Looking for legal advice - abused friend

[Burninator]

Sorry to hear about your friend Snake, but glad to hear she got out of it. Hopefully the preceding divorce goes smoothly.

I am no legal expert, but I will give my half baked interpretation of the issue. The reason this is assault is because she was blackmailed into sex, correct? And the blackmail was that he would try and give the relationship a serious chance? That is a little murky IMO of grounds for assault. Since a relationship is always a choice and sex is always a choice, there really isn't a reason that she had to stay in the relationship. There are grounds for blackmail and sex being illegal. For example if someone was approached by their boss and he said, unless they have sex she will be fired from her job. That could be considered assault. There is differences between a job and a relationship in the legal sense.

It just seems like a problem calling it assault because, she consented to sex to remain in a consensual relationship. Also add to the mix that they were broken up and living apart, so this implies that she had the power to end it and did, but chose to get back together.

My advice would be to not pursue an assault charge and instead prepare for the divorce. I am sure the divorce alone will take an emotional toll on her, no need to add to it by adding another case that will in all likelihood go in his favour. By the sounds of this guy he doesn't seem like one to make the divorce go smoothly either. But you could still use this situation in the divorce proceedings to help her case (which looks very much in her favour anyways).

[Resolute 14]

Originally Posted by fredr123

I suspect, however, that what your friend might be after is some sort of financial compensation for the crap she went through. Again, I'm no expert in this area but that may be something that goes towards getting a quicker divorce and, potentiall, a better matrimonial property division or better spousal support.

Nope. She is not after him for any money. She wanted me to make that clear. She wanted to make sure that if what he did was illegal, that she could go to the proper authorities. Lacking that, she is happy to put him behind her. Their property has already been divided, and agreed to in a signed separation agreement.

She does appreciate the comments and advice that has been given. At this point, she is now hoping to find out if this is enough for her to file immediately for divorce on grounds of cruelty or (emotional) abuse. The sooner the divorce papers get signed, the sooner we'll never have to deal with him.

[albertGQ]

The sexual assault thing doesn't sound criminal at all. More comical to me. She got duped, not threatened into having sex with him

[Resolute 14]

Originally Posted by Bring_Back_Shantz

Yeah, I hate to sound like a jerk here, but it seems to me like the guy (Although I agree that he is a world class Jerk) would have a pretty rock solid arguement, in that he could claim that having sex is an expected part of a marriage, and that telling his wife that the only way he would stay with her is if she had sex with him, is a reasonable request. Now, I think it's pretty clear that he had no intention of staying with her, and that he was probably taking advantage of her, but, I doubt what he was doing could be classified as criminal.

That all being said, guys who do stuff like this really do deserve to have unfortunate run in's with large fast moving objects.

She likes your last statement.

In a related topic, I had an aunt murdered by her husband just under ten years ago. One of my uncles caught him unprotected outside the courthouse and beat him badly enough that the killer suffered broken ribs. My uncle got a $1000 fine for it. Right now, $1000 seems well worth the satisfaction... and I haven't been mad enough to contemplate something like that since that murder happened.

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by Snakeeye

She does appreciate the comments and advice that has been given. At this point, she is now hoping to find out if this is enough for her to file immediately for divorce on grounds of cruelty or (emotional) abuse. The sooner the divorce papers get signed, the sooner we'll never have to deal with him.

She sounds like she would definitely have a case here. Like I said previously, if she has any kind of correspondence or documented cases of the manipulation, cruelty, etc., then she could produce those to support her case.

[corporatejay]

Originally Posted by Slava

I'm not a lawyer at all, but if I was one I would argue that the Stender case is a direct parallel...how can you prove/disprove the consent? In a criminal case its a higher burden of proof than a civil case, and even in that arena there is not much to go on here.

I feel bad for this girl, but I doubt that she has any recourse legally.

did you read the case? it said there was NO consent, by saying it is parallel you are saying she didn't offer consent, which she clearly did.

also how do you prove he had no intention of staying with her?

[Cowboy89]

Originally Posted by corporatejay

did you read the case? it said there was NO consent, by saying it is parallel you are saying she didn't offer consent, which she clearly did.

also how do you prove he had no intention of staying with her?

Good post. At least in the case there were pictures in which could be deleted and or destroyed in exchange for said favors. It seems more tangible than the 'false hope of reconciliation' arguement being presented here.

[fredr123]

Originally Posted by corporatejay

did you read the case? it said there was NO consent, by saying it is parallel you are saying she didn't offer consent, which she clearly did.

also how do you prove he had no intention of staying with her?

In Stender, the court found there was no consent in the legal sense though she did agree to sleep with the slime ball to get the photos back. In this case, Snakeeye's friend agreed to sleep with her husband in order to keep him happy and hopefully save the marriage. In Stender, he forced the complainant to either sleep with him or he would embarrass her with the nude pictures. In this case, the husband forced (sorta) Snakeeye's friend to continue to sleep with him or the relationship would be over for sure.

These facts are not nearly as strong as those in the Stender case but, arguing by analogy, she may be able to make a case. It's probably pretty weak but it could be arguable. Maybe there was no consent, in the legal sense, in this case in the same way there was no consent in the Stender case. Perhaps if there was consent, it was obtained by fraud (which could also vitiate consent).

[Flash Walken]

Tell your friend if she's looking for a stand-up guy to treat her nice...that fotze is taken.

[troutman]

You can file for divorce any time - you just can't get the judgment normally until there has been a one year separation.

Grounds for divorce in Canada:

1) one year separation
2) adultery (must be proven or admitted)
3) physical or mental cruelty (rare, but the circumstances alleged here might qualify)

Misconduct by the other spouse does not generally entitle you to more property or support - it just allows you to get the judgment sooner.

[corporatejay]

This is not a legal opinion.

Here is what I have for my first year notes on "sexual assault" in a civil case. If anything criminal standards are higher.

Fraud: Vitiates consent if deception caused by P and this deceit goes to the nature and quality of the act and not a collateral matter. (eg. Sex for cure (fraud), sex for marriage (not fraud).)


what this means (I think if i remember right) is if I say "if you sleep with me, i'll cure your cancer" that would be fraud, conversely, if I say "if you sleep with me we'll get married" it's not fraud because the "benefit" is collateral to the act.

the idea with the pictures likely rests on duress which is consent as a result of threat or force. "I'll leave you" likely won't cut it.

also, the courts have generally been of the mind that "what happens in ones bedroom is their own business and people are free to make their own mistakes".

[Dion]

Originally Posted by FireFly

Well I'm not sure about legal recourse, but I do want to say congratulations to the lady in question for getting out. It's not easy and it certainly isn't easy being alone in this big city, but better to be alone and alive than to lose who you are as a person. You're not alone in your situation and I applaud that you had the courage to get out. And a special nod to Snakeye for sticking with you and helping you through this.

I agree with what FireFly is saying.

Good on you for helping her out!

[Flames in 07]

Easy for me to say as this situation for me is simply a thread.

But even if there was a strand of recourse to challenge his actions legally, I doubt it would be worth the hassle.

I'm hopeful that in a couple of years your friend will be able to look back and both a) be glad that she broke it off when she did and b) have as clean and fast a break as possible, allowing her to move on to a new life.

[Slava]

Originally Posted by corporatejay

did you read the case? it said there was NO consent, by saying it is parallel you are saying she didn't offer consent, which she clearly did.

also how do you prove he had no intention of staying with her?

I misread the original post, my mistake.

[HOZ]

I will tell you what I think A good lawyer will tell her.

End the relationship asap and leave things be, Any lawsuit or whatever will just be more pain and more chances for this guy to manipulate and hurt her.

End it. Period. And walk away and start up again and be happy he is not around.

[Kjesse]

Originally Posted by HOZ

I will tell you what I think A good lawyer will tell her.

End the relationship asap and leave things be, Any lawsuit or whatever will just be more pain and more chances for this guy to manipulate and hurt her.

End it. Period. And walk away and start up again and be happy he is not around.

Right on the money.

The whole concept of using this deadbeat's actions as the grounds for a criminal or civil proceeding smells of emotion-fueled revenge. And maybe he deserves it, but hiring a lawyer will not lead to compensation or justice. If she's the aggrieved victim, and a bigger person, she'll leave bad enough alone. Legal action will just prolong the pain, and really, tap her pocket book. And that's just the civil side-- there's nothing criminal there, nothing to even support a charge, let alone a conviction. Crown attorneys work on the taxpayer's dollar (so would cost her nothing), but to win this case you'd have to prove the deadbeat's intentions at the time of the incident... in other words, not gonna happen. That point has already been made, however.

Self help? I'll cover my ears on that one. "la la la la la la"

[Resolute 14]

Actually, that possibility was one of the reasons why she asked me to seek advice. She wanted to be sure that this wasn't just an action out of spite. She got the answer she needed, and is already moving onto the next step in her life.

Firefly mentioned how courageous she is for getting out of this mess so easily... I've told her the same several times, but she tries to dismiss it as simply "doing what needs to be done". She has her weaknesses, like everyone else, but whatever hit her during this time, she always pressed forward, despite being terrified of a future without him.

Courage is the ability to push foward despite fear. She has it in spades.