Rate your current mental health level out of 10

[Scroopy Noopers]

Originally Posted by malcolmk14

I used to leave a little notebook and pen beside the bed. If something like this happened where I just couldn’t stop ruminating I would pull it out and write down everything I wanted to write down about the situation so I could come back to it in the morning. And that was the mindset, I’m writing this down to deal with in the morning. What I wanted to say, do, etc., I think that helped clear everything up and allows your brain the space it needs to then fall asleep. It’s down on paper and at the moment that’s all you can do.

Someone mentioned a technique to me once that I have started doing (along with writing things out). I thank my brain for my ridiculous/anxious/exaggerated thought and tell myself “thanks for the thought, but that isn’t helpful right now”. Or “fearing that scenario isn’t helpful right now because it doesn’t even exist”. Basically trying to go with the flow of my thoughts instead of trying to stop them and getting frustrated that I can’t turn them off. Sounds sort of silly but it’s actually helping me.

[fotze2]

Originally Posted by malcolmk14

I used to leave a little notebook and pen beside the bed. If something like this happened where I just couldn’t stop ruminating I would pull it out and write down everything I wanted to write down about the situation so I could come back to it in the morning. And that was the mindset, I’m writing this down to deal with in the morning. What I wanted to say, do, etc., I think that helped clear everything up and allows your brain the space it needs to then fall asleep. It’s down on paper and at the moment that’s all you can do.

I've tried that, brain just says you ain't tricking me muthafataer. I did put on a podcast interviewing Scott Saxberg and that was sufficiently boring enough to nod me off.

[Erick Estrada]

Originally Posted by troutman

Recent studies show that the happiest group of people is single women

4 Reasons Why Single Women Are The Happiest People On Earth—By A Psychologist
https://www.forbes.com/sites/travers...-psychologist/

That may explain a little about why men far outnumber women at dating apps. As a person that's recently got their feet wet in the world of online dating I can see why so many single people are miserable as I'm not exactly sure this type of socialization is healthy as you are jumping from person to person recycling a lot of the same conversations and a large majority of them go nowhere. I think I'm doing pretty good at it getting a lot of coffee dates but nothing so far has stuck. I actually feel quick hookups and flings are as easy now as ever but I've just not found that person that I can envision waking up to everyday. I also understand that I haven't been at it long enough and that it can take a while but at the same time I'm starting to find it exhausting carrying 15 conversations all the time as everytime I pare things down or things run their course, a few more interesting ladies pop up lol. If I don't find anything by the end of summer, I'm probably going to have to take a break as I'm starting to think I may be happier single than having to participate in this meat market long term which goes back to why ladies are maybe realizing being single is better than having to put up with today's dating. I'm starting to realize being single isn't the end of the world.

[photon]

The dating challenges posts are helpful to combat the mid-life-crisis-grass-is-greener-elsewhere thoughts that keep popping up.

[bluejays]

An update on my situation from November. I eventually went on short term leave for a few months, started taking anti-anxiety medication which worked for me, while going to the gym daily. Then went back to work, got less gym in because of life, and was recently let go with a package (yet to be negotiated). Weirdly they blocked me from getting internal jobs only to eventually let me go. It's a blessing in disguise in many ways. I'm studying for a designation, looking to go to Asia for a couple months starting hopefully next month, and will start applying for positions in the fall again. The job market is pretty bad from what I hear but it beats being in a bad work situation. It was a good company to work for for the most part but the situation the last year mentally wreaked me. Looking forward to new beginnings in the next few months ahead, but first some taking it easy.

[fotze2]

So I got written up at work first time ever a negative thing.

One was for swearing too much and the other for leaving my computer unattended. Out of the blue. Bizarre but ok. Hit to barely existing prior ego. Obviously constructively setting up for dismissal. My boss is the biggest piece of crap human on the planet bully, so this is probably for the best.

Had lunch with a former boss mentor who has been through similar. Just said “do not make it easy for them”. Had a coffee with a resident CP lawyer after who advised much the same. Just have to bite my tongue and gut it out.

Spent the day phoning and polling every single one of my colleagues and apologized if I swore and was unprofessional.

Every single one laughed in my face. Two made me cry. A guy who just started a month or so back in a high level could not believe that and said I amd easily the most liked person in the company. Another said I am the perfect engineer. I started crying.

This is new territory for me. The CEO in New York even phoned me to walk me off the ledge.

Kill me. This sucks so hard but working for this guy is not sustainable. He totally bullied me back to returning from surgery way too soon but I agreed.

I wanna quit so bad and severance won’t amount to anything anyway.

[bluejays]

Originally Posted by fotze2

So I got written up at work first time ever a negative thing.

One was for swearing too much and the other for leaving my computer unattended. Out of the blue. Bizarre but ok. Hit to barely existing prior ego. Obviously constructively setting up for dismissal. My boss is the biggest piece of crap human on the planet bully, so this is probably for the best.

Had lunch with a former boss mentor who has been through similar. Just said “do not make it easy for them”. Had a coffee with a resident CP lawyer after who advised much the same. Just have to bite my tongue and gut it out.

Spent the day phoning and polling every single one of my colleagues and apologized if I swore and was unprofessional.

Every single one laughed in my face. Two made me cry. A guy who just started a month or so back in a high level could not believe that and said I amd easily the most liked person in the company. Another said I am the perfect engineer. I started crying.

This is new territory for me. The CEO in New York even phoned me to walk me off the ledge.

Kill me. This sucks so hard but working for this guy is not sustainable. He totally bullied me back to returning from surgery way too soon but I agreed.

I wanna quit so bad and severance won’t amount to anything anyway.

Honestly, this past year I was in the same boat in many ways. I held on for the package which is still under discussion. If you don't have much tenure, apply elsewhere. Someone at my workplace when I informed them of my situation was more to cover my butt by putting things in writing and even putting the anxiety in writing. I learned HR is there to cover the company's butt in case of a lawsuit, so they'll do anything possible to alert management and legal to make sure that doesn't happen. But at least it buys you time and a paper trail. I totally feel for you. It can and will kill your self confidence when they nitpick and say you're doing x and y wrong. Every insecurity you have when it comes to imposter syndrome will be exasperated. It sucks but this is what they'll do. Do work to rule where you do your 9-5, then spend an hour a day looking outside. It's not worth your mental health to be put through the nonsense. Another thing - I probably told 50 people at work about my situation and literally 3 people helped me by looking out for other positions, which didn't end up anywhere. My lawyer said not to talk to anyone about your situation. Just talk to friends outside work. Within the workplace people are friendly enough but if you talk badly about your boss or company it can be seen as insubordination which can be with cause, so best not give anyone ammo. Just talk to friends, to the bare minimum and move out. Screw a company who can't invest in good people.

[Deegee]

Originally Posted by Johnny199r

Has anyone come to the realization that they’re going to be single forever and it’s either accept it and live your life or check out? I got out of a long term relationship 2 years ago, after being optimistic, I’ve come to the realization my current position isn’t going to change, despite trying anything anyone can think of or recommend to socialize.

Meeting someone in your 20s or 30s wasn’t difficult for me but once you turn 40, I don’t understand how anyone does it. Joining co-ed sports teams, exercise classes, trying online dating etc, none of it makes a difference. Organically meeting women though work is also now seemingly impossible (they’re either in their 20s or have a husband and kids and there is absolutely no in between). The dating pool is now non existent.

I'm 42 and two time divorced. My son has moved out, and I live alone in a #### hole city with no friends. I can't really afford to move for 5 years until I am done with support payments.

I've dated here or there and the longest I can seem to last is 90 days before I get told "I'm not ready for a relationship", or in other words I'm not good enough. Every dating cycle is the same.

I basically go through the motions in life at this point. I feel like I have nothing to live for. I know some people are comfortable living single for their entire life, but I'm pretty lonely.

Would rate myself a 3 or 4.

[WideReceiver]

I’m normally a 9.5 as we have a great life - great adult children, good health, financial freedom, lots of great friends…but the crap in the U.S. and the world is stressful. I think we may be headed for an all-out war on a much wider scale. I think constantly about that. I’m probably a 4 now.

[Winsor_Pilates]

Originally Posted by troutman

Recent studies show that the happiest group of people is single women

4 Reasons Why Single Women Are The Happiest People On Earth—By A Psychologist
https://www.forbes.com/sites/travers...-psychologist/

Title says "happiest on earth" but then goes to compare just single women vs single men on every point.

So are single women happier than women/men in relationships?
I have heard lots of discussions that they are not and the title seems off.
Single women are happier than single men makes sense though.

[troutman]

Originally Posted by fotze2

So I got written up at work first time ever a negative thing.

One was for swearing too much and the other for leaving my computer unattended. Out of the blue. Bizarre but ok. Hit to barely existing prior ego. Obviously constructively setting up for dismissal. My boss is the biggest piece of crap human on the planet bully, so this is probably for the best.

Had lunch with a former boss mentor who has been through similar. Just said “do not make it easy for them”. Had a coffee with a resident CP lawyer after who advised much the same. Just have to bite my tongue and gut it out.

Spent the day phoning and polling every single one of my colleagues and apologized if I swore and was unprofessional.

Every single one laughed in my face. Two made me cry. A guy who just started a month or so back in a high level could not believe that and said I amd easily the most liked person in the company. Another said I am the perfect engineer. I started crying.

This is new territory for me. The CEO in New York even phoned me to walk me off the ledge.

Kill me. This sucks so hard but working for this guy is not sustainable. He totally bullied me back to returning from surgery way too soon but I agreed.

I wanna quit so bad and severance won’t amount to anything anyway.

I left two offices with toxic partners. I’m much happier as a bartender. Law was stressful at the best of times, but to be stuck with sociopaths pushed me over the edge. Now I’m happier than ever.

[troutman]

Originally Posted by Winsor_Pilates

Title says "happiest on earth" but then goes to compare just single women vs single men on every point.

So are single women happier than women/men in relationships?
I have heard lots of discussions that they are not and the title seems off.
Single women are happier than single men makes sense though.

Sorry, there are other articles I read that showed single women were happiest, and married men second. Not settled for sure, on further reading, but I am noticing this anecdotally. Some women on dating apps over 50 expressly say they do not want to get married or live with someone again. Many women after menopause experience decreased libidos. Many men snore outrageously loud.

Is It True That Single Women and Married Men Do Best?
Sex differences in marriage and single life: Still debating after 50 years.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/b...ed-men-do-best

there have been thousands, if not tens of thousands, of studies on marriage. To know definitively what the research really says about sex differences, we would need to see a meta-analysis—a review that statistically combines the results of every relevant study that has ever been conducted. There is no such up-to-date review, and even if there was, it would have problems, because many of the studies are deeply flawed.

Who is more likely to walk away from a marriage? Women. They initiated about 62 percent of divorces in the U.S. in 1867 [typo? 1967?] and that number is now closer to 70 percent.

Once a marriage ends, for whatever reason, women are much less likely than men to try it again. Rates of remarriage are almost twice as high for men as for women.

We don’t know for sure why women sometimes do better when they live alone. One possibility is that by living alone instead of with a husband and children, women are liberated from traditional roles and expectations. They are no longer the short-order cook, the cleaner, and the laundress for a family. They are freed of the emotional work of shoring up egos and soothing bruised feelings. They don’t have to account to someone else for the money they spend. They also learn how to do the kinds of things that husbands traditionally did—or they find someone else to hire or help.

Marriage makes men happier than women

https://www.yahoo.com/video/expert-s...092140705.html

https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/.../111413515.cms

https://www.her-career.com/en/husban...-single-women/

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by troutman

I left two offices with toxic partners. I’m much happier as a bartender. Law was stressful at the best of times, but to be stuck with sociopaths pushed me over the edge. Now I’m happier than ever.

Wow, man, that's awesome to hear. I didn't know you weren't lawyering out in BC.

Do you follow along with the FIRE (financially independent retire early) community? What you're doing sounds like 'barista retire' where you make enough to limit draw on savings while keeping busy and social, but with a low-stress job. That's really cool...it seems like it's hard for people to pull the trigger on doing that even when they can.

[troutman]

Originally Posted by Sliver

Wow, man, that's awesome to hear. I didn't know you weren't lawyering out in BC.

Do you follow along with the FIRE (financially independent retire early) community? What you're doing sounds like 'barista retire' where you make enough to limit draw on savings while keeping busy and social, but with a low-stress job. That's really cool...it seems like it's hard for people to pull the trigger on doing that even when they can.

In Coleman, close to BC.

I didn’t hear about FIRE before, but that exactly describes what I’ve done. It worked for me because my children left the nest, and I could take my big city equity, pay my debt, and buy a small town home with cash. Not touching my RRSPs.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by troutman

In Coleman, close to BC.

I didn’t hear about FIRE before, but that exactly describes what I’ve done. It worked for me because my children left the nest, and I could take my big city equity, pay my debt, and buy a small town home with cash. Not touching my RRSPs.

Oh, sorry. Coleman. I thought BC.

If you ever feel second thoughts or wake up sweating with a, 'wtf did I do?' feeling, definitely read some FIRE stuff. r/fire is a good one, but leans in the direction of people working toward FIRE, but there are still a ton of people sharing their FIRE experience. You'll have some unique perspectives and challenges that could be hard to discuss with some of your friends because it's hard to complain about your "easy life" (in quotes because nobody's life is easy and no matter what you do, you're always stuck in your own head) to people still in the rat race.

I imagine that subreddit will have links to communities more dedicated to the people have actually done what you're doing versus some of the more aspirational posts of people just starting their journey.

That's not to say you need a community if you're happy, comfortable and confident in your choice. FWIW, I love what you're doing and as somebody who has been reading various FIRE experiences over the last several years as I work toward the same goal, you are absolutely nailing the key things to ensure success with this lifestyle. From moving to a slower-pace LCOL area, to keeping yourself busy and earning (humans seems to need to be productive or they get all fkd up and depressed), and then being able to socialize due to your job...it really ticks all the boxes.

I guess this isn't the thread for this, but it sure would be interesting to hear how your journey has gone and mistakes people should avoid making if they plan to do the same. Maybe in the retirement thread if you ever feel like pecking out your story?

Great job...happy for you.

[fotze2]

Originally Posted by troutman

I left two offices with toxic partners. I’m much happier as a bartender. Law was stressful at the best of times, but to be stuck with sociopaths pushed me over the edge. Now I’m happier than ever.

I have expensive humans in my life. Would love to rent boogie boards in Maui.

[fotze2]

Is there any spreadsheets fire related as a calculator? My kids educations are largely pre paid. Just not sure if I have enough money.

[Bonded]

Originally Posted by fotze2

Is there any spreadsheets fire related as a calculator? My kids educations are largely pre paid. Just not sure if I have enough money.

https://www.firecalc.com/

If work my job until I’m 40 then on paper I’ll be able to leanfire. It will be nice to get to the point where I can just say #### it if I want to quit.

[Mr.Coffee]

Originally Posted by fotze2

I have expensive humans in my life. Would love to rent boogie boards in Maui.

Feel for you man. Not an easy industry to be in when you and the boss aren’t getting along and so ####ty to go to work in those circumstances.

What about quitting and then trying to consult? When I did that I found it easier than I expected to get new clients. Gotta line up kinda one key one though before you quit… one that can keep you at least 60% time.

Work whenever you want. All your work is focused on work generally and not the other nonsense that being an employee comes with. Taxes are (much) less… get a little more control of your own work situation. I liked it personally.