Rate your current mental health level out of 10

[Locke]

Okay. We're all on the same Sports Forum but I think this needs to be said.

"Be okay being alone."

Be happy with yourself. Learn it.

I say this as someone who, in my youth, worked a LOT, which meant that I had some money.

I went on a lot of trips all by myself.

You have to be happy being alone. Because at the end of day...we're alone.

And you know what being alone does? It teaches you how to not be alone and communicate with other people.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by BigBrodieFan

I was at my very lowest in 2015. I was married to a person who was gone to work overseas all of the time, and we had a horribly tumultuous relationship prior to that.

I decided to file for divorce and I started exercising trying to get back to the same weight and tone I was in my teens/early 20s. It took me til the end of 2016 until I realized my body will never be the same as it was back then. And, I remember the day my divorce was final, I was elated and sort of back to being myself

However, I feel like depression has been zoning in lately. I find the aging process extremely depressing, especially when people I love start dying. I feel like people sort of gain family and friends and jobs until they are in their 40s, and people start losing family and friends after 50 and I seem to be hyper focused on that lately. I have to find a way to cope with it. I have been reading a lot of books lately that attempt to explain why I feel this way but none of them have quite nailed it.

The longer we live, the more death we'll see around us. That's a burden of getting older, losing those around us. I'm 66 years old and have buried both of my parents and have also lost a number of relatives and friends also. It creates a huge gap in your life as you struggle to come to grips with what is happening around you. Yes it does suck but that's the sad reality of life.

Make peace with what is happening in your life. Focus on the people you still have in your life and don't take them for granted. Cherish the moments you get to spend with them.

Another thing you can do is to try and practice mindfulness. Learn to focus and live in the present moment. Yes it's hard as we all tend to live in the past or the future and that in itself can cause depression and worries. You won't get caught up in the what if's and maybe's. You also become more in tuned with what's happening around you. You can spot the negative feelings you have much earlier and be able to choose whow to deal with them before it over takes you.

Hope that helps

[CliffFletcher]

Originally Posted by Locke

Okay. We're all on the same Sports Forum but I think this needs to be said.

"Be okay being alone."

Be happy with yourself. Learn it.

I say this as someone who, in my youth, worked a LOT, which meant that I had some money.

I went on a lot of trips all by myself.

You have to be happy being alone. Because at the end of day...we're alone.

And you know what being alone does? It teaches you how to not be alone and communicate with other people.

Sure, learn to be okay doing stuff alone. Like going on a trip. Or to a movie or dinner.

But that’s different from being alone, which is what a lot of people in his thread are talking about.

Most people become very unhappy when they’re socially isolated. They get sick, mentally and physically. Even during the peak of the pandemic, public health experts implored people to stay connected to their loved ones. They never banned visits to care homes. That’s how deadly isolation is.

Social circles are shrinking. Bonds are weakening. More and more people have no close friends - especially men as they approach middle age. It’s a social catastrophe - the U.S. surgeon general says loneliness has become a worse public health problem than obesity. The comments in this thread are a symptom of that problem.

[photon]

Originally Posted by Locke

I went on a lot of trips all by myself.

I did this for the first time in who knows how long early in September. It was really great (other than I got COVID). While I found myself missing my family or just wishing I had someone to share a great experience with a bit, but mostly I had a great time.

Was fun to just decide what I wanted to do and go do it... see stuff I know only I would want to see, etc.

Then last week I went to Hawaii with my family and my parents and also had fun. Never been that far away before. Did a LOT of walking, far more than I'd even be able to dream of a year ago. Saw the sunrise from the top of a volcano. Tried snorkeling a few times and even saw some giant turtles while doing it! Verified I can fly extended amounts without my vertigo being much of an issue so that's a green light for Europe or Japan or whatever.

I've never been a big traveler but being able to get around so much easier really does make travel possible and enjoyable, and for me anyway the trips really did have a positive impact on my mental health. I may start traveling more.

My parents are in their 70's.. healthy but time doesn't stop. Extended family same thing, everyone is getting to that age.. I guess I'm glad I've been able to improve my mental health recently to help prepare for what will eventually come and hopefully weather that storm better.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by CliffFletcher

Sure, learn to be okay doing stuff alone. Like going on a trip. Or to a movie. Or dinner.

But that’s different from being alone, which is what a lot of people in his thread are talking about.

Most people get very unhappy when they’re socially isolated. They get sick, mentally and physically. Even during the peak of the pandemic, public health experts implored people to stay connected to their loved ones. They never banned visits to care homes. That’s how deadly isolation is.

Social circles are shrinking. Bonds are weakening. More and more people have no close friends - especially men as they approach middle age. It’s a social catastrophe - the U.S. surgeon general says loneliness has become a worse public health problem than obesity. The comments in this thread are a symptom of that problem.

I understand.

I think 'Work from Home' is one of the worst things to happen to our society.

Sure, its great for people who are already established and/or at the end of their careers but in my opinion is does a number of critical things.

1. We stop interacting with others. Be it gender/race/religion and as such some people stop 'humanizing' their fellow humans. They become 'them.' Unimportant

I do not hold to that.

2. We are de-socializing. I know it sucks and we all hate it, but work is important. Its where we spend a great deal of our time and meet a lot of people.

And it sucks. But hey...life sucks. Then you die. And you'll suffer along the way. Thats the deal.

Hell. Read the Bible. The whole thing is miserable.

[troutman]

Originally Posted by Erick Estrada

I assume I'm not the only person that typically gets more depressed in the fall? It's been a problem for me ever since I was a kid I would start feeling bummed out by late August and it's stuck with me as an adult. It's even worse now due to the last year which has been the most difficult of my life. My wife and I did everything together for 30 years and I never really developed a lot of friendships outside of my highschool buddies so now I kind of feel a little lonely and alone. Also I'm not sure I'm cut out for online dating as it's the same repeatable conversations and trying to sell yourself to a total stranger that may or may not be honest about themselves. Blah!

I have felt SAD (seasonal affective disorder) before. Now I remind myself to look at the stars every night.

[flamesfever]

To add, I think a person should spend at least a small time outside each day, taking a deep breath and smelling the fresh air.

I read where the thing at the top of the list that contributes to longevity is the number or people you communicate with each day.

Activities like volunteering can do much in helping to meet nice people.

Our community just started having coffee meetings once a week, and I'm hoping it catches on, as there are probably many retired people who may benefit by it.

[Paulie Walnuts]

Cliff and Locke to a certain extent pretty much nailed it.

I never worked from home before until a few years after the pandemic. Right now I am in a hybrid environment, and I realized between April and May I didn't go in once and it was wearing on me. June and July I went in a bit more and you noticed a difference. August/September I never went in once again and yesterday I was like F it to go in and was excited and my computer crapped out on me.

When you work in a office setting, you are out of the house interacting with people. My previous job was a lot better because I would always be talking and stuff with people, the new office is a weird set up, but you still get the interactions.

The biggest drawback to going in more often is the distance and cost of gas. I think that has played a part in things as well, and a lot of people just don't want to do much anymore. Our roads are jampacked with awful drivers, and it just takes longer to get to places.

When you go into work you are out of the house, feels like you are doing something even if its work. When you WFH you are basically home 24/7 and living like a hermit almost.

The pandemic and all the isolation is going to have a massive impact on people, especially gen z and millennials. It already is, I find a lot less people want to do things now. When you do finally do things, while you enjoy the moments things just don't feel the same like it did before covid. I was listening to a podcast and someone posted that question. Like we still go out an do things, but the feeling just isn't the same. I felt like that going to the gym.

I used to text just to ask questions, quick chat here and there and when you meet up you have conversations etc. Now its the complete opposite, all conversation are through texting, hardly doing stuff, and keeping a conversation going through text is hard especially if you had kids and stuff happening it just dies off.

Doing the right thing during covid always felt great, but if you are not feeling the long lasting physical impact of being sick, you are probably struggling with the mental aspect after all that isolating, etc.

And yeah the weather change always sucks pre and post covid lol.

[BigBrodieFan]

I have worked from home since 2006, and it has never bothered me. The problem I have is the weather in Houston. It's SO hot here. From about the end of April until the end of October it's intolerable for me, especially in the summer and during hurricane season. This past hurricane that went directly over us, Beryl, just about did me in with no power for 10 days in the blistering swamp like humidity. It was so gross.

Being 'in the house' or 'in a building' all the time is just depressing. I am sure y'all have that in winter, but it's opposite here.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by BigBrodieFan

I have worked from home since 2006, and it has never bothered me. The problem I have is the weather in Houston. It's SO hot here. From about the end of April until the end of October it's intolerable for me, especially in the summer and during hurricane season. This past hurricane that went directly over us, Beryl, just about did me in with no power for 10 days in the blistering swamp like humidity. It was so gross.

Being 'in the house' or 'in a building' all the time is just depressing. I am sure y'all have that in winter, but it's opposite here.

I just keep reminding people...I have no idea how old you are, but you sound established.

What about young people? Just breaking into the job market. Dont have their own home, their own family yet...its very isolating and we have to be cognizant that that isolation comes with consequences.

[Paulie Walnuts]

Originally Posted by Locke

I just keep reminding people...I have no idea how old you are, but you sound established.

What about young people? Just breaking into the job market. Dont have their own home, their own family yet...its very isolating and we have to be cognizant that that isolation comes with consequences.

My mom is established is loves going into work, she loves interacting with co-workers and the clients.

WFH has it's advantages. Eating lunch at your desk, and leaving your desk at lunch to go for a walk or go grab groceries, laundry etc.

Being holed up all day everyday is difficult.

But my rant wasn't just aimed at WFH. Just the whole change in society. Dr's doing appointments over the phone or virtual calls. Like I do need to come in physically sometimes that face to face interaction and privacy is important.

I could never imagine Tony Soprano doing a teams call with his therapist.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by Paulie Walnuts

My mom is established is loves going into work, she loves interacting with co-workers and the clients.

WFH has it's advantages. Eating lunch at your desk, and leaving your desk at lunch to go for a walk or go grab groceries, laundry etc.

Being holed up all day everyday is difficult.

But my rant wasn't just aimed at WFH. Just the whole change in society. Dr's doing appointments over the phone or virtual calls. Like I do need to come in physically sometimes that face to face interaction and privacy is important.

I could never imagine Tony Soprano doing a teams call with his therapist.

My intern right now? He's in my office more than I am! He just NEEDS to get out and finds the office therapeutic.

Granted my office has a nice blend of busy and private. And the funny thing is, he is very introverted. He's trying to learn to talk and deal with people from me! ME!

Can you imagine?

"Dude...you cant talk to people the way I talk to people. For some reason people seem to like me...but...you might get punched in the face."

That being said though, he mentions that its so good for his mental health. And I agree. You've got to get out of your house.

This isnt an indictment of WFH. If you WFH and...play sports, hit the gym, hell even go to the Bar! We still need social interaction.

[BigBrodieFan]

Originally Posted by Locke

I just keep reminding people...I have no idea how old you are, but you sound established.

What about young people? Just breaking into the job market. Dont have their own home, their own family yet...its very isolating and we have to be cognizant that that isolation comes with consequences.

Oh, I totally agree with you. Both my boys are in their 20s and they've only ever worked from home. In College they took online classes a lot. They are missing out on so much by this isolation.

The world used to be a great big place for us to go explore, and now we are trapped by our jobs, our phones, a camera on every street corner and in everyone's hands, etc etc. I went to the store the other day without my phone and I was in a four alarm panic. What if I had a flat tire? What if someone was trying to reach me? What did we ever do before them?? Oh, and THANK GOD they just started becoming a thing when I was in University or I guarantee you I would probably be in jail. I don't know how kids do it.

[blankall]

Originally Posted by Locke

My intern right now? He's in my office more than I am! He just NEEDS to get out and finds the office therapeutic.

Granted my office has a nice blend of busy and private. And the funny thing is, he is very introverted. He's trying to learn to talk and deal with people from me! ME!

Can you imagine?

"Dude...you cant talk to people the way I talk to people. For some reason people seem to like me...but...you might get punched in the face."

That being said though, he mentions that its so good for his mental health. And I agree. You've got to get out of your house.

This isnt an indictment of WFH. If you WFH and...play sports, hit the gym, hell even go to the Bar! We still need social interaction.

Although alcohol and alcohol culture has it's clear dangers, I do think the bar/pub plays a pretty vital role in our society. The bar was my main outlet for getting out of my shell and talking to people when I was young. Young adults are mostly drinking at home alone or in small groups or not at all. Bars are also very expensive these days, and young people have more options for finding dates.

Mental health issues, as a whole, appear to be on the rise in young people too (may or may not be related to changes in alcohol use). There's obviously no way to know this, but it would be very interesting to know if young people are actually suffering from more mental health issues or if they've just been diagnosed with more issues, because health care surrounding the issue was previously worse.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by blankall

Although alcohol and alcohol culture has it's clear dangers, I do think the bar/pub plays a pretty vital role in our society. The bar was my main outlet for getting out of my shell and talking to people when I was young. Young adults are mostly drinking at home alone or in small groups or not at all. Bars are also very expensive these days, and young people have more options for finding dates.

Mental health issues, as a whole, appear to be on the rise in young people too (may or may not be related to changes in alcohol use). There's obviously no way to know this, but it would be very interesting to know if young people are actually suffering from more mental health issues or if they've just been diagnosed with more issues, because health care surrounding the issue was previously worse.

Again, I really relate this to isolationism.

I'm not going to get in alcoholism, but...people need to socialize. Get out there and remember that these people of other ethnicities are still people too and worthy of respect!

And you're right, bars are a big part of that. Its (relatively) inexpensive and fairly easy.

Meet people.

[photon]

Originally Posted by Locke

What about young people? Just breaking into the job market.

I think this point is the first point I've ever considered where a company having return to work or enforcing their hybrid policy makes some sense.

Not from a job training point of view but learning how to work, how to interact with a team, etc.

I still think it should be on a team by team basis rather than a company wide mandate to justify their real estate investment of the offices but that's a fair point.

And I can definitely appreciate people going into the office to get some socialization being important to them.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by blankall

Although alcohol and alcohol culture has it's clear dangers, I do think the bar/pub plays a pretty vital role in our society. The bar was my main outlet for getting out of my shell and talking to people when I was young. Young adults are mostly drinking at home alone or in small groups or not at all. Bars are also very expensive these days, and young people have more options for finding dates.

Mental health issues, as a whole, appear to be on the rise in young people too (may or may not be related to changes in alcohol use). There's obviously no way to know this, but it would be very interesting to know if young people are actually suffering from more mental health issues or if they've just been diagnosed with more issues, because health care surrounding the issue was previously worse.

Drinking at the bar was always expensive if you didn't have money. I would sneak in flasks and just order non-stop pop.

[CliffFletcher]

Originally Posted by Sliver

Drinking at the bar was always expensive if you didn't have money. I would sneak in flasks and just order non-stop pop.

Depends on when you’re talking about. During the downturn in the early 90s, bars ran ridiculous deals to keep the lights on. 2 for 1, 3 for 1. $2 highballs for happy hour. You could hit a different bar each night of the week for its special. Thursday was 3 for 1 at the Republic - $4 got you three cans of Pil. The benefits of graduating into a ####ty economy.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by photon

I think this point is the first point I've ever considered where a company having return to work or enforcing their hybrid policy makes some sense.

Not from a job training point of view but learning how to work, how to interact with a team, etc.

I still think it should be on a team by team basis rather than a company wide mandate to justify their real estate investment of the offices but that's a fair point.

And I can definitely appreciate people going into the office to get some socialization being important to them.

Even from a Training perspective...I give my intern work to do. But I do not tell him how to do it. He has to learn.

But when he's done I pour myself a coffee and we sit down together and go through it.

Long ago someone in the Armed Forces told me:

"Tell someone to do something. Accomplish a task. But don't tell them how. They might surprise you and maybe you'll learn something too."

I believe that.

I tell all of my employees:

"Just because I've been doing this a long time, and it seems as though I know everything, do not be afraid to innovate. I may not always take your suggestions, but I can promise that I'll always listen."

You may not be right, but if you're not I'll explain why. And you may well be right, you're just coming out of school and other jobs, I've been out of school a really long time and can be considered 'set in my ways' which I don't believe to necessarily be a good thing.

But you typically dont get this kind of mentorship over Zoom.

I like to get out of my house as much as the next guy...probably more. But for young people trying to learn? I'm there.

Not on the other side of a phone or webcam or email. I'm right there.

And I think its as good for me as it is for him.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by photon

I think this point is the first point I've ever considered where a company having return to work or enforcing their hybrid policy makes some sense.

Not from a job training point of view but learning how to work, how to interact with a team, etc.

I still think it should be on a team by team basis rather than a company wide mandate to justify their real estate investment of the offices but that's a fair point.

And I can definitely appreciate people going into the office to get some socialization being important to them.

Right. Second point, sorry to quote you twice...

"Team by Team Basis" unfortunately has some baked in flaws.

1. Not everyone wants to train people, but they should. Thats how young employees get experience.

2. Who makes the 'team by team' basis decision? Because I can tell you who would make those decisions and they're usually the least qualified people to make that call.

3. A lot of young employees gain experience and understanding just by watching the Veterans do it. You can't do that if they're not there.

And then...if you solve a difficult problem, together? You hit the pub and commiserate about it.

Again. Can't do that if you're not there.