Destination Weddings

[bagofpucks]

Yah, having our friends boast about all the awesome perks and upgrades they were getting as the bride and groom while we paid through the nose for the flights and hotel as guests was a little much.

This was about 10 years ago and in the Dominican, but here were some things that our group of friends learned after the first destination wedding in the group:
- the planning/coordination at the resort for the ceremony and reception was not very organized and caused quite a bit of stress for the bride.
- the ceremony and reception were on day 4 or 5 I think. If you’re going the all inclusive route, keep in mind a fair amount of your guests will have been in “full party on the beach” mode the moment they arrive. Unfortunately, most guests were hungover, sick to their stomachs, sunburned to oblivion by the time the big day arrived.
- the ceremony on the beach was very scenic, but it was not a private location, so there were the aforementioned “old men in speedos” standing around.
- they did have rain for the reception and the resort didn’t seem to have any back up plans. Eating soggy buffet dinner was an interesting twist.
- the bride and groom were treated like royalty and pretty much got their honeymoon for free.
- it was great to spend time with friends, but because people were coming from all over the place, the arrivals and departures were all over the place.
- the bride and groom did get all sorts of amazing pictures on the beach and around the pools.

[kevman]

They're only more expensive for the guests if the alternative is having a wedding in your guests home city.

IMO they're a great alternative when one of the wedding couple is from a different city and half the guests will be travelling anyway. A week in Mexico is the same costs as flying across the country and getting a few nights in a hotel. And with a destination wedding you save the cost of the wedding gift - "your presence is the present".

I've only gone to 2 destination weddings and both were a blast. Party with your friends for a week? Yes please.

[Jason14h]

But put the wedding on day 3 - day 1 arrive , day two get ready , day 3 wedding

This gives everyone the rest of the week to party and people are
Relatively fresh on day 3

[indes]

There will definitely be no hurt feelings on our side if people can't make it, it is a big expense and might not be everyone's cup of tea. We've got some immediate family that I imagine we'll be subsidizing.

Definitely appreciate the advice on doing the actual wedding early (early afternoon day 3 is probably a sweet spot) and laying out the expectations of group activities.

We would like to keep it simple, dinner on the first night all together so everyone is introduced if they don't know each other and then a brunch the day after the wedding. Potentially a couple of things we're doing that everyone is free to join us. A big thing is that if people are dishing out for a vacation, we don't want them to be obligated to stuff everyday.

I do get the selfish angle and we talked about it at length. For a few sets of close friends we've dished out easily 1000$ on bachelor and bachelorette parties. We've got another wedding next year and it sounds like me and my fiancee are going to be in for around 3000$ combined to attend their bachelor parties. Albeit living by Edmonton, you can understand why people are up for any excuse to escape haha.

For us with 3 kids, once we get a suite and dish out for the nicer venue, private meal, private bar it looks like we'll end up at the same price we would pay to get it done here. It's not about saving money for us.

Thanks for the tips and experiences! One thing that's leaning us towards the destination is that it seems everyone who has attended one has had a blast and there's not too many negative experiences.

[dustyanddaflames]

Coming from a family of 5, we were the only ones that chose the destination wedding - and frankly, glad we did and I think so were all of my siblings. Weddings "at home" require a lot of work prior to the big day, from everyone, and by Sunday evening when the cleaning is all done, almost everyone is glad it is over. At least in my experiences with 4 siblings, and 2 more sister in laws.

What we all enjoyed about the getaway wedding - was literally nothing to do from the time we stepped foot on the plane to the time we got home. Some stuff to sign as the couple when we got there, walked over music/decorations, but other than that pretty straight forward. Get yourself a good travel agency and a resort with a good wedding planner - life saver.

Yes you absolutely aren't going to have some people there that you wish could be - my Grandparents couldn't attend ours. Call me selfish, but this was our day, we ended up being okay with it and wouldn't change it looking back. Was a week of sun, relaxation, friends/family. Great experience, would recommend.

[Rutuu]

I live abroad...and my partner is from NZ. I've always been curious if getting married in New Zealand would be viewed the same as a destination wedding by my buddies from Calgary.

The comments Silver made about having to think of your guests definitely resonates.

Also...yeah...you need a full year notice if you're asking people to fly in my opinion.

[Fuzz]

Originally Posted by indes

There will definitely be no hurt feelings on our side if people can't make it, it is a big expense and might not be everyone's cup of tea. We've got some immediate family that I imagine we'll be subsidizing.

Definitely appreciate the advice on doing the actual wedding early (early afternoon day 3 is probably a sweet spot) and laying out the expectations of group activities.

We would like to keep it simple, dinner on the first night all together so everyone is introduced if they don't know each other and then a brunch the day after the wedding. Potentially a couple of things we're doing that everyone is free to join us. A big thing is that if people are dishing out for a vacation, we don't want them to be obligated to stuff everyday.

I do get the selfish angle and we talked about it at length. For a few sets of close friends we've dished out easily 1000$ on bachelor and bachelorette parties. We've got another wedding next year and it sounds like me and my fiancee are going to be in for around 3000$ combined to attend their bachelor parties. Albeit living by Edmonton, you can understand why people are up for any excuse to escape haha.

For us with 3 kids, once we get a suite and dish out for the nicer venue, private meal, private bar it looks like we'll end up at the same price we would pay to get it done here. It's not about saving money for us.

Thanks for the tips and experiences! One thing that's leaning us towards the destination is that it seems everyone who has attended one has had a blast and there's not too many negative experiences.

As a guy, one requirement for me was a suit of the lightest material possible. It was still hot. If it weren't for all the dressing up, I'd have done it at 9am!

My cousin got married in Jamaica on the week Sandy hit. Fortunately the wedding was done by then, and we did still have a great time(hurricane party in the pool with lounge chairs flying over our heads...woooo!) but the marriage went about as well as the hurricane did for New York.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by Rutuu

I live abroad...and my partner is from NZ. I've always been curious if getting married in New Zealand would be viewed the same as a destination wedding by my buddies from Calgary.

The comments Silver made about having to think of your guests definitely resonates.

Also...yeah...you need a full year notice if you're asking people to fly in my opinion.

Good question. Personally, I would love it if one of my buddies got married in NZ and invited me. It would be one of the few ways I could realistically convince my wife to go.

But then again, I have no small children anymore, been married nearly 10 years, am a self-employed Professional, for my wife and I the only real constraint would be timing.

Book it in June-Dec...no problem. Book it Jan-Jun though and I'm in tough, book it Feb-May and its no goddamned way, but thats just the nature of my business and most people would understand that.

I think thats the core of it though, understanding.

When did it come to the point where we always have to please everyone all the time?

If a buddy of mine was getting married in NZ I'd be ecstatic, that would be cool! If he said its in March (ergo I cant possibly go) to better serve 95% of the rest of the guests I'd be disappointed, but thems the breaks. Sometimes life throws you curveballs. Its not personal, its life.

[Weitz]

Originally Posted by Rutuu

I live abroad...and my partner is from NZ. I've always been curious if getting married in New Zealand would be viewed the same as a destination wedding by my buddies from Calgary.

The comments Silver made about having to think of your guests definitely resonates.

Also...yeah...you need a full year notice if you're asking people to fly in my opinion.

I’m going to a wedding soon in Ireland. Going to be a great vacation. One thing though is flights to Ireland are direct and relatively cheap. I think if you had to connect or if it was much more expensive there would be significantly less than the 18 that are going.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by indes

Call me selfish, but this was our day, we ended up being okay with it and wouldn't change it looking back. Was a week of sun, relaxation, friends/family. Great experience, would recommend.

Well, yeah, I mean, I will call you selfish because you need to be to think a day belongs to you. Has a non-selfish person in the history of humanity ever uttered those words? Of course not.

[troutman]

I had a destination wedding because my wife was from a destination. A few Canadian family and friends honoured us by attending the wedding, and we had a Canadian reception later.

[bluejays]

Maybe another random topic but I also don't understand the topic of Jack and Jills and games to raise money for the bride and grooms' weddings. It's almost cheap for the bride and groom to do such things. Either save up and stop spending money on liquor and useless ####, or have a smaller wedding. And what's with some people inviting people to their wedding (with the dinner), and inviting the rest after to the reception? Incredibly cheap. Either you value the people around you enough to feed them for one night or don't invite them at all. I think most cultures the present offsets the price of the wedding when all is said and done, so why do some brides and grooms try and cheap out to make money? That's pathetic.

[Amethyst]

Destination weddings work for some people, but they aren't great for all. If you have a big family or group of friends who regularly go on trips together, it's probably fine. Everyone has lives that mesh well for travel together and you probably like the same things.

If not, it can be difficult. Vacations are not cheap and you are asking people to let you choose the time and place for their next vacation. That's a big ask. (And, yes, if most guests live across the country from you, it probably won't make much difference if you invite them to Calgary or Mexico, but if most of your guests live near you, it's a big difference.)

Anyone I've known who married someone from another country tended to have a wedding in one "home" location and then a reception type event in the other "home" location.

Oh, one other thing about planning the wedding for a certain day of the trip. Some countries have legal requirements about how far ahead you can get a marriage license, etc. so if you want the wedding on a certain day, you will need to check that for your destination first.

[PaperBagger'14]

Originally Posted by Sliver

Hahahaha "...do whatever you want. It's for you and your partner"

That's the fataing definition of selfish. I mean, I took my guests into consideration in my wedding and reception, as most do. I try not to treat loved ones and friends as extras in my story. If you do, go nuts, but at least acknowledge that is selfish lol.

Does Banff count as a destination wedding? I've spent more money on being a groomsman at a wedding in Banff for 2 days than flights and a 1 week stay in Mexico.

Between hotels, buying my own suit under strict requirements from the bride and groom, restaurants, and a wedding gift, it would have been cheaper to fly to Mexico for what our guests paid.

[Weitz]

Originally Posted by PaperBagger'14

Does Banff count as a destination wedding? I've spent more money on being a groomsman at a wedding in Banff for 2 days than flights and a 1 week stay in Mexico.

Between hotels, buying my own suit under strict requirements from the bride and groom, restaurants, and a wedding gift, it would have been cheaper to fly to Mexico for what our guests paid.

I consider any wedding you have to spend a night away from where the bride and groom live to be a destination wedding.

Like you, a wedding I attended in Fernie cost more than a trip to mexico.

[you&me]

Originally Posted by Sliver

Well, yeah, I mean, I will call you selfish because you need to be to think a day belongs to you. Has a non-selfish person in the history of humanity ever uttered those words? Of course not.

LOL, I hate to ask, but: Are you serious?

Of course a wedding day belongs to the bride and groom and they should be able to celebrate it however they want.

Are they supposed to plan their wedding around the schedules and budgetary constraints of everyone they know? Heck no... It sounds more selfish for someone to think their personal circumstance should in any way influence how someone wants to plan their wedding. F that.

Timing doesn't work for you? No problem, we'll get together another time.
Money's tight? I understand, you can come over for dinner or something.

But to think a couple should change all of their plans to accommodate everyone? That's some lowest denominator BS.

Edit: I'd have to actually really think about it, but I'm pretty sure I've been to more destination weddings than not. I've definitely been to more destination weddings than not. They're awesome! It's an amazing way to go places and do things that I may not have done otherwise.

[ben voyonsdonc]

The people getting married are entitled to choose how they want to have their special day. Pick the type of event that you will fondly remember for the rest of your life. For those who can’t make it, there are all sorts of ways to support them.

I’ve been to only one destination wedding and it was amazing…probably one of the most fun trips that I’ve ever had.

[bluejays]

Originally Posted by you&me

LOL, I hate to ask, but: Are you serious?

Of course a wedding day belongs to the bride and groom and they should be able to celebrate it however they want.

Are they supposed to plan their wedding around the schedules and budgetary constraints of everyone they know? Heck no... It sounds more selfish for someone to think their personal circumstance should in any way influence how someone wants to plan their wedding. F that.

Timing doesn't work for you? No problem, we'll get together another time.
Money's tight? I understand, you can come over for dinner or something.

But to think a couple should change all of their plans to accommodate everyone? That's some lowest denominator BS.

Edit: I'd have to actually really think about it, but I'm pretty sure I've been to more destination weddings than not. I've definitely been to more destination weddings than not. They're awesome! It's an amazing way to go places and do things that I may not have done otherwise.

Not sure hyperbole is the best in this circumstance, but they should consider what's reasonable, yes. If everyone is well off, sure, do something high end, but what if they're the most well off vs. their guests? Most guests can afford to put out ~$150 per person, but expecting someone to pay more than $1500 isn't exactly reasonable for many. It's more than just the bride and grooms' day. It's the parents and siblings as much as anyone's, to be happy for them. Gotta consider others' reasonable circumstances.

[Coach]

Just came back from one of my friends' wedding in Maui.

It was awesome. Because it was Hawaii. But a lot of my other friends couldn't make it for various purposes (money, vaccines, etc). And two of the bridesmaids confided in me that between this, and bachelorettes, and showers, etc.. it all seems just WAAY too much. Gys don't deal with it to the same extent I think, but it really seems that brides have no problem spending their friends' money and then getting butthurt when they can't participate, or suggest something more modest (thats for the parties moreso than the wedding).

So in short, I agree with one of the first posters. Do what you want, and have fun. But if there are people you really want to be there that may have a tough time, I'd say it's worth trying to help find a way to get them there.

[Jiggy_12]

Originally Posted by Sliver

Hahahaha "...do whatever you want. It's for you and your partner"

That's the fataing definition of selfish. I mean, I took my guests into consideration in my wedding and reception, as most do. I try not to treat loved ones and friends as extras in my story. If you do, go nuts, but at least acknowledge that is selfish lol.

There is nothing inherent about weddings that is owed to anyone other than two people committing their life to each other. Anything else is societal and family pressures.

Every couple is entitled to the wedding the want. I laugh at the idea of someone thinking anything other than that. Want to elope? Do it. Want to do a destination wedding? Do it. Huge 300 person party? Awesome. It’s their choice and their choice alone. The nature of the beast promotes selfishness, as it should. So it’s laughable to call it out and make anyone feel crappy for it.