09-18-2007, 02:13 PM
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#1
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Lifetime Suspension
Join Date: Mar 2007
Exp: 
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Paternity Tests
greetings all.
Does anyone on this forum have any knowledge of paternity tests? You see, I have this "friend" who may have fathered a child a couple of years ago, and he wants to find out if the child is his. Does anyone know how expensive this is, and what are the procedures to go about determining parentity? 
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09-18-2007, 02:18 PM
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#2
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The new goggles also do nothing.
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Calgary
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__________________
Uncertainty is an uncomfortable position.
But certainty is an absurd one.
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09-18-2007, 02:22 PM
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#3
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Lives In Fear Of Labelling
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Sure, a friend... right.
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09-18-2007, 02:23 PM
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#4
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broke the first rule
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Call the Maury show. Get a free trip to New York out of the deal
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09-18-2007, 02:26 PM
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#5
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Lifetime Suspension
Join Date: Mar 2007
Exp:
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calf
Call the Maury show. Get a free trip to New York out of the deal
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Would you let me meet your transvestite boyfriend?
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09-18-2007, 02:30 PM
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#6
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broke the first rule
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WinnipegJets
Would you let me meet your transvestite boyfriend?
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Don't have one, but you can meet my 100lb 3 year old.
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09-18-2007, 02:33 PM
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#7
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Lifetime Suspension
Join Date: Mar 2007
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calf
Don't have one, but you can meet my 100lb 3 year old.
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wicked!!! 
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09-18-2007, 02:55 PM
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#8
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First Line Centre
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Calgary
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Only in Winnipeg! Haha... jk
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09-18-2007, 02:57 PM
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#9
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Not a casual user
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: A simple man leading a complicated life....
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calf
Call the Maury show. Get a free trip to New York out of the deal
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__________________
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09-18-2007, 03:04 PM
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#10
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Playboy Mansion Poolboy
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Close enough to make a beer run during a TV timeout
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In all seriousness, have you called your doctor's office or a walkin clinic? I've never had to get a test done myself (yet), but I know of people who said they pretty much just walked in with the kid and got results the same day. Not sure if that involves knowing the mother's blood type or what.
This was also in the days prior to DNA testing; so not sure if that's changed things or not.
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09-18-2007, 03:58 PM
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#11
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Powerplay Quarterback
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Work
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^so how much did you end up paying before you found out
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09-18-2007, 04:49 PM
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#12
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Toledo OH
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When I read the thread title I thought that 'Ha Ha Stupid Oilers' had taken out another account to emerge from the sin bin to ask yet another question.
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09-18-2007, 06:42 PM
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#13
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Redundant Minister of Redundancy
Self-Banned
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calf
Call the Maury show. Get a free trip to New York out of the deal
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I proposed this to the wife. I thought we could have been the couple at the end that really WANTED the kid to belong to the "dad". No dice. I can't imagine why she would go for it.
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09-18-2007, 07:06 PM
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#14
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Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Crowsnest Pass
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I had a client that slept with identical twins. So, the DNA tests were useless in determining paternity. She could only tell them apart because one brother had a dragon tattoo on his thigh. The court room was in stitches, I can tell you.
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09-18-2007, 07:22 PM
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#15
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Calgary, AB
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Quote:
Originally Posted by troutman
I had a client that slept with identical twins. So, the DNA tests were useless in determining paternity. She could only tell them apart because one brother had a dragon tattoo on his thigh. The court room was in stitches, I can tell you.
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Speaking of Maury, I actually saw that on an episode of Maury one time. The girl was absolutely shocked when the paternity test came back inconclusive (needless to say, she wasn't that smart).
__________________
Turn up the good, turn down the suck!
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09-18-2007, 07:45 PM
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#16
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Calgary
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Quote:
Originally Posted by troutman
I had a client that slept with identical twins. So, the DNA tests were useless in determining paternity. She could only tell them apart because one brother had a dragon tattoo on his thigh. The court room was in stitches, I can tell you.
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Out of curiousity, what would happen in such a case? If it was inconclusive in determining which twin was the father, but conclusive in that one of them was the father, would both then have to pay half the child support? Or would she be out of luck for being a ho?
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grimbl420
I can wash my penis without taking my pants off.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moneyhands23
If edmonton wins the cup in the next decade I will buy everyone on CP a bottle of vodka.
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09-18-2007, 09:11 PM
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#17
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Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Crowsnest Pass
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FireFly
Out of curiousity, what would happen in such a case? If it was inconclusive in determining which twin was the father, but conclusive in that one of them was the father, would both then have to pay half the child support? Or would she be out of luck for being a ho?
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We had to introduce evidence about the client's menstral cycle to deduce which of the brothers was the one. Otherwise, what could the court do? Make each brother pay half? I don't know.
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09-18-2007, 10:24 PM
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#18
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Calgary
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Quote:
Originally Posted by troutman
We had to introduce evidence about the client's menstral cycle to deduce which of the brothers was the one. Otherwise, what could the court do? Make each brother pay half? I don't know.
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Yeah, but that's not always accurate. In theory, the wrong brother could be paying for the kid for the rest of his life... and no one will ever know the difference. That is unless there was a full month between brothers.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grimbl420
I can wash my penis without taking my pants off.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moneyhands23
If edmonton wins the cup in the next decade I will buy everyone on CP a bottle of vodka.
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09-18-2007, 10:40 PM
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#19
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Clinching Party
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calf
Don't have one, but you can meet my 100lb 3 year old.
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Bravo.
Not that I've ever seen Maury of course, but I'm sure that is a funny joke.
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09-18-2007, 11:29 PM
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#20
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Obscure Jersey Wiz
Join Date: May 2007
Location: The Marsh
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FireFly
Out of curiousity, what would happen in such a case? If it was inconclusive in determining which twin was the father, but conclusive in that one of them was the father, would both then have to pay half the child support? Or would she be out of luck for being a ho?
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I would think a best of 7 Rock, Paper, Scissors match would be the only way to determine it. Or shooting. I always pick odds when shooting.
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