Rate your current mental health level out of 10

[BagoPucks]

I think thats the key.. you cant just magically out of thin air cultivate happiness.. your choices with physical space/attributes and environment can really drive the happiness from the inside.

[Point Blank]

I’ve went to church for most of my life, and I am absolutely and continuously shocked, appalled, and disappointed at a large proportion of Christians since COVID and Trump’s first presidency. If Jesus returned, he’d be labeled a libtard and deported.
As a specialist with the CBE, I’ve never been more livid at our provincial government. I am so disgusted at the lack of empathy buoyed predominantly by people who go to church to learn about a person who loved others for who they were and ate with the marginalized.
I’m at a point where I don’t even know where I stand in my faith, I don’t understand how people could pray to the same God as I did could come to such a completely different place.
And then the Charlie Kirk murder nearly broke me. I knew it he was going to get martyred, but I still couldn’t wrap my head around how people who were silent on school shootings, the democrat lawmaker in Minnesota who was killed in June, or the children starving in Gaza, would suddenly tell me how I should show more empathy.
My entire career as a public educator and life as a father of biracial children is to create a better future for children, buts it’s so hard to see that path now.
Anyways, I’ve deleted facebook and reddit, and maybe just need to go off my phone for a while. But any advice on perspective taking would also be welcomed.

[Party Elephant]

Originally Posted by Point Blank

I’ve went to church for most of my life, and I am absolutely and continuously shocked, appalled, and disappointed at a large proportion of Christians since COVID and Trump’s first presidency. If Jesus returned, he’d be labeled a libtard and deported.
As a specialist with the CBE, I’ve never been more livid at our provincial government. I am so disgusted at the lack of empathy buoyed predominantly by people who go to church to learn about a person who loved others for who they were and ate with the marginalized.
I’m at a point where I don’t even know where I stand in my faith, I don’t understand how people could pray to the same God as I did could come to such a completely different place.
And then the Charlie Kirk murder nearly broke me. I knew it he was going to get martyred, but I still couldn’t wrap my head around how people who were silent on school shootings, the democrat lawmaker in Minnesota who was killed in June, or the children starving in Gaza, would suddenly tell me how I should show more empathy.
My entire career as a public educator and life as a father of biracial children is to create a better future for children, buts it’s so hard to see that path now.
Anyways, I’ve deleted facebook and reddit, and maybe just need to go off my phone for a while. But any advice on perspective taking would also be welcomed.

That sucks dude. These are very scary times we are living in and I think yours is a very normal reaction. Stepping away from the online world is probably a good idea, we're all terminally online screen addicts being exposed to way more #### than our caveman brains can process. I definitely spend too much time doom scrolling and I've had a difficult time with this week's latest round of #### as well.

In my opinion the best thing you can do is take care of yourself and the people around you, and do good in your IRL community. I do a bit of volunteering with street outreach and mutual aid groups and I've been finding a lot of catharsis through that lately. Helping people in need, face to face, is about the only thing that feels right in this crazy world.

[TorqueDog]

My mental health hasn't been this good in a long time (it's been up, waaaaay UP... since getting divorced), but there is something creeping in that I'm concerned about.

My mom visited this weekend with a couple friends, and I took them out to Banff, Lake Louise, and acted as their tour guide. Mom is looking rough, and I don't mean "woke up with a legendary hangover after a three-week bender" rough, I mean she's struggling to get out of chairs, cars, and getting winded / sore during walks around downtown Banff. Yes, that downtown Banff, which -- for the touristy three-blocks we stayed around -- is about as dynamic in its elevation as the Bolivian salt flats. It just kind of punched me in the face -- my mom is really, really old and not exactly doing so well.

She's in her 70s now, BMI is over 35 (and no, she's not a bodybuilder), and I feel like I'm completely powerless to help her get healthier and her longevity is going to suffer. My parents live in Winnipeg and I live here, so I'm not close-by to either lead by example or twist her arm to do something about her situation. She's also developed this really weird and out-of-character resistance to medicine and doctors -- which I somewhat credit my pleasant idiot of a Trump-loving cousin for -- so even just getting her to go talk to a doctor about something to help her weight or her knee (which is exacerbated by her weight) is an uphill battle. My parents' house has stairs, I just worry about how long it is until she can't do them any longer.

I don't know how to impress upon my mom that yes, she has the ability to change her situation, but she needs to take it seriously. It's like everything she taught me growing up, she has abandoned for herself. I have no doubt she could get healthier, she just won't entertain the idea aside from my suggesting she get another dog to take for walks... but then I'm worried the dog won't actually get walked and the fact that they smoke cigarettes in the house borders on animal cruelty, frankly.

Anyone else feel like they've started to become the parent at some point in the lifecycle?

[CliffFletcher]

It’s common to wind up parenting your parents. Life expectancy at 65 in Canada today is 85 for men and 87 for women. Almost all seniors will suffer from diminished capacity before they die. This period may last 15 or 20 years - modern medicine has become really, really good at keeping people alive.

This isn’t something we’re prepared for, culturally. Nobody tells you that right about when your kids are starting to become more independent in their teens, there’s a good chance you’ll need to start devoting more time and energy to caring for parents. And that this phase of life may last as long as child-rearing, but in reverse - your parents become more and more reliant on you, not less.

It helps to talk to friends and colleagues who are going through the same thing. They can offer tips for transitioning parents away from driving, from encouraging them to take medication, getting financial and legal matters in order. It’s also easier if you get along with siblings - issues around health, moving into care homes, inheritance, etc. can tear families apart.

[Sr. Mints]

Oh the parent thing is tough - and you're right, nobody prepares you for the role reversal.

My mom started to get very cranky and stubborn about everything and anything. Confrontational, argumentative, and short. And there's something going on either cognitively or visually: she just walks into everything with alarming regularity. For example she'll just saunter through a grocery store and bump into people and turn without looking--not just your fairly common 'stop and put your Costco card away as soon as you enter the store' lack of spatial awareness, but it's like she can't see people. I wonder if it's some kind of tunnel vision.

I know her hearing has gone downhill big time, too. After about a year of that, and mentioning again and again that she needs to get it investigated, I finally just booked an appointment with an audiologist for her and she went ballistic.

It's incredibly worrying and stressful. And there's this foreboding feeling that blankets and envelops you. What compounds it even more--for me--is that my two brothers are absolutely absent, and always have been.

I really don't have the mental fortitude for this.

[Jiri Hrdina]

I had an interesting discussion with my daughter's therapist last week regarding the use of anti anxiety medication.
My experience was, when I was suffering from anxiety leading to severe insomnia, when I was put on anti anxiety medication I became depressed. Depression has never been an issue for me, but anxiety has.

She explained that meds help to strip away the anxiety part, which is masking the underlying depression. So it exposes the real issue, which often IS depression.

Sounds like it could be valid. However, I'm still left thinking that I would rather be anxious than depressed.

[Monahammer]

-5

- Trusted a nagging feeling I had and uncovered the full nature of my wife's ongoing emotional affair(s) and that "emotional" may not apply to one.
- Older Cat died on the weekend
- 1/2 dogs has been having explosive diarrhea for the last 2 weeks. She's finally getting back to normal and last night the other one had a shart.
- I just shelled out a huge amount of money to go to Disney World as a family in April, against my overall will and personal judgement. Family pressure and wife leaning on it. It's too much money, the kids are still too young to get full enjoyment, and between crazy american politics, guns, airline strike, and a weak dollar I am just stressed to the tits about it.
- Work is pandemonium right now.

I dont feel like I have anyone real to talk to about any of this. I could pay my therapist to listen to me complain I guess.

[TorqueDog]

Given the first and fourth bullet points, do you have the option of refunding the Disney World trip?

A therapist is definitely a good idea if only to help you get your thoughts in order. Then have a beer with a good friend afterwards.

[Cowboy89]

Originally Posted by Monahammer

-5

- Trusted a nagging feeling I had and uncovered the full nature of my wife's ongoing emotional affair(s) and that "emotional" may not apply to one.

- I just shelled out a huge amount of money to go to Disney World as a family in April, against my overall will and personal judgement. Family pressure and wife leaning on it. It's too much money, the kids are still too young to get full enjoyment, and between crazy american politics, guns, airline strike, and a weak dollar I am just stressed to the tits about it.

Same wife who unilaterally decided to quit her job and go back for her masters degree leaving you to solely fund the family's expenses without consulting you?

[dissentowner]

Originally Posted by Monahammer

-5

- Trusted a nagging feeling I had and uncovered the full nature of my wife's ongoing emotional affair(s) and that "emotional" may not apply to one.
- Older Cat died on the weekend
- 1/2 dogs has been having explosive diarrhea for the last 2 weeks. She's finally getting back to normal and last night the other one had a shart.
- I just shelled out a huge amount of money to go to Disney World as a family in April, against my overall will and personal judgement. Family pressure and wife leaning on it. It's too much money, the kids are still too young to get full enjoyment, and between crazy american politics, guns, airline strike, and a weak dollar I am just stressed to the tits about it.
- Work is pandemonium right now.

I dont feel like I have anyone real to talk to about any of this. I could pay my therapist to listen to me complain I guess.

I know we have had our differences on here. I hope your personal life takes a turn for the better. Hang in there

[Locke]

That sucks Monahammer, I wish you the best but...

I'd be looking at options of canceling that Disneyworld trip. I know that'll come with some serious problems of it's own, especially if the kids are super psyched about it, but thats no cakewalk.

I dont know how many kids you have or how old your kids are, but a family thats not on the same page going on a trip to Disneyworld? 7th Circle of Hell man. That '5' rating will drop like a rock.

You and your wife have to be a solid team.

We did a Mexico trip with a kid who was too young and it was rough. We made the best of it but when we got back I got the:

"Why did we even bother?" From my wife.

And what am I supposed to say? "I told you so." ?

While I'm donning my flak jacket and helmet prepping for WWIII because 'thats how the fight started.'

So you grin and bear it and STFU and then what happens? She says:

"Well it was clear you weren't having a good time!!"

Thats a Grenade even Audie Murphy wouldn't jump on for you and a fight even most historical Dictators wouldnt start. *Stalin attempts to casually and stealthily but purposefully leave the room...*

Kobayashi Maru man.

[PepsiFree]

Originally Posted by Monahammer

-5

- Trusted a nagging feeling I had and uncovered the full nature of my wife's ongoing emotional affair(s) and that "emotional" may not apply to one.
- Older Cat died on the weekend
- 1/2 dogs has been having explosive diarrhea for the last 2 weeks. She's finally getting back to normal and last night the other one had a shart.
- I just shelled out a huge amount of money to go to Disney World as a family in April, against my overall will and personal judgement. Family pressure and wife leaning on it. It's too much money, the kids are still too young to get full enjoyment, and between crazy american politics, guns, airline strike, and a weak dollar I am just stressed to the tits about it.
- Work is pandemonium right now.

I dont feel like I have anyone real to talk to about any of this. I could pay my therapist to listen to me complain I guess.

Cancel the Disney trip, man. If your kids aren’t tall enough to ride all the rides it is truly a magical waste of money. We went a bunch as kids and any time we took friends or family that had smaller kids it was just not that fun for them.

Make the therapy appointment, but if you ever feel like you just need to vent for the sake of venting and don’t want to do it in a thread my DMs are open and I’ll listen. We’re all real people here, and I know we can forget sometimes, but we’re also a pretty tight little community of pretty decent people when you strip away the differences.

Reach out any time.

[johnnyrocket03]

Alright, I have been thinking about posting in this thread but I am awful at putting my stuff out there.

I am at a 5 but only because I am lucky enough to have an awesome friend and sister.

Wife of 18 years left me and moved out in May. Still going through the process of selling what I thought was going to be the last home I lived in until my kids (10 and 6) grew up.

Divorce is a very nasty, ugly thing and we disagree on most things so we have a mediator guiding things. Ex-Wife has decided she is going to live her 20's now instead of when she was actually in them and has turned into a total party animal.

I spend most of my weekday evenings alone and isolated in a house that reminds me of the future I no longer am going to have and its a daily struggle to go home. Sometimes I will just drive around aimlessly to avoid it.

Not looking for pity or sympathy, just hoping it feels better to get some of this out there.

[dissentowner]

Originally Posted by johnnyrocket03

Alright, I have been thinking about posting in this thread but I am awful at putting my stuff out there.

I am at a 5 but only because I am lucky enough to have an awesome friend and sister.

Wife of 18 years left me and moved out in May. Still going through the process of selling what I thought was going to be the last home I lived in until my kids (10 and 6) grew up.

Divorce is a very nasty, ugly thing and we disagree on most things so we have a mediator guiding things. Ex-Wife has decided she is going to live her 20's now instead of when she was actually in them and has turned into a total party animal.

I spend most of my weekday evenings alone and isolated in a house that reminds me of the future I no longer am going to have and its a daily struggle to go home. Sometimes I will just drive around aimlessly to avoid it.

Not looking for pity or sympathy, just hoping it feels better to get some of this out there.

Let it out man. That is what this thread is for.

[Jiri Hrdina]

Originally Posted by johnnyrocket03

Alright, I have been thinking about posting in this thread but I am awful at putting my stuff out there.

I am at a 5 but only because I am lucky enough to have an awesome friend and sister.

Wife of 18 years left me and moved out in May. Still going through the process of selling what I thought was going to be the last home I lived in until my kids (10 and 6) grew up.

Divorce is a very nasty, ugly thing and we disagree on most things so we have a mediator guiding things. Ex-Wife has decided she is going to live her 20's now instead of when she was actually in them and has turned into a total party animal.

I spend most of my weekday evenings alone and isolated in a house that reminds me of the future I no longer am going to have and its a daily struggle to go home. Sometimes I will just drive around aimlessly to avoid it.

Not looking for pity or sympathy, just hoping it feels better to get some of this out there.

Sorry to hear that.
I went through a similar thing, when I was divorced, I got the house. So I continued to live in that house and found that it was really impacting my mental health. I eventually moved (ironically sold the house back to my ex), and I found it really helped me. More than I would have thought.

So I would only say, if and when you can, strongly consider getting out of that house.
Create a fresh start, as much as you can.

There's other things that I did. If your sitaution is like mine, I have shared custody, which means suddenly I did have some more "me time".

That is a gift that can help.
For me there are 3 things I did:
- Committed to working out regularly on the days I don't have my daughter
- Became more proactive in reaching out to friends and socializing. This involved reaching out to people I hadn't really seen in years. You have to be comfortable being the one to reach out first. But it's worth it
- I spent more time on a couple hobbies. My photography of ghost towns and abandoned buildings and hockey card collecting.

I had become very isolated in my marriage. I don't blame my ex for that, but it's a dynamic that I think happens to a lot of people. I wasn't socializing, I wasn't exercising, I wasn't spending time on doing things just for me.

Getting back to that stuff helped.

Not entirely. It still sucks sometimes. Divorce is awful.

But it helps.

[DoubleF]

Originally Posted by johnnyrocket03

Alright, I have been thinking about posting in this thread but I am awful at putting my stuff out there.

I am at a 5 but only because I am lucky enough to have an awesome friend and sister.

Wife of 18 years left me and moved out in May. Still going through the process of selling what I thought was going to be the last home I lived in until my kids (10 and 6) grew up.

Divorce is a very nasty, ugly thing and we disagree on most things so we have a mediator guiding things. Ex-Wife has decided she is going to live her 20's now instead of when she was actually in them and has turned into a total party animal.

I spend most of my weekday evenings alone and isolated in a house that reminds me of the future I no longer am going to have and its a daily struggle to go home. Sometimes I will just drive around aimlessly to avoid it.

Not looking for pity or sympathy, just hoping it feels better to get some of this out there.

Nothing wrong with going on drives. The alternative could be far less healthy. Before kids and relationship, I used to do that a lot to explore areas of the city I normally wouldn't explore. Driving around a city at the dead of night is so serene and seems like you're somewhere else altogether. I also liked driving at night because in its own weird way, it is still the same city, but feels like an earlier version that is just waiting for new things to happen in the coming day.

I don't know how much longer you'll be in your house, but I wonder if making a new oasis in it before you make a new one in a new location may help a little. Make it look like no room you've spent time in before. Make it different and sorta reclaim or restart it. Just take one of the other spare rooms and refresh it. Shouldn't take more than a few hundred dollars. Totally different orientation of furniture, different colors (ie: bed covers/pillow cases, temporary blinds/curtains, new blankets/pillows etc.). Even something like new towels, change of certain brands is an inexpensive way to help to break the cycle of seeing basically the same thing every day.

Other mini luxuries could be things like folding hammock and XR glasses to view media from your phone in large format when chillin. The hammock and glasses are also great things to toss in the vehicle and lounge somewhere else outdoors from time to time.

When I'm personally feeling a little bit like I'm in a rut, I do things like this to temporarily take my mind off things and do a mini reset. Wife often finds it weird I've spent a few hours re-organizing/changing the layout of my office/spare bedroom, but for me, it's something that represents changing my approach and preparing to take on upcoming challenges. I also picked up a blanket hoodie on a whim and I use it far more than I expected to in general.

[Erick Estrada]

Originally Posted by Jiri Hrdina

I had an interesting discussion with my daughter's therapist last week regarding the use of anti anxiety medication.
My experience was, when I was suffering from anxiety leading to severe insomnia, when I was put on anti anxiety medication I became depressed. Depression has never been an issue for me, but anxiety has.

She explained that meds help to strip away the anxiety part, which is masking the underlying depression. So it exposes the real issue, which often IS depression.

Sounds like it could be valid. However, I'm still left thinking that I would rather be anxious than depressed.

I've dealt with anxiety issues for my entire life and understand there's a relation between the two but I feel I've been able to differentiate for the most part. I don't feel I ever had any periods of major depression in my adult life until only recently after the failure of my marriage. That depression did trigger anxiety which I largely had under control with medication so clearly intertwined. IMO they both suck and can hold you back in life but depression to me is worse.

[Erick Estrada]

Originally Posted by johnnyrocket03

Alright, I have been thinking about posting in this thread but I am awful at putting my stuff out there.

I am at a 5 but only because I am lucky enough to have an awesome friend and sister.

Wife of 18 years left me and moved out in May. Still going through the process of selling what I thought was going to be the last home I lived in until my kids (10 and 6) grew up.

Divorce is a very nasty, ugly thing and we disagree on most things so we have a mediator guiding things. Ex-Wife has decided she is going to live her 20's now instead of when she was actually in them and has turned into a total party animal.

I spend most of my weekday evenings alone and isolated in a house that reminds me of the future I no longer am going to have and its a daily struggle to go home. Sometimes I will just drive around aimlessly to avoid it.

Not looking for pity or sympathy, just hoping it feels better to get some of this out there.

Johnny I think what you went through is pretty similar to me in that my wife was a goodie-goodie in her teens and 20's (it's what drew me to her) but once she hit mid-40's she had what I consider a midlife crisis where she felt she had to make up for not partying in her teen and early adult life. It was really hard to take watching the person I had been with for three decades do a complete 180 and start to marginalize my role in her life. After she asked for divorce I didn't sleep for about three months and was in the worst period of my life. Slowly things got better and better as the months went by and I've accepted my new path in life and realized that it's not the end of the world. I'm generally (today's political situation drags it down a bit) as happy today as I was pre-marriage problems. Just keep your chin up and live for the present rather than looking back at the past and what you think you lost as you have gained a new beginning with so many new possibilities. I don't consider myself the strongest person mentally because of my lifelong anxiety issues so if I can put my life back together, I think it's something that a lot of people can do.

[johnnyrocket03]

Originally Posted by Erick Estrada

Johnny I think what you went through is pretty similar to me in that my wife was a goodie-goodie in her teens and 20's (it's what drew me to her) but once she hit mid-40's she had what I consider a midlife crisis where she felt she had to make up for not partying in her teen and early adult life. It was really hard to take watching the person I had been with for three decades do a complete 180 and start to marginalize my role in her life. After she asked for divorce I didn't sleep for about three months and was in the worst period of my life. Slowly things got better and better as the months went by and I've accepted my new path in life and realized that it's not the end of the world. I'm generally (today's political situation drags it down a bit) as happy today as I was pre-marriage problems. Just keep your chin up and live for the present rather than looking back at the past and what you think you lost as you have gained a new beginning with so many new possibilities. I don't consider myself the strongest person mentally because of my lifelong anxiety issues so if I can put my life back together, I think it's something that a lot of people can do.

Thank you so much, sure sounds like we are on similar paths. I am glad to hear the road ahead is worth walking towards.