Rate your current mental health level out of 10

[Monahammer]

Haven't been on much recently, because I am mentally fried but just want to say thanks to everyone who replied to my comment. Y'all are a great community and I value you a ton.

[Monahammer]

Originally Posted by Cowboy89

Same wife who unilaterally decided to quit her job and go back for her masters degree leaving you to solely fund the family's expenses without consulting you?

Yes, haha, this isn't even registering for me right now tbh. Then she also bought a $2,000 king charles cavalier this year. After I repeatedly said we couldn't do it. We already have two dogs. And had two cats.

But, she sold both kids on it in spite of my straight "no" and then put down a large deposit before she confronted me with it all again.

Now I am cleaning up three dogs #### in the back yard, while playing with the new puppy and getting up to let it out. All things that were supposed to be covered by other people... but of course I knew would fall to me.

Pretty similar to the Disney World process, except she also used my Sister and father on me with that one.

This year she has been soothing me by telling me that she'll be the breadwinner, my "sugar mama" and so on after she finishes school. I think she could tell how worn down and tired I am of all of it. She's playing with me though. She's saying those things and then the same night inviting someone (a "mentor" in the field) over to spoon her with hearts in the message.

I don't think my self worth has ever been lower. It has been really, really low several times this year but this time I feel like dirt.

Thank you all for letting me shout into the wind. I'm not seeking advice I just don't even know who I can really talk to about all of this. I'm embarrassed and hurt. I could talk to a therapist, I have talked to a therapist about this in the past. I just don't think it will help me a huge amount right now, talking about it is just making me more angry in the moment and I then have to spend a considerable amount of time calming myself down. I have been successful in remaining mostly calm. I do think I have an ulcer right now.

[Monahammer]

I think I have no spine. Literally. I think I have spent so long acquiescing to things that even when I offer a firm no it's just trodden straight over as if it hadnt been offered. I have been so long trying to appease that I don't have the ability to present real roadblocks, the outcome always seems to be that I will apologize and concede and try to make things right.

Even this. I didn't blow up when I found it. I calmly presented it to her, confirmed what I had suspected and previously even accused her of. Her first instinct was to get mad at me for "snooping." She backtracked on that pretty soon after, but my instincts have been to try and seek ways forward and through it rather than taking time to be mad. I don't know why that is.

[troutman]

Seek full custody, child support and spousal support.

She can have the dogs.

[Calgary14]

For anyone going through a divorce right now just know that it gets much, much, much better with time

[Cowboy89]

Originally Posted by Monahammer

Thank you all for letting me shout into the wind. I'm not seeking advice I just don't even know who I can really talk to about all of this. I'm embarrassed and hurt. I could talk to a therapist, I have talked to a therapist about this in the past. I just don't think it will help me a huge amount right now, talking about it is just making me more angry in the moment and I then have to spend a considerable amount of time calming myself down. I have been successful in remaining mostly calm. I do think I have an ulcer right now.

I feel for your situation. You're getting abused emotionally, financially, and maybe by second order physically. When there's kids involved, whatever option you choose to move forward with involves maintaining some kind of relationship with her. For the kids sake it probably also means treating her better in the process than she deserves as for better or worse she is their mom.

Love yourself, start viewing yourself as a 3rd party that you are in charge of helping. You are captain of your ship, do things that are necessary for that person even if it means making decisions and performing actions that are picking the least 'bad' options. You are worth saving!

[TorqueDog]

My blood is f-cking boiling for you right now.

Originally Posted by Monahammer

I think I have no spine. Literally. I think I have spent so long acquiescing to things that even when I offer a firm no it's just trodden straight over as if it hadnt been offered. I have been so long trying to appease that I don't have the ability to present real roadblocks, the outcome always seems to be that I will apologize and concede and try to make things right.

Even this. I didn't blow up when I found it. I calmly presented it to her, confirmed what I had suspected and previously even accused her of. Her first instinct was to get mad at me for "snooping." She backtracked on that pretty soon after, but my instincts have been to try and seek ways forward and through it rather than taking time to be mad. I don't know why that is.

I felt like this a lot in my marriage, and even the second paragraph where you keep your cool instead of getting emotionally charged and animated, that's me to a T, except I reached the point where it was about moving on and doing what was best for me rather than trying to fit this square peg into the round hole that was the marriage I was in.

I don't know if you mentioned it, but how old are you? All of this went down for me when I was 37, and one thing that helped me was knowing that no matter how old you are, you aren't so old that you can't hit the reset button on a few aspects of your life and come back better than you ever thought you could.

Use that calm, quiet disposition to think about how to protect yourself and how to improve things for you. It's unfortunately really obvious that the person you're with -- and possibly some of those around you -- aren't on Team Monahammer. Find the people who are... and get yourself a lawyer while you're at it. Personally, I'd refund the Disney trip and use that to pay for it.

[PaperBagger'14]

Yeah Monahammer I don’t know what else to say other than what’s been said already. This isn’t a normal or healthy relationship at all. Torquedogs advice about cancelling Disney and using that to pay for a lawyer / therapy or both is something I completely agree with. Mickey Mouse isn’t the answer to these problems, and I think you know what the solution is.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by PaperBagger'14

Yeah Monahammer I don’t know what else to say other than what’s been said already. This isn’t a normal or healthy relationship at all. Torquedogs advice about cancelling Disney and using that to pay for a lawyer / therapy or both is something I completely agree with. Mickey Mouse isn’t the answer to these problems, and I think you know what the solution is.

Unless the Mouse is rabid or something and you're trying to taunt it into biting you.

If you're a married man you have inevitably been dragged by your wife to some function or event that you have no interest in attending and would gnaw off a limb to avoid.

Take that, add Disneyworld, likely unhappy wife, lots of cash going so fast you can literally hear the flushing sound?

And finally? I know this sucks to say but, your unhappiness will eventually poison your kids' happy memories at some point down the line and then you get to re-live the whole fiasco all over again!

I wont tell you to get divorced or get a lawyer or whatever, you know you better than I do, but maybe some couples counselling? I dont know, is there hope for that?

I do see where some posters are coming from though, even with the concept of couples therapy one could position that as "you making all the effort again to save something that may be unsavable rather than taking care of yourself."

Again.

[Nyah]

Nah, I can't see couples counselling fixing this.

Monahammer, your wife sounds selfish, irresponsible and immature. As a woman who's been on the other end of a ####ty spouse, it's not going to get any better. At the very least, I'd be cancelling that vacation and consulting a lawyer. You don't even have to pull the trigger on anything right away, but definitely get a consult booked for when/if divorce is initiated. If nothing else, it gives you some control back over everything that's going on. Sorry that you're dealing with this.

[dissentowner]

Things are not going well at all. Constant pain from lingering injuries from my bad car accident in 1999. They removed most of my small intestines so I don't absorb nutrients from what I eat very much. Was taking iron pills buy apparently those stopped working and on Friday I had to be rushed to the hospital, my hemoglobin was 52 and my Ferritin level was 2. They gave me a giant bag of iron via IV that took 3 hours to deliver. I have felt terrible since then, pretty much stuck in bed. My doctor called me yesterday to let me know my blood work also showed I have type 2 diabetes to top it off. Wonderful. Started medication for that this morning. Windshield wipers on the car stopped working and I can't afford to fix them. My friend had some Rain X so I put that on but once the snow flies I am screwed. Everything is so fn expensive and the Ontario Disability program pays me a whopping $1300.00 a month. By the time you pay rent, hydro, and insurance you are cooked. Sometimes I think Maid would be a blessing except I have two sons so I have responsibilities. I just feel so broken and unhealthy right now and stressed out of my mind. I'm not looking for sympathy, I just needed to vent. At least hockey is back.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by dissentowner

Things are not going well at all. Constant pain from lingering injuries from my bad car accident in 1999. They removed most of my small intestines so I don't absorb nutrients from what I eat very much. Was taking iron pills buy apparently those stopped working and on Friday I had to be rushed to the hospital, my hemoglobin was 52 and my Ferritin level was 2. They gave me a giant bag of iron via IV that took 3 hours to deliver. I have felt terrible since then, pretty much stuck in bed. My doctor called me yesterday to let me know my blood work also showed I have type 2 diabetes to top it off. Wonderful. Started medication for that this morning. Windshield wipers on the car stopped working and I can't afford to fix them. My friend had some Rain X so I put that on but once the snow flies I am screwed. Everything is so fn expensive and the Ontario Disability program pays me a whopping $1300.00 a month. By the time you pay rent, hydro, and insurance you are cooked. Sometimes I think Maid would be a blessing except I have two sons so I have responsibilities. I just feel so broken and unhealthy right now and stressed out of my mind. I'm not looking for sympathy, I just needed to vent. At least hockey is back.

That's the shts, dude. We hear you.

[bluejays]

Originally Posted by dissentowner

Things are not going well at all. Constant pain from lingering injuries from my bad car accident in 1999. They removed most of my small intestines so I don't absorb nutrients from what I eat very much. Was taking iron pills buy apparently those stopped working and on Friday I had to be rushed to the hospital, my hemoglobin was 52 and my Ferritin level was 2. They gave me a giant bag of iron via IV that took 3 hours to deliver. I have felt terrible since then, pretty much stuck in bed. My doctor called me yesterday to let me know my blood work also showed I have type 2 diabetes to top it off. Wonderful. Started medication for that this morning. Windshield wipers on the car stopped working and I can't afford to fix them. My friend had some Rain X so I put that on but once the snow flies I am screwed. Everything is so fn expensive and the Ontario Disability program pays me a whopping $1300.00 a month. By the time you pay rent, hydro, and insurance you are cooked. Sometimes I think Maid would be a blessing except I have two sons so I have responsibilities. I just feel so broken and unhealthy right now and stressed out of my mind. I'm not looking for sympathy, I just needed to vent. At least hockey is back.

I feel for you man. The worst is over is the best way to think of it. Regarding costs, I find as Canadians so much of our costs are on living expenses, including mortgages. I'd look to see what you can cut/downgrade as much as possible. Best wishes my friend.

[fotze2]

Doing alright . Quit toxic job (that was apparently because I’m a bad person certain poster here). Took a month off. Had a my old job back I had left to chase money (mistake). Had surgery that had a good chance of dying in so I wanted to bump up my salary for that 2X salary for family when I croaked. Could never afford the premiums due to the existing heart condition but the no questions asked insurance you get as an employee was all I had.

Back at my old shop, solvent, cash in the back, not super aggressive and dumb like 98% of all oil companies. Everyone is awesome and I am not thinking of snuffing myself. Don’t realize how much you hate something till you leave.

Went to a Mexican all inclusive for a week alone. Just eat and relax. Bought the IT guy at the new shop a carton of Marlboros and things are looking up.

Sorry diss. You rule.

[Monahammer]

Originally Posted by dissentowner

Things are not going well at all. Constant pain from lingering injuries from my bad car accident in 1999. They removed most of my small intestines so I don't absorb nutrients from what I eat very much. Was taking iron pills buy apparently those stopped working and on Friday I had to be rushed to the hospital, my hemoglobin was 52 and my Ferritin level was 2. They gave me a giant bag of iron via IV that took 3 hours to deliver. I have felt terrible since then, pretty much stuck in bed. My doctor called me yesterday to let me know my blood work also showed I have type 2 diabetes to top it off. Wonderful. Started medication for that this morning. Windshield wipers on the car stopped working and I can't afford to fix them. My friend had some Rain X so I put that on but once the snow flies I am screwed. Everything is so fn expensive and the Ontario Disability program pays me a whopping $1300.00 a month. By the time you pay rent, hydro, and insurance you are cooked. Sometimes I think Maid would be a blessing except I have two sons so I have responsibilities. I just feel so broken and unhealthy right now and stressed out of my mind. I'm not looking for sympathy, I just needed to vent. At least hockey is back.

Thinking of you DO. My grandfather (can't believe he's still kicking) is big in the Lions in Windsor, does a lot of volunteering still. If you need some help with appointment stuff, getting to and from hospital, general crap like that there are people in your area who can and will help you. I know that's not what you're asking for right now but I think it's important to say.

Keep on powering through. Thinking of my kids does it for me too. GFG.

[fotze2]

Anyone have a good PTSD person? I'm all buggered I totally planned and lived to die in December. It didn't happen and I have a new life, have to provide for this family. But I am fataed in the head. Sleep doesn't exist until it just has to be.

I think dying fatas you up. dead multiple times. My taste buds have changed for some reason. I hate pizza now. why? I have no appetite. Hate when I wake up.

I don't want to tell my wife I'm struggling or definitely my kids. I should be happy as hell I have a new lease on life, I am very fortunate mostly.

I wanna rent boogie boards out in Maui for a living.

Apparently there is a huge percentage of people who need PTSD crap after this. Not me though. I'm tough, and stupid as fata.

[Scroopy Noopers]

Originally Posted by fotze2

Anyone have a good PTSD person? I'm all buggered I totally planned and lived to die in December. It didn't happen and I have a new life, have to provide for this family. But I am fataed in the head. Sleep doesn't exist until it just has to be.

I think dying fatas you up. dead multiple times. My taste buds have changed for some reason. I hate pizza now. why? I have no appetite. Hate when I wake up.

I don't want to tell my wife I'm struggling or definitely my kids. I should be happy as hell I have a new lease on life, I am very fortunate mostly.

I wanna rent boogie boards out in Maui for a living.

Apparently there is a huge percentage of people who need PTSD crap after this. Not me though. I'm tough, and stupid as fata.

PTSD can be weird. I had a long post concussion battle after getting jumped and sucker punched/kicked. Had my brain tested a bunch, neurologist said I had PTSD. I instantly dismissed it as stupid, because “I didn’t care that idiot did that, and bring it on I’ll be ready next time, not afraid”. But… I totally had PTSD. It’s like your brain is in overdrive. Getting that diagnosed and addressed helped a ton. I don’t have a recommendation (as I am in Ontario), but I would see a neurologist about it.

[afc wimbledon]

I envy people that have good marriages, but not enough to put my nuts back into that grinder, my ex has now broken up with the guy she married after me and is texting me confessing she never appreciated what a good man I am and she should have tried harder, I have a kid with her so said nothing but in my head I'm thinking

'No you tried just hard enough for me to see the light and get out!'

She is claiming her new ex might be gay and again I aint saying nothing but am thinking 'no just like me in the end you were so unpleasent he dont want to screw you either, neither of us are gay, it's just you'

My commiserations, divorce sucks, but when it's over there is peace, get a decent lawyer, dont worry about stuff, furniture and the like, make sure you only sign up for child support do not go near spousal, pay up front to avoid it if you have to

[dissentowner]

I guess the iron they gave me takes a while to produce hemoglobin and mine is at 56 so blood transfusion tmrw morning. Thank you to all those that donate.

[fotze2]

Originally Posted by afc wimbledon

I envy people that have good marriages, but not enough to put my nuts back into that grinder, my ex has now broken up with the guy she married after me and is texting me confessing she never appreciated what a good man I am and she should have tried harder, I have a kid with her so said nothing but in my head I'm thinking

'No you tried just hard enough for me to see the light and get out!'

She is claiming her new ex might be gay and again I aint saying nothing but am thinking 'no just like me in the end you were so unpleasent he dont want to screw you either, neither of us are gay, it's just you'

My commiserations, divorce sucks, but when it's over there is peace, get a decent lawyer, dont worry about stuff, furniture and the like, make sure you only sign up for child support do not go near spousal, pay up front to avoid it if you have to

Who’s the latest comedian who’s bit about old guys dink pills that are only necessary because they are banging old wrinkly people. Imagine being told your husband would rather band a dude than yourself because you are so awful.