newly single

[peter12]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

Peter . . . my friend. If you don't realize by now that I'm going to take you to task for a comment like that then your in big trouble.

Okay, we dryhumped. Oh how we dry-humped to the sound of Christian rock music.

[rubecube]

I think what Cecil means is that you shouldn't flip out when you start dating a new girl. Just take things slow until you're ready.

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by peter12

Okay, we dryhumped. Oh how we dry-humped to the sound of Christian rock music.

Was it Yanni? If you say "Yanni," I'm buying the rights to the porno.

[peter12]

You know, I originally started this thread mere moments after the break-up occured. One of the worst things I've discovered about ending one of these big things is having your friends and family find out. It's like constantly having to re-evaluate and justify the break-up over and over again. I started the thread just to let some steam out, maybe bounce the situation off an anonymous crowd, see how it goes etc...

I've been surprised and frankly, rather touched by the sincerity of some of the responses. So thanks a lot everyone. I really appreciate it.

[J pold]

I think it takes a pair to admit to people, whomever they may be, that you're hurting. Most guys (like myself) try to play tough actor in these types of situations. Don't ask for help or tell anyone what they're feeling. In the end taking this route will only make it worse for them, something I know from personal experience.

[return to the red]

Everyone handles situations differently. If you need to put on some gay sappy music and have a cry, do it. If you feel like pounding the piss out of a pillow, do it. My one word of advice though is to not let yourself slip into a pit of self pity and shut out the world.

Friends and family are great support systems so use them and don't be afraid to use them.

I'll leave you with one last piece of advice that my cousin gave to me after I unexpectedly was left by my ex.

"best way to get over someone is to get on someone"

[Cecil Terwilliger]

Originally Posted by peter12

You know, I originally started this thread mere moments after the break-up occured. One of the worst things I've discovered about ending one of these big things is having your friends and family find out. It's like constantly having to re-evaluate and justify the break-up over and over again. I started the thread just to let some steam out, maybe bounce the situation off an anonymous crowd, see how it goes etc...

I've been surprised and frankly, rather touched by the sincerity of some of the responses. So thanks a lot everyone. I really appreciate it.

Oh, man don't get me started on having to answer to family and friends constantly.

Any and every convo went like this for like 6 months when a person saw me for the first time after or whatever.

Family member or friend (in an incredibly fake condescending patronizing voice, usually a female): So I heard u broke up with your girlfriend.

Me: Yeah. (said very curtly making it clear I'm f****** tired of having the same discussion over and over...)

Friend: OMG that's too bad. Oh well you'll find someone else.

Me: Yeah

Friend: don't worry it's hard trust me I know.

Me: yeah

Friend: (pretending to do me a favor by asking but really they just want the juicy details) So what happened. You guys seemed so happy.

Me: Yeah. Things just weren't working.

Friend (in another fake condescending patronizing voice): Oh no! That's awful. Well I hope you're ok.

Me: yeah

Friend: So what was it? You guys just didn't see eye to eye anymore? You seemed so happy together.

Me (starting to get noticably upset. partly because i have to relive the breakup and partly because I want to punch my friend in the face): Yeah, I dont' know.

Friend: Well you can call me and we can talk whenever, I'm there for you.

Me (in my head): really? F*** you! You don't care about my effing break up. If you did you'd stop asking me about it and taking joy in the ugly mess that is my effing life and you'd just STFU and help me find some rank slut to help me get over my ex. ARRRGH.

Me (out lout again): thanks. I'll keep that in mind.

[J pold]

Yeah the friends and family thing is rough.

My last girlfriend was attending med-school, she is a very driven person and is bound to be a successful doctor one day. Every time I told someone that we'd broken up they would tell me how stupid I was for letting her go because I would have been "set for life" if we stayed together. It drove me insane, do these people think I'm incapable of creating something for myself? Anyway since that time its actually been good, those comments serve as a major motivation for me to work hard in school and achieve well beyond what those people, and even I, thought I could.

[Yeah_Baby]

Wait so peter has seen her naked? Does he also think breasts feel like a bag of sand?

[CaptainCrunch]

When my family asked me about why they hadn't seen my last girlfriend around lately, I told them that I had killed her and buried her in Banff park.

I really like awkward silences.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by rubecube

And I'll defer to the fact that I've actually lived common-law for three years, as opposed to someone whose experience is hypothetical.

Let me explain it another way. The morals and values of someone i'm seeing will go a very long ways in determining if we have a future together. I don't need to live with someone to figure that out. Nor do I need to live common law to know there will be fights, rifts, hard feelings and so on. They'll be there when you get into a marriage.

My parents and thier generations before them didn't live common law before marriage. Maybe they knew something you don't.

A close Lady friend of mine pased away in August of Breast Cancer. Over the years I got to know her morals and values and greatly appreciated the woman she was. That told me a great deal about who she was as a person and how she approached things in life. I hope someday to meet and marry someone like her.

[Yeah_Baby]

Originally Posted by Dion

Let me explain it another way. The morals and values of someone i'm seeing will go a very long ways in determining if we have a future together. I don't need to live with someone to figure that out. Nor do I need to live common law to know there will be fights, rifts, hard feelings and so on. They'll be there when you get into a marriage.

My parents and thier generations before them didn't live common law before marriage. Maybe they knew something you don't.

A close Lady friend of mine pased away in August of Breast Cancer. Over the years I got to know her morals and values and greatly appreciated the woman she was. That told me a great deal about who she was as a person and how she approached things in life. I hope someday to meet and marry someone like her.

Okay, so you know someone's morals. Does that mean you know if they push the toothpaste tube from the middle? Do they like to cook bacon or do they hate it? Some of these things sound trivial but they do matter when you live with someone. Your outlook is beautiful and all, but I think it is overly idealistic.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by Yeah_Baby

Okay, so you know someone's morals. Does that mean you know if they push the toothpaste tube from the middle? Do they like to cook bacon or do they hate it? Some of these things sound trivial but they do matter when you live with someone. Your outlook is beautiful and all, but I think it is overly idealistic.

Right and you discover those things as a marriage progresses and many other things. Sometimes people grow a part in relationships after many years of marriage, through not fault of either party. There are no guarentees that a marriage or any kind of relationship is going to work.

[Yeah_Baby]

Originally Posted by Dion

Right and you discover those things as a marriage progresses and many other things. Sometimes people grow a part in relationships after many years of marriage, through not fault of either party. There are no guarentees that a marriage or any kind of relationship is going to work.

Whatever man. It seemed like you were arguing before about people getting out of marriages too easily. Now you're like 'there are no guarantees'. Well which is it? Is marriage this binding metaphysical covenant or is a social construct?

[HPLovecraft]

Originally Posted by Dion

Right and you discover those things as a marriage progresses and many other things. Sometimes people grow a part in relationships after many years of marriage, through not fault of either party. There are no guarentees that a marriage or any kind of relationship is going to work.

There are no guarantees, which is why you try to minimize risk.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by HPLovecraft

There are no guarantees, which is why you try to minimize risk.

Exactly, and everyone has thier own ways of minimising that risk. You have to trust your instincts and judgement and take it from there.

[Dion]

not worth it.

[flamesfever]

I just think there are too many young people today that think it's the in thing to live commonlaw with someone. It's a very serious step, and one should be fully aware of the risks involved. I believe the younger it happens, the greater the risk.

[DropIt]

Originally Posted by VladtheImpaler

I believe the French term for this is menage a trois... (sp?)

?

I think the actual spelling your trying to refer to is..

'Nail the sister in your ex's bed, and in a crazy position you have to look up on the internet'

Close though

[DropIt]

In complete honesty though, I know what your into Peter. I had a similar predicament where I found my girlfriend texting her ex and saying that she was wanting to 'spend some time together' and 'have a few drinks at his house, just the two of them'
There are a lot more sleazy people out there then most would think, and it hurts when it happens to you. All sorts of doubts come to mind and you start looking at yourself and what's wrong with you.
In the end, what happened was the best thing for me and I'm now back with my first real girlfriend and I could not be happier. Basically, if your the one putting in the effort and remaining faithful, you should have nothing but positive to look forward to as you know that you are the better person coming away from the experience.