Let's talk about "spark" when it comes to new relationships

[DownhillGoat]

Originally Posted by wretched34

On a third date, I'm usually still talking about my awesome toe drags

Taylor?

[wretched34]

Originally Posted by kunkstyle

Taylor?

**** I've been noticed.....

[ChickenPho]

Originally Posted by wretched34

Wait.... so, you've gone on three dates, she's let you down easy, and you've now tried to explain to her that love can be found in different ways, and that it's premature for her to give up on you, and that you feel you can build an ever lasting relationship if she just gives you time, and you can live happily ever after.... Maybe that's the problem... Doesn't really seem like third date conversation material.

No I didnt say any of that to her, those were just my thoughts.

On a third date, I'm usually still talking about my awesome toe drags at rec hockey, and that time I broke bones doing something stupid (toe drags at rec hockey), while staring at her chest. Not begging for a chance to prove to her that she'll love me one day.

If you're one that believes patience can build love, maybe slow it down a little. Leave the ever lasting life together off the table for a few weeks.... Just have have fun, that tends to be where a "Spark" comes from, planning a future right out of the gate doesn't scream excitement and passion like a few beers and a roller coaster.

A lot of our convo on the 3rd date was just goofy nutty stuff. For the most part, a lot of our convos were like this. I put a lot of emphasis on silly talk so that it puts her at ease and me making a girl laugh is very important to me as it allows me to show my off the wall sense of humour.

But I also took the convo to a deeper level with a lot of open ended questions cause I wanted to get to know her on a whole other level. All of our dates, or even times talking were goofy and no planning a future right out of the gate on any of them. Im not a fan of scripted dates with a set of generic questions. I choose to just go with the flow, be who you are and take things naturally.

I still do believe if we were to go on a 4th date and do one of the activites that I considered for the past ones, that spark would be different. But no can do anymore, there wont be a 4th date. Thats why I say that 3 dates is really not all that much to get to know someone.

[wretched34]

Originally Posted by ChickenPho

Even though I tell her that love at first sight exists but its rare, not everyone gets to experience it. And that chemistry is built at different paces in every relationship and that it would be a bit too premature to just give up on an oppurtunity or person just because you arent falling head over heals for them in the first 3 dates.

Sorry, I must have misunderstood your initial post.

As for not having a chance at a fourth date, don't get down on yourself like that.
She say's she doesn't feel the "Spark" that she's looking for, but that she still likes you, and wants to hang out, and is physically attracted to you. It is possible to get out of the friend zone, it may take a little more effort, but you say you had plans for more exciting things, do them, as friends, she may still come around if you can show her the good time she's looking for.

[rotten42]

My experience the second time around (after divorce) is that many women despite their age still hold on to that "it must be an instant spark" idea. Seriously, how can you base a relationship on that as opposed to knowing anything about a person? Knowing somebody makes them either more or less attractive depending on the type of person they are.

[Buff]

Originally Posted by kunkstyle

If you start sitting on the opposite sides of the food court table, the spark is gone and the relationship is over.

Does that mean my marriage is done too?

[ChickenPho]

Originally Posted by wretched34

Sorry, I must have misunderstood your initial post.

As for not having a chance at a fourth date, don't get down on yourself like that.
She say's she doesn't feel the "Spark" that she's looking for, but that she still likes you, and wants to hang out, and is physically attracted to you. It is possible to get out of the friend zone, it may take a little more effort, but you say you had plans for more exciting things, do them, as friends, she may still come around if you can show her the good time she's looking for.

Well actually I replied back to her last night saying how she should pick the next activity for us to do and see if things change. Just to show that I took her response positively and still remaining optimistic. I havent heard back. Honestly, I would not be so persistant if I didnt see something in us.

I would say its too late now for me bringing up plans with her as "friends" since I replied back to her last night. This girl is so set to be swept off her feet ASAP, she wont bother with guys as just friends cause this girl wants to be in love RIGHT NOW.

If she changes her mind down the road, let her take the initiative to contact me. But Ill delete her number and move onto the next. Theres only so much I can do or say at this point.

[Sainters7]

Originally Posted by Buff

Does that mean my marriage is done too?

Couples sitting on the same side of the booth (with no-one on the other side) is eye-rollingly cheesy. It always makes me think back to the Seinfeld, "Schmoopie" episode. "Sitting on the same side of the booth eh? Pretty strange..."

[Igster]

Maybe you should just get a cat instead?

[Cuz]

Originally Posted by ChickenPho

I would say its too late now for me bringing up plans with her as "friends" since I replied back to her last night. This girl is so set to be swept off her feet ASAP, she wont bother with guys as just friends cause this girl wants to be in love RIGHT NOW.

I agree with the others, move on.

With this quote in mind, she sounds pretty high maintenance and why would you want to be in a relationship with that?

[Muta]

Disregard females
Acquire currency

[1stLand]

She is letting you down easy bro.

Only way for you to recover is bang a hotter chick and accidentally text her a photo of you and new gal smooching.

[DownhillGoat]

Originally Posted by Sainters7

Couples sitting on the same side of the booth (with no-one on the other side) is eye-rollingly cheesy.

Originally Posted by Buff

Does that mean my marriage is done too?

You're probably safe. It was in reference to a similar thread.

[Muta]

nm

[polak]

Yeah sorry man, I think I'm going to have to side with everyone and say that you came on too strong, too early.

It sucks but I was in a short relationship earlier this year in which I was more invested in then the girl and she kept it going for about 3 months and once we hit the 3 month mark I could tell that she wasn't getting over the "casually dating" hump and it drove me nuts. I have never acted like such a mess before in my life. Be thankful she's letting you down early and easily.

The upside of that is once you get over them a) It's a huge weight of your shoulders and b) Once you meet someone who is as interested in you as you are in them, you realize how much better that is. I'm in a new relationship right now where we're both crazy for each other and it's awesome. Can't believe I put myself through that last month of torture in that last relationship when it clearly wasn't going to work.

But even at the beginning of the relationship I am in now, I was pumping the brakes and keeping it casual for a bit just to feel it out before getting in too deep.

[ChickenPho]

Originally Posted by Cuz

I agree with the others, move on.

With this quote in mind, she sounds pretty high maintenance and why would you want to be in a relationship with that?

I wouldnt say shes high maintenance (shes actually low maintenance compared to some past girls ive dated), but her expectations are just so closed minded and unforgiving. She needs to realize that she may need to step out of her boundaries to find what she wants and that things arent always going to come to you in the way you want. Life is about making sacrifices in achieving your goal.

Again, two different mindsets with age most likely being a factor, even though we are only 7 years apart. She is so heavily invested about the fact that shes been single for the longest time in her life (and obviously it really bothers her), and that she needs to fall in love and is looking. Whereas me, obviously I would like to find someone, but Im not too bothered out about it nor is it eating me up inside. It will come when the time happens, and she might have been a bit taken back by this. Because I dont have the outrageous blood thursty desire to willingly hunt everyday that she has.

[nik-]

Originally Posted by ChickenPho

I wouldnt say shes high maintenance (shes actually low maintenance compared to some past girls ive dated), but her expectations are just so closed minded and unforgiving. She needs to realize that she may need to step out of her boundaries to find what she wants and that things arent always going to come to you in the way you want. Again, two different mindsets with age most likely being a factor, even though we are only 7 years apart.

How old are you and how old is she? You seem to be investing way too much into a 3 date "relationship". If you're getting that kind of pushback that early in ... why would you press it? Is she the finest thing going or what?

[Cuz]

Originally Posted by ChickenPho

I wouldnt say shes high maintenance (shes actually low maintenance compared to some past girls ive dated), but her expectations are just so closed minded and unforgiving. She needs to realize that she may need to step out of her boundaries to find what she wants and that things arent always going to come to you in the way you want. Life is about making sacrifices in achieving your goal.

Again, two different mindsets with age most likely being a factor, even though we are only 7 years apart. She is so heavily invested about the fact that shes been single for the longest time in her life (and obviously it really bothers her), and that she needs to fall in love and is looking. Whereas me, obviously I would like to find someone, but Im not too bothered out about it nor is it eating me up inside. I will find someone when the time happens, and she might have been a bit taken back by this.

This right here, IMO, is what makes her high maintenance. She may not be high maintenance in the traditional sense (i.e. taking a long time to get ready, lots of make-up etc.), but she is in the emotional sense and she expects guys she's dating to live up to her (somewhat) unrealistic standards, which I believe to be worse than the traditional definition of high maintenance.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by Muta

Disregard females
Acquire currency

That thread was gold and sad all in one.

[Sainters7]

Originally Posted by kunkstyle

You're probably safe. It was in reference to a similar thread.

Oh I knew you were playin around, just thought I'd take the opportunity to add my 2 cents on that nauseating issue. I see it far too often in my travels.