The "I Don't Want To Live On This Planet Anymore" thread

[Coach]

I think I say this every time, but I'm not sure why I open this thread. I hope for funny stories, and the odd one is, but mostly they are just gut-wrenching and terrible.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by Regulator75

http://news.sky.com/story/1643996/do...nd-for-selfies

#ThanksTrudeau

[CliffFletcher]

Maybe a bunch of dolphins should drag a swimmer out to sea for a couple hours to play around with it.

#CosmicJustice

[CliffFletcher]

Seriously, nobody thought to say "hey, maybe we should put it back in the water now"?

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by CliffFletcher

Seriously, nobody thought to say "hey, maybe we should put it back in the water now"?

Listen, for years the dolphins have been shoving this Mammal crap on us and how intelligent they are.

[Weitz]

I'm just waiting for the dolphins to take over land again.

[Coach]

Originally Posted by CliffFletcher

Seriously, nobody thought to say "hey, maybe we should put it back in the water now"?

Someone obviously did, or people would have just found a dead dolphin on the beach with no idea how it got there.

[CorsiHockeyLeague]

Originally Posted by Weitz

I'm just waiting for the dolphins to take over land again.

Nah, they're good.

It is an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—while all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons.

Curiously enough, the dolphins had long known of the impending destruction of the planet Earth and had made many attempts to alert mankind to the danger; but most of their communications were misinterpreted as amusing attempts to punch footballs or whistle for tidbits, so they eventually gave up and left the Earth by their own means shortly before the Vogons arrived.

The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backward somersault through a hoop while whistling the “Star-Spangled Banner,” but in fact the message was this: So long, and thanks for all the fish.

[Ben_in_Canada]

Ahmed Mansour Karmi was not in court on Tuesday when he was convicted of four counts of murder, eight of attempted murder, one vandalisation of property and another count of threatening soldiers and police officers - all before his second birthday.

http://www.msn.com/en-ca/news/world/...kdF?li=AAggNb9

[Locke]

Good! Got to get these menaces off the streets!

[Wormius]

At first glance I thought that may have been in the US, but I guess the Egyptians have out- crazied them.

[flylock shox]

I don't know if this really belongs in this thread, but whatever, it's at least a little sad (depending on your point of view).

Last March, 20-year-old art history student Hannah joined SeekingArrangement.com (SA) and became a “sugar baby,” a well-paid companion to older men called “sugar daddies.”

A friend urged her to sign up because Hannah’s finances were tight. Since then the York University student has earned $10,000 in taxable income.

Asked why she chose sugaring, as the practice is called on SA’s blog, over the demanding retail job she held in college, Hannah replies, “It’s quite enriching. When you hang out with people who are older they have wisdom to share.” In addition to knowledge, the three sugar daddies she connected with in 2015 each gave her a monthly allowance that paid for her textbooks and basic living expenses. She figures she’ll continue until graduation. (Her identity isn’t being revealed to protect her privacy.)

Hannah isn’t alone. As of December 31, 2015, more than 156,000 male and female students across Canada are registered members of SA; it’s an 11 per cent increase from a year earlier. SA attributes this to the 3.2 per cent rise in university tuition and says that sugaring eases the financial burden and subsequent stress of post-secondary education. The site is LGBT friendly and has about 10 per cent LGBT users. The average age of sugar babies is 26, and the average sugar daddy is 45.

Shortly after Valentine’s Day, the site released its annual ranking of post-secondary schools with the highest number of sugar babies. The University of Toronto ranked first with 133 new sign-ups in 2015 for a total of 594 sugar babies. University of Guelph came second with 122 sign-ups and 479 sugar babies, while tech giant University of Waterloo was last with 22 sign-ups and 152 sugar babies. Hannah’s alma mater York is ranked sixth with 90 new sign-ups and a total of 465 sugar babies.

Article

[PsYcNeT]

Lol women finding alternate sources of income makes you not want to live here anymore.

K.

EDIT: To expand rather than drive-by, there are only 3 possible reasons why you could be not okay with this:

1. Outdated Morality - Prostitution is wrong, against god's will etc. which is funnier because not all girls even have sex in these scenarios
2. Patriarchal/Broism - Older guys getting all the chicks, I won't get to bang them because I don't have money, women shouldn't be in charge of their bodies, etc
3. Potential for exploitation - The only one that even approaches rational, it still implies that adult women who enjoy what they are doing are unable to make decisions for themselves, which kind of falls back into point 2

[flylock shox]

Originally Posted by PsYcNeT

Lol women finding alternate sources of income makes you not want to live here anymore.

K.

Yeah, like I said, not sure it really belongs in this thread, but it also doesn't merit its own.

It's kind of in that grey zone where it depends on your perspective. I can see lots of middle-aged dudes with money being anything but depressed with this kind of thing

[keratosis]

Originally Posted by MattyC

Someone obviously did, or people would have just found a dead dolphin on the beach with no idea how it got there.

Read the article, it was found later discarded on the beach.

[Sainters7]

Ugh, why did I open this thread? That dolphin story made me sick.

[JohnnyB]

Originally Posted by PsYcNeT

Lol women finding alternate sources of income makes you not want to live here anymore.

K.

EDIT: To expand rather than drive-by, there are only 3 possible reasons why you could be not okay with this:

1. Outdated Morality - Prostitution is wrong, against god's will etc. which is funnier because not all girls even have sex in these scenarios
2. Patriarchal/Broism - Older guys getting all the chicks, I won't get to bang them because I don't have money, women shouldn't be in charge of their bodies, etc
3. Potential for exploitation - The only one that even approaches rational, it still implies that adult women who enjoy what they are doing are unable to make decisions for themselves, which kind of falls back into point 2

I find it sad for the following reasons:

1) University tuition increases appear to be causing people to choose a form of income they would otherwise prefer not to pursue (the article itself states that) and which endangers their social capital (suggested by her identity being protected in the article).

2) Some old dudes are pretty lonely.

[NinePack]

bb

[Coach]

Originally Posted by keratosis

Read the article, it was found later discarded on the beach.

Yes, but people wouldn't know why unless someone who was actually there taking pictures and witnessing it exposed it.

[Wormius]

Is there any mention of Patrick Fox of Burnaby yet? Kind of makes me feel embarrassed to share the same country as him.