I’ve had pretty bad anxiety over the last few years but I’ve been able to manage it by limiting the amount of social media news from what I used to consume as well as taking 5-HTP and magnesium supplements plus getting back to a decent amount of exercise, which works for me. Prior to that I was having pretty bad heart palpitations with panic attacks and high blood pressure.
Welp, my contract finished at the end of Jan and my wife just got laid off.
Not sure what to feel. I guess I can retire now. I wanted to work a couple more years.
Her job was a mess, my project was an unorganized pile of work. I've been working for long enough now that encountering idiots shouldn't be surprising but it still surprises me on occasion.
Idiots are expected. It's the level of stupidity and lack of personal responsibility that still surprise me.
"Why didn't you look up before crossing the road?"
"Because pedestrians have right of way, duh."
"You knew there was something that could have caused an injury. Why didn't you speak up?"
"Not my job."
"Did you at least tell someone so that they could be the one to get it addressed?"
"No. Their job to have realized there was an issue before me in the first place."
Dude, if you want to save yourself a bunch of time and money, then write down a whole document start to finish of your history, where you are now, why you made the appointment, etc. Send it to the guy to read first. Not sure if you'll have time since your appointment is in five hours, but it does cut out all the horse sht of getting to know you. I swear it fast forwards like five appointments and you can start working on what you need to move forward and wrap up the appointments faster. I did that when dealing with my immediate family members knocking off in quick succession and it's a great approach if I do say so myself.
I think this is great advice. It helps you plan your approach and how you feel about different things that you identify. Some things will show themselves as being more anxiety-causing than you may have thought. Want to know an additional secret? This is journaling, by a different name. I say this only partly in jest. Somehow, this has gotten a bad rep, but it's actually very useful. I know everytime I do write stuff down I feel better after. I actually think of it like this:
I would suggest approaching the appointment as an opportunity to get help, rather than an obstacle to be overcome. They are there for your money! Oops, I mean they are there to help you. Full stop. Think of it as a great opportunity to unburden yourself by speaking to someone who will really listen. If they can help, great. If not, the experience is still good. Don't put pressure on yourself. No one expects you to 'perform' a certain way. You are going to a dentist to get an abscessed tooth pulled, or a doctor to set a broken arm, or a mechanic to fix a tire.
It was a really good idea to book it at the end of the day. I know I usually need a nap after a session, especially if it's been a 'deep' one, and most of the first ones are deep as you try to find your path in the forest. Think of it like a nice journey, like a long car ride, that may have some bumpy moments, but for the most part, you can kick back, listen to tunes or a podcast, or nothing, and just be there for yourself. It is not some horrible bone-crunching experience like going to a chiropractor or something equally evil!!
And, if there is fear about what the sessions may dredge up, would you rather face those fears in the light of day with a trained professional or by yourself while fighting them to fall asleep? (UCB, this is mostly for you.)
I sure as hell know that when walking at night, I am much more comfortable with my flashlight with the power of several suns, but it is better walking the same path in the sunshine, and even better walking that path with a good friend/therapist!.
Enough you!!
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E=NG
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This seems kind of trivial to share considering what others are going through. But greatly reducing time on phone has had a big impact for me so sharing in case others can use this.
Background is I felt increasing anxiety in 2025. In reflecting on this in December it really came down to what is going on in the world and how much crap I was consuming on my phone that upset me.
So January 1 I changed my approach to my phone. I turned it into what I want it to be: Email, maps, camera, music, peloton, and a few other 'useful' apps. This meant that I had to get rid of everything else on the phone that wasn't helping me.
This meant I made some changes to my phone usage:
1. Turned off all notifications. Only people in my contacts can phone me. Every other notification is off. This was surprisingly useful for 'deep work' during the day.
2. Removed reddit and other social apps. I was spending up to an hour on reddit daily. I have FB on the phone but signed out as I am decluttering and selling on Marketplace.
3. Changed news consumption. I kept reading a quality global newspaper for ~15 minutes in the morning. Added 5 substack newsletters I find interesting. Keep browsing CP most days.
4. Put in 'off' time on my phone from 8am to 7pm. Nothing works but 'good' apps I need to work. In addition, I put in daily limits on other 'fun' apps. 15 minutes for safari. 15 minutes for YouTube. I'm sure there are a couple others I did this for.
5. I leave my phone in different room most of the day. This is a huge barrier to just checking it.
These changes have been really good for me and I feel much less anxiety. But there are some interesting benefits I didn't expect:
- I have way more time. I'm not feeling as time crunched in general. House is cleaner and we've been doing well at decluttering.
- I'm more focused at work. All the little bings for an email or message were killing me. Now I just work on my list of stuff and really love this.
- I'm reading about 2x as much and in longer chunks of time. Actually, I'm probably reading more 3x or 4x, but I've had some great books I can't put down.
- I am more present for my family. No longer on my phone after dinner. Started a tradition of watching great films with my oldest, and he's loving this.
- I still reach for my phone all the time and open it, only to have nothing to do. It's kind of weird. This is why I make a point to leave it elsewhere as much as possible.
Anyways, it's kind of remarkable how 'bad' my phone was for me. Your mileage may vary.
I completely know what you are talking about - my issue isn't the phone exactly, but I do have real addiction to youtube videos, and news - and this was what was really causing me my issues. Anxiety, panic attacks, sleep issues, paranoia. I've been trying some things to at the very least take the edge off.
The biggest thing that has helped - I took 20 minutes going through my Youtube feed, and there are these three dots next to the titles of each video. You can click on there "Not Interested", or "Don't recommend channel". I went through and every video that showed Trump, why women are trying to screw with you, conspiracy theories, political talking heads, clickbait, ragebait, and denied it all. The next day was like fresh air. So much better. It's been creeping back into the feed - being more intentional is hard - but at least it's somewhat possible. Game changer. I thought I was going to have to cut it cold turkey, but I can still watch car videos, how to woodworking, ect. and not have rage-entertainment or politics interrupt it.
Another thing I've tried is using Ground News, instead of other sources. I was always leery of it, but I'm getting bombarded by news stories chosen by an algorithm, I figured, what the hell, I'll give it a try. It's $3 a month, and so far, it's as advertised. Not as entertaining, but that was part of the problem, whereas having news summarized and just laid out, it's been helpful.
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Another thing that is inexplicably helpful is to fight your autopilot. Many people don't realize they have one. Try swapping left and right pockets for your phone/keys/etc. and see how often you turn to the wrong direction without thinking. Being aware of the mindless drift towards the device and forcing yourself to be aware each time you do it is IMO helpful.
Replacing the tech with something to do is good. I've tried a paper back or a "low tech" hand held video game/mp3 with limited/no connectivity. One thing I realized is that I occasionally needed some type of really fast instant gratification. A paper back and regearing my mind to get back to the location was a little slow. A handheld taking time to up to Tetris or puzzle type games also seemed too slow. My mind wanted to consume something within 2-3 seconds vs waiting up to 10+ seconds to consume. I started thinking of it like a mind snack. My mind needed to consume and process, but it needed the right stuff. My phone was like non-stop unhealthy snacking. Lower tech devices, dedicated music player, 3D puzzles, books etc. were more like proper food for the mind for me. For me, tech isn't the enemy. It's brain rot/doom scrolling type activities that's the enemy. A little is OK, too much is bad. I need something for my mind to occupy/focus in the correct way.
I'm still trying to figure this out, but I think I like what I'm noticing. I think I'd rather keep an old DS or buy those $50 handhelds with like 30-40 games lower tech side scroller games/puzzle games on it and give it to my kids as the "shush" cheat code vs handing them my phone and letting them mindlessly scroll or consume media when I'm busy with something else. I have to make sure it's what the kids are willing to consume though. Otherwise it won't work. Luckily my son has started taking interest in Tetris, and I'm way happier with him doing that than Youtube kids, Roblox and brain rot type drivel. Tetris is more than a game, it is a life skill for organizing things in confined spaces.
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Another thing that is inexplicably helpful is to fight your autopilot. Many people don't realize they have one. Try swapping left and right pockets for your phone/keys/etc. and see how often you turn to the wrong direction without thinking. Being aware of the mindless drift towards the device and forcing yourself to be aware each time you do it is IMO helpful.
Replacing the tech with something to do is good. I've tried a paper back or a "low tech" hand held video game/mp3 with limited/no connectivity. One thing I realized is that I occasionally needed some type of really fast instant gratification. A paper back and regearing my mind to get back to the location was a little slow. A handheld taking time to up to Tetris or puzzle type games also seemed too slow. My mind wanted to consume something within 2-3 seconds vs waiting up to 10+ seconds to consume. I started thinking of it like a mind snack. My mind needed to consume and process, but it needed the right stuff. My phone was like non-stop unhealthy snacking. Lower tech devices, dedicated music player, 3D puzzles, books etc. were more like proper food for the mind for me. For me, tech isn't the enemy. It's brain rot/doom scrolling type activities that's the enemy. A little is OK, too much is bad. I need something for my mind to occupy/focus in the correct way.
I'm still trying to figure this out, but I think I like what I'm noticing. I think I'd rather keep an old DS or buy those $50 handhelds with like 30-40 games lower tech side scroller games/puzzle games on it and give it to my kids as the "shush" cheat code vs handing them my phone and letting them mindlessly scroll or consume media when I'm busy with something else. I have to make sure it's what the kids are willing to consume though. Otherwise it won't work. Luckily my son has started taking interest in Tetris, and I'm way happier with him doing that than Youtube kids, Roblox and brain rot type drivel. Tetris is more than a game, it is a life skill for organizing things in confined spaces.
Hmmm. this is me too. On the ####ter mostly. My wife gave me a hockey trivia book for xmas. I may move that in there and use that instead of Suduko and Catan on my phone. Maybe pick up a sudoku book for the can as well. I have been doing Sudoku a lot to keep my mind flexible. I was getting frustrated then watched a couple YT videos on it and have been getting much better and now don't get frustrated.
On the socials side, I don't follow any ragebaity sites. I do follow a fair bit of politics stuff but it is mostly smart people. However, maybe I should cut back on this a bit. I did eliminate my late-night talk shows and that has helped my attitude a bit.
I don't use Xitter at all. My insta feed is pretty meh. Reddit is just fun stuff.
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Hmmm. this is me too. On the ####ter mostly. My wife gave me a hockey trivia book for xmas. I may move that in there and use that instead of Suduko and Catan on my phone. Maybe pick up a sudoku book for the can as well. I have been doing Sudoku a lot to keep my mind flexible. I was getting frustrated then watched a couple YT videos on it and have been getting much better and now don't get frustrated.
On the socials side, I don't follow any ragebaity sites. I do follow a fair bit of politics stuff but it is mostly smart people. However, maybe I should cut back on this a bit. I did eliminate my late-night talk shows and that has helped my attitude a bit.
I don't use Xitter at all. My insta feed is pretty meh. Reddit is just fun stuff.
Late-night talk shows. That's a big trigger for me too. Haven't watched them in full really for years, because it's just rage farming. I quit twitter back when it was still called that, and I only missed it for a few months. Facebook is also really bad, been working more on disengaging from that, but it's hard when so many institutions are on it.
Funny enough, I also found that Sudoku was a good help, but it only lasted a few months before I got bored of it. Hopefully you don't!
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META is being sued for making apps addictive, like Big Tobacco.
Just listened to this podcast yesterday and highly recommend it:
Get short form social media off your phones.
I "have to" post to Instagram for work, but uninstalled it on my phone and just access it through my laptop with intention.
I do use youtube a decent amount, but long form content has been shown to be very different for our brains.
The slot machine effect of short form is reeking havoc on our brains and wellbeing.
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Welp, my contract finished at the end of Jan and my wife just got laid off.
Not sure what to feel. I guess I can retire now. I wanted to work a couple more years.
Her job was a mess, my project was an unorganized pile of work. I've been working for long enough now that encountering idiots shouldn't be surprising but it still surprises me on occasion.
Interesting. In your heart did you really "want" to work more, or was it to reach some magic $$$ number?
Now that each of you is out of your respective work drama... do you feel any PTSD? How you gonna "let go" before you can move on and feel free?
I had a rough day. I got a "meets most expectations" rating at work and it was a surprise. All the conversations that I had with my manager were about targeting "exceeds expectation" and it shows up two ratings lower. Now I'm in that whole world of feeling inadequate and there's already an extreme risk of imposter syndrome at my work.
I talked to five friends at work about it. That helped a lot. I've got lots of close friends coming over tomorrow for my birthday party and plan to tell everyone. I'm hoping that talking more about my problem helps my mental state.
Thanks for reading my vent post.
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I had a rough day. I got a "meets most expectations" rating at work and it was a surprise. All the conversations that I had with my manager were about targeting "exceeds expectation" and it shows up two ratings lower. Now I'm in that whole world of feeling inadequate and there's already an extreme risk of imposter syndrome at my work.
I talked to five friends at work about it. That helped a lot. I've got lots of close friends coming over tomorrow for my birthday party and plan to tell everyone. I'm hoping that talking more about my problem helps my mental state.
Thanks for reading my vent post.
Is this a new company or an adjustment in the rating system? My company allowed ratings of 125% and the mandate this year was to move towards 100% going above and beyond, lots of people were shocked at 80% ratings even with communication about the change.
If not, then regroup, take the feedback, and kill it for the next performance review. It’s tough to get negative feedback but I got some pretty rough feedback in one of my jobs and looking back it really helped me in my career.
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I haven't worked in a corporate environment but these reviews sound so stupid.
Putting people into some checkbox ranking seems lazy and useless vs just having specifics about what you've done well & what you can improve on.
I guess these ratings are used to justify not giving pay raises?
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I had a rough day. I got a "meets most expectations" rating at work and it was a surprise. All the conversations that I had with my manager were about targeting "exceeds expectation" and it shows up two ratings lower. Now I'm in that whole world of feeling inadequate and there's already an extreme risk of imposter syndrome at my work.
I talked to five friends at work about it. That helped a lot. I've got lots of close friends coming over tomorrow for my birthday party and plan to tell everyone. I'm hoping that talking more about my problem helps my mental state.
Thanks for reading my vent post.
Obviously it depends on the company, but I don't think a meets most expectations represents failure of any sort. The key is understanding what it takes to get an exceeds and why you didn't get that rating. If that clarity isn't there, or the expectations are moving, without that being communicated to, that's a different issue.
But in and of itself don't beat yourself up about that type of rating. I've received more meets than exceeds in my career.
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