Need a recommendation for a romantic and/or steamy novel

[Top Shelf]

Originally Posted by DownInFlames

Good luck finding advice about romance novels on a hockey message board. Having said that, Ann Rice wrote some romance novels under the name A.N. Roquelaure. They're called the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy.

Those are quite the set of books....not recommended for the squeamish

[Minnie]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

There's got to be a steamy novel generator on the internet somewhere so you don't have to actually pay money for one

You know enter her name? Cynthia Feddle-Cochring
Enter her occupation divorce lawyer
Is she a virgin? Yes
enter his name? Ramington Steelewood
Enter his occupation Retired millionaire astronaut
Is he a virgin? No
Where does this story take place? Chicago

Press generate for the story

Chapter one

Cynthia trembled excitedly as the hot summer weather in Chicago rolled over her like a rough lovers calloused hands. This was it, it was finally the night. As a divorce lawyer Cynthia had heard many tales of infidelity involving bondage, multiple partners and farm animals, and sometimes at night she would think about them as she bit into her pillow so her neighbors wouldn't hear her screams of esctacy as she rode wave after wave of pleasure, but she had never known the love of a man or a woman or a farm animal. Cynthia was a virgin. But that was going to change tonight as she pulled her cute little Mercedes Benz (product placement here) convertible through the secured gates of Ramington Sandlewood's sprawling estate.

She had met him a few weeks back when he swept into her office asking to see a lawyer. She was instantly captivated by the intensity of his eyes, his brooding chin, his slightly receeding hairline and the slightly too tight cut of his britches.

He had woo'd her from that moment, first inviting her out for drinks, then inviting her to play a sweaty intense game of morning racquetball where he seductively fondled the racquet balls while waggling his eyebrows at her, and finally flogging her in an abandoned parking structure with a 13 foot bull whip. But she had never been to his house or been truly intimate with a man.

She sat in the car, feeling her loins pulls heatedly like they might explode in a heat pulsy tight way with anticipation, suddenly the door opened and Ramington came running down the steps bouncing two basket balls like a hot sweaty bulgy NBA star while waggling his trimmed eyebrows at her. He open the door ans whispered too her "I ordered pizza for two from (product placement).

the evening swept by, they ate pizza, laughed fondled the butler and got aroused by watching all of the twilight movies. Then he finally whisper "Would you like to my bedroom?" Cynthia nodded wordlessly her heart threatening to explode out of her chest. He grabbed her by the foot and sexily dragged her to his room.

When they got there he sexily stripped his shirt off in the moonlight. She admired the butterfly tattoo over his pierced nipple and his "Crips rule" tattoo over his belly button. She sighed as her nipples pushed out against her JC Penny T-Shirt and he squinted as he stared into some headlights.

"I'm a virgin" she breathed heavily as her nether regions moistened like a towelette.

"So am I" he confessed as he yanked his tear away pants on and proudly showed his manhood.

"Really" Cynthia coo'd

"Yea baby" he boosted "That stuff in prison really doesn't count"

"Now come over here and pet daddy's favorite dog"

Passion over took Cynthia, everything was moist or pointy or whatever all at once, she became an animal trembling in anticipation as she reached out for Ramington's rod

"Its really hot in here" Cynthia moaned "can you use this to prop the window open" she gasped as she handed him the inanimate carbon rod.

To be continued

See now you don't need to buy one, I guarantee that the above is just as terrible as a professional one

Captain, you really ought to write bodice rippers.

There's a 'Bad Sex' award every year, for books. It can be very funny reading, the bits they choose for nomination. This year's winner out of this grouping, was Manil Suri.

NSFW!

Link

[pylon]

Originally Posted by Peanut

The Black Dagger Brotherhood.

/thread

LOL.

Black.

Dagger.

[manwiches]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

There's got to be a steamy novel generator on the internet somewhere so you don't have to actually pay money for one

You know enter her name? Cynthia Feddle-Cochring
Enter her occupation divorce lawyer
Is she a virgin? Yes
enter his name? Ramington Steelewood
Enter his occupation Retired millionaire astronaut
Is he a virgin? No
Where does this story take place? Chicago

Press generate for the story

Chapter one

Cynthia trembled excitedly as the hot summer weather in Chicago rolled over her like a rough lovers calloused hands. This was it, it was finally the night. As a divorce lawyer Cynthia had heard many tales of infidelity involving bondage, multiple partners and farm animals, and sometimes at night she would think about them as she bit into her pillow so her neighbors wouldn't hear her screams of esctacy as she rode wave after wave of pleasure, but she had never known the love of a man or a woman or a farm animal. Cynthia was a virgin. But that was going to change tonight as she pulled her cute little Mercedes Benz (product placement here) convertible through the secured gates of Ramington Sandlewood's sprawling estate.

She had met him a few weeks back when he swept into her office asking to see a lawyer. She was instantly captivated by the intensity of his eyes, his brooding chin, his slightly receeding hairline and the slightly too tight cut of his britches.

He had woo'd her from that moment, first inviting her out for drinks, then inviting her to play a sweaty intense game of morning racquetball where he seductively fondled the racquet balls while waggling his eyebrows at her, and finally flogging her in an abandoned parking structure with a 13 foot bull whip. But she had never been to his house or been truly intimate with a man.

She sat in the car, feeling her loins pulls heatedly like they might explode in a heat pulsy tight way with anticipation, suddenly the door opened and Ramington came running down the steps bouncing two basket balls like a hot sweaty bulgy NBA star while waggling his trimmed eyebrows at her. He open the door ans whispered too her "I ordered pizza for two from (product placement).

the evening swept by, they ate pizza, laughed fondled the butler and got aroused by watching all of the twilight movies. Then he finally whisper "Would you like to my bedroom?" Cynthia nodded wordlessly her heart threatening to explode out of her chest. He grabbed her by the foot and sexily dragged her to his room.

When they got there he sexily stripped his shirt off in the moonlight. She admired the butterfly tattoo over his pierced nipple and his "Crips rule" tattoo over his belly button. She sighed as her nipples pushed out against her JC Penny T-Shirt and he squinted as he stared into some headlights.

"I'm a virgin" she breathed heavily as her nether regions moistened like a towelette.

"So am I" he confessed as he yanked his tear away pants on and proudly showed his manhood.

"Really" Cynthia coo'd

"Yea baby" he boosted "That stuff in prison really doesn't count"

"Now come over here and pet daddy's favorite dog"

Passion over took Cynthia, everything was moist or pointy or whatever all at once, she became an animal trembling in anticipation as she reached out for Ramington's rod

"Its really hot in here" Cynthia moaned "can you use this to prop the window open" she gasped as she handed him the inanimate carbon rod.

To be continued

See now you don't need to buy one, I guarantee that the above is just as terrible as a professional one

Clicked for the intrigue, left thoroughly entertained. I laughed my ass off

[Wormius]

Is there anything an inanimate carbon rod can't do?

[Buff]

The Courtship of Princess Leia ?

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by Buff

The Courtship of Princess Leia ?

Nah if your going the Star Wars Route its shadows of the Empire where a creepy alien gangster basically roofies Leia and tries to give her a bath.

Weird book man.

[troutman]

http://www.shakespeares-sonnets.com/sonnet/index.php