Having hobbies that family can validate?

[V1nnyTh3Flam35Fan]

Maybe this is too personal (and possible irrelevant to this forum), but it’s been a hard time having hobbies that my parents disapprove of.

[my mom] recently has invalidated watching hockey and video games as legitimate hobbies. She would say stuff like “you’re an adult, no longer a teenager; those don’t count as hobbies, do something more productive.”

For context, I am a pharmacy assistant and have been on constant job searches to get more consistent hours. I’m in the process of writing my PEBC to hopefully get my license to become a pharmacist.

Yes I can play piano and drums, but I’ve honestly lost passion for those hobbies. And I even join Calgary’s gaming community as a result of my growing passion for video games. (Yes I still live with my parents but most likely because I’m not financially independent enough to live on my own)

It’s infuriating to have a mom that doesn’t approve of my hobbies no matter how much she says she “loves/cares about me”. She’s such a hypocrite because she’s constantly binging Netflix/amazon prime or Facebook shorts when she’s finished with her job.

PS more beef with my mom because she’s forcing me to go to line-dancing lessons with a friend I’ve been barely keeping in touch with, even though I despise country music.

[undercoverbrother]

How old are you

[Amethyst]

It sounds like perhaps she's concerned that you are spending a lot of time alone at home and not interacting with others in person very much right now.

[Scroopy Noopers]

Man… I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. The title of the thread is one of the opposite reason people should have hobbies. They should be for you, to make you happy, to fulfill YOU.

Hobbies aren’t about productivity at all. Or at least, they shouldn’t be.

[Maritime Q-Scout]

To me, hobbies are just that, hobbies.

Regarless of what the hobby is, whether it's something to unwind for pure enjoyment (eg: video games; doom scrolling Instagram/TikTok), or something 'productive' (eg: side hustle, crafting, woodworking) you should only be spending hobby time on your hobbies.

There is a grind culture out there that will burn people out. You need time to unwind and relax.

If you want to play videogames an hour or two a day, that's fine. You want to watch the Flames play (which isn't everyday) that's fine.

However, it shouldn't interfere with family obligations (although I get the sense that isn't an issue right now, you're not playing video games rather than feeding the kids), nor should it interfere with work (showing up late because you wanted one more mission in Call of Duty).

But, you don't magically go from 17 and videogames being a reasonable hobby to 18 and suddenly you're too old for Mario Cart.



It sounds like based on your post your parent is worried that you're spending too much time on your hobbies and not enough focus on work. If that's the crux of their issue, I'd ask for help/advice on the PEBC, talk about the work you're putting into it. You're showing them the work you're putting into it and chancing their focus from what they believe is negative to positive.

[Coach]

As a musician myself, there was a 3-4 year period where I didn’t play just because I wasn’t motivated or feeling passionate about it (or anything). I ended up running into some people looking for people to jam with so I showed up and it re-upped my passion for it. Music is a tough one because you can only practice so much before it needs to be shared or feels sort of useless.

My brothers are both big into video games and it’s not really my thing, but I’ll sit through full seasons of tv in one go so… a game is obviously more mentally engaging than that.

As me and my peers have gotten older, we’ve only leaned into our hobbies more. My buddies that were embarassed about Warhammer as teens now have full display cases and terrain boards in their homes AND smoking hot wives. So, you know, just do what you like and don’t become obsessed.

[SutterBrother]

Not a ton of context here. Guessing you're in your 20's?

Sounds like you're struggling at being an adult but still living at home with your Mom. She pays the bills, and probably treats you like a kid. She sees you spending several hours a day in front of a screen and is concerned.

With that in mind, I'd suggest making finding a full time job your new short term hobby.

That'll allow you to 1) bank, 2) move out, and 3) pretty quickly you'll discover it's really nice to be able to do whatever you want in your free time.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by SutterBrother

Not a ton of context here. Guessing you're in your 20's?

Sounds like you're struggling at being an adult but still living at home with your Mom. She pays the bills, and probably treats you like a kid. She sees you spending several hours a day in front of a screen and is concerned.

With that in mind, I'd suggest making finding a full time job your new short term hobby.

That'll allow you to 1) bank, 2) move out, and 3) pretty quickly you'll discover it's really nice to be able to do whatever you want in your free time.

Yeah, I'm with OP's mom on this. I don't believe watching other men play hockey on TV is a hobby. It's just consuming entertainment. I think if you had your friends over and made it a social thing I'd be happier about it, but it's a bit of a stretch to pretend it's an actual hobby to watch TV.

If she's watching Netflix after a long day of work, that's her relaxing reward for being productive all day for the past 25 years. She's older, has less energy and sounds like she works full time. Relaxing is necessary and a reward once your responsibilities are under control.

If you're young and not working full time and just playing vids and watching TV...I mean, that's super concerning behaviour for a young adult. I'd be stressing like mad in her shoes.

Can you maybe see if Video Game Traders or somewhere is hiring? Maybe Sport Chek or some hockey store if you like hockey? I landscaped for several months after getting my degree because sitting around applying for jobs seriously doesn't take all day every day. You gotta get out there, guy. You need a job. When I finally got hired at a professional job that used my degree, 90% of my interview was about my landscaping experience...for a job where I was hired to be a writer. If I'm looking to hire someone and it's between two people with the same qualifications, I'm hiring the guy who is already working and not content to just be sitting on his couch in front of a screen all day over the dude who plays GTA and knows a bunch of hockey stats.

I think you may need to acknowledge that your mom is right and you are wrong. Nothing will happen for you if you continue to plunk yourself in front of your TV. You absolutely need to plug into the world more even by just getting a basic job somewhere.

Hobbies are a great and necessary distraction to round out your day/week from your work and the grind. You're not doing the work or grind while simultaneously pretending consuming media is a hobby. You really do come across as a teenager trapped in a young adult's body.

I wouldn't say any of this if I didn't think your life would do a 180 and head in a healthier and happier direction if you just changed your attitude and listened to your mom. Where you are isn't a good or healthy place. Your mom can see this, knows this and wants more for you for your own sake. Grab your resume, go to Canadian Tire, Sporting Life, video game stores, Sport Chek, etc. and just do literally anything to get yourself out of the house, making money and making headway on taking a step forward. Do it today. Go have a shower, shave, put on some nice clothes and start applying literally today. You're in a rut, but you can just walk right out of it in less than an hour and be on your way to better things. Maybe even just working at a Shoppers as a clerk will be a great way to get noticed.

[CorsiHockeyLeague]

Originally Posted by SutterBrother

That'll allow you to 1) bank, 2) move out, and 3) pretty quickly you'll discover it's really nice to be able to do whatever you want in your free time.

This has not been my experience with adulting; I feel like I've given the whole regime a good solid effort and would like to go back to being a teenager with no power or responsibilities, please. Is there a returns department or something?

[Regorium]

Thought your name looked familiar from some past threads.

Glad you're still with us and it's a long journey from where you were. It already sounds like an improvement over 8 months ago.

Your mom is looking out for you. It's not about line dancing and country music, it's about seeing some other faces in real life. It's definitely tough because it doesn't sound like you're a very social guy but give it a shot and maybe you can at the least reconnect with an old friend.

[photon]

Well I'm over 50 and gaming is still a hobby for me.. my parents don't care anymore

Regardless of how she actually intends her criticism you can choose to look at it in the light of she just wants you to be happy/successful/have a good life. Whether the criticism is warranted or not is almost irrelevant, it's your life and you're allowed to make your own mistakes and allowed to take or not take feedback from your parents into account. Sure it sucks but sometimes you can just say "look, I know you think I should be doing this, but can we talk about other things today?" and try and talk/do/whatever positive things too.

That said I find that it's ok to inconvenience myself a bit to make my mom happy, she's not going to be around forever. I mean line dancing feels like it's over the line lol but maybe something else that she'd think would be good for you.

[calf]

Volunteer supporting a cause that's meaningful to you and your family

[troutman]

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We often think of fun as indulgent, even immature and selfish. We claim to not have time for it, even as we find hours a day for what Price calls Fake Fun—bingeing on television, doomscrolling the news, or posting photos to social media, all in hopes of filling some of the emptiness we feel inside.

In this follow-up to her hit book, How to Break Up with Your Phone, Price makes the case that True Fun—which she defines as the magical confluence of playfulness, connection, and flow—will give us the fulfillment we so desperately seek.

https://catherineprice.com/fun

[PaperBagger'14]

Personal hobbies aren’t something parents should have to validate, as long as they stay as hobbies. I still play video games when I have time, but I also know I have all mine and my family’s needs met first.

If your mom is upset that you’re playing a few hours of video games on the weekend after working a full week and having your chores done, that’s on her. If your room is a mess, you only worked 3 shifts this week and you haven’t showered in a couple days, then that’s on you.

Ultimately your mom does get to choose if you can live in the house with her, so it’s in your best interest to keep her happy. The details of your home life are really what’s important here.

[CalgaryFan1988]

Are you an only child?

Maybe your mom needs a hobby.

[TheIronMaiden]

You can do whatever you want in your free time, as long as you are taking care of the things that you need to take care of.

As for looking for validation, I have learned that looking for validation from your parents never feels are good as finding validation in a partner. It's never a bad idea to try hobbies to try and meet people.

[Fuzz]

Find hobbies in areas she strongly disapproves of until she stops suggesting you get new hobbies. "I just did what you told me to, mom."

[The Yen Man]

If you were just lazing around and satisfied with working part time, then I can maybe get your mom's point. But if you're actually working towards your pharmacy license, and currently the pharmacy assistant is the work experience to get you there, then I don't think your mom should be forcing you to do line dancing rather than what you actually enjoy.

I'm biased because my hobbies are video games and watching hockey ha ha, and line dancing sounds horrible to me. But how's video games and following NHL hockey more / less productive than playing the piano or going line dancing? If you already interact with a lot of people from work, maybe you just want to spend some time to unwind at home. Not sure what's wrong with that.

[Coach]

My dad used to admonish my younger brother for being too absorbed in video games.

Now he designs VR education systems, so.... EAD.

[chemgear]

Originally Posted by Coach

My dad used to admonish my younger brother for being too absorbed in video games.

Now he designs VR education systems, so.... EAD.

Yeah, the wife is a big gamer and has carved out a pretty sweet and lucrative gig in the video game industry.

Enjoy your hobbies, that's what they are there for. There is something to be said about focusing and getting your work/serious part of life stable and productive.

Don't forget to enjoy stuff that you like though.