About death, Billy Bob Thornton talking about his little brothers death so listen I to it every few days. I have it on speed dial bookmarked on my phone. Beautiful and devastating and true.
Basically that he’s learned to be ok with never being fully happy again because that’s how he honors him.
Watch out, you might cry at this one because I always do. Thinking of you kel, you chicken wing breathe former air traffic controller.
I cannot figure out how to do direct YouTube links.
About death, Billy Bob Thornton talking about his little brothers death so listen too every few days. I have it on speed dial bookmarked on my phone. Beautiful and devastating and true.
Basically that he’s learned to be ok with never being fully happy again because that’s how he honor him.
Watch out, you might cry at this one because I always do. Thinking of you kel, you chicken wing breathe former air traffic controller.
I cannot figure out how to do direct YouTube links.
My oldest friend passed away. My already struggling mental health is not good.
Keep pushing. Take the sadness and meld it with conviction.
Everyday your here is one they are not. There is such potential for you, one they would want. They never would want you to slow down or give up.
Seriously do something they would be proud of you for. Achieve it and in that moment thank them. Its their indirect gift to you.
That’s all I got. I lost my life friend and little brother to suicide. They taught me so much in losing them. I have struggled for years, but now I see what they would have wanted from me. A strong, kind, adventurous, loving person who can enjoy every moment
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I took one of my vacation weeks this week. Have a meeting with a new counsellor for the first time.l tomorrow. I usually fizzle out of counselling because it screws me up after for so long that it would hard to hold a job doing it regularly. I’ve written my resignation for next Tuesday. This subhuman I work for is a monster to everyone and I am constantly walking younger guys off the ledge. One guy had a jammer.
I have no other job to go to and now won’t even get EI but zero is better than 6 feet under. Also we aren’t paying bills at work and a lot of people mad at me as a rep.
It sounds like you feel loyal (or possibly just trapped) by this company, but it's also likely time to get out of there. If they are unable to pay bills, then it's only a matter of time until they are unable to pay salaries.
It's also always easier to find a job when you are still employed vs. when you've lost your job. I'd start sending out resumes. That alone could make you feel better about your situation.
wierdly in the last few days I had some anxiaty/panic attacks first time in decades, had a couple during my divorce, couldn't really work out why, lifes pretty stable, figured out I am probably spending to much time on X and absorbing all the crazyness, I think I'm stressing out about what the hell world my kids will have to live in and my inability to protect them as I'm into the last stretch of life, my adopted kid is trans and she's great but I am scared for her and there's nothing I can do, the world is just going crazy and the kids are going to have to survive it
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Ahh Fack. I quit last week and it went really bad as I’ve probably mentioned. Have had a rough couple years, both parents dying and dealing with it with it. Seeing mom do assisted suicide I was woefully unprepared for.
Dying a couple times this year for a surgery I’ve been dreading my whole life my mother put a massive fear in me about since I was 3. Breathing machine for close to heart transplant for 6 hours. My appetite has totally changed nd hate food I previously loved. Skinny as ####. Have to provide for these three boat anchors around my neck who don’t seem to give a fata who have a pretty decent life.
Cpunselling is an absolute joke last clown talked about mee needing to take vitamins and supplements the whole time. Are you kidding? Vitamin b+ is not enough to deal with the crap in this head. Can I journal more? Are you a clown?
Fataing molested as a 10 yr pretty heartily that is start to rear its head. Guess you can’t ignore that for 40 years plus. That seems to be the limit. If you joke about it, it didn’t happen is my rule. Being a people pleaser is the worat curse you can bestow on someone.
I’ll probably delete this in regret soon so best read it. I welcome some humour at my expense.
Last edited by fotze2; 09-08-2025 at 10:28 PM.
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Ahh Fack. I quit last week and it went really bad as I’ve probably mentioned. Have had a rough couple years, both parents dying and dealing with it with it. Seeing mom do assisted suicide I was woefully unprepared for.
Dying a couple times this year for a surgery I’ve been dreading my whole life my mother put a massive fear in me about since I was 3. Breathing machine for close to heart transplant for 6 hours. My appetite has totally changed nd hate food I previously loved. Skinny as ####. Have to provide for these three boat anchors around my neck who don’t seem to give a fata who have a pretty decent life.
Cpunselling is an absolute joke last clown talked about mee needing to take vitamins and supplements the whole time. Are you kidding? Vitamin b+ is not enough to deal with the crap in this head. Can I journal more? Are you a clown?
Fataing molested as a 10 yr pretty heartily that is start to rear its head. Guess you can’t ignore that for 40 years plus. That seems to be the limit. If you joke about it, it didn’t happen is my rule. Being a people pleaser is the worat curse you can bestow on someone.
I’ll probably delete this in regret soon so best read it. I welcome some humour at my expense.
Wish you the best man. Call me this week.
__________________ The Beatings Shall Continue Until Morale Improves!
This Post Has Been Distilled for the Eradication of Seemingly Incurable Sadness.
The World Ends when you're dead. Until then, you've got more punishment in store. - Flames Fans
If you thought this season would have a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.
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I've read some of your posts about your ####ty job and I am in the same boat. So you are at least not alone in that regard, but you had the balls to quit. I'm still a coward. Complete leadership change in my company and restructure and things are awful but I am too scared to quit. I too have boat anchors and a mortgage.
I've read some of your posts about your ####ty job and I am in the same boat. So you are at least not alone in that regard, but you had the balls to quit. I'm still a coward. Complete leadership change in my company and restructure and things are awful but I am too scared to quit. I too have boat anchors and a mortgage.
The mortgage is definitely a thing. I totally understand that feeling. I’m long from having one but if you have that personality of owing sucks and imprisoning. No what the good is when you finally pay it off? You feel good for less than one day and then replace that worry tout suite with another. Was totally expecting this huge weight off my shoulders but god is like “nope, go fata yourself, here’s another wrench to worry about”.
I just hate the energy I feel when I genuinely hate someone, it’s a failure on my part but I can’t live with it so I had to get out. The arrogance was out of control. It’s not cowardly to not quit, it’s quite the opposite.
I feel you on the counselling thing. It's not silver bullet and you have to find the right one. I went through several before I found one that was able to help, including a guy who insisted I had a gambling problem that I was hiding (I don't gamble at all).
This is probably horrible advice but I also felt at times that it was making things worse. I was in my head too much, and had too many people telling me what I should do. And that was leading to my crippling insomnia. I finally stripped things down to just focus on my sessions with my sleep doctor.
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I feel you on the counselling thing. It's not silver bullet and you have to find the right one. I went through several before I found one that was able to help, including a guy who insisted I had a gambling problem that I was hiding (I don't gamble at all).
This is probably horrible advice but I also felt at times that it was making things worse. I was in my head too much, and had too many people telling me what I should do. And that was leading to my crippling insomnia. I finally stripped things down to just focus on my sessions with my sleep doctor.
I dont know why that made me laugh but it reminded me of:
__________________ The Beatings Shall Continue Until Morale Improves!
This Post Has Been Distilled for the Eradication of Seemingly Incurable Sadness.
The World Ends when you're dead. Until then, you've got more punishment in store. - Flames Fans
If you thought this season would have a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.
The world is a ####ing prison and we are all pretending it’s normal
We're all trapped in this massive prison called "society" and everyone's acting like it's perfectly fine. Nobody asked to be born into this bull####, yet here we are, forced to play by rules we never agreed to.
Think about it - we HAVE to work to simply exist. We have to pay taxes on money we earned by selling our time. We can't even act how we truly want without being labeled as "mentally ill" or "unstable." Want to opt out? Oh, you must be "depressed." Need "help." #### that.
The real insanity is how everyone just accepts this. School trains you to be a good little worker. Family pressures you to "fit in." Jobs demand you to conform to their culture. Every single institution is designed to keep us in line, to make us predictable, to strip away any real individuality.
You know who the only truly free people are? The "crazy" ones on the street who've completely checked out of this system, and the dead. Dark but true. Everyone else is just playing pretend, convincing themselves they're "free" while living in chains they chose to ignore.
I can't even feel normal emotions anymore - or maybe I feel everything too intensely because I see through all this bull####. It's like being both numb and hypersensitive to how ####ed up everything is.
There's no real freedom as long as we exist in this world. We're all just prisoners pretending we're not in a cage. The only choices we have are the ones our captors allow us to make.
I feel you on the counselling thing. It's not silver bullet and you have to find the right one. I went through several before I found one that was able to help, including a guy who insisted I had a gambling problem that I was hiding (I don't gamble at all).
This is probably horrible advice but I also felt at times that it was making things worse. I was in my head too much, and had too many people telling me what I should do. And that was leading to my crippling insomnia. I finally stripped things down to just focus on my sessions with my sleep doctor.
The ones are even partially good definitely made things worse. I can’t go back and work for hours after that, it took too many living and sleeping hours after. Not even convinced it’s good for everyone, even with the top person on earth. You can’t yoga your way out things that are.
The ones are even partially good definitely made things worse. I can’t go back and work for hours after that, it took too many living and sleeping hours after. Not even convinced it’s good for everyone, even with the top person on earth. You can’t yoga your way out things that are.
Maybe try becoming a gambling addict. Either you're good at it and it helps alleviate the financial worries or you're bad at it and you have something you can discuss with a therapist.
I just saw a woman sitting on the overpass at 96th ave and Stoney trail, legs dangling to the traffic below and her torso hunched over the metal rail. I’m really hoping I don’t read about her on the news today.
