_Pilates

https://headsupguys.org/

I was at a golf tournament yesterday and one of the supported charities was Heads Up Guys.
They were on-site and chatted to us about their cause to support men with mental health struggles and suicide prevention.
Seems like a really great resource so wanted to post it here.

There's anonymous questionnaires on there to access where you're at and resources if you need some help.

This is a great resource. My company is also connected to the Buddy Up campaign. Its a campaign on mens suicide prevention and how to support guys in your life who are struggling.

www.buddyup.ca

[photon]

I think as long as one goes in with an open mind and are honest there'll be the best chance of getting something beneficial out of therapy. Even if at first it's just to discuss what one could possibly get out of it. I think anyone could benefit to some degree at any time, though it's always of question of benefit vs cost (in time, effort, money, etc).

For me at the time it gave me a number of tools to get out of the loop I was in. As mentioned therapy isn't going to change the reality one is facing, but I think it can help how reality is faced and how that reality impacts a person. Sometimes it takes another perspective or even help on how to gain that perspective to change how we evaluate things or make decisions or feel about things.

I'm also the kind of person that plans out all permutations and combinations of possibilities in advance, but I'm also NOT one to be proactive about many things, and for me the therapy was good in that it threw a little accountability into the mix which for me helped. That can vary for people as some people have some quality support relationships in their lives while others less so.

[D as in David]

Originally Posted by Locke

Except grammar apparently...

I conquer.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by D as in David

I conquer.

You son of a bitch...